by J. L. Beck
I take in one more deep breath, sucking in as much of her unique scent as I can.
“Do you really mean it?” She sniffles into my chest, her body resting on mine.
“Mean what?” I shift her in my arms so I can look into her eyes. There are tears forming, close to spilling over the rims. Knowing I’m the one making her cry tears me apart.
I want to punch myself in the face for doing this to her, she deserves better, so much fucking better.
“Everything. Did you really not miss me? Because being without you killed me. I waited for a text or call, anything. I was upset and paranoid and thought if only I could catch you watching me, maybe I could confront you.”
The anguish in her voice slices me in half. I want to tell her everything, but I can’t lie to her anymore tonight. Not that it really matters. I’ll lie to her again. I can’t tell her the truth. Not when it’s for the better.
“I’m going to sleep on the couch. In the morning, we’re going to see Damon and put an end to this. Then you’ll be safe again and can go back to your own place.”
The tears finally spillover, finding their way down her perfect little face.
Fighting the urge to touch the shiny path the tears have left behind, I step back, putting some distance between us.
I have to force myself to leave the room and close the door behind me. Each step away from her kills me, but I can’t be close to her and not touch her, not right now. Walking into the kitchen, I head for the sink. I turn on the faucet and splash some cold water onto my face, hoping it wakes me up from this nightmare.
What the fuck did I do?
I fucked up, that’s what I did. Meandering over to the fridge, I open it and grab a beer out. I pop the top and chug the whole thing. It does nothing for me, though. It doesn’t ease the ache or make my heart stop bleeding.
I crush the can with one hand and throw it into the trash on my way out to the couch.
As soon as I lay down, my mind starts playing back all the things I did to Elyse today. Fuck, I hurt her in the worst possible ways. I lied to her, treated her like she meant nothing to me, and then I took her innocence.
But the worst part of all is she still looks at me like she cares. As if I deserve any of her affection, attention, or even her after what I’ve done.
It would be so much fucking easier if she just hated me. Why can’t she see how bad I am for her? At the same time, I’m not sure I’ll let her go. Yeah, I tried pushing her away, but my heart bleeds for her. The day I kissed her, I knew she was it for me. I fucking knew it.
Sighing, I close my eyes, trying to force myself to go to sleep. Sleep. That’s what I need, that’ll make me treat her right, right? I almost snort at my thoughts, shifting around on the couch as I try to find a comfortable spot.
As soon as I’m comfortable and my eyes start to drift closed, I hear the bedroom door creak open, and my heart starts racing all over again. It’s almost completely dark inside my apartment, but I can still make out her small silhouette against the dim light coming from the window.
I swallow, watching her like a fucking creep.
She walks into the room on tiptoes, and I figure she’s going to the kitchen to grab something to drink or maybe eat. Shit, it dawns on me then I didn’t even offer her a sandwich or glass of water. I feel like an even bigger asshole—take her virginity, but don’t even give her food.
Yeah, I’m a total asshole.
Shock fills my veins when she heads straight for me, her feet making small pitter-patters against the floor. What the hell she is going to do? Stab me? Smother me with a pillow?
Yeah, I wish I could kill myself too.
I remain very still and pretend to be asleep. I don’t even think I’d try to stop her if she wanted to punch me in the face. I’m surprised as hell when she starts climbing on top of me, so surprised I forget to tell her no. Bracing herself with both hands on my shoulders, she lowers onto my body.
Then she does something crazy, something that breaks every single fucking rule I’ve put into place in the last seven days. She rests her beautiful little head against my chest, right above my heart where I know she can hear it beating, and whispers, “I love you.” So softly, it’s almost inaudible. I want to scream the same words right back at her. I want to tell her how much I love her, how much I want her, but I don’t. I can’t. Not yet. My only hope right now is she realizes my heart beats only for her—only for us.
***
When I open my eyes, it takes me a minute to realize where I am. Even my own living room looks unfamiliar when I’m used to waking up in my bed. I stretch and groan. Memories of last night slam into me, each one making me cringe a little bit more than the next.
Elyse.
Where is she?
She was here with me when I fell asleep. I scan the room, but I’m alone. The bedroom door is wide open, but I don’t see her in there either.
I start to panic—like a serious fucking panic. If anything happens to her…
My heart races as I run through my apartment searching every room like a lunatic. My feet freeze in front of the closed bathroom door and my ears perk up when I hear the water running.
Sucking fresh air into my lungs, I sigh in relief, waiting for my heart rate to return to a normal speed. She is here, safe, I remind myself. I clench my fists. I seriously need to get a grip on my emotions when it comes to her. If I don’t, this will all be for nothing…
Opening the bathroom door, I’m hit with a hot cloud of steam.
“What happened last night can’t happen again,” I announce. I’m not sure why I blurt out these words, but I need her to know, and I can’t share with her how much her not being there when I woke up scared me.
Elyse pokes her head out from behind the shower curtain. The color of her hair seems darker. She drips water all over the place, her eyes meeting mine for a brief second. “Well, good morning to you too, and yes, I slept well, thank you for asking.” Dipping her head back behind the curtain, she continues, “Breakfast you say? Yes, sure, I’d love to have breakfast with you. Thank you for the kind invite.”
