The One He Craves

by A Marie Johnson

  “I know you wouldn’t. You couldn’t go back to that nigga even if you really wanted to,” he said it with a chuckle, but I knew he was dead serious. “Block that number too, though, and I’ll take care of the rest.”

  Looking at Andretti skeptically, one of my eyebrows raised and I asked, “What does that mean?" But he only looked back at me blankly and said nothing. His poker face couldn’t be matched, either. It was too unreadable.

  "Dretti, I can’t let you hurt him. Even though I don’t like his ass and he does deserve to get beat up, I don’t want you to be put in that type of position. He’s not worth the trouble, I promise.”

  Completely ignoring what I said, Andretti placed a kiss on top of my forehead and smiled.

  “Come home with me, Nim.”

  My smile appeared as naturally as the immediate nod I gave him. I knew there was nothing I could say or do to stop Andretti from doing whatever he planned on doing to Britton, and I couldn’t say knowing he would take care of it didn’t make me feel good inside. His protecting nature comforted me in ways I’d never been comforted before.

  “Tell me something about you I don’t know?” Andretti asked as he pulled me closer, and I snuggled into his underarm.

  His bed was so comfortable. I closed my eyes and got lost in his natural scent. I wouldn’t have preferred to be anywhere else but his arms… ever.

  “I know this might seem cliché, but I’ve never been to a beach before. My family never had money growing up. So when my parents finally got comfortable financially, we spent all of our time doing the simple things we couldn’t afford to beforehand. You know, like frequent trips to the movies. Shopping sprees just because. Going out to eat every free chance we could even though there was a ton of uncooked food at home. Vacationing to different places was the one thing we never tried.”

  “Word?” Andretti rubbed his jawline. It was a habit he often displayed whenever he was thinking. “What if I took you to a beach this weekend? We could go to California ‘cause they got a ton of them muthafuckas or any other place with a beach you think you’d like. Allow me to treat you to that first experience, mami.”

  “I can’t, Dretti. There’s no way I can spend my time on a beach this weekend. I already made plans to go out with Bria on Friday, and Saturday I have a lot of stuff to get in order for Steeze’s mansion party. My time is spread way too thin these next few weeks.”

  “Come on, Nim. You can’t push any of those things back? That all sounds like easy shit you can reschedule.”

  “No, I can’t. Pushing those things back would end up making me push other things I need to get done back. I don’t have the time to spare.”

  “Are you for real, Nim? Why do you have to be a control freak right now? In this moment of all moments? It’s OK to push things aside so a nigga can do something nice for you.”

  “Nope.” I countered. “I don’t push things aside for anyone. When I say I’m going to spend my time doing something, I follow through on it.”

  I could tell Andretti was getting frustrated. The crease lines in his forehead told it all, but I was getting frustrated too! I didn’t understand why he couldn’t drop the subject altogether. It wasn’t that big of a deal. There would be plenty of time for us to go to a beach later on down the line.

  “I’m not going to leave it alone until you give me a good reason why I should, Nim. Why is it cool for me to switch my schedule up for you, but you can’t do the same for me?” he said referring to him changing his plans around so he could come to my uncles’ cancer free celebration. “I don’t get you, Nim. This is the second time you’ve turned me down. Why do you feel the need to be so in control of your time that you won’t allow me to do something we both know you’d love?”

  “Because I can’t help it, Dretti!” My frustration increased. I wanted him to stop poking me for the truth about my controlling behavior. I wanted him to let it go. “That’s just how I am. I need to have control over my time. I can’t help but feel that way, and I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to you.”

  “Nah. That’s not just how you are. We’re too old to be using that’s just how I am as an excuse for unusual behavior. The shit has to be deeper than that for you, and it’s a big deal to me because I like your stubborn ass. I do nice things for the people I like, Nim, and for you, I’m willing to go the extra mile so you can do something you’ve never in your life done before. Something you know damn well you want, and you’re trying to turn me down over a schedule you can rearrange? That’s not normal behavior, mami. There’s a deeper reason why you’re so headstrong about having complete control over your time.” Andretti pulled me deeper into his chest and rubbed the side of my arm. His touch always felt so comforting, and he always comforted me at the right time. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s really good?”

