by Levine, Nina
He placed a kiss on my forehead and let me go. “Sit. I’ll make coffee.”
He shouldn’t kiss you.
You should tell him not to kiss you.
Before I could respond, Holly and Mum wandered into the kitchen. Exhaustion and sadness hugged them, too. How long would this nightmare haunt us?
I reached for Holly as she walked past, my hand sliding down her arm as she continued towards the fridge. “You okay, Hols?”
She wasn’t okay. None of us were. But what else did you ask in a situation like this?
She nodded but didn’t say anything. Her nod was all I needed.
Mum moved past me, barely registering my presence, and joined Linc near the kettle. We didn’t need words to know how the other was. Because neither of us will ever be okay again if Brynn dies.
Linc told Mum to sit down, he’d make her a tea. She told him she could make her own. I tuned out as they argued over it, and left the kitchen.
I needed to be alone.
I had nothing to give any of them.
Not even my kids.
Not today.
Today Linc could step up again, like he had the last few days.
I shut myself in the bathroom, stripped, and stood under the shower. Closing my eyes, I let the water cascade down my face. It soothed me a little. A momentary reprieve. No thoughts. Just me and the water and silence.
I don’t know how long I stood there. It wasn’t until Linc came in, held out my towel, and said, “Lil, you’ve been in here long enough. The kids need the bathroom,” that I joined the world again.
He should not be in here.
I turned off the shower and stepped out, ignoring the way his gaze dropped to my naked body.
I allowed him to dry me off and wrap the towel around me.
I let him comb my hair.
All the wrong things.
I didn’t have the energy to argue over any of it.
My mind drifted to King again.
I’d known the man just shy of three weeks. He should not have been a thought I so easily chased. Memories of his face, his eyes, his hands… they should not have crashed into me so effortlessly.
And yet, they did.
They pummelled me.
I wanted him to make me coffee. Argue with my mother over her tea. Tell me I’d been in the shower too long. I wanted his hands drying me off. Wrapping the towel around me.
I wanted King to be the one who was here for me.
But he wasn’t.
And I didn’t have Brynny to help me through this.
All I had was Linc.
So I let him do all those wrong things.
And avoided thinking about the way he looked at me. Because when the only energy I had was barely enough to get me through moment to moment, I had none to think about the fact my ex was likely misreading everything and making plans to move back into my life.
* * *
Linc dropped Mum and me off at the hospital after he took the kids to school, on his way to work. If I wasn’t so wrapped up in myself, I would have cheered over the fact he’d found a steady job. As it was, I only just noticed a car that pulled out of a parking spot abruptly, almost knocking me over. Everything happened in a blur. Mum pulled me towards the footpath, away from the car before I was hurt. After, we stood in shock staring at each other until she wrapped her arms around me and cried.
We stayed like that for a long few minutes, shedding tears we didn’t know we still had in us. It seemed tears lived deep inside, in limitless quantities.
By the time we stepped off the lift near the intensive care unit, Mum’s face showed how close she was to shattering. I wasn’t convinced she’d be able to sit here for another day, watching tubes and machines and doctors and nurses helping my sister fight for her life. Two days of this had revealed the desperation that long days filled with nothing but silence and beeps from those machines caused. I’d sat by Brynn’s side, teeth chattering from the frigid air, heart aching with pain from sadness and uncertainty, and I’d prayed like I’d never prayed even though I didn’t believe in praying anymore. I’d made God promises I wasn’t sure I could keep. And even when there were no tears streaming down my face, they drowned my soul.
I can’t lose her.
A new wave of agony washed over me as we approached the unit. It knocked the breath from me, and I grabbed at the railing on the wall to hold myself up. The world spun, and black dots stole my vision.
I can’t do this.
I can’t do life without her.
Oh God.
I can’t breathe.
I hunched over and tried like hell to suck air deep into my lungs. I felt like wire had wrapped itself tightly around my chest, suffocating the life from me.
Just as my knees buckled and I started to go down, strong arms circled me, and a deep voice sounded at my ear, “I’ve got you.”
Devil.
He stopped my fall and held me until I breathed, “Thank you.” I turned and frowned. “Why are you here?”
A look crossed his face that I couldn’t quite place. Regret, maybe. “I wanted to check in on your sister. And on you.”
“Why?” Devil seemed like a good guy, but it wasn’t like we were friends. I was missing something here.
His forehead crinkled as he hesitated to answer my question. Finally, he said, “Just making sure you guys are okay.”
The puzzle fell together. “Did King send you?”
More hesitation. “We want to—”
I cut him off. “No. King made it clear what he wants, and it’s not making sure I’m okay. Tell him I don’t need you guys checking on me. And tell him to take his men off watch duty, too. The police have a lead they’re following up, and they think it was a random robbery gone wrong. Whoever did it isn’t coming back, so we’re safe.”
“He’s not going to listen to anything I have to say, Lily.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. Was he trying to insinuate this would have to come from me? There was no way I’d be calling King to say any of this to him. I didn’t have that in me today. “You need to make him listen, Devil. Please.”