I can’t miss the giggle of laughter that fills the room. God, she is so fucking adorable, it’s sick. “I’m serious. Last night was a lapse in judgement on my part, and it won’t happen again. From here on out, you will sleep in my room, in my bed, alone.” I force myself to finish the sentence. Sleeping with her is the only time I get any sleep. She’s like a security blanket...like a damn teddy bear, and I don’t want to fucking give her up.
She laughs some more and starts humming, clearly ignoring me. With a roll of my eyes, I leave the room, slamming the door shut behind me. I stomp back into the kitchen and open the fridge to evaluate its contents. Shit—not good.
There’s half a six pack, a bottle of ketchup, a jar of pickles, and some leftover Chinese food from three days ago. Mmm, breakfast of champions.
I slam the door shut on that too. Grocery shopping it is. I head into my bedroom and get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Then I sit down on my bed and wait not so patiently for Elyse to get done in the bathroom.
The minutes tick by ever so fucking slowly.
I fiddle with my fingers. Having her here at my place for whoever knows how long is going to be torture of the worst kind. My room already smells of her—flowers, sunshine, and fucking happiness. It’s disgusting, and beautiful. Her things are already spread around here like they belong here, like she lives here. I swallow, my mouth dry. The longer I sit, the more I think, and the more I think…well, the worse it is for me.
Memories of last night keep invading my mind. Like a nightmare on repeat, I’m reminded why I’ve never loved someone or even considered loving someone other than my mother.
And still, I did something crazy. I’d never fucked a girl without a condom before, but with Elyse, it was different. With her, I didn't want there to be anything between us. I wanted to feel her. Every quiver, every pulse, every flutter of her pussy—I wanted to feel, deep
down inside me. Truth be told, pregnancy was the farthest thing from my mind.
All my life, I’ve been worried about that with other girls, even more so than getting an STD. Since the moment I first got my dick wet, I’ve been scared of getting some poor girl pregnant, so I always wrap up, no matter what.
But thinking of Elyse, her belly growing round with our baby, awakens some primal need I wasn’t even aware I had. My cock jumps at the thoughts assaulting me. Fuck, I know it’s going to be hard to keep my hands off her, and even harder now thinking of all the ways I can make her mine and seal our fates.
The sound of the bathroom door opening fills my ears and I push the thoughts so far down, I hope I won’t ever find them again. “Get dressed. We need to go grocery shopping.” My voice is deep and doesn’t even sound like it belongs to me.
Elyse stops dead in her tracks. Her skin is red from the heat of the water and her hair is wrapped up in a towel that sits perfectly on her head. She looks absolutely stunning. I want to devour her right now—right fucking now.
“I need to go back to my place.”
I blink, as if I didn’t hear her.
“I could meet you back here later,” she continues.
Did she not fucking hear me yesterday? The fact that she is so naive to the bad things in the world is seriously a bad thing. Being as naive as she is could get her killed right now—or worse, raped, or taken into the flesh trades.
I try my best to remain calm when I speak, but there is no easier way to get the words across to her. “Fuck no. You’re not leaving my side. What did you not understand about anything I told you last night?” I shake my head and move my neck from side to side, trying to ease the tension. “If you must go back to your place, we can do it together, get groceries, then come back here. But sorry, there is no way I’m letting you out of my sight.”
I watch her face go from puzzled to excited and wonder what happened to the girl I saw yesterday. Maybe I broke her? I don’t really know. All I know is I don’t deserve the girl standing in front of me.
Certain she was going to fight me on the matter, I nearly sigh when she doesn’t. She nods her head in agreement, and I watch her as she peels the towel from her body, tossing it to the floor. I continue to stare, sitting on my hands afraid, I may reach out and touch her if I get the chance as she gets dressed.
Why do I torture myself like this?
Elyse doesn’t seem bothered by it, though. She doesn't say anything. She just watches me watching her. Like it’s a completely fucking normal thing to do.
When we walk out of my apartment and over to my car, I have to fight the urge not to take her hand into my own. Instead, I take out my phone and scroll through my contacts. I find Damon’s name on the list and hit the green call button.
I hold the phone up to my ear and listen to it ring, waiting for an answer, but it never comes. His voicemail picks up after the fifth ring. Now, Elyse will be with me until he gets back in touch with me. “Call me back. I need to talk to you,” I say after the message tone, trying to keep my voice even so he doesn't get spooked and avoid me on purpose. That’d be a shit mistake on his part. If I don’t hear from him soon, I’ll just show up at his place, which is the only alternative I have.
I drive over to the dorm first, find a spot close to the door, and park. I kill the engine and pull the keys from the ignition, slipping them into my pocket. When I reach for the door handle, Elyse’s voice touches my ears.
“I-I think it’d be better if you don’t…come up to my room…with me,” she fumbles over her words nervously.
“Why is that?” I eye her, scoffing.
What is she trying to hide?
“Well…” She starts off bashful, her eyes refusing to meet mine. “Tasha is probably there, and honestly, she’s not very fond of you.” She pauses for a moment. “Actually, she’s scared of you. It’s probably best if you stay in the car.”