  I don’t know why I now felt the strong urge to open up to him about my truths… but I did. It could’ve been the sincerity in his tone and eyes. Or it could’ve been the fact that overall I always felt comfortable in his presence. I wasn’t sure which one rung truer but I laid my head against his chest and prepared to tell him things I’d only told my dearest best friend.

  “I’m starting to hate that you make me want to do things I don’t normally do, Dretti,” I whined. “Do you promise you won’t think I’m crazy? Or dumb? Or…”

  “Nim, I’d never make you feel anything but comfortable, baby. Stop overthinking.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, feeling silly for thinking he might’ve thought I was any of those things in the first place. “During a period where I felt like my life was spiraling out of control and basically going to shit, I realized my time was the one thing I had control over. I could dictate how I spent it and who got it. My time was the only good thing I felt like I had left to hold onto. It was mine, and I could do whatever I pleased with it.

  “I actually decided to go into the event planning business because planning events had always been something I liked to do. So why wouldn’t I spend all of my time doing something I liked, and on top of that, get paid for it too? It made perfect sense to figure out a way to make money doing something I already liked doing anyway.”

  “You’re still scratching the surface of the issue, Nim.” My God, I was starting to hate that he was beginning to know me too well too. How did he know I hadn’t touched on the deeper issue yet? It was kind of bizarre that he did. “I told you I’m not gonna judge you. Tell me everything. Stop leaving the bigger issue out of the picture.”

  “Why am I the only one airing out my dirty laundry? Where are all of your issues at? I’m trying to hear some bad shit about you too!” Andretti chuckled against my neck, and I laughed too, even though I was dead serious. It seemed like I was the only one spilling secrets! “I’m serious, Dretti! Tell me one of your flaws before I continue talking about mine.”

  Andretti caressed the small of my back and stared at me thoughtfully.

  “You already know my biggest flaw, baby. I react out of impulse instead of thinking a situation through first. Especially if I feel disrespected, and shit, I get real disrespectful once I feel disrespected.” We both laughed at his truth, and I hoped to never see that side of Andretti again because he had me ready to murder him at Longhorn Steakhouse. “Acting out of impulse often leads me to feel regretful afterward, though. I’ll start to think about how a situation could’ve played out better if I had of clearly thought it through first. You feel me?”

  “Of course I do. I can’t lie and say I don’t act that way sometimes too. I think that’s a flaw everyone is capable of having. It’s very easy for us to act out of emotion instead of logic. Especially when we feel hurt.”

  “Hol’ up,” Andretti said with a laugh. “I feel like your ass is slick tryna say me seeing you out with that nigga hurt my feelings or something.”

  “Are you trying to say that it didn’t?”

  “Nah. I’m not even gon’ front on you. ‘Cause that shit did high-key have me wanting to jack you and hi
s ass up. No cap.” We both laughed again. Andretti was so damn crazy it was ridiculous… and a low-key turn on. “I also feel like you’re… what did you call that shit you said to me the other night? Deflecting? I feel like you’re doing that right now too. So go ahead and finish telling me about the real reason for your control-freak issues… damn!” he yelled playfully when I hit him in the chest. “Why are you always putting your hands on a nigga? Knowing all he wants to do is be gentle with your beautiful ass.”

  “Because your ass is rude, and you know it!” I shouted jokingly. “But I guess I have beat around the bush long enough, huh?”

  “You have, baby. So tell me what’s good with that?”

  “Welllll…” I sighed, prolonging the answer for just a little longer. “My time-controlling issues started right after I graduated college. I went into the accounting field and didn’t realize it wasn’t for me until I actually started my career in it.

  “Dretti, I seriously hated my career so much that I found it hard to get out of bed each morning. I was so fucking miserable. I started losing weight. Losing hair. Started being horrible at my job because I couldn’t stand to do it. It got so bad, Britton’s father basically told me I had to resign and settle for being financially taken care of by his son or I’d be fired from their company.

