by Kitty Berry
January 2009
Raina
Pete lunges at me and flips me over onto my stomach. He shoves a pillow under my hips, and I feel vulnerable with my ass presented to him the way it is. When Pete says, “This is going to be deep and hard. Stop me if it hurts. You drove me insane with pleasure, now it’s my turn to repay the favor. I need to have my hands on you, all over you. I need you; I just need you, Raina. You’re mine. You’ll be all mine now. Every last inch of you” I have no idea what he intends to do.
Pete moves behind me like he has many times before, but this time, he covers my body with his to whisper quietly in my ear, “Shhhhhh,” as he rubs my ass. That’s when I figure out what he means by every last inch of me. “Let me, Princess?” he asks, and I nod my head, not really sure what I’m getting myself into, but unable to deny him anything, even this.
He reaches into the bedside table’s drawer again, this time retrieving a bottle of lubrication. I hear him flip open the cap, I feel the cool gel on his fingertip touch my skin. He gently touches my entrance with the tip of his finger, swirling the gel around to make his entry easier. He squirts more into his hand then grasps himself in his fist and runs the gel over his erection.
Pete teases me with his tip, running it over me in circles. He pulls back, adds more lube to the head of his cock, then to two of his fingers. He begins to use those fingers gently on me, preparing me for the sting and burn that he promises will turn to pleasure. “It’ll be okay, baby. I’m going to need you to relax your muscles and let me in though. It might burn a little, just a sting, but then once I’m in and set a pace, I promise you’ll be out of your mind with pleasure. I’m going to make you come harder than you ever thought possible.”
Pete slides both of his lube covered fingers into me, into my tightness. He pumps them slow and easy at first, but once I’m used to the feeling, he increases his speed and begins to pump them into me hard and fast. My body involuntarily pushes back into him, looking for more. It’s a feeling I’ve yet to experience, but he was right, the sensations running through me are guaranteed to bring me the strongest orgasm of my life.
With a deep moan, Pete pulls back once more and removes his fingers, gives them one last swirl over me to be sure I’m ready for him. Then I feel the head of his cock press against me again, and this time, I shiver in anticipation. Pete moans as he pushes just a smidge. “Oh, baby you’re so fucking tight here. This is going to be so good for us both,” he breathes as he smacks my ass. “Tell me you want this. Tell me this is okay” he orders with another smack.
“Yes” I say so softly I’m not sure if he hears me. I know he needs this. He needs to know I want this, that I need this as much as he does.
“Louder so I know you mean it. Tell me you want to give me your ass, Raina.”
“I do. I…yes. Please, Pete, just take what you want.”
“Like when I’m in charge, do you?”
With that, I feel a throb from deep inside my core and I moan as he pushes hard enough to slide his head inside me. He was right, there’s a pinch at first then the burn settles in. It feels like too much but he soothes me with his voice as he pushes further into me. “Oh God, Raina! You have no idea how fucking good this is, Princess. I’m not going to last long. Not even sure I’ll get all the way in” Pete says, but then unable to restrain himself, he pushes into me hard making me cry out.
I bite down on my lip to control my sounds. I don’t want him to stop and if he thinks he’s hurting me more than pleasuring me, he’s going to. The burn becomes a hot, intense sensation as he holds my hips and lunges fully into me.
“Uhhh” he yells out as he buries himself deep inside me. He holds still, remaining buried deep for just a few seconds. Then he’s moving, pumping into me, creating a pace that I’m sure will bring me to a quick release. He knows this too and reaches around under me.
I feel his finger, the tip still slick from the lube, it finds my clit and I cry out his name. Pete pulls out slowly, almost completely out. I feel my eyes close and roll behind my head on a wave of ecstasy. “Pete, I’m close” I moan.
“I know, baby. You’re so sensitive here and I can feel every flutter of your sweet pussy. Come for me” he growls and his thrusts come hard and fast, Pete chasing his own release. He flicks my clit again then slightly pinches it between his fingers and pushes me over into paradise.
