by Harlow James
“What are you trying to say?” I get defensive, even though I know Cash is joking.
“Nothing. I just know how pushy Clara is, so I’m sure he had to go along with that decision regardless of his reservations.”
“She has become more strong-willed lately, hasn’t she?” Piper adds.
“Pregnancy hormones will do that to you. I remember when Hannah…” I stop myself before I share too much. An instant pain clouds my head and heart as I casually mention Hannah in conversation. It happens sometimes without me thinking, and I try not to dwell on it. But she was a part of my life and Grayson’s, although briefly, so it’s natural to want to talk about her. Though I really try to avoid doing so because it makes me feel exactly how I do right now—like everyone’s giving me their pity, casting a haze of sorrow around us.
“Anyway,” Cash slices through my moment as I sip my coffee, thankful he saw that I was having a moment of panic. “It seems our need for introduction was short-lived. Come on babe, let’s go get the grocery shopping done and then enjoy the rest of our day off.” Cash moves to stand and then reaches out for Piper’s hand.
Piper is a nurse at the hospital and Cash still works for the sheriff’s department. They both go days without seeing each other, so I know they try to spend their days off with one another as much as possible.
“You okay, Rach?” Piper asks her, giving me a quick glance before focusing back on her bright eyes.
“Yeah, I’m good. I drove my own car, remember, so don’t worry. I’ll see you guys at home,” she smiles up at her friend before turning back to me.
“Thanks again you two. I’ll see you soon.” I reach out to shake Cash’s hand.
“Yes. Let’s do dinner one night next week,” Piper offers.
“Sounds good.”
I watch Cash and his fiancé walk out of the shop, smiling instinctually for my friend who vowed never to fall in love.
And after losing my wife, I felt myself go to that same place mentally, declaring to never let another woman in like I did with her. And even though I know Hannah and I promised each other we’d move on in the event something happened to either of us, it’s easy to agree to promises of living your life fully when the last thing you’d possibly imagine happening is the reality of that conversation.
I miss that woman every day. Some moments my chest aches so badly I have to rub the skin over my heart in an attempt to relieve the tension. She was my best friend, the one person I never saw my life without. I remember meeting her for the first time when she came home with my younger sister Tenley one weekend back when they were in college. Tenley is two years younger than me, so when she came home that year, I had already graduated and was getting ready to leave for the sheriff’s academy.
My breath left my lungs the minute I saw her, her golden blonde hair highlighted by the sun, her long tanned legs peeking out beneath the cuff of her denim shorts, her smile so blindingly beautiful because it was natural and exuded a happiness I had never seen on a woman before.
And in that moment, I knew I was a goner. I made it a point to spend any moment I could with her that weekend. And then we exchanged numbers, and I kept in contact with her as much as I could while I was away. When I returned, she attended my graduation from the academy and I told her I loved her.
And that was it. We stayed together while she finished school, we bought our first home together when she got her first teaching job and I finished my first year on the force, and we married a year later, Grayson making his appearance one short year after that.
And then one stormy night when Grayson was three months old, I pulled onto the scene of a crash and my heart plummeted in my chest when I recognized the car—my wife’s car.
“So, what exactly are you looking for?” Rachel snaps me back to the present, causing me to choke momentarily on my saliva.
Clearing my throat, I brace myself to speak. “I’m sorry. Well, here’s my situation. I’m a single dad. My mother and father normally would take care of Grayson while I went to work, but obviously you know she’s hurt and my father now has to take care of her while she heals. So, I need someone like yesterday,” I laugh uncomfortably as Rachel tilts her head sympathetically. “I teach classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday days, and Tuesday and Thursday nights. In all honesty, I was even considering having someone move in with me just to make things easier… but if you’re not up for that…”
“Yes!” She shouts before catching herself and laughing. “Sorry. That was overly enthusiastic. I mean, yes. I wouldn’t mind moving in, as long as you’re okay with it. There’s only so much sex I can stand to hear between my best friend and her fiancé before I feel like my ears might bleed.”
