Shattered: A Salvation Society Novel

by Bella Emy

  I walk toward Erin, and once I’m close enough, she whispers so only I hear, “She’s been at this for days... weeks. There is nothing more I can say to reassure her everything is going to be fine. Please help!”

  I nod. Then taking careful steps to get closer to them, I say, “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, Kennedy.” I kneel in front of her and take her hands in mine, offering her a gentle smile. “I’m glad to be here. All you do is focus on yourself and we’ll take care of the rest.”

  Kennedy’s eyes search mine. “R-really?” she chokes out.

  I smile wider. “Of course, sweetie. You just worry about marrying Max, and your sister and I will have everything else under control. I promise.”

  She smiles gently at me, finally appearing as though all her worries of the upcoming day have melted away.

  “Everything better go according to plan. There was enough money thrown into this from the get-go,” Erin murmurs.

  Her sister and mother may not have heard her, but I have. I keep my smile and focus on Kennedy and motion for her to stand. Once she does, her mother does as well.

  “How was the dress fitting?” I ask. I already know it was amazing because she had texted Erin while we were on the way over that the dress fitting had gone absolutely perfect. I know right now I need to keep the bride-to-be calm, so wedding gown fitting conversation it is.

  As confirmation, her face lights up, and from the corner of my eye, I see Mrs. Cole visibly relaxing.

  “Oh, Lexi! It was absolutely amazing! The gown is sprinkled with little iridescent Swarovski crystals lacing the whole skirt…. the bodice dazzles with the same sparkling crystals… it is so beautiful and fits me like a glove. Max is going to fall in love with me all over again.”

  “She looks like Cinderella in it,” Mrs. Cole chimes in.

  I smile widely. “I’m sure she does.” After a moment so my words can sink into her head, I say to Kennedy, “It’s going to be a perfect day, Kennedy. A perfect wedding, and an even better marriage. You’ll see.”

  With Kennedy now finally relaxed, I’m able to take a breath. In just two days, she’ll be saying her vows and marrying the man of her dreams, while I, on the other hand, try to keep my thoughts from wandering to memories from so long ago. But how can I go to Starling Paradise and not think of the person behind it? The same person who so long ago meant the world to me before he shattered my heart and I never heard from again?

  “Thank you so much for calming her down. Kennedy has been such a mess about this wedding. I don’t know why she watches Weddings Gone Wrong on TV right before she’s getting ready to walk down the aisle,” Erin says as she plops down onto her bed.

  We’re in the guest room, where I’ll be spending the night before we get ready to leave for Starling Paradise in the morning.

  I pull out only a T-shirt and baby pink pajama shorts to sleep in for the night. It doesn’t make sense to fully unpack just to repack everything back up in a few hours.

  I zip the suitcase back up and place it on the floor. “Of course. It was nothing. I guess it’s just wedding fever, and she’s into watching all those related type shows. When my cousin got married last year, she was the same way: completely obsessed with all shows on WedTV. It was one bridal fiasco after the other. Kind of like Sharknado meets Bridezillas…”

  We chuckle at my reference, but it’s true. Almost every single show they aired was some kind of wedding gone wrong. Of course, there was the occasional wedding of your dreams or fantasy wedding cakes programs, but the majority were definitely something to freak out any bride-to-be. My cousin, Jules, was complete mayhem.

  Erin crosses one leg over the other. “It really is like a train wreck… you can’t peel your eyes off once you start to witness the havoc.”

  I drape my shirt and shorts over my arm and tilt my head to the side. “Let me find out you’ve been watching them with her.”

  Erin shrugs. “I may have seen a few.”

  “And here I believed you were still all against weddings and marriage…”

  Her crooked smile forms a straight line. “Oh, no, girl. That still stands. I don’t believe in everlasting love.”

  I furrow my brows. “As beautiful as a romance that your parents have always had? They’ve set the perfect example for you and your sister.”

  Erin rises off from the edge of the bed. “They just got lucky to find the right person for them. Their person. Not everyone gets that.”

  She’s not wrong about that. I’ve witnessed so many failed relationships and marriages gone wrong… starting with my own parents. And of course, up to this point in my life, I have yet to find my person. Growing up, I always thought by now I would have found the one and have been married with three kids. Now I’m lucky if I have a date every once in a while to remind me I’m still alive.

  But it’s been so long since I’ve actually been in love. So long. And since the last time, I don’t really know if I want to go down that route again. It hurt too badly.

  She stretches her arms. “Okay, I can see that little mind of yours wandering into the deep unknown.” She chuckles. “It’s probably nothing good, so let’s bring you back to the present. And by present, I’m talking about the night before we have to leave in the morning.” She chuckles and I smile at her.

  “Yeah, I know…”

  “It’s going to get late before we know it. You should get your rest.”

  I nod. “Yeah, I guess I am getting kind of tired.”

  Okay, not really. Especially not now after those sorrowful thoughts entered my brain. I need to push them away. Sleeping probably will do me some good.