  I was already having doubts about my career choice and having a termination on my work history record would’ve completely lessened my chances of getting another job in the accounting field. So of course, I resigned.”

  “OK. I hear you. Take a breather now, though, baby,” Andretti insisted and lovingly stroked the side of my cheek. “I can tell that was a lot to get off of your chest.”

  I looked up at him and smiled. His sweet nature was so attractive.

  “I’m good, Dretti. I can finish,” I assured him, and he smiled too. “OK, so here I was, twenty-three years old, a grown ass woman, who couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do with her life anymore. I had a degree I couldn’t use, because deep down, I knew if I went back to the accounting field, I would end up in the same situation I was in at Wilson Realty. Stuck punching the clock at a place I despised.

  “Essentially, I felt like five years of my life went down the toilet because my accounting degree wasn’t going to be put to use, and I fathomed the idea of spending another four or five years getting a degree for a career I might end up hating. My fairytale was also no longer a fairytale, either. Britton was cheating on me at the time all of this was going on. Everything was just going to shit, Dretti. My entire life was spiraling downward, and I felt like I couldn’t catch a break or get a grip on it. Not until I realized how valuable my time was and that I was the sole controller of it.”

  “I don’t mean to be rude when I ask this, Nim. So don’t take it the wrong way,” Andretti said and paused for a moment. “You real life felt like your life was spiraling out of control because of those kinds of things? Baby, your life spiraling out of control would’ve been you getting hooked on nose candy to cope with your stress and having to sell your ass to pay your bills. You experienced a few downs, but that ain’t nothing compared to spiraling out of control. It’s much worse shit that could’ve happened, mami.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at his comparisons. Maybe he had a point, and I had been a tad bit overly dramatic when I said my life spiraled out of control, but at the time that’s exactly how I felt as I watched all of the original plans for my life go down the drain.

  “Dretti, why would you ever go to that extreme, though? I’m a little offended,” I teased. “Do I really look like I’d ever start smoking crack and selling ass?”

  Andretti laughed too.

  “Nah, baby. You don’t. That’s my whole point.” He kissed the top of my head and ran his fingers through my hair, and my God, I melted at the feel of his fingers gently running through my scalp. “You were acting like your life for real went to shit, so I had to remind you that it really didn’t. You’re blessed, Nim. In more ways than you know.”

  I bit down on my lip as his eyes appreciatively roamed over my body. He never missed a beat when it came to letting me know how attracted he was to me, and that was such a damn turn on in itself.

  “Check this out, though. Unless you had plans to talk to God face-to-face, I want you to cancel everything you had planned this weekend. We’re going to a beach, and I’m not even gon’ tell you which one until we board our flight. Consider California out of the picture, though,” Andretti taunted.

  “But that’s not fair.” The best pout I could muster up was on full display, puppy-dog eyes front and center. “You can’t at least give me a hint?”

  “Nah.” He kissed my lips and let his linger against mine for a few seconds afterward. I was infatuated with how big and soft Andretti's lips were. I wouldn’t at all mind them lingering against mine for hours. “I know giving up control over your time is going to take some adjusting, and I don’t expect you to always be able to do it but letting me take you on an unexpected getaway this weekend is a big step in the right direction. And pretty soon, you’ll find out it’s a given your time won’t be wasted when you’re fucking with a real man. I have no worries about that, baby.”

  12

  Andretti

  After two days of investigating, I was finally able to track down Nim’s bum ass ex-boyfriend, Britton. Snooping around his real estate business, shooting the shit with his employees, and asking them casual questions proved to be helpful because I found out he goes to lunch at this place called Dinker’s Bar and Grill at noon every weekday.

  Dinker’s was a real ducked off, hole-in-the-wall joint located in South Omaha that a man like Britton was the last person you’d expect to see inside. He didn’t seem like the type of man who spent many days or nights in anyone’s hole-in-the-wall bar. From what I’d learned by talking to the people who worked for him, he was too damn uppity and self-righteous to be caught in any place that wasn't high-end.