“Oh, God. Thanks for that image.” I scrunch my face up in disgust, even though I hope Rachel knows I’m joking.
“Yeah. It’s worse when you get the full audible track. Anyway, I know you don’t know me very well, but obviously you trusted me yesterday, and I seriously loved your son. I’m planning on being a teacher anyway, so the experience is perfect. I did agree to bartend at Tony’s a few nights a week already, but as long as it’s not on the nights you teach, I think he can work with me. I really would love this opportunity, Luke.” Her eyes are full of hope and her aura is so pure and honest that my head tells me she came into our lives at exactly the right time. Crazy how this idea has been on the back of my mind, and in the instance when I needed to follow through, here is this woman who already gets along with my kid and can help me out.
The timing of this all makes my stomach twist.
I shove a hand through my thick hair as I narrow my eyes at her. “You have to understand something. I’ve never had someone else watch my kid before, besides my parents or a close friend. Yesterday was the first day it happened and I let a stranger do it. That choice alone is making me question my sanity. But something is telling me to trust you, and I know my son loves you because he hasn’t stopped talking about you since. So I think I’d be stupid to look anywhere else. Are you alright with me performing a background check and running your fingerprints?” I know the captain at the sheriff station will have no problem doing that small favor for me.
“Not at all. I know this must be scary. Believe me, I never imagined becoming a nanny for someone when I moved out here…”
“That explains why you’re from New York, because of Piper.” I snap my fingers in recollection, putting her ID from yesterday and her connection to Piper together. Forgive me, my brain is all over the place right now.
“Yes. But I know how hard it must be to put your trust in someone else to care for your son. I promise I’ll do my best. But your kid won’t make that hard at all. When he started telling me all about the human body yesterday, I was amazed,” she says, clasping her hands over her heart while she widens her eyes and bats her eyelashes.
“Oh, don’t worry. You’ll get that same spiel every day from now on. I get that information so often, I could probably teach a class on that, now.”
“He’s amazing. And I promise to make sure he eats a well-balanced diet, gets exercise, and doesn’t get away with bloody murder. I can’t stand children who have never been disciplined.”
“Well, my parents have helped me a lot with that. But don’t be fooled. He can be pretty manipulative. And he knows how to put on the puppy dog eyes and the sad lip. One time he told me, ‘You know you want to tell me yes because I’m so cute!’”
“Oh my God!” Rachel laughs, and then sits back in her chair, much more at ease than she was when she sat down initially. “That’s hilarious!”
“Hilarious, but true.” I sit there for a minute, wondering if I’m certifiably insane for making this decision so quickly, but I really have no other options at the moment. Sitting up tall, I reach across the table to shake her hand. “Okay, Rachel. Let’s do this. If you’re sure…”
She pops up from her seat and smiles like she just won the lottery. “Yes! Thank you, Luke! I won’t let you down, I promise.”
She rushes over to my side as I stand, anticipating her to shake my hand, but she lunges for me and wraps her arms around my torso, hugging me like she’s clinging on to me for dear life.
And I’m completely caught off-guard—not only because I didn’t anticipate a hug, but because the feel of her pressed up against me is making my dick harden. Fuck. I can’t think of her like that. No. She’s going to be my son’s nanny. She’s just a beautiful woman who is helping me out in a time of need. Her stunning smile and bright green eyes will not deter me from the understanding that ultimately, I’m her boss. I can do this. I can ignore this woman. Hell, I’ve been doing that to every other woman on the planet for almost five years—because none of them are my wife, Rachel included. I can’t think of her that way. It isn’t fair to Hannah.
When she releases me, I step back a few feet and reach for her hand again. “Okay. How about you come by tonight to watch him during my night classes? It will give you time to become acclimated with his routine in the evenings, and then tomorrow I’ll need you from eight to four. I can have my attorney draft up a contract agreement for you to sign later this week and then this weekend you can move into the guest room. I need to move a few things and clean, but I’ll have it ready for you by Sunday.”