I come hard and more intense than I ever thought possible. Pete’s grunts increase in speed and volume as do his thrusts, and then as he grasps my hips, leaving finger marks, Pete comes just as hard as me. “Fuck! Yes! Oh, my fucking God, yes,” he cries out then collapses on top of me. He wraps his arms around my waist and turns us to spoon on our sides. “Please tell me I didn’t hurt you too badly.”
“You didn’t. I’m okay, sore but fine. I liked it. You were right, that was so intense.”
Pete turns me in his arms again so we’re face to face. He runs his hands through my hair, pushes it off my face. His hands find the sides of my face and his lips cover mine. Our tongues enter each other’s mouth and Pete pulls me tighter to his body. I feel myself floating away, falling asleep in Pete’s arms, his lips still gently brushing over mine, the memories of the night his father disappeared gone for now.
I gave that to him.
January 2014
Pete
By the start of the New Year, the beach house feels empty with just the four of us left. Todd and Amanda spend the month inside curled up together on the sofa with myself and Raina watching movies and playing games. Todd is slipping fast and by the last week of the month, he sends the girls home. It’s an experience I never want to relive, one that takes away his last ounce of strength and any will to live that he might have had.
Todd and Amanda go to bed early, Todd first saying good-bye to Raina. I knew how the night was going to end when I saw the way he pulled Raina into his arms and kissed her softly, told her to take care of me, even though I would pretend to be fine. Raina cried in his arms, clung to him and begged him not to say good-bye. He handed her sobbing form over to me and I cradled her in my lap on the couch as we watched Todd led Amanda to bed for one last night.
“Pete, I can’t know that I’m never going to see him again. I don’t want him to die. Help him, please. Make this all go away” she sobs and begs. I rock her in my arms like a child and kiss her forehead.
“Princess, I know how hard this is for you. I don’t want to lose him either, but there’s nothing we can do. It’s out of our control, and for me, that’s the hardest pill to swallow” I admit.
We spend the next few hours on the couch dozing off but never really sleeping. Before the sun has even started its rise into the sky, Amanda resurfaces with her luggage. She looks worse than I’ve ever seen her, and she can’t look me in the eyes.
“Raina, we need to go. I can’t talk about it, so please don’t say anything. Just get your stuff and come with me. I’ll drop you at your parent’s” she says as if on auto-pilot. It’s clear she’s shutting down, blocking out the onslaught of pain, self-preserving.
Raina turns to me all wild-eyed and frantic. She doesn’t want to leave me anymore than she wants to face facts that Todd is dying. We never wanted to have the discussion about our future. I couldn’t bring myself to make plans for what will happen once Todd is gone. I couldn’t let myself think about a happy future with Raina when my best friend’s life was ending. It didn’t feel right then, it feels wrong now.
Raina looks to me for comfort, for guidance. All things that are my responsibility to provide for her. All things, that under normal circumstances, I would do without hesitation, but today is anything but normal.
My face says it all, I’m confused and hurting but my words try to calm her. “Raina, listen to Amanda. I’ll call you. I’ll see you as soon as I can. Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be. I love you, Princess. It’s going to be alright or as close to it as it can be.”
She kisses me, nods, and leaves the room
to get her stuff together, leaving Amanda and I alone in the living room.
I’m frozen to the spot where I’m standing. I know there are things I need to ask, things she needs to say, but neither of us moves. We just stand there and look at each other.
Amanda breaks first and the tears start to flow down her face. Her shoulders shake with the strain of her trying to keep her composure.
“Come here, Mand” I say and Amanda walks to me and collapses into my arms. We stay there, me swaying slowly from side to side, until Raina returns and I feel her hand on my back. Amanda releases me to her and now it’s my turn to collapse. I fall into Raina’s arms and inhale her scent. I lose myself for a few minutes in her essence, but then the reality of the situation becomes too much to withstand and I allow myself to feel the pain, the pain of losing Todd, the pain of being separated from Raina when I don’t know where we’re headed. I cry, the strong Dominant brought to his knees in front of his woman and her friend.
