“HA!” said Kiki.
“It’s true,” I mumbled.
Kiki ran up to Ross. “Jeepers,” she whispered. “Ross! Are you okay?”
Ross tried to speak, but it came out more like, “Mrfwhsrgork.”
“Holy smokes,” said Evan.
All the kids stared at me.
“What kind of a monster are you?” said Brett. “Is this some super spy trick? Are you some kind of freak?”
“I-I’m sorry,” I stammered. “Ross was about to punch me in the face. I had to do something.”
“Yeah, like defend yourself,” Evan said. “Not paralyze the poor kid.”
“I didn’t mean to … I don’t know … maybe I pinched a nerve in his neck.”
“WELL, UNPINCH IT!” hollered Kiki. “Or else you’re going to be in a ton of trouble!”
I could hear voices coming down the hall. Adult ones. This was it. I had to do something, and fast.
I reached out, put my hand on Ross’s shoulder right where I’d pinched him, and pinched again.
And just like that, he was fine.
He shook his head like he’d just woken up from a nap. “What happened?” he asked groggily. “What are we doing in the hall?”
“You were just about to punch me in the face,” I said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what else to do.”
Ross and Brett and all the other kids looked at me like I had just become the most powerful person on earth. Or at least, the most powerful person at Bernard J. Frumpstein Elementary School.
“Who are you?” whispered Ross.
Luckily I didn’t have to answer that one, because right then a teacher walked up. “What’s this all about?” she said. “Why are you kids gathered in the hallway? You know you’re supposed to be in lineup. The buses leave in three minutes. Get going!”
As the kids started to disperse, Kiki shook her head. “Wow, I leave you alone for ten minutes and this is what happens?”
“That was very odd,” I said. “I swear, I’m as shocked as everyone else.”
She laughed. “So then, you’re not a space alien?”
“Of course not,” I said, which was technically the truth. “Ross just had some really weird reaction, that’s all.”
“If you say so,” Kiki said.
I glanced at Evan. He looked like he was having a harder time accepting my explanation than Kiki, but he decided not to say anything about it.
“Thanks for believing me,” I said. “I really appreciate it.”
“No problem,” Kiki said. “That’s what friends are for, right?”
“Right,” I said, even though I actually had no idea what friends were for.
Because I’d never had one before.
After all the excitement had died down, Kiki asked Evan if he wanted to walk home with us, but he shook his head. “My mom was really mad at me the other day,” he said. “Ever since I got sick, she’s been nervous about me doing too much and hurting myself and stuff like that.”
“I understand,” I said.
“I don’t,” Kiki said. “She has to let you live your life.”
Evan smiled sadly and walked to the bus.
On the walk home, Kiki was nice enough to not talk about what happened with Ross anymore. Instead she asked me all sorts of questions about all sorts of stuff, like music (I told her I didn’t listen to it very much), movies (I told her I hadn’t seen very many), and what I wanted to be when we grew up (she said she wanted to be an emergency medical technician—whatever that was—and I told her I didn’t know yet.)
“Jeez,” she said, as we approached the Kinders’ driveway. “For a smart guy, you don’t know anything about anything, do you?”
“I guess not.”
Kiki looked at me like she was trying to decide something. “Well, that just means I get to tell you what to do and what to like, which is a good thing, right?”
“I guess so.”
“Ha! You’re a funny one, Arnold Z. Ombee.” Then she punched my arm and went skipping away.
I walked up the driveway, wondering why Kiki thought I was funny since I couldn’t remember ever making a joke in front of her.
I had just about recovered from the Zombie Zing episode and was feeling better when I went into the house—but as soon as I saw Jenny and Bill, I knew something was wrong. First of all, they were both there, and they were usually still working when I come home. Second of all, Bill didn’t smile when he saw me. That had never ever happened before.
I pretended not to notice, though. Maybe if I didn’t notice, it wouldn’t be true.
“Today I met this really interesting girl named Sarah Anne,” I told them. “She talks by pointing at letters on a—”
“People are talking about you,” Jenny said.
I froze.
With those five words, I felt everything ending.
I looked at Bill. “I overheard a conversation down at the grocery store,” he explained. “Apparently there’s lots of scuttlebutt about a strange new boy in town. Rumors are flying.”
I could feel my skin jumping off my bones. “Was it the nurse? She swore she wouldn’t tell!”
“You told the nurse?” Jenny said, with a little quiver in her voice.
“She guessed! But she was really nice about it!”
Bill sighed heavily. “Well, maybe it was her. We don’t know who is starting these rumors, and what exactly they’re saying about you.”
I couldn’t believe it. The idea that the nurse would betray me didn’t seem possible. She swore that she would keep my secret, and I had believed her.
“What do we do? Do I have to leave?”
“Of course not,” Bill said. “Nobody has any proof about anything. And there are laws in place that prevent people from just doing what they want without proof. But it’s clear you’re going to be watched very carefully.”
I was still trying to absorb this news when Jenny said, “There’s something else.”
I stared into space, waiting for her to speak.
“I ran into Mrs. Dorfman at the bank. She was asking about you.”