“That sounds perfect. Thanks again, Luke. I’m so excited!” She squeals before reaching for her phone. “Can you text me your address?”
Retrieving my phone from my coat pocket, I shoot off a text to her and watch as she intercepts it.
“Perfect! See you later!” She throws her coat on, grabs her drink, and then rushes out of the door, leaving me in the dust of her energetic display of excitement.
Holy shit! I just hired a nanny… and a beautiful nanny, at that. Somehow, I don’t think this is going to work out the way I want it to.
Chapter 4
Luke
Six Years Ago
“This is your eviction notice, Grayson Tyler Henderson! It’s time to get out! I know you’re comfortable in there, but I’m extremely uncomfortable out here. So unless you still have gills or you want me to elbow you in the ribs once you get out, I suggest you vacate my uterus at once!”
I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my lips, especially when Hannah’s eyes pop up and shoot me a look that makes me question whether she’s going to come after me now. I’m leaning against the entrance to the kitchen, my arms crossed over my chest, watching my very pregnant wife yell at our unborn son, and the image is enough to make a grown man buckle at the knees.
“You think this is funny?” She whispers, and I snort, which then makes me laugh even harder. “I can’t believe you’re laughing at me!” Her voice is high and full of frustration, and then she cries, tears streaming down her face almost instantly.
I make my way over to her in a flash, cupping her cheeks in my hands. “Oh, baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just overheard you scolding our son already and I couldn’t help but find it funny. I know you’re uncomfortable, but he’ll be here soon, okay?”
“He’s never going to come out!” She wails as I grab her hand and help her waddle over to the couch. She may feel as big as a house, but I’ve never found her to be more beautiful. Her hair is in a messy ponytail, her bare belly is peeking out beneath the gray cotton t-shirt she’s wearing, her blue yoga pants stretch over her curvy ass and thighs that have increasingly turned me on while I’ve watched her body change as she’s grown our child. I want to fuck her even more now than I did when we first started dating, which is both unsettling, but true. There’s something about your wife carrying your baby—sorry, but it does it for me—bad.
“Take a seat. You want something to eat? Drink? Some chocolate maybe?”
“Oh, yeah!” She perks up, brushing her tears away as she looks up at me. “There’s a bag of candy I just bought in the pantry. Bring it here please…”
I lean down to kiss her forehead and then prop her feet up with a pillow and place one behind her back as she splays out on the couch. “You’ve got it, babe.”
Making my way into the kitchen, I find the mixed bag of candy bars, fill up a glass of ice water, and grab a bag of barbeque potato chips just in case, since that seems to be something she can’t live without during this pregnancy too.
“Here, baby.” I set the water on the coffee table and then hand her the bag of candy, dropping the bag of chips right next to her glass.
“Thank you, Luke,” she whispers, digging through the bag and extracting a Kit Kat, tearing open the package with fervor and crunching down on the candy without a moment’s hesitation.
I watch her in awe as she chomps away, crumbs flying out of her mouth and morsels of chocolate falling on her enlarged chest—another benefit of her changing body.
“What?” She asks me around a mouthful of food.
“Did you just bite that Kit Kat without separating it?”
She stares at me intensely, pausing to digest my words and her chocolate before answering. “Uh, yes. Is that a problem?”
“I can’t believe you did that. That’s… I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so inhumane in my life.” I tease her, but all it does is make her eyes widen and smoke come out of her ears.
Listen—I know that teasing my wife while she’s uncomfortable like this is an asshole move, but I can’t help it. She’s so easily offended right now and irritated, joking around with here is the only way I can stay sane as we wait for our son to arrive. Plus, it’s part of our relationship. We’ve always given each other a hard time. It keeps things interesting and fun.
“Ain’t nobody got time to break apart the sticks when they’re in need of chocolate, Luke. It’s an unnecessary maneuver that slows down the food making its way into my mouth, okay?”
I lean forward and brush my lips against hers, retrieving a few crumbs of Kit Kat on the way back. Our eyes lock as I savor this moment between us, one of the few left before we become a family of three.