  She places her hands on her hips. “You know where I’ll be… right down the hall,” she says pointing in the direction of her old room. “If you need anything at all, just call, no matter the time.”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  “Good night, Lexi.” She turns around and right before exiting the guest room she says, “Hey, Lex?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m happy we’re going to be spending this vacation together. Even if I happen to fall into some handsome stranger’s lap and he whisks me off to his hotel suite and you don’t see me for the whole time we’re there because I’ll be too busy rolling around with him in bed…”

  We both chuckle at her words.

  “That would be great, and I’d be happy for you, and not mad that you left me alone for the week.”

  She smiles. “And I’d feel the same for you.” Tapping the doorframe three times, she takes a breath and then says, “Okay, off to bed for real now. Good night, girl.”

  “Night, night, Erin.”

  Once she’s gone, I close the door behind her and then walk back over to the bed. Looking around, memories from the past fill my mind once more. I hadn’t spent too many nights in this room because when we were growing up, during sleepovers, I’d always stay in Erin’s bedroom. Since Erin now has her own place, the only other time I’ve been here was when I came out a few years back for Christmas. We had spent the week here with her parents and sister. It was so nice to see how a real family spends the holidays.

  Once my parents started fighting, it was never easy. My holidays always got split up. Sometimes, my folks would split the week, other times, I’d spend the whole week with my mom or with my dad. Even though my parents got divorced, they were never hostile toward one another like so many other couples who divorced. For that, I have always been thankful. I really wished they could have worked things out, but I always knew my parents were better off as friends than anything more.

  Still, the divorce was hard on me. Having to move across the country with my mom right before the start of my senior year was not easy for me at all. That was when my life took a turn for the worst.

  I was thankful that Erin and I remained close. Losing her would have destroyed me.

  But, losing touch with the one person who I had given my heart to really killed me.

  Angry thoughts begin filling
my head, and I know I need to think of something else. Shaking my head, I quickly undress and put on the T-shirt and shorts I had selected for the night. Once I’m changed, I hop into bed and reach over to the nightlight on the bedside table and turn it off.

  I stare up at the ceiling and right as I close my eyes to welcome sleep, all I see is his face.

  Chapter Four

  Last night was brutal. I tossed and tossed in bed for hours. I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t lying in my bed—that happens to me a lot when I’ll spend the night somewhere else—or if it was the other reason… the thoughts from the past swimming around in my brain.

  I was unable to shut them up. I tried. I really did, but still. I didn’t manage to get much sleep, and by the time I did, my alarm went off this morning, and my head was pounding.

  The day was a blur, rushing to get ready then to speed to the airport with the family, and finally checking in at the resort, which I must admit is absolutely gorgeous. The room I’m sharing with Erin is simply breathtaking. It gives its name the meaning behind it because it really does look like paradise.

  The furniture, bedsheets, and curtains are all white with pillows and towels and a colorful array of parrots, looking like a rainforest.

  And let’s not forget the view of the Pacific Ocean from our fourth-floor balcony…

  Starling Paradise is just that: Paradise.

  But that all leads me to where we are now: the rehearsal dinner with the bride and groom-to-be surrounded by the whole wedding party and their immediate families.

  I’m sitting here with my sunglasses on because the lights cause my head to hurt. I just hope I’m not coming off as an asshole. I mean, I talked to Erin about it and she was cool. She understands my pain… literally. I just hope everyone else thinks so.

  Looking around, I recognize so many faces from when I grew up here in California. As a matter of fact, I think that’s Natalie and Liam Dempsey. Taking in all of this is like a damn time machine, and I’ve been taken back to the past.

  “May I please have everyone’s attention?” Kennedy’s voice rings from way down at the head of the table.

  I carefully turn my head in her direction so as not to injure myself further. Any sudden movements would be painful in my condition, which I have to admit, remind me of being slightly hungover… or so.

  Aww, look at Kennedy, all grown up and glowing. She seriously looks like a princess out of a fairytale who just got her happily ever after. Except hers is coming tomorrow when they say, “I do.” But honestly, she’s shining like a diamond. The way she’s smiling as she’s making her announcement, the way her fiancé is looking up at her from his seat, sending her loving stares.

  Ugh, it’s all so cute and sweet that I can feel myself getting a cavity. It’s enough to make me want to puke. And don’t get me wrong. I’m in no way mad or jealous of Kennedy. She deserves all the happiness in the world. I just think I’m not in the right frame of mind right now to appreciate it.

  Nevertheless, I rid my mind of the thoughts and try hard to focus and pay attention to her words.

  “As you all know, tomorrow is the big day! I have literally waited for the day when I’d get to marry my best friend all my life.” Kennedy pauses for a moment, turns her head to face Max, and reaches for his hand. Once she’s holding it, she squeezes and starts tearing, mouths the words, “I love you so much,” and then turns back to face the audience. “Max has been everything I could have ever dreamed of and more. He’s all I want and all I’ll ever need in a husband. But most of all, he’s my best friend.”

  Like I said, sweet, but barf worthy.

  “We’re so happy to be able to share our special day with all of the people who matter the most to us. I really don’t know where I would be without you.”

  Her voice trails off as I turn my head for a second, and it’s in that very moment that my mind starts playing tricks on me. I know my brain is messing with me because for a second, I thought I saw him, standing off to the side, smiling in my direction.

