by Harlow James
“Luke… It’s been almost five years…”
“You think I don’t know that?” I snap, cutting her off. “I know exactly how long it’s been, Tenley. I think about that night every day and am reminded by the minute that my son is growing up without his mother.”
“I’m not saying it has to be Rachel, which I agree is not a good idea giving your working relationship with her. But it’s okay to move on, Luke. Hannah was my best friend and I miss her every day too, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone for the rest of your life.”
I love my sister; I do. But I don’t have time for this right now. I don’t need the incessant reminder I get from my friends and family that it’s okay for me to move forward with my life, to love someone else again. I’m moving on in the only way I know how—focusing on Grayson and what’s best for him. Loving and caring for my son is the only responsibility I can take on. Being in a relationship requires time and energy that I just don’t have to give, and I’m not sure I’ll ever want to give again in the future. Hannah owned every ounce of me. I don’t know that there’s anything left for anyone else.
“I know that. But now’s not the time. I have Grayson to think about,” I say, brushing my hands through my hair, messing up the gel and hairspray I put it in this morning, and then reaching for my coat. “Listen, I just got to the college. I’ve gotta go, Tenley.”
She sighs heavily and then says something to one of her kids before she returns her attention to me. “I know, Luke. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t.”
“Okay, sure. Anyway, call me tonight so I can see my genius nephew. And don’t forget, we’ll get to see you guys in a few months for his birthday party.”
My sister and her husband live in northern California, where he works for a software company and she owns a skincare salon. The two of them are always working and running to and from sporting events or school functions, so they rarely make it up to see us in Emerson Falls. But this year my son is turning five, and I am throwing him the biggest birthday party I can afford, which means my family is going to make the trip and stay here for a few weeks this summer to visit.
“Yes. Grayson is looking forward to seeing his cousins and his favorite aunt.”
“I’m his only aunt, so I’d better be his favorite.”
I laugh. “Only when you send gifts.”
“Ha! Hey, before you go, please make sure you check on Mom and Dad regularly, okay? I know you’re busy and Dad says he has everything handled, but I worry about them.”
“I know. We went over Saturday after I cleaned out the guestroom for Rachel, but Mom was heavily medicated, having just returned home that morning. Grayson wanted to hug her, but I had to keep him away, which he finally understood once he saw how tired and frail she looked. It freaked me out, Tenley—made it real that they’re getting older, you know?”
I can hear the emotion in her voice. “I know. I feel guilty for not seeing them more.”
“We’re all busy, Tenley. You have your own family now and you and Evan both work…”
“Wait. Did you say you cleaned out the guestroom for Rachel?” She interrupts me, making me freeze.
“Uh, yeah…”
“Mom didn’t say she moved in.”
“Well, I haven’t had the chance to really fill her in on everything. Like I said, she was pretty out of it when we went over there. When did you talk to her?” I press the button on my phone to disconnect the Bluetooth and prepare to exit my car.
“Yesterday. She seemed to be fairly coherent.”
I grab my bag and step out of my SUV into the frigid air, locking it behind me as I make my way towards my classroom. “I plan on going over there on my way home tonight.”
“So this girl is living with you?”
Unlocking the door, I shove the metal barricade open and step inside, relieved that the heater is blaring. “Yeah. She needed her own place anyway, and it just seems easier for now. That way she’s already there in the morning…”
“Wow. Are you okay with all of this, Luke? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re probably freaking out on the inside.” And that is why my sister is one of my best friends, because she knows me better than anyone.
Because yes. I am freaking out at the idea of another woman living in my home, but I’m trying like hell to be alright with it. Honestly… because I don’t have another choice. I keep telling myself Hannah would understand—that she knows how hard it is for me. But then there are moments where I feel like something is going to set me off and I’m going to act like an ass, and I’m fighting that reaction with every extra ounce of energy I can muster.
“I’m just trying to take it one day at a time, Tenley. That’s all I can do.” Just as I finish that sentence, my first student arrives. “Hey, Ten. I gotta go. I’ll call you tonight.”