“I love you, Hannah. I can’t wait to watch you be a mom.” She stops chewing as I sit down next to her on the couch, rubbing my hands around her belly. “I can’t wait to see you hold him, rock him to sleep, and teach him how to make chocolate chip cookies. I can’t wait to come home to the two of you every day, in this home we’ve built together. And I really can’t wait for you to show our son how to eat a Kit Kat like a savage.” She laughs as we study each other, her dark brown eyes staring back into mine. I can’t help the sense of euphoria that overcomes me as I watch her pop the rest of the Kit Kat in her mouth before she chews and swallows with the sexiest smirk on her face.
Present Day
“Grayson, bud… we need to clean up this mess before Rachel gets here.” I shake off the memory of Hannah that hit me full force as I prepared myself for the arrival of my new employee. Turning around to face the living room, I start assessing whether my son has been doing what I asked of him while I zoned out.
Rule number one of parenting: never tell your child something you know will make them excited unless you want to hear about it every minute, on the minute, until that moment arrives.
“Is she here yet?” My son asks me for the zillionth time.
“No, not yet bud. But she will be very soon, so I need you to pick up this racetrack and put it in the cubby please.” Thank God for my mom and her organizational skills because I would have no sense to buy an organizer to keep Grayson’s toys off the floor. If it were left to me, there would be one giant box and everything would get thrown inside.
As I watch my son pick up toys faster than I’ve ever seen him move, I realize that in just a few moments there will be another woman in my house for the first time in five years, a notion that is quickly becoming unsettling. Of course my mother has been here and the girlfriends or wives of my friends—but not a woman whose sole purpose is to take care of my kid, and surely not a woman who’s going to be living with me.
What the fuck was I thinking?
You were thinking that desperate times c
all for desperate measures, Luke. You can’t do this on your own anymore, especially now that your mom is hurt. It’s okay to ask for help and accept it—I repeat the mantra in my head repeatedly until I start to believe it.
Grayson was just three months old when Hannah died and it took me a while before I was willing to accept help from anyone, even my parents. I felt like I was the only person who could take care of my son and keep him safe, shield him from any other hurt in this world even comparable to losing his mother. A hard-hitting intervention from my parents and my sister Tenley made me cave, accepting the fact that I didn’t have to do this parenting gig on my own. Sure, I would be the only true parent to my son, but there’s nothing wrong with more people to love him in his life, especially family.
But that’s just it—it’s always been family I’ve depended on, never a stranger. I mean, Rachel isn’t a complete stranger, but she’s certainly not someone I know extremely well. The Captain called me from the station about an hour ago, emailing over her background check, and I’m happy to say she checked out clean. Not even a traffic ticket. The woman is energetic, kind, and offering to do me a huge favor right when I need it. I should be grateful, but all I feel is guilt—guilt for letting another woman come into my home when Hannah was supposed to be the only woman ever living here. I just hope Hannah would understand how difficult this is for me, because I really have no other options right now, and I’m trying to rely on my instincts.
“She’s here! Daddy, Rachel is here!” Grayson shouts, launching himself from the ground as I watch a white sedan pull up to the curb in front of our house. Rachel’s hand flies up to check her appearance in her rearview mirror before I see her turn and assess the house. Her entire face lights up as she observes her surroundings, and I can’t help but find myself intrigued by her. She’s young, younger than me anyway. But she has a maturity and easygoing temperament that makes me feel confident that this can work, even though I’m nauseous on the inside.
One glance over at the clock tells me she’s early, but I appreciate that, especially since I have to show her around before I can leave. My bag is sitting by the door, loaded with everything I need for my classes tonight so I can head for the college as soon as possible. Taking a deep breath, I remind myself for the thousandth time in the last hour that everything is going to be okay. And as I watch Rachel step up from her car and walk to the front door with a gift bag in hand, I’m overwhelmed by the sense of déjà vu that hits me when her entire face lights up with her infectious smile the second she sees Grayson. That’s gotta mean something, right?