“Weird kids rule,” said Darlene.
Lester snickered. “They totally do.”
I’m pretty sure they kissed right then, but I can’t be positive, because I was too busy making sure my eyes were staring at something—anything—that wasn’t them.
Lester hopped on the bike. “Come on, dude, let’s hit it, or else they’re gonna make me go to geometry.”
“Where’s Aunt Jenny or Uncle Bill?” I asked him. It sure did feel odd saying that.
“Aunt Jenny or Uncle Bill? Oh, right, yeah … They’re working, you know how it is,” he said, even though I had no idea how it was. “The nurse couldn’t get ahold of them, so she asked me to get you.”
“Well, that was nice of you,” I said.
“Of course Lester’s going to help out his little cousin,” said Darlene. “Who wouldn’t?”
“Darn right!” Lester said, smiling like he was the nicest, most concerned human in the world. “Besides, this gave me a good excuse to get out of class, so here I am. Let’s do this.”
“Well, I gotta get to science,” Darlene said. “See you guys later.”
“Can’t wait!” said Lester. He stared at Darlene as she walked away. Poor guy, he was really in deep.
I looked at the bike. “Where am I supposed to go?”
He patted the handlebars in front of him. “Right up here, pal. Safe and comfortable.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.”
I hesitated. “It doesn’t look safe, and it definitely doesn’t look comfortable. And if you don’t mind, I’ve already had a very difficult day.”
Lester sighed, then glanced at me with something that actually looked a little bit like concern.
“Listen, Arnold. It’s always hard for the new kid. And since you’re a little, uh, different, it’s going to be even harder for you. I know Mom and Dad told you that but you don’t realize it until it’s happening. You have to be tough and not let it get to you. Do you think you can do that?”
“I guess so.”
“Good. Now let’s go before someone realizes I don’t have an extra helmet.”
I hopped on the handlebars, and the next thing I knew we were whizzing out of the school parking lot and heading home. I have to admit, it was kind of fun feeling the wind smack my face as we zipped along the road.
“Is Darlene your girlfriend?” I asked Lester, as we were flying down the road.
“Workin’ on it,” he answered.
The work seemed to be going well, as far as I could tell.
When we got to the house, Jenny was just pulling into the driveway. She ran up and hugged me as I jumped off the handlebars.
“My goodness, I raced home as soon as I saw the message! Are you okay, Arnold?”
“He’s fine,” Lester said, before I could answer. “Some kids thought it would be funny to make him eat chocolate pudding.”
“What?” Jenny looked as mad as I’ve ever seen her. “Well, I’m going to march right over to that school and make sure they—”
“Please don’t,” I said, interrupting her. “Thanks, but that will just make it worse.” I looked at Lester, then back at Jenny. “It’s always hard for the new kid, especially someone like me. I just have to be tough. But I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“And I’m keeping an eye on things, too,” Lester added, “just to make sure everything is okay.”
I nodded at Lester. He nodded back. It seemed like maybe he wasn’t going to always hate me after all.
It’s amazing what one kiss can do.
Getting ready for bed is not really much of a thing for me. I brush my teeth, which still feels really weird, and wash my face with warm water, which feels even weirder, and then I get under the covers and lay my head back on my pillow, which feels nice and soft.
The whole thing takes about two minutes.
Lester does a bunch of other stuff. He’s really fascinated by his face for some reason, because he stares at it in the mirror for a long time before he goes to bed, and then he stares at it again for a long time the next morning, as if he expects it to change completely while he’s sleeping. And he washes his hair at night, which gets out the stuff that he puts in his hair in the morning, which doesn’t make sense, since if he didn’t want it, he shouldn’t have put it in his hair in the first place.
And humans think zombies are scary?
I was laying in bed when Bill and Jenny came in to my room.
“Hi,” I said.
Neither one of them spoke for about thirty seconds. Then Jenny said, “We know how difficult this must be for you.”
“I’m doing fine,” I said. “Please don’t worry. The nurse at school was very nice and helpful.” For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to tell them that Nurse Raposo knew who I really was. Maybe because I thought it would worry them. Or maybe because I thought they would think I’d let them down.
“We’re very proud of you and so impressed by how well you’re adjusting,” said Jenny, softly. “We wanted you to know that.”
Bill sat down on the edge of the bed. “Arnold, we haven’t really asked about where you’re from,” he said. “Or whom you left behind. Do you want to talk about any of that? Because if you do, we’d like to talk about it, too.”
I waited a few seconds before answering.
“I wish I could,” I said. “But like I’ve said, I don’t remember very much at all. I know there was a big room. And a big area they called a pen. And a tall fence. And I remember being told that humans were dangerous. Humans wanted to hurt us. Humans were the enemy.”
Lester started playing music loudly in the next room. Jenny shut the door.
“We’re not the enemy,” Jenny said softly. “I hope you know that now.”
“You’re not the enemy,” I told her. “But I’m not so sure about some of the other humans.”
Bill scratched his head. “Maybe we should tell a few more people what’s happening here. We need to be able to give Arnold some more support.”