“Take a deep breath, Luke. Everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I say, ending the call, greeting my student by name, and then preparing myself mentally for my long day of classes.
By the time my day is done and I’ve stopped by my parents’ house to check on them both, it’s after six o'clock. Coming home knowing that Grayson and Rachel will be there waiting for me gives me a slightly unsettled feeling because this is quickly becoming my new normal—and I like it.
Walking through the door and being greeted by the sight of my son stirring something on the stove next to Rachel, both of their backs turned to me, I realize I made the right decision. He needs someone who loves him and will nurture him just as I believe his mother would have done. And even though the ache in my chest pulses with the reminder that she’s not here, I know she would approve of Rachel, based solely on how good she is with him.
“Daddy! You’re home!” Grayson shouts as he twists on the stool and flashes me those dimples. At least he got one thing from me.
“I am. It smells so good in here. What are you making?” I step further inside, shucking my coat and dropping my bag by the door before walking towards the kitchen.
“We made spaghetti sauce. Rachel doesn’t make it out of a jar like you do,” he admonishes, turning back to the stove and reaching again for the spoon. Rachel assists him while glancing at me over her shoulder, accompanied by a shrug.
“Well, excuse me,” I feign resentment, filling a glass with ice water and taking residence against the counter beside them, watching my son focus so intently on moving the spoon around.
“No offense. But you can’t grow up with the last name Zanetti and not know how to make homemade sauce.” She winks at me and then reaches for a large serving dish. The smell of garlic, roasted tomatoes, and fresh basil hits my nose, my stomach following with a deep growl.
“There’s a monster in your belly, Daddy. We need to feed him!” Grayson says as he lunges off of his stool into my arms. Luckily, I’m quick to react before he face-plants on the floor.
“Easy, buddy. No jumping like that, okay?”
“I just wanted a hug.” He looks up at me with those innocent eyes and that sweet demeanor that I know won’t last once he’s a teenager.
“Well, thank you, bud. I missed you today. And yes, I have a very large monster in my belly that needs food!” I growl before pretending to eat Grayson’s neck, tickling him as he squirms all over.
Once we catch our breaths, I ask Grayson to help me set the table and then we all take a seat as Rachel presents the giant platter of spaghetti and fresh garlic bread.
“This smells fantastic, Rachel. Thank you. Although, you know you don’t have to cook us dinner every night. That’s not what I’m paying you for…”
“Stop, Luke. I know what my job description entails, okay? I did this because I’ve been craving my mother’s sauce, your son told me his favorite food is spaghetti, and I wanted to do something nice for you as a thanks for the job and a place to stay,” she fires back at me, making me retreat slightly in my sea
t.
“Well.. okay then. I mean it though,” I say, reaching for her hand. “Thank you.”
She flashes me a soft smile. “You’re welcome.”
We stuff our faces while Grayson recounts their day to me. A trip to the park and the grocery store, a movie about how the brain works, and then a long nap for both of them after they tired each other out. All in all, the joy that radiates from my son with his cheeks covered in tomato sauce is the best part of my day, by far.
“We also made Grandma a card so she can feel better,” he mumbles through a mouthful of noodles.
“That’s a nice thing for you to do, bud. She’ll love it.”
“I wanna show you…”
“Not before you take a bath, little guy,” Rachel chimes in, standing from the table to help Grayson down from his booster seat, handling him with just her thumbs and forefingers as she laughs while leading him to the bathroom. “I’ll handle bath time if you’ll clean up,” she says to me, interrupting me watching her walk around the table.
“Oh, yeah. Okay… I can do that,” I reply, realizing that for the first time since Hannah died I have someone here to help with our nighttime routine, and it not only makes me grateful, but sad. I shake off the reminder of what I missed out on from her death and make myself useful in the kitchen while I enjoy the giggles coming from the bathroom.
After another recount of his best day ever, Grayson finally passes out in bed. Kissing my son on the forehead, I cherish the childish features he still has while also taking in the fact that he’s quickly becoming a little boy. The baby fat in his cheeks and dimples in his fingers are slowly vanishing, leaving a young man behind that will grow up in the blink of an eye.
