Shattered: A Salvation Society Novel

by Bella Emy

  But my every waking thoughts are of Kalen. My every single minute of the day is spent thinking of him if I’m not with him or talking to him.

  And the way he went right in and saved Kennedy from that little episode that night at the frat party? I think I fell more in love with him because of his actions there. It’s not just his good looks and charming ways. It’s his heart of gold and amazing personality that keeps drawing me deeper and deeper into him.

  I want to tell him that I feel the same way about him, that I love him, too, but before I can bring those words to life, he grabs me and gently spins me around so that I’m lying with my chest against his.

  I swallow hard yet again. The atmosphere in the room is changing around us. The space between us feels different, but I don’t want to pull away. I don’t want to move. I want to get lost inside of his gaze and lose myself inside of his touch.

  I’ve never gone further than second base with a guy before, but that’s always been my choice. The guy has always wanted to, but I was never ready to take that next step. I always wanted to save myself for the right one.

  And now, I’m glad I have. Now I’m glad I’ve never gone that route with anyone else because I want to go there with Kalen. I want him to be my first. I want him to be my last.

  I want him to be my everything.

  I want to give him everything, and I’m ready to give him all of me right now.

  He lowers his head down, and our lips smash into one another’s. What has always been soft, delicate kisses between us is suddenly becoming a hard, lustful devouring of lips, mouths, and tongues. I’ve never felt a firing passion like I do with him with anyone else before.

  His hands roam my body and land on my ass as he gently but firmly squeezes my cheeks—something I never knew I enjoyed until now.

  I let out a soft moan as he continues squeezing, and my body writhes against him.

  I could be mistaken, but I feel a hard press against my stomach, and I realize his desire for me is just as strong as mine is for him.

  “Kalen,” I moan through kisses.

  “Yes, babe,” he replies, still squeezing my ass and biting on my bottom lip.

  I gather all the courage I feel inside of me. “I want to do it with you.”

  “I do, too,” he answers, but I know he’s not fully focused as he’s too busy working on me. I can’t say that I mind because this feels amazing and it’s making me want to go all the way with him even more.

  “Kalen, wait,” I say and pull myself away from him just the slightest bit.

  “Huh?” he says, finally coming to.

  I giggle softly. I knew he hadn’t heard me correctly the first time, or if he did, it hadn’t registered in his mind.

  I bite down on my bottom lip and watch him breathe out heavily; obviously my actions have done something to him.

  “Lexi, you’re killing me here. And with you doing that?” He rolls his eyes playfully and groans. It’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. As if reading my mind and granting my wishes, he pulls me closer to him once more and kisses me quickly.

  I laugh again but my gaze instantly becomes serious. This is not a laughing matter, but seeing him worked up like this is incredibly cute and fucking sexy as hell.

  I try to express myself again. “Babe, I’ve never done this before, but I know I want to with you. I want you to be the one.”

  His brows furrow. “The one? I thought I already was.”

  I chuckle and roll my eyes. “You are.” I realize I need to elaborate on my phrase. “You are the one. But I want you to be the one… the one that I give myself over to for the first time…”

  His whole expression changes as my words finally register in his brain. “Oh… that one…”

  “Yes, that one…” I want to laugh out loud, but at the same time, I’m wondering if maybe I took things too far. Maybe he wasn’t ready to hear those words from me. “I just feel like the time is right, and I can’t picture it ever being anyone else but you,” I reply.

  He nods gently. “Trust me, babe. I want that more than anything right now.” He grabs my hand, placing it on his groin where a tent has formed in his pants.

  The both of us chuckle as I squeeze gently. He pulls my hand away and then he brings a finger under my chin and my eyes meet his.

  “Lexi, there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing right now than spending every single moment with you, then taking you there and being your first. Just knowing you want me to be that for you and are thinking of me that way is making me crazy that it’s taking every fiber within my being to hold myself back and not lie you down on this bench and taking everything you have to give for myself.”

  I nod. “Okay, so let’s go.”

  He chuckles at my response, shaking his head. “I want to, more than anything…”

  “But…” I push. I know there’s a but to his response.

  He nods. “But this isn’t the right time or place.”

  I frown, but I get it. I do, but it doesn’t change the fact that I wanted things to go differently this evening than how he’s telling me they’re going to go.

  He smiles softly. “Babe, I want our first time together to be special. I don’t want to do that here in the middle of a boat garage.”

  I chuckle at his words. He’s right. This is totally not the way I pictured my first time to be.

  “Okay,” I answer.

  His soft laugh with the scruffiness in his voice turns me on once more. Damn him.

  “Please don’t be disappointed, princess. We’ll get there, I promise. Okay?”

  I smirk. “Okay.”

  “Okay,” he repeats, kissing me.

  “So then now what?” I ask.

  He offers me a devilish stare with a smug grin, and I wish we had somewhere to go where we could be alone, spread out on a bed.

  “Now we stay just like this, kissing and enjoying one another until it’s time for me to take you back home.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  I stare at my reflection in the mirror and sigh as I put my long hair up in a ponytail. Kalen’s been on my mind as usual, but now, the feeling is different. I just don’t know how to describe it, but things between us have changed in the best possible way.