  Dinker’s had to be Britton's cover spot when he wanted to wine and dine his side chick, shit, if you could even call it wining and dining to be for real. It was more like a place a nigga would take a woman so he could feed her something light and fuck her right afterward. Nothing about Dinker’s was romantic. I figured the place was only his cover up as soon as I spotted him holding hands with some ugly woman at a table in the far back corner of the bar, and I knew she had to be the side chick Nim told me about.

  Casually, I walked over to the table they were eating at, pulled up a chair, and sat right next to the woman he was with.

  “What’s up, foo’?” I addressed him first, and he didn’t have a word to say, so I turned to his date knowing she’d most likely be more pleasant. “How you doing, ma?”

  She looked at Britton for a cue on how she should respond, but he was still stunned by my presence because he didn’t know who I was, and he didn’t give his chick any type of clues on how to react to me intruding on their little date.

  Weak ass man.

  “Uhh mmm…” the woman stammered. “I’m good?” she said it as if it was a question and not an answer.

  Meanwhile, I was high-key stuck on the fact Britton’s goofball ass cheated on Nim with a woman who couldn’t even compete with her pinky toe.

  Tragic.

  I gave the woman another once-over before taking a fry from her basket and popping it into my mouth. Having an impromptu meeting with them messed up the lunch I had planned for myself, and her fries looked too good not to sample.

  “Damn, those shits are fire, huh?” I asked her and took a few more, not hesitating to dip them all in her ketchup too.

  The woman tried her best to hold back her smile when she answered me but I still recognized it.

  “Yeah. They’re OK I guess.”

  I real life couldn’t believe this fool Britton was sitting back and watching me eat his woman’s food without any protest. Food I’m sure he probably paid for too. What kind of pussy ass shit was that?

  Having enough o
f his date’s fries and ready to get to the point of my visit, I dusted the salt from my hands and used my elbows to lean forward on the table.

  “I guess I can get to the point of my visit now since I’m half full and shit.” I chuckled to myself. Fucking with him was way too easy. “So check this out, Britton. Ima need you to stop calling Nim. Somehow, you always seem to call her whenever we’re together.” That was a complete lie because she blocked both of his numbers but he didn’t know that information. “I find that strange as fuck too. Like how do you know to call when I’m with her? I’d hate to find out you’ve been stalking her. That wouldn’t end well on your part.” I only threw the stalking part in there because I wanted him to stop showing up at her parents’ crib. That nigga had no idea when Nim and I were together. “Anywho, I need you to give it up, my nigga. She’s moved on, and there ain’t shit you can do about it, so stop calling her. Nah, matter of fact, go ahead and delete her whole number out yo’ phone. It makes her feel uncomfortable every time you try to contact her, and when she’s uncomfortable, I’m the one who has to make everything better. I’d hate to have to beat yo’ ass in order to do so.”

  Taking one last French fry from his date’s basket, I stood up and chewed it down while I gave him the death stare. I needed Britton’s lame ass to know I wasn’t fucking around. I would, without question, hurt him if I found out he was trying to get in contact with Nim again.

  When I was satisfied with the disturbed look on his face, the look that let me know he got my point, I turned back to his date and smiled at her.

  “Here’s a twenty for the troubles, ma. Enjoy the rest of your date.” I placed the bill next to her and walked off hoping with God’s help that nigga heeded my warning because I didn’t know if He’d forgive me for what I’d do if Britton didn’t listen.

  I wanted to devour Nim as soon as I laid eyes on her fine ass.

  Fuck, my baby was out of this world beautiful. She had on a very appealing and skin-tight, leopard-print one-piece swimsuit I couldn’t wait to rip off of her later in the evening. I was convinced her teasing ass knew the lustful torture she’d be putting me through the entire time we spent on the beach too. The sly grin on her face told everything. She wanted to punish me in the worst way for not telling her we’d be spending the weekend in Miami until we got to the airport earlier today.