“He’s already packed up, Pete. He said you should do the same. He wants to leave after I take Raina home. He called his parents last night, told them it was time. This is not going to be easy, Pete. You know he’ll let you out of it.”
“I know, but no. I’m not looking for an out for me. I just wish there was one for him.”
I kiss Raina good-bye one last time then promise to call her and Amanda before I turn to head to my room to pack.
They’re gone when I return to the living room.
Todd is sitting on the couch with tears in his eyes. “This was a great place; I have so many memories here. I can’t believe I’m never going to see this place again, see all of you. It’s killing me not to know how all of your stories are going to end,” he says.
I sit next to him and he continues. “Here’s what I think is going to happen. Chris and Tracey are going to have two kids, a boy first then a girl. Chris, with that ego of his will insist on naming his boy after him. If I had my choice, you’d all call him C.J. just to piss him off. Willie and Sofia are going to get back together; they’ll be remarried by the end of the year. Amanda…” he trails off lost in thought for a minute. Todd takes a deep breath then looks at me, deep into my soul. “Amanda is going to have that baby she’s been desperate to have, him or her, they’ll save her marriage or destroy it. It’s up to her how that goes. If she tells her husband that the baby is mine, he’ll leave her. If she stays strong and accepts the gift I gave her, she might be able to save her marriage, not sure she wants to though. I made so many mistakes with her, never should have let her go. Don’t you make that same mistake, Pete. Don’t fuck this shit up with Raina this time. You guys belong together. You deserve a pack of crazy kids running around and doing the kind of shit we did when we were growing up. You deserve to be happy and live a long life together.”
“You deserve that too, Todd.”
“I know I do, but it’s not in the cards for me. Just promise me, whatever happens with Amanda, you’ll make sure she takes that money for her and the baby.”
“You’re sure she’s pregnant and it’s yours? How can you be so sure?”
“You’ll see when it’s Raina, you’ll understand.”
I nod, already able to understand what he means. My feelings for Raina are so strong, so deep that being separated from her is causing me physical pain. I’m able to close my eyes and feel her touch, smell her scent, taste her. I can see her, so beautiful in a white dress agreeing to be mine in front of our friends. Then smiling as her belly swells with our baby. Todd’s right, I’ll know the minute she’s carrying my child.
Not long after, we arrive at Todd’s house to a somber scene. His parents look as if they’ve aged twenty years since he was diagnosed. They look broken, defeated. His mother wraps him in her arms and hugs him, her face disappearing into the crook of his neck. As I go to walk past them, she grabs my arm and pulls me into their embrace. “My boys,” she breathes before a sigh and a sob escapes her. Todd’s dad pats each of us on the back and leaves the room. His mother shakes her head. “He doesn’t know how to handle this. He can’t…”
“I know, ma. It’s okay. Pete will help me to my room, but I need to talk to you and dad later, so can you try to get him to at least hear me out?”
“Sure” she says as she pats Todd’s arm and watches us leave the room.
His room is as I remember it. His mother wanted to bring in a hospital bed but he wouldn’t hear of it. Todd wants to spend his last days in the comfort of his childhood and we agreed to grant him his last wishes.
“I spoke to my doctor yesterday. I’ve noticed some changes; he doesn’t think I’ll see two weeks. He wanted me to go to the hospital, have scans and tests. I declined. Things are going to get bad fast, Pete. I know I said I wanted you to stay with me, but you know you can leave, right? I’ll understand. You should go and get Raina and take off somewhere. Get the fuck out of here and away from death as fast as you can. Take her to London. I would if I were you.”