  I’m glad that even though we do spend a lot of time together, I have still been able to keep my grades up and cheer as well. I don’t want to think what would happen if my grades were to drop. My parents would probably not let me go out after school, saying I need to study more. I haven’t told them about Kalen yet, but I will when the time is right. I want to bring him over and introduce him to them, but I’m not sure when or how to do so.

  Especially now that it seems every waking moment lately, the two of them have been fighting.

  I yawn and rise from the seat at my vanity. My daddy built it for me when I turned thirteen, and it’s been sitting in my room ever since. I use it all the time. It’s so pretty painted in white with circular light bulbs bordering the mirror.

  The slamming of the front door from downstairs makes me jump. I rush to the window just in time to see my father walking out with a suitcase in hand. Where the hell is he going at this time at night?

  He looks up and meets my gaze. A sad smile pulls across his face as he waves at me. I slowly wave back, and as he gets into his car and drives away, there are three knocks at my door.

  I walk over to my bed and take a seat. “Come in,” I say.

  Turning the knob, my mother walks in and smiles warmly at me. “Hey, Lexi Bug.”

  She hasn’t called me that in years. What is going on? Something is definitely up. “Hi, Mom.”

  I observe her expression, but she doesn’t let on any indication of what has just happened. She and daddy must’ve had another fight the way he stormed out of here, slamming the door.

  She takes a seat at the edge of my bed, and her eyes take me in from head to toe. Uh oh. Something is on her mind and she’s come here to talk to me. Maybe she’s getting ready to tell me d
ad’s going to be staying somewhere else for a while. Is that how it starts? They separate for some time before coming to terms and then divorce? She wouldn’t have come into my room this late at night if something hadn’t been on her mind.

  I continue watching her take in my appearance, and as I’m about to ask her what’s up, she speaks.

  She points at my head. “You know, you shouldn’t tie your hair so tightly on top of your head like that every night to go to sleep. It’s going to break your hair.”

  I shrug. “I can’t sleep with it on my face; it gets in the way.”

  She nods but doesn’t say anything more about the matter. I just wish she’d get to whatever it is she came to say. Besides wondering what the hell just happened, it’s getting late and I do need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is Saturday, and even though I don’t have to get up as early as I usually do, I still have to be up by eight in the morning. The football team is going to be taking on its biggest rival, and I can’t miss it. Kalen said he’s going to be there watching me and Erin cheer and watching Jason play… but mostly, he’s going for me. Of course I knew that but hearing him say sweet things like that every single time makes me feel so damn special.

  After that, we’re going to his house and he’s going to introduce me to his dad. That’s where all my thoughts of introducing him to my parents came from. I’m a little nervous about meeting the man who raised my boyfriend, but at the same time, I’m so excited. It’s going to be the first time we meet, and I just hope I make a good impression on him. Kalen is sure that his father is going to love me, but what if he doesn’t? I’ve never met any parents of the guys I’ve dated in the past, but then again, I’ve never been serious with anyone else before Kalen.

  My mother clears her throat, bringing me out of my head and demanding my full attention once more. “So,” she begins but then pauses for a few moments. I think she does this for emphasis, but she just makes me nervous as to what she wants to say. “You’ve been spending a lot of time at school and with your friends. Do you want to tell me what that’s all about?”

  I bite the inside of my lip, considering her words. Do I tell her about Kalen now? This does seem like the perfect opportunity to say something.

  She folds her hands on her lap. “Your father and I have been talking,” she pauses, considering her words. Maybe not so much talking but screaming at one another is more like it. “And we know there’s something else besides schoolwork and cheerleading occupying all your spare time,” she adds.

  God, is that what they’re fighting about? Me? I’m starting to think their bickering is my fault.

  “Are you and daddy getting a divorce? Is it me? Have I done something wrong?” I finally blurt out.

  Her eyes widen, taking in my expression. “What? No, sweetheart. Of course, not. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

  She stops talking, and even though she’s not saying it’s my fault, maybe they are getting divorced after all. I decide to ask while we’re on the topic. “So then are you two getting divorced?”

  She bats her eyes twice and then pats my lap. “No, no. We’re not. Your father and I are just going through a rough patch. It’s perfectly normal when you’ve been married to someone as long as we’ve been married to one another.”

  Maybe so. But married couples who are still in love don’t fight nearly as much as they do. Nor does the husband wander off into the middle of the night with a suitcase in hand while he waves wistfully at his daughter.

  But what do I know? I’m just a teenage girl. I don’t know what it’s like to be married or what it’s like to be with someone for as long as they’ve been together. Maybe they are just going through a rough patch like my mother is claiming.

  I shrug. “I don’t want you guys to separate.”

  She smiles gently. “Oh, no, stop it, Alexa. You have nothing to worry about. Your father and I will work things out and everything will be back to normal soon.” She leans her head to one side and with a sideward glance says, “Now, enough about this nonsense. Tell me what’s going on with you. I was sixteen once, too, you know?”