He exhaled sharply before jerking his chin towards the intensive care unit. “How’s your sister doing? And that’s not for King. I want to know.”
Tears filled my eyes. I didn’t even try to stop them falling. Before Brynn was shot, I tried to never cry in front of people. Now I wore my tears like a second skin.
Swallowing my fear, I said, “The doctors don’t know. She’s still attached to the machines.”
The regret I thought I’d seen on his face before was now clear as day. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Lily.”
I nodded. There wasn’t anything else to say so I left him and walked towards the unit where my sister lay battling for her life.
Will our lives ever go back to normal or will there be a new normal now?
* * *
“I’m just saying, I have to hand this assignment in by Thursday, so we need to either buy a printer for here or go home and use ours,” Holly said that night, her voice a harsh tone I’d never heard her take.
Linc took one look at me and stepped in between us. Holly and I had been going back and forth over this damn assignment for the last fifteen minutes and weren’t getting anywhere. She’d pounced on me after dinner and wasn’t letting it go. I wasn’t up for this discussion; I had a headache from hell and craved a bath and some silence.
Brynn’s still in a coma and I’m standing here arguing over a damn printer.
Surreal.
“Hols, I’ll call your teacher and organise an extension. The school won’t expect you to get this in on time. Not with what’s going on,” Linc said.
“No!” Holly exploded, her anger crashing into me, startling me from my thoughts. “I’m handing it in on time.”
I stared at her, confused by her behaviour. She’d visited the hospital twice since Brynn was shot and avoided talking about her aunt. Anyone who didn’t know us, wouldn’t
realise she was going through something as devastating as she was. I knew everyone experienced hard situations and worry differently, but this seemed extreme.
I touched her arm. “Baby, don’t do this,” I said softly.
She frowned, pulling her arm away. “What?”
The hole in my heart grew a little bigger as I watched my daughter struggling. “Don’t shut down on what’s happening.”
Her face pulled into a scowl. “I’m not shutting down, Mum. Some of us just have stuff we still have to do. If I fall behind on school, it’ll only be harder to catch up after this is all over.”
I didn’t understand what she meant by that. “You mean after Brynn comes home?”
Her eyes stayed locked to mine while she remained silent. I knew by her refusal to answer my question that she didn’t have faith she’d ever see her aunt again.
Oh God.
Pain sliced me.
I have to keep the faith.
She looked at Linc. “Can we just go buy a printer?” Harsh again. Bleak. My poor baby. But I couldn’t reach her. God, I could hardly reach myself.
Linc nodded and they left me alone with my thoughts. Mum had refused dinner and had locked herself in her bedroom. Zara and Robbie were also in their rooms. Thank goodness my mother had a big house. Beds for all of us, even Linc who had taken it upon himself to move in and help us through this.
The police had given us the go-ahead this afternoon to move back home, so Linc had spent a few hours there cleaning up after he collected the kids from school. He’d had to get the key off me, and that had brought King front and centre in my mind again. The man was such a strong presence even when I tried to push him to the side.
And now I was thinking about him again.
Ugh.
I stalked to the kitchen to grab a smoke. My attempt at quitting had flown out the window completely. Everything had flown out the damn window.
Once I’d located a cigarette, I headed out the front door to check the mailbox. Linc may have already checked it, but I wasn’t sure. As I bent over to check the box, a car pulled up down the street. Straightening, I narrowed my eyes to watch it. A guy got out and walked to another car that was parked in front of him. King’s men. I watched them have a conversation, anger rising in me. It struck suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, but I knew it had to be a reaction to everything I was dealing with. And yet, even though I realised that, I channelled every ounce of that anger towards King as I stomped down the street towards his men.
It was irrational.
It was ungrateful.
But I was pissed at the world, and I couldn’t stop myself.
“Why are you guys still here?” I yelled as I approached them.
They both glanced at me, their faces not revealing any surprise at my behaviour.
The one I recognised as the guy King had called Mace once when I was at the clubhouse, said, “King wants your family watched.”
“I don’t care what King wants. I want you to leave. I don’t need his protection.”
He pulled a face. “Sorry, babe, no can do.”
I looked at the other guy who watched me with care. “Let me guess—you only take your orders from King, too?”
“Yeah. And I agree with him. There’s no harm to you if you just go about your shit while we go about ours. Keeps everyone happy.”
He was right.
I knew that.
But I had this overwhelming need to remove King from my life after he’d removed himself from mine. If he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, I would slam that door closed and hammer bolts in it. The hurt he’d inflicted wasn’t something I wanted to experience again. After years of keeping my heart to myself, only sharing little pieces of it here and there, I’d been ready to crack it wide open again. Not anymore.
“Give me your phone,” I said to Mace, holding my hand out.
He shook his head. “No.”
“I’m not going anywhere until I speak with King, so one of you needs to get him on the phone.”