“So be honest now… how did today actually go?” I ask Rachel as I saunter down the hall and see her sipping a glass of white wine on the couch, her feet propped up along the chase. I plop down next to her, resting my head on the cushion behind me.
She chuckles before taking a sip and answering. “Honestly, he was great. He had a little meltdown in the store when I told him we couldn’t buy an entire cake from the bakery. But after his nap and mine, he was an angel,” she grins around her words. “I’ve never taken naps before in my life until I started looking after this kid. No offense.”
“None taken. He’s exhausting.”
“Yeah, but in the best way.” She glances over at me, flashing that natural smile of hers that is quickly becoming addictive.
“Thank you again for dinner. It was really nice coming home and not having to figure out what to cook for us. And I’m glad he ate your spaghetti because some days it’s his favorite, and others, it’s a war to get him to eat.”
“I saw that a bit at breakfast this morning,” she laughs at my son’s antics.
“I’m glad you’re here, Rachel. I was fighting hiring someone for the past few months, but I’m glad it ended up being you that filled the job.” And I mean it, looking over at her eyes intently so she knows I’m serious.
“You don’t know how much I needed this, Luke. Moving out here from New York was a leap of faith I took, not knowing what I would do with myself while I wait to finish school. But looking after Grayson makes me feel like I have a purpose, which is overwhelmingly satisfying.” Her lips curl around her glass again as she drinks, and I have to actively pull my eyes from the sight.
“Well, I think it was all about timing in this case,” I reply before moving to stand. “Well, I’m exhausted. I’ll see you in the morning.” Turning to walk down the hall, I can’t help but glance over my shoulder at her as she stares off in the distance, casually sipping her wine with a contented grin on her face.
“Goodnight, Luke.”
Even though it’s strange, the sight of her in my house feels right. And I hold on to that feeling as I pass out in my bed, accepting my new normal.
Chapter 7
Rachel
“Speed dating? You can’t be serious?” I stare at Jess seated next to Pfeiffer on the park bench as she watches Grayson playing on the playground equipment while Jess and I talk.
“I am. I need to get back out there. My hymen is growing back,” Jess whispers as Pfeiffer and me both laugh.
“First of all, you and I both know that is humanly impossible,” Pfeiffer counters. “And secondly, I thought you were hot for Doctor McSteamy at work?”
Jess slumps back on the bench. “Come on Piper, we’ve had this discussion. We work together. It wouldn’t be smart to start something with him. So what if he’s just the hottest man I’ve ever seen in my life… It’s not like he’d actually make a move. Plus, what if he’s another victim of my curse?” She admits defeatedly as Grayson comes running up to us.
“That curse is all in your head,” Pfeiffer retorts.
“Easy for you to say since you met the love of your life,” Jess fires back.
“I need a drink, Rachel,” Grayson interrupts the conversation, out of breath, his cheeks red from running around like a maniac. But I quickly learned the best way to tire this kid out is to let him run it out at the park for a bit. I give him a stern look he’s quickly become familiar with in the last month that I’ve been watching him—a slight arch of my eyebrow and a twist of my lips, waiting for him to use his manners. “Please,” he huffs as I triumphantly smile when he realized what he forgot. I hand him his water bottle and watch him empty half of it.
“Thank you for using your manners, Grayson.”
“Uh huh.” He nearly throws the bottle back at me before sprinting away, climbing up the stairs and darting for the highest slide behind another little boy he’s quickly become friends with.
“He is so cute,” Jess says as Pfeiffer nods beside me.
“Yes, he is. And the kid knows it, I swear. He tries to manipulate me with those dimples, the same ones his father has…”
“Speaking of Professor Hottie, how is that situation going?” Jess prods, being less informed of my new job than Pfeiffer is. Pfeiffer works at Emerson Falls Memorial Hospital as a nurse, and Jess is one of her co-workers. They quickly became friends when Pfeiffer moved out here under her new identity. Once Pfeiffer moved back and I quickly followed, the three of us became a tight-knit group of gal pals and try to hang out as often as we can. The fact that they both had the same day off called for an afternoon spent together, catching up on each other’s lives, even while I was still technically on the clock.