  I have to do a double-take, just to make sure. And yeah, I’m seeing things because he’s not— holy fuck, he is. It’s him. Kalen Starling. The boy who held the key to my heart for so long. Except, he’s no boy now. He’s a man. A gorgeous, gorgeous man. With dark hair and a shadow of a beard. His white dress shirt is ready to burst on the sides of his biceps. Damn, he’s huge. He was never small to begin with, always having a football player’s body, but now? Now he’s all that and more.

  I gulp hard and fast, pulling my gaze away, bringing it back to Kennedy, who’s still talking. Yet now, I don’t hear a word of it. I can’t focus. I can’t concentrate. I have no idea what she’s saying as I bring my eyes back to where Kalen is standing. But now he’s no longer there.

  Am I seeing things? Was I seeing things? Was he really there? I could have sworn he was. But how could he already be gone?

  “Girl, are you all right?” Erin leans into me, whispering in my ear.

  I turn to face her. “Huh?”

  She motions for me to take a sip of water from the glass she’s holding out before me. Then her gaze turns to where mine was. “Holy shit.”

  I look up, and there he is once more, but as he sees me looking, he turns and walks away.

  I take the water from her and start scarfing it down, swallowing mouthfuls before I start coughing it up, bringing the attention to me. Great. That’s precisely the opposite of what I wanted.

  Erin hits my back to help me get it up. “Damn, girl. Are you okay?”

  I look around as all eyes are on me and Kennedy has stopped talking except for when she says, “Oh my God, Lexi, are you all right?”

  Finally, catching my breath and straightening up, I stand up. “I’m sorry. Excuse me.”

  I race out of the room as fast as my legs can carry me. I need to go. I need to get out of here and quickly.

  I speed out of dining area, not bothering to look behind me. My only focus is leaving the room, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

  Rushing down the hallway, I find the ladies’ room and dart inside. As the door closes behind me, I’m thankful when I realize there’s no one else in here at the moment.

  I grab onto the sink, holding my head down, trying to catch my breath. What the hell? What had just happened? One second, everything was fine, and the next, I see my past staring back at me. Slowly, I lift my head and take in my appearance. Damn, I look rough, like I’d been hit across the face with a brick. My eyes are swelling, and tears begin to form.

  I grip my chest as erratic breaths escape me.

  Fuck, I really don’t want to cry right now. I have to go back out there soon. I wouldn’t have wanted to leave in the first place. This is all part of Kennedy’s big day, and here I am ruining it; ruining all of it, and I can’t stand it.

  “Lexi! Are you all right?!” Erin’s voice sounds to my right as she comes racing into the bathroom.

  I turn to face her. “I’m sorry.”

  She furrows her brows. “Sorry? No, you don’t have to apologize. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  “I saw Kalen,” I confess. “I thought he wasn’t going to be here.”

  She cringes. “Yeah, he wasn’t supposed to be. Kennedy came rushing up to me when you ran out and I told her. She said he was supposed to be away, but something happened and his meeting got cancelled. So now he’s going to be here for the wedding…”

  I hyperventilate. I cannot be seeing him again.

  “I’m sorry, Lexi. I didn’t know. She said she just found out.”

  I shake my head. “It’s not her fault. I just wish we could have known so that I could have prepared myself… mentally.”

  She raises an eyebrow and turns to lean against the sink next to me. “Yeah, but do you think you would have ever really been prepared?”

  I consider my best friend’s words. She’s right. Of course, she’s right. Knowing or not wouldn’t have made a difference. Once my eyes would land on
Kalen, it would all be the same. And it’s all because we were in love so long ago, until he did the unimaginable and broke my heart. Crushing it. Shattering it.

  I frown. “Probably not.”

  Erin walks closer to me and places an arm around me. “It’ll be okay, girl. The past is the past, and even if it still hurts, you have to know that everything will be okay. I’ll be right here with you every step of the way, and I won’t let you face him alone. We got this. I’m your girl, and I’m always here for you.”

  Erin offers me a warm smile, and finally, I ease up a bit, smiling back.

  “There’s my best friend,” she says, nudging me in the arm.

  “Thanks.”

  “Okay, now can we get back out there before Kennedy calls the whole wedding patrol in here looking for us?”

  I chuckle, but it’s true. Kennedy probably would send the rest of the bridal party in here if we’d take too long.

  I nod. “Yeah, but you head out first. I’d like to have a moment to rinse my face and compose myself.”

  Erin smiles and takes a step back. “You got it.”

  “Thanks, I’ll be right there.”

  Erin walks out of the ladies’ room, and as the door closes behind her, I turn on the faucet. I take a breath as I fill my hands with water. I splash it on my face, and once I’m looking back at my reflection, my mind goes blank, and that’s when everything comes crashing back.

  Chapter Five

  Back to the Past…

  “Are you sure we’re not going to get caught?” I turn my head from left to right before watching my best friend, Erin Cole, head out of my bedroom window.

  No, this wasn’t the first time we were sneaking out, but for some reason, this felt worse than all the other times. Like, what would my mother say were she to find out that I was sneaking out to the party I was explicitly warned not to attend?