“No!” Jenny said, speaking as forcefully as I’ve ever heard her speak. “Not yet, it’s still too risky. For Arnold, and for us.”
Now it was Bill’s turn to speak forcefully. “Well, I don’t know how we’re supposed to just indefinitely harbor an illegal, secret government zombie without some help. It’s too much. We need a plan.”
“I know,” said Jenny. “I just need time to figure out what the plan is.”
“Well, we should have thought about that before,” said Bill.
Everything was quiet for a minute. I’d never heard them argue. I didn’t like it one bit. And it was all because of me.
And then I remembered what Nurse Raposo said, about how brave Jenny and Bill were, and how dangerous it was.
“This is all my fault,” I said. “Maybe Lester was right. Maybe I don’t belong here.”
“Of course you don’t belong here!” Bill said. “To be honest, Arnold, I’m not sure you belong anywhere. But you’re part of our family now, and that’s all there is to it.”
“Bill is right,” said Jenny. “Now let’s forget all about this, and just try to get some sleep.”
“Or not,” I said, and then we all did something that we hadn’t ever done together.
We laughed.
According to one of the Kinders’ books I’ve read—the Merriam-Webster Dictionary—“recess” means the temporary suspension of an activity or process. But in elementary school, it apparently means run around like a crazy person for absolutely no reason.
The teachers and all the other adults at school must think recess is a productive use of time, however, because they schedule one every day. And they may be right. It turns out that if you let human children run around like lunatics for thirty-five minutes once a day, they are able to act like normal people the rest of the time.
The first two days, I spent recess inside, because of my “sensitivity to the sun.” I would read quietly at my desk, while different teache
rs took turns keeping an eye on me—which really meant doing stuff on their phones.
But the third day of school was cloudy.
“Why don’t you come outside with the rest of the class today, Arnold?” Mrs. Huggle asked me, as the bell rang. “There’s not too much sun to worry about, and you might enjoy getting some fresh air.”
I glanced around—all the other kids were already piling out the door, choosing sides for whatever games they planned on playing.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not really supposed to run around that much.”
Kiki, who was eavesdropping as usual, butted in. “Aw, come on Arnold! You can come outside and do nothing if you want, lots of kids do. Do you really want Ross and Brett making fun of you for being such a weenie, especially after you fainted yesterday?”
“Okay, fine.” I got my jacket—even though no one else was wearing one—and headed outside. There was a big field, where kids were chasing one another around in circles and then knocking each other over. There was the jungle gym that Ross had referred to the day before, which was some kind of structure that kids could climb on. And there was a cement rectangle with two big poles at either end, which was being used for a game that seemed to involve throwing orange balls into round circles with nets on them.
I took a deep breath and tried to decide what to do. My two friends, Kiki and Evan, were with a bunch of other kids playing tug of war in a sand pit. Pretty much everyone else was running around, too. There was only one person, a girl, who wasn’t involved in some sort of game. She was sitting by herself on a bench near the playground, staring at something in her hands. A woman was sitting next to her, reading.
Staring and reading—those were two activities I was good at!
I decided to join them.
I was about halfway there when I realized the girl was Sarah Anne. I also saw that the thing she was holding was the board she always has. The woman with her was Ms. Frawley, who was always by her side. I hesitated, because I didn’t want to disturb them. But before I could walk away, Ms. Frawley looked up and spotted me.
“Hello,” she said. “Would you like to join us?”
Sarah Anne looked up, almost at me but not quite—it felt like she was looking at my right shoulder. Her eyes were a piercing green, and as she stared without blinking, I couldn’t tell if she wanted me to sit down or get lost. Maybe it was neither. Then she looked back down at her board.
“Okay, sure,” I said, and I sat down on the bench. “My name is Arnold. I’m new.”
“Oh, I know,” said Ms. Frawley. “My name is Ms. Frawley, and this is Sarah Anne. Are you enjoying school so far?”
“Yes, it’s been great,” I said. “Everyone is really nice.”
Sarah Anne immediately picked up her board, which is when I noticed it had letters on it. I realized that she pointed at the letters to spell words, which was how she communicated. She pointed at two.
“HA,” said Ms. Frawley, speaking for Sarah Anne.
I smiled. “Okay, well, I guess not everybody is really nice. But most people are.”
Sarah Anne looked up at the sky, then back down at her board. Ms. Frawley watched her point at the letters.
“DO … YOU … LIKE … HORSES?” said Ms. Frawley.
“Sure,” I said. “Horses are beautiful.”
Sarah Anne pointed at her board.
“I … LOVE … HORSES,” said Ms. Frawley.
I smiled. “That’s great.”
“WHERE … ARE … YOU … FROM?”
“Pretty far away,” I said. “I doubt you would have ever heard of it. Have you lived here all your life?”
Sarah Anne pointed at her board, and Ms. Frawley spoke.
“YES … BUT … I … HOPE … TO … MOVE … TO … THE … CITY … WHEN … I … GROW … UP.”
“To do what?” I asked.
“WORK … WITH … HORSES … AND … BECOME … A … POET.”
Sarah Anne put her board down.
“You should see some of her poetry,” said Ms. Frawley. “It’s beautiful.”