“Professor Hottie? Real original, Jess.” Pfeiffer rolls her eyes.
I search the playground for Grayson, locating him running for his life while the other little boy chases him laughing before answering. “Things are great. I really can’t complain. We’ve established a routine and schedule that works for us. Luke is awesome about making sure I don’t feel like a housekeeper on top of a nanny, but I honestly don’t mind taking care of stuff for them. Grayson has slowly showed me his true colors as a four, almost five-year-old, but that was to be expected. Honestly, everything is going so smoothly, it’s kind of scary—kind of like we’re a family, but not.”
“Yeah, it is kind of like you became a mom and housewife overnight,” Jess adds.
“Sort of. But honestly, Luke and I don’t talk much, except about Grayson. He’s actually a very closed off person, and I don’t feel like I know him much more than I did when we met. Except maybe for the fact that I know he likes his coffee black and eggs scrambled, and he actually enjoys doing laundry.”
“Maybe he can rub off on Cash then,” Pfeiffer teases, referencing her almost husband. Their wedding is in less than a month and she’s been busy making sure everything they want for their small ceremony is perfect. I remember when she told me about their first date and the lock fence in the park they discovered together. Now they’re getting married there on the third Saturday in April, and I couldn’t be happier for my best friend.
“No, I think that’s a unique thing to him. But seriously… I know he has a story, one that obviously included losing his wife. I see her face all over their h
ouse and I know she died. But he never really talks about her. Do you guys know what happened?”
Pfeiffer shoots Jess a look as they hold a silent conversation between them, contemplating how to respond. “I know you’re curious, Rach. But I honestly think he should be the one to tell you…”
“O-kay,” I draw out. “Is it that bad?”
Pfeiffer nods. “From what Cash has told me, Luke quit his job as a sheriff partly because of how his wife died. He continued to work there even though it’s been almost five years, but he was always anxious being on duty. That’s all I know, but I can't imagine what that must mean.”
“I’ve heard things from people at the hospital, but I don’t know enough to feel right telling you what I know unless I was sure. Just know, it was traumatic and he’s never been the same since… at least that’s what people in town that were here when it happened have told me,” Jess claims, her head darting towards the playground as squeals fill the air.
I watch Grayson run around again, processing the tidbits of new information I just gathered. I knew Luke was a sheriff before he became a teacher, that much he’s told me. But how that ties in to why he quit his job? I don’t see the connection yet.
“I just feel for the guy… he seems so lonely…”
Pfeiffer eyes me across Jess sitting between us. “Has he told you that?”
“He doesn’t have to. I can see it on his face. I swear, the only time I don’t see it is when we talk to each other on the couch after Grayson’s gone to sleep.”
Jess and Pfeiffer both smirk as they shoot me curious looks. “Are you keeping him company then?” Jess inquires with a lift of her brow.
Narrowing my eyes, I try to assess what they’re insinuating, hoping that my attraction to him is not as apparent as it feels. It’s been over a month since we met and there’s no doubt that Luke is handsome, the way my body responded to him initially told me as much. But since living with him and accepting money from him, I’ve forced myself to remember he’s my boss and not a potential love interest. Still, there are moments when he comes out fresh from the shower after working out in his garage when the smell of his body wash hits my nose and renders me stupid, or when he glides down the hallway buttoning the cuffs on his dress shirts he always wears to work that makes my heart flutter a bit with each movement. When he comes home from teaching in the evenings and his stubble is slightly longer than it was that morning, or he laughs easily when Grayson recalls our day to him at the dinner table—those moments all make it harder to remember that this man has entrusted me to look after his kid, not harbor a crush on him. So needless to say, I’ve been struggling with our brewing friendship, especially when his knee casually brushes against my leg on the couch or when he pours my coffee for me in the morning when he hears my door open.