“Who?” I asked
“Carol Dorfman. I guess she has a son that goes to school with you,” she said. “Brett Dorfman?”
“Ugh,” I said.
“Ugh what??!” came Lester’s voice from the hallway. Two seconds later, he came lumbering into the kitchen. He took one look at us and his eyes went wide. “Whoa, you guys look like you just saw a zombie.”
“Ha-ha,” I said quietly.
Jenny looked at her son. “Lester, I’m sorry, but I have to ask: Did you say anything to anyone about who Arnold is?”
Lester looked mortally wounded. “Are you serious right now? Of course not!” He looked at me. “I’ve been watching out for him. Tell them, Arnold!”
I nodded. “It’s true. Lester got really mad when I told him some kids were giving me a hard time. He threatened to beat them up.”
“I sure did,” Lester said, his head bobbing up and down. “No one messes with anyone in my family. Even if they’re not actually in my family.” Then his eyes narrowed. “Why? Did someone spill the beans on Arnold?”
Before either Bill or Jenny could answer, there was a knock on the door.
“Who could that be?” wondered Jenny aloud. They didn’t have very many visitors, as far as I could tell.
After a few seconds, Bill got up. “I’ll see what’s going on,” he said. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe the mailman with a package.”
We all followed him as he went into the hallway. He opened the door, and two police officers were standing there, a man and a woman.
“Mr. Kinder?” said the policeman. “Mr. William Kinder?”
“That’s right. What can I do for you?”
The two officers looked at each other, then back at Bill. “We’re doing some canvassing in the area,” said the policewoman, “and we’d like to ask you a question or two.”
Bill touched his mustache. “What kin
d of questions?”
“Well, sir,” said the policeman, “there was a little trouble over on Clarendon Hill a few weeks back, and we’re just following up to make sure everything’s gotten back to normal.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“Unfortunately we’re not at liberty to say just now.”
Bill scratched his head, as if he had absolutely no idea what the policeman was talking about. “Well, everything’s totally normal around here, that’s for sure.”
“Terrific,” the policewoman said. “Do you mind if we take a look around your house for a quick minute?”
Bill smiled his broad, warm smile. “As long as you have a search warrant. Do you?”
The officers peered at Bill. “We do not, sir,” said the woman.
“Well then, be sure to come back when you do,” Bill said. He smiled again. “But I sure am glad to see the force is on the case.”
The policeman narrowed his eyes, as if he were trying to decide if Bill was being serious or sarcastic. “Thank you, sir,” he said.
“We were just about to sit down to a late lunch,” Jenny said to the police officers. “Would either of you care for a glass of lemonade?”
“Oh, no, ma’am,” said the policewoman. “We’re on duty, and we’ve got to get back to it.” She held out a card. “If either of you notices anything unusual, would you be so kind as to text us or give a call down at the station? Number’s right there on the front.”
Bill took the card. “We most certainly will. Good day, now.”
He was about to close the door when the policeman held his hand up.
“Oh, one last thing. The neighbor mentioned you have a nephew staying with you, recently moved in?”
For the first time, I saw a nervous look cross Bill’s face.
“That’s right. My sister Betty’s boy.”
“Do you mind if I ask why you’re looking after him?”
“Oh, she and her husband had to leave the country for a spell, and it seemed too much disruption for the boy to go along. It’s just for six months or so. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, no reason.” The policeman put his hand to his cap. “Thanks so much for your time. Have a good day, now.”
After they left, we all walked slowly back to the kitchen.
Lester was the first to speak. “Now what?”
Jenny took a deep breath. “Well, we don’t have a lot of time to figure out our next move, that’s for sure,” she said. “I have a sister in Connecticut who could come in handy.”
“We’ll have to talk about that,” Bill said, exchanging a look with wife.
“Indeed,” she said. Then Jenny looked at me. “For now, we keep living our lives,” she said. “That’s all we can do.”
Technically I didn’t have a life to live.
But I knew what she meant.
The first thing I heard the next morning was Lester letting out a howl.
“NO WAY!”
He came charging into the kitchen, where we were all having breakfast. “I didn’t make the JV basketball team!” he said, panting with anger. “They just posted the team online. I was, like, the best one in the tryout! But I didn’t make it!”
Bill looked up from his eggs. “Well, obviously there was some kind of mistake.”
“I should say so,” agreed Jenny. “We’ll talk to the coach and find out what happened.”
“No!” wailed Lester. “You can’t do that! The coach is Tommy Klepsaw’s dad! Tommy’s younger brother is Ross! That’s the kid who got nailed during the dodgeball game because of Arnold!”
Not to mention temporarily paralyzed by my Zombie Zing, I thought, but I wasn’t about to bring that up.
Lester pointed an accusatory finger in my direction. “It’s all your fault.”
“Slow down,” said Jenny. “What’s all this about a dodgeball game? Arnold, you played in a dodgeball game at school?”