I sigh and roll my eyes. “You’re a fucking liar, man. You wouldn’t leave me if the shoe was on the other foot. I’m not leaving you so don’t try any dumb ass shit to push me away. You’re stuck with me until the end like you’ve been stuck with me all along. We’re brothers. I love you, Todd.”
We hug until Todd is too weak to stand. I help him into bed and he says he wants to take a nap then talk with his parents. I tell him I have something I want to do and promise to be back by dark.
“I’m not dying this second, man. I’ll see you when you get back.”
I drive way too fast with my music way too loud, but I don’t give a fuck. I kick it up a notch on the freeway, knowing full well that I’m risking a ticket, but again…who the fuck cares?
I don’t even know where I’m going until I get there. I only told Todd I had something to do to give his parents time alone with him. I never planned to come here. I never planned to ever come here again. And now that I’m standing here on the dock, I have no idea why I came. This dock, the same one my father sailed from on the night he disappeared, looks a little worse for the wear but pretty much the same as I remember it. My dad used to take me here to go sailing all the time. It was our special place until that night he vanished into the dark waters.
I can still hear his voice out here. Maybe that’s why I came. To feel close to him again. Losing Todd is bringing back the feelings I bottled up when I lost my dad.
I sit and let my feet dangle off the dock. I don’t move, I just sit here and stare into the swirls of the water for hours. I lose all track of time. As the sun is setting and a chill comes over me, I feel this strange sensation. It’s a mixture of what it’s like to feel the wind blowing on a cold day or that feeling you get when you’re walking away from someone and you know they’re staring at you.
I turn but no one is there. I look on either side of me, I’m alone. Then the strange feeling changes somehow and a feeling of complete peace and calmness comes over me. I inhale a deep breath of the sea air, I let it fill my lungs and activate my senses. It’s so familiar to me, like a piece of home. And that’s when I see him. Or I think I see him. I can only describe it as a figure. Tall, dark, broad shoulders in the shadows standing a few hundred feet away. I rise to my feet and as fast as the image had appeared, it vanished, just sank back into the shadows. I run to catch up to it, convinced there was someone there watching me, but when I reach the spot where it had been standing, there’s nothing, no one there.
I call Raina and explain the experience to her. She knows what I’m thinking. She knows I’ve never believed that my father could go overboard and die, never to be seen again. I’ve always felt deep down in my bones that he was still alive, still with me somehow. Over the years these feelings have weakened, distance and years making it seem more impossible.
“Baby, you’re just tired and upset about Todd. I think you’re looking for comfort, you know you’re going to need it after Todd’s gone. You’re making yourself believe your dad is still alive and w
atching over you to make yourself feel more secure at a time in your life when the control is out of your hands and you feel lost and vulnerable.”
I agree on each of her points but refuse to admit weakness to her. “I promise I’ll call you again as soon as I can. I love you, Princess” I say.
“I love you too, Pete.”
I disconnect the call with one last look around to see if he was there.
February 2009
Pete
Something changed that night a month ago when Raina found me curled in my bed during the storm. It’s more than my sharing the story of my father’s disappearance, more than the shift of control we experienced, more than even the sex. Maybe it was all of those factors together that made for a cocktail that changed both of us somehow. I don’t know, I probably never will know what it was exactly, but something is different between us.
I’m different and I can’t seem to get control over it. I know as I’m doing the things I am to be a dick. I know I’m trying to push Raina away. What I can’t wrap my fucking mind around is why.
The parade of girls I storm through is sickening even for me. I don’t remember half of their names or most of what we do. Head job here, quick fuck there, here a threesome, there a hand job. I’m like Old Macfucking Donald.
And the worst part of it is, I feel compelled to make sure Raina knows about all of it. It’s like I’m trying to make her think the worst of me, there’s nothing else she can think. What surprises me the most, is that she not only sticks by me as a friend and continues to hook up with me, she even sits through the stories of my escapades. A few times she’s even been witness to the self-destructing train wreck I’ve become.