And she should be, I think to myself. Having Tasha scared of me serves me well right now. If she’s scared, she’ll keep her mouth shut, which means I can keep Elyse safe. But if she slips up, something bad is going to happen.
“Fine,” I grit out. I don't really want her going up there alone, but I'll deal with it.
Giving me a soft smile, she slips out of the car and walks gracefully into the dorms.
The entire time she’s gone, I’m on the verge of getting out of the car and running up to the dormroom to check on her. I don't really give a damn about what Tasha thinks.
I get my phone out to see how long she’s been gone. It’s been ten minutes. Five more, and I’m going to storm up there.
I watch the minutes tick by, my patience thinning with every second.
Elyse returns exactly four minutes later carrying a large duffel bag, looking like she’s heading to a fun sleepover party at a friend’s house.
I shake my head and grip the steering wheel hard. She looks so damn happy.
Doesn't she know this isn't going to work out how she wants?
Giving me a wide smile, she gets into the car, throws her bag on the backseat, and buckles herself up. Then she turns to face me, her eyes dazzling. “Where to now?”
“The grocery store.” I pull the keys from my pocket and shove them into the ignition. As I put the car into reverse, Elyse’s sweet scent fills the small space.
It fucks with my head. It makes me think things, want things…
Putting the car into drive, half of me hopes Damon calls me, and the other half hopes he doesn’t. The longer I have Elyse here with me, the longer I want her to stay, and the longer the thought of us as a couple starts to seem okay.
Chapter Fourteen
Elyse
Holding the steaming bag by one corner, I grab the popcorn out of the microwave and pour it into a large bowl. Hero is already sitting on the couch, getting the movie started. His expression looks grim and a bit annoyed, which goes along with the grumpy mood he’s had all day. I thought he would lighten up a little bit at least. It was his idea to pick up a movie after all.
“Hero?” Chewing on my lip, I contemplate asking him a question. With the way his mood has been all day, I don’t know if I should risk it, but my curiosity to know more about him outweighs the fear of him shutting down. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything you want. I’m not sure I’ll have an answer for you, though.”
“How do you afford living here?” I watch his facial expression carefully, hoping I didn't ask something that might hit a nerve. Luckily, my question has the opposite effect.
His face softens and his eyes turn a little kinder. “My mom. She left me everything she had. She set up a life insurance policy while I was in prison, before she got sick. She always wanted me to go to college. It was one of her last wishes. That’s really the only reason I’m here.”
“I’m sorry you lost her.” I cover my hand with his, meaning nothing more than to comfort him. But even that innocent touch sends a sexually charged current through us.
“Let’s just watch the movie.” He pulls his hand away from mine, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
The movie starts, colorful images flicker across the screen, but I can’t concentrate long enough to understand what it’s about. Loud explosions fill my ears, reminding me Hero picked an action movie. No doubt, he chose the least romantic movie he could find and the most boring ever for me.
I nearly groan as a sex scene starts. A few weeks ago, I would have shriveled up and died from embarrassment, especially with a guy sitting next to me.
Thank goodness it's dark in here. If it wasn't, Hero would be able to see my heated cheeks and the warmth creeping down my neck onto my chest. Clenching my thighs together, I shift uncomfortably on the couch. My panties are soaked, and my body’s begging me for things I can't give it.
As if Hero can read my mind, he shifts against the armrest to face me. “If I were to reach between your legs right now, would you be wet? I bet you would be.” A sm
ug grin appears on his perfectly sculpted lips. There's a hunger in his eyes that excites me as his gaze roams up and down my body, surveying, watching.
“I can see your nipples through your shirt. They’re hard and begging to be sucked.”
I watch his hand twitch while talking about my nipples, knowing he wants to touch me. The large bulge forming under his sweatpants is a dead giveaway if I ever saw one. “I want you to touch me,” I admit, my voice seductive. Swallowing hard, I wait for him to move or say something, anything.
Instead, he stills for a moment.
I can see him contemplating what to do with me as my mind screams, please touch me.
Finally, he puts me out of my misery. He nods his head slightly, signaling for me to move over.
I crawl the short distance, settling into the spot beside him.
“I do have something to make up to you.”
His words make it hard to swallow, hard to breathe. When he lifts his hand to my breast and cups it through my shirt, I nearly come unglued.
Even the thin material seems to be way too much of a barrier between us as I consider ripping it off my body and tossing it over my shoulder. “What do you mean?” I don’t even know why I’m asking him. Who cares? He’s touching me, and that’s all that matters right now.
He rolls a nipple between his thumb and index finger, coaxing a moan from deep inside me. I find myself leaning into his touch, wanting him, needing him, more and more.
I lift my hand, trailing it across the leather before reaching his quickly stiffening member. Just as my fingers ghost over the cotton of his sweats, he snatches my hand up, his fingers interlocking with mine. “No. This is all about you, baby—all about you.” He sighs deeply, as if he's letting all his emotions out, exhaling the exhaustion, the pain, the anger. “Last night…I should have been more…” He pauses, shame filling his green eyes. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I should've treated you better. I should've given you more. You deserved better, that’s all.”