Mace’s gaze hardened. He appeared to wrestle with his thoughts, until finally he muttered, “Fuck, Lily, you don’t make shit easy for a man.”
I lifted my brows, waiting for the phone.
Stand your ground.
Do not let these guys steamroll you.
He pulled out his phone and made the call, passing it to me before King answered.
Nervous energy engulfed me as I held the phone to my ear waiting for King. My tummy went crazy with nerves, annoying me. I didn’t want to feel anything. Didn’t want to be this affected by King.
But I was.
Damn.
“Mace,” King barked, “is everything okay?”
My hand shook as it gripped the phone hard. “It’s not Mace, King. It’s me.”
Silence.
“Lily.”
Oh God.
No.
The gravel in his voice hit me first.
Then, the hint of softness.
Totally unexpected.
And confusing.
King didn’t do soft, so it made no sense.
But it couldn’t be denied—King had just toned himself down a level for me.
Chapter Four
King
Christ, I’d needed to hear her voice. Three days without it, and I was questioning my own fucking sanity. What kind of man thinks about a woman non-fucking-stop when he’s only known her for three weeks? I’d made a mistake telling her we were done. We were a long fucking way from done.
I didn’t give a fuck that she was about to let loose on me.
I’d take Lily however she came right now.
“You need to tell your men to leave. I don’t need them here anymore.”
I leaned back in my seat and stretched out my legs, ignoring the noise in the clubhouse bar around me. “You do need them. I’m not removing them.”
“Don’t you take that tone with me.”
“What tone?”
“The arrogant one you like to use when you’re being overbearingly assuming about something. Don’t assume to know what I need or what’s happening with the investigation. The police have told me—”
“The police know jack, Lily. And I’m not assuming. I know this shit for a fact.”
“God,” she huffed out before turning silent.
“How are you?” I asked, needing that information more than anything else.
She was quick to give me a tongue lashing over that. “No, King… just no. You don’t get to ask me that anymore.”
Before I got a word in, she continued, “Look, you made your choice the other day, and you didn’t choose me. So please tell Mace and his friend to go home. Every time I see them, it makes me think of you, and I have other things I need to concentrate on at the moment.” She paused before adding a little less harshly, “Please.”
I stood. “Put Mace back on.”
“You’ll tell him to go?”
“Lily,” I growled, “put him on.”
She grumbled something I couldn’t make out, and then after some rustling, Mace came back on the line, “Yeah?”
“Stay put, brother. We’re not pulling out yet.” No fucking way were we pulling out. I’d go over there and make that clear to her myself.
“Done.”
I ended the call and headed into my office to grab my shit.
Zane met me in the hallway. “I have some good news for you for once.”
“You found Brant?”
“No, still nothing there. This is about Don and Kree. She’s safe now. We got Don to drop the parenting order.”
I scrubbed my hand over my face, still not happy with the outcome he’d worked. We were moving closer to me putting that bullet in Don’s head. “That’s a temporary fix.”
“No, it’s permanent.”
“How do you know that?”
His nostrils flared. “Fuck, King, you’re not gonna be happy until he’s dead, are you?”
“You’ve got
that right. She’s your cousin for fuck’s sake. Do you really wanna leave her out there vulnerable as fuck while that cunt is still breathing?”
“No, but we’ve always known that you and I handle shit differently. Murder isn’t an option in my toolbox.”
“It should be. When it’s family, it fucking should be.” If it wasn’t Zane I was dealing with here, I’d go around him and take care of this myself, but I had history with him and respected him enough not to.
“Don’s gotten himself in some shit, owes money he can’t afford to repay, so my guys have taken care of that in return for him staying away from Kree.”
“You’re fucking kidding me, right? A man like Don doesn’t just walk away from his woman and kids. He’s the kind to show up with a fucking 9mm and end all their lives so no one else can have her.”
His phone sounded with a text. Glancing down at it, he said, “I’m keeping an eye on him, King. I’ll keep you updated.” Meeting my gaze again, he said with some force, “Restrain yourself from doing whatever the fuck it is you’re thinking of doing. There’s other shit at play here that I don’t have time to go into. But it’s the kind of shit that, if you put a bullet in Don’s head, you’ll cause worse problems for Kree.”
As he walked away from me, I made a mental note to get Griff to do some of our own digging on this. I wasn’t happy with Zane’s plan. Far fucking from it. And there was no way I’d put Kree back out there with the way things stood.
* * *
Half an hour later, I pulled up outside Lily’s mother’s house. Mace sat down the street right where I’d told him to stay. I hadn’t heard from him since our last conversation, and there was no sign of Lily, so I figured he’d managed to handle her. However, as I exited my ute, she came barrelling out of the house, rushing at me like a bull to a red flag. He may have dealt with her, but I’d be the one handling her.
I traced my gaze over her body, because hell, she wore a fucking skimpy black robe that barely covered her ass. I had to fight like fuck not to reach out and undo it. My imagination went wild thinking about what it hid.