  I take a deep breath and fidget with my fingers on my lap. It’s now or never. “Well…”

  The tiniest hint of a smile pulls on her lips. She leans in closer and patiently waits for me to continue. Patiently or impatiently. Whichever works.

  I cross one leg over the other, but honestly, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to sit still. I’ve been thinking about this moment for a while, but like I said before, I never really thought seriously about doing so until Kalen told me he wanted to introduce me to his dad.

  “Well you see, there’s this boy named Kalen… he just moved into town this past summer. He’s from upstate New York and a senior. I met him over the summer with Erin and Jason Delaney.”

  I take a break from speaking a hundred miles a second, and she cuts in. “Oh, I see.”

  “Yeah, we became really good friends at first and then ended up spending a lot more time together. We really like one another…” I break the news to her lightly. I don’t want to tell her we’ve been dating and have already told one another we love each other. I can only imagine the speech I would be getting were that the case.

  My mother smiles. I guess she’s not upset with me. She tucks a strand of her dyed blonde shoulder-length hair behind her ear and then reaches out to grab my hand. “Sweetheart, I’m not mad. You’re a smart, gorgeous girl with her head on right and a good heart. I knew it was only a matter of time until the right boy noticed and stole your heart. If he makes you happy, then that’s all that matters.”

  I let out a sigh of relief and almost reach out and throw my arms around her. “Oh, mom, he does! He really does and I—”

  She holds out her index finger, cutting me off. I knew it was too good to be true that it would be that easy. Nothing is that easy with her. “That being said, I want to make sure you’re careful, if you know what I mean.” She raises an eyebrow at me.

  Sex.

  She’s talking about sex.

  Eww. I don’t want to talk to my mother about sex. Anything but that.

  I shake my head. “We haven’t gotten there yet.” Okay, not a total lie, but how can I tell her that I had asked Kalen to go there with me just days ago? So yeah, not a total lie, but not the entire truth anyway. There’s no way I’m going to tell my mother I wanted to give him my virginity. No way, not a chance.

  Her shoulders relax. “Good, but that wasn’t the only thing I was referring to.”

  “Oh?”

  “I want you to be careful with your heart… be careful because it’s the most fragile thing you can hand over to someone else, trusting they won’t shatter it, but knowing they have the ability to do so. Do you understand?” She adjusts the hem of her skirt just below her knee and then looks back up at me.

  I swallow thickly. “I do.”

  “Good.”

  My eyes land on the half of the Persian rug sticking out from under my bed for only a split second before I gaze back at her. “I’m going to see him tomorrow at the game, and then he’s taking me to his house to meet his father for the first time.”

  Her eyes widen. “Well then, this boy, Kalen, must really like you.”

  I want to jump up and down, screaming from the tops of my lungs that he does, he loves me, and I feel the same way, but I try to contain my excitement. “He does… I do, too.”

  Again she smiles. “I’m glad. Why don’t you also invite him here. How about Sunday brunch? I would like to meet the young man who’s stolen my daughter’s heart.”

  I nod. “Okay,” I say softly. This would be great, her wanting to meet Kalen and all… but what if daddy isn’t back home by then? I don’t want to tell Kalen my father is God knows where. I don’t want anyone to know my parents are having problems.

  She lets out an audible breath and pushes onto her feet, rising. She walks over to me and places a kiss on my head. “Okay, sweetheart. Just be careful. I don’t want my little gir
l hurting from a broken heart. It’s too painful.” She turns on her heels before I have a chance to say anything else, but her last statement makes me believe that even though she’s never told me, she must have gone through her shares of broken hearts in the past.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Mmm, I love those… I never get enough of them,” Kalen says with a smirk as I pull away from our latest lip-locking session, smiling at him. Our fingers remain entwined.

  “Is that so?” I tease, giving him another quick one. Yum. His lips are so tasty.

  He nods. “Yes, Miss Alderidge… that’s very much so.” This time he pulls me into him, making our lips crash into one another’s once more.

  “Come around on this side, boo,” I say.

  Kalen steps back and walks over to the other side of the field, where he meets me on the edge of the sidelines.

  My arms wrap around his neck as I stand on the sidelines of the field while he’s standing against the banister, separating it from the bleachers.

  “Babe, what do you want to do to kill some time before I take you home to meet my dad?” he asks.

  I raise my eyes to the sky, biting my lower lip. As my gaze goes back to him, I say, “Well, I do have something in mind.” I smirk devilishly.

  “What’s that?” he says as I lick my lips. “Damn, Lexi. You’re making it so hard for me to contain what I want to do to you.”

  Giggling, I reach up onto my tippy toes and whisper in his ear, “Good. Because I want you to touch me.”

  His eyes widen as the heels of my feet plant on the ground.

  “Did I hear you correctly? I think I have, but holy shit, I can’t believe you’ve said those words.” He swallows thickly.

  I want to laugh. He’s so cute about it. But I’m not kidding. Lately, I’ve thought about him touching me everywhere and more ever since our first kiss. But damn, actually speaking those words, seeing his reaction to them, drives me nuts. I want him right here, right now.