“Kind of,” I said, keeping my eyes on my jelly beans. “Two days ago. It was a mistake, I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
Lester sat down with a pout. “It’s not just that. I’ve tried to be nice and everything, but the truth is that Arnold is messing things up for me. All week at school my friends’ little brothers and sisters have been texting them about my weird-looking cousin, and everyone’s making fun of me for being related to him. And now people are going to find out that the police were here, and what am I supposed to say about that?”
Jenny and Bill looked at each other, but neither one said anything.
“What about Darlene?” I asked.
Lester snorted. “She’s cool, but you know, she told me last night she’s too busy to have a boyfriend right now.”
“Oh,” I said. “That’s too bad.”
“Yeah, it IS too bad.” Lester drank a glass of orange juice in one gulp, which seemed to calm him down a little. “Listen, I get it. You’re actually a decent kid, and I know how hard this must be for you. You’re a zombie, for crying out loud! Trying to go to a human school! Who does that?” He let out a burp. “Excuse me. Anyway, I’m tired of feeling like the bad guy here, just because I think it’s weird that we have a zombie living in our house who’s pretending to be normal. It’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t always about what’s fair,” Bill said quietly. “Arnold can tell you that.”
“People are out there looking for him!” wailed Lester. “Someone is going to find out he escaped! We might all end up in jail, on top of everything else!”
“Lester’s right,” I said. “The last thing I want is to get you all in trouble.”
“Nonsense,” Bill said, standing up. “You’re a child. A child who’s different than us, who’s from another place, another world even, but a child nonetheless. It’s clearer to me than ever that the people who are trying to find you do not have your best interests at heart. So we are going to take care of you, because that is our job as compassionate people.”
Lester stood up, too. “Whatever. I’m going to school. When I come home tonight, we better have a plan on how to deal with this.”
But I was already thinking about a plan. A plan that would solve everything, and keep the Kinders safe.
I was going to go to school.
And then after school, I was going to leave.
Forever.
When I got to school, I noticed everyone was treating me differently. Meaning, differently from the earlier ways they’d been treating me differently.
Before, they’d looked at me like I was the weirdest kid on earth.
Now, thanks to the Zombie Zing, they looked at me like I was the most powerful kid on earth.
Everyone said hi to me, but kept their eyes down, like I was their boss or something. Brett nodded at me, gave a nervous smile, and didn’t say anything. Ross just eyed me warily.
“How’s your shoulder?” I asked him.
“Fine,” he said. “Thank you.”
“I’m glad.”
Evan, who watched this exchange, looked very pleased to be friends with the newest tough guy in town. He had a big smile waiting for me when I sat down at my desk.
“Did you get my invitation?”
“Huh? What invitation?”
He leaned in as if to tell me the biggest secret ever. “To my party.” He pointed at my desk. “In there.”
I opened my desk drawer and found a piece of paper folded about a million times. “Wow,” I said. “This looks like serious business.”
“You can’t be too careful,” Evan said.
I unfolded it and read Evan’s lousy handwriting.
LET’S CELEBRATE!
EVAN IS TURNING 11 AND YOU’RE INVITED!
“A birthday party?”
“More of a gathering,” Evan said. Then he leaned over and flicked the back of my neck, for old times’ sake. “It’s Saturday night, and it’s going to be so fun!”
“This Saturday night? In two days? Gosh, Evan, I had no idea it was your birthday.”
“We
ll, I don’t have that many friends to talk about it with, I guess.” He smiled brightly. “But the party was my mom’s idea, and she said I could invite you! You’ll be there, right?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. Based on the plan I’d made about thirty minutes earlier, I might be gone by then.
“Well, I—”
“It’s a very exclusive gathering,” Evan said. “I’m only inviting two people altogether—you and Kiki.”
“Really? Why just us?” But as soon as I’d asked, I wished I hadn’t. Because the answer was obvious. We were his only friends.
“It’s a slumber party,” Evan explained. When I looked at him blankly, he added, “A sleepover.”
“Ah.” Well, that clinched it. I would have to leave town before the party, because I couldn’t possibly go to a sleepover. I don’t sleep, remember? That could get awkward. And dangerous.
“I’d really love it if you could come,” Evan said. “I really would. Really.”
Uh-oh.
“I only invited two friends,” Evan repeated, in case I hadn’t absorbed that information the first time. He looked like he might dissolve into a small puddle if I said no.
Double uh-oh.
“I’ll be there,” I said, thinking that I’d need to practice being asleep, and fast.
“Great!” Evan exclaimed. “We’re having chocolate pie!”
“Sounds delicious,” I said.
So I’d run away Sunday, after the party.
I mean, it’s not like anything crazy could happen, right?
Wrong.
My goal for the next two days was to stay calm and avoid drama. I’d started to notice that Bill and Jenny were spending a lot of time talking quietly to each other, probably discussing what to do with me, but every time I asked, they’d smile and change the subject. Neither of them had heard any more information about a strange boy in town, so I think they were starting to convince themselves that everything would turn out fine.
I knew better. Somehow, I knew better.
At morning snack on Thursday, I made a point of taking out my jelly beans after everyone was already fully concentrating on their own treats. But that didn’t stop Evan from noticing.
A Zombie Ate My Homework Page 8