“I would love to,” I said.
Sarah Anne looked at my shoulder for a long time, then picked up her board.
“MAYBE … SOMEDAY … I … WILL … SHOW … IT … TO … YOU.”
She stopped, then thought of something else she wanted to say.
“IF … YOU’RE … LUCKY.”
We didn’t talk for the rest of the recess. We just watched the other kids run around. Sometimes Sarah Anne would make words on her board, and then Ms. Frawley would write them down on a piece of paper. Maybe it was a poem, but I didn’t ask to see it. She’d show it to me if she wanted to.
When the bell rang, I got up.
“It was really nice to meet you, Sarah Anne,” I said. “You, too, Ms. Frawley.”
“We’ll see you inside,” said. Ms. Frawley.
Sarah Anne picked up her board and started pointing. As always, Ms. Frawley spoke the words that Sarah Anne was saying.
“DON’T … EAT … ANY … PUDDING … TODAY.”
I took Sarah Anne’s advice and didn’t eat any pudding at snack. I also didn’t talk about my parents being spies at lunch, didn’t play dodgeball at gym, and didn’t produce any zombie sweat at all. In other words, I stayed as invisible as possible. Which, it turns out, isn’t that hard to do when you’re half-invisible already.
After school, Kiki and I decided to walk home together again, but Kiki couldn’t leave right away, because she had to go to the office to sign up for soccer. “It will only take about fifteen minutes, but I can meet you after that, if you want to wait,” she said.
After thinking about it for approximately zero seconds, I said, “Sure.”
“You know, Arnold,” she said to me, “you should join a sport, too. It’s a great way to meet people.”
“Maybe,” I said. As in, maybe never in a million years.
As I headed down the hall to wait near the front door, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It wasn’t as warm as Bill’s or Jenny’s hands.
I turned around to see Ross standing there in his backward hat. His friend Brett was with him, his long hair covering half his freckly face.
“Did you think I forgot?” Ross asked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“Ha-ha, very funny.” Ross looked down the hallway. “We had a date yesterday after school, but then you got sick from chocolate pudding.”
“Who does that?” Brett asked. “Who gets sick from chocolate pudding?”
I looked around for someone—anyone—who might be walking down the hall, but there was no one there. It was like someone called a meeting of the whole school, and everyone was invited except Ross, Brett, and me.
“I don’t want to fight you, Ross. I just want to go home.”
I tried to walk around him, but he blocked my way. “Let me get this straight,” he said. “You get to injure me in dodgeball, but I don’t get to do anything back? How is that fair?”
“That was an accident, and you know it.”
“All I know is, we have unfinished business, and it’s time to finish it.”
We stood there for a few seconds, staring at each other, while a bunch of other kids materialized out of nowhere. There must have been some sort of unspoken signal that was only audible to people under twelve years old.
“Are you guys gonna fight?” asked one kid, hopefully.
“If so, you better hurry up,” said another. “The buses are leaving in five minutes.”
The kids started murmuring, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”
I felt zombie sweat pooling in my shoes.
But my first instinct was not to attack, it was to yell. “Help! Help!” I croaked, before remembering I have a very soft voice.
Which brought me to my second instinct: run. But then I remembered I’m a terrible runner. My legs are like rubber.
My third instinct was realizi
ng I was all out of instincts.
Ross pushed me up against a locker.
“Not such a tough guy now, are you?” he sneered.
“I never said I was a tough guy.”
“Yeah, well …” Ross glared at me like he was trying to decide whether to punch me or laugh at me.
“Hit him!” urged Brett. “What are you waiting for?”
“He’s just so … scrawny,” Ross said. “It almost doesn’t seem fair.”
“I agree!” I said.
Ross pulled his hand back and made a fist. I braced myself for the punch, knowing it was likely that he was going to break my skin. Which wouldn’t mean blood, of course. It might even mean more zombie sweat. I wasn’t sure how I was going to explain that one.
Suddenly new words started ringing in my head.
And a fourth instinct formed in my head. The next thing I knew, for reasons I didn’t even understand, I reached out with my right arm and pinched Ross on his left shoulder.
“Hey!” Ross looked at me, then looked at his left shoulder, then looked back at me. “What the—?”
And then he froze in place.
“Ross?” I said. “Ross? Ross, are you okay?”
But Ross couldn’t speak, because he couldn’t move.
Brett saw what was going on, and his eyes went wide. “Ross! Dude! Like, what are you doing? Are you okay?”
Ross’s eyes darted back and forth—at least he could move them, which was a good sign.
We all stood there for a few seconds, almost as frozen as Ross was, waiting for him to move. But he didn’t. As a confused murmur of panic rose up in the kids that had gathered around, I heard a voice coming from down the hall. “What the heck is going on here?” It was a voice I recognized, and I sighed with relief. Yep, there was Kiki, marching down the hallway, with Evan a few steps behind her.
“Ross! Are you about to beat up poor Arnold Z. Ombee? The skinniest kid in the whole class? Have you no decency?”
“Arnold pinched Ross on the shoulder, and now Ross can’t move!” said Brett, breathlessly.
A Zombie Ate My Homework Page 7