Magic and Mayhem

by R K Dreaming

  “Ghost cats are impossible to catch,” said one.

  “How do you know, Bob?” said another. “You’ve never laid eyes on one in your life!”

  “Or your afterlife,” added the third.

  “Exactly!” said Bob. “That’s why they’re impossible to catch.”

  When they failed to find the cat in the ballroom, the ghosts grew bored and gave up, leaving the teenagers to their hunt.

  Percy was beginning to feel very tired indeed by the time Lucky kitten gave a sharp meow and raced straight into Percy’s bedroom. Once inside, she hissed fiercely at the gap beneath Percy’s wardrobe.

  Felix immediately dropped his cagenet around the gap.

  Up until this point, they had only had Lucky kitten’s enthusiasm to give them any indication that they had been chasing anything more than an invisible ghost.

  Now, with her friends crowded around her, their arms holding up the shiny net of fine silver wire, Percy approached her wardrobe cautiously.

  She knelt down and took a peek underneath, and in the darkness there she could not see anything at all.

  “Skrull?” she said.

  Nothing happened.

  Lucky kitten gave another hiss and backed away from the wardrobe.

  “Skrull?” repeated Percy in what she hoped was a friendly voice. “Hi, I’m Percy. Will you come out? We need your help.”

  There was silence from under the wardrobe, and Percy felt very silly as if she was talking to nothing but air.

  “Please,” she said. “I’m sorry about the whole jar thing. I never knew.”

  There was a little clicking sound from under the wardrobe, a little like knuckles cracking. It was menacing.

  Percy glanced at her friends to check if they had heard it. Felix nodded, an immensely curious expression on his face.

  “I promise not to let mum put you back into the jar,” said Percy again. “But only if you promise to never run away and to stay with us. Is that a deal?”

  There was a pause, and then another click. And a click-click, click-click. And then a small white feline skull emerged from out of the darkness under the wardrobe. It had two enormous empty eye sockets, an almost heart shaped nose hole, and two very sharp pairs of canines like fangs at the front of its mouth.

  Nan gave a little squeak of alarm. The skull hesitated, and seemed to tense up.

  Percy glared at Nan, who said, “Sorry.”

  “Hi,” said Percy encouragingly to Skrull. “You really are just bones, aren’t you?”

  The rest of Skrull emerged from under the wardrobe, every little piece of him perfectly connected together as if held in place by invisible glue.

  Percy was astonished. Had it not been for the way the skeleton moved like a cat, the bones prancing elegantly and the tail rising high into the air in an almost enquiring manner, Percy would not have known that the skeleton belonged to a cat.

  But it was moving, and it was undoubtedly a cat. A cat which had a very high sense of itself from the way that it sat down so regally and looked at Percy almost condescendingly from those eyeless sockets.

  Percy was overcome with a very strong urge to shake its paw. She laughed at herself.

  “Can I pick you up?” asked Percy.

  The skeleton cat made a sharp movement. Its bony spine arched as if it was hissing.

  “Okay,” said Percy quickly. “No picking you up then. But mum needs you to do a spell. Can I take you to her?”

  The skeleton tilted its head. Instead of waiting for Percy, it walked calmly out of the door and trotted down the stairs. The four of them hurried after it, with Lucky kitten now on Shara’s shoulder.

  When Skrull walked in through the door of the private lounge, Juliet Jolie who was in there with Gwendolyn gave a small shriek of alarm.

  “Skrull!” exclaimed Gwendolyn.

  She looked very peeved indeed that Percy had let Juliet catch a glimpse of Skrull.

  Percy just shrugged. It’s not like Juliet could tell from looking at him about all this power he was supposed to have.

  Gwendolyn rose to her feet from the couch where she had been sitting beside Juliet. “You abominable cat. How dare you give me the run around like that?”

  Percy took her mother out into the corridor and quietly explained the deal that she had made with Skrull.

  Gwendolyn did not look pleased at this. “Persephone, did I never tell you not to make any deals with Skrull?” she said in tones of despair.

  “No you did not,” said Percy peevishly. “And Skrull agreed to come down and see you all of his own accord, so he is keeping his end of the bargain he made with me. I don’t see what the problem is. Did you want his help or not?”

  Gwendolyn looked like she was having to restrain herself from leaping onto Skrull to trap him and put him back into a jar.

  She heaved a heavy sigh. “Fine. I have no time to waste. I really must put the finishing touches to my potion.”

  She hurried back into the lounge, and said to Juliet with a suddenly giddy expression on her face, “Oh Juliet, wait until you see what I have in store for you! I knew that looking like an ordinary witch wasn’t going to do for a beauty like you, so I’ve prepared a very special little treat.”

  Juliet looked like it had not occurred to her that she might have to look like somebody much more ordinary looking than she was.

  “Who is it?” she asked anxiously.

  “My great, great, great Granny Opal Prince!” Gwendolyn declared as if this was fabulous news. “I told you it was no one that anyone alive had laid eyes on before, didn’t I? Or at least no one under the age of a hundred,” she added, as if people of such an advanced age hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things.

  Gwendolyn clapped her hands together in glee. “She was a legendary beauty in her day. People say I look exactly like her! The best bit is that we’ll be able to introduce you to all my friends as a distant cousin and no one will know the difference!”

  Juliet now looked fully alarmed. “But isn’t your great, great, great granny dead?” she asked. “Isn’t she dust by now? You’ll turn me into dust!”

  “Not my potion,” said Gwendolyn smugly. “It has that extra special secret ingredient. Never fear, you’ll be looking like great, great, great Granny Opal in her heyday.”

  Juliet did not look comforted.

  The four teenagers were left to keep her company while Gwendolyn went upstairs to put the finishing touches on her potion. Skrull followed her, his tail in the air.

  An hour later, Gwendolyn called Juliet up to join her, and Juliet vanished into Gwendolyn’s bedroom.

  The four teenagers were immensely relieved, because Juliet had spent the hour moping and being indecisive about whether or not she wanted to turn into somebody’s great, great, great granny.

  She had been sure that Gwendolyn was planning to turn her into a “Wrinkled old bag,” to use Juliet’s own words.

  “So the party is on then?” said Shara hopefully.

  “Looks like it,” said Percy.

  A big grin spread over Shara’s face.

  As the teens trooped upstairs to Percy’s bedroom, Shara’s stomach grumbled loudly. She shot everyone else an apologetic look.

  “It’s that delicious smell coming from the kitchen,” she said. “I can’t wait to see what Mr Jeeves is cooking.”

  “Why didn’t you say you were hungry?” said Percy. “Jeeves would have loved giving us all tasters of his inventions. And we’d have been able to figure out which ones screamed or spewed beetroot blood so that we could avoid them later.”

  “I can wait until after we’ve changed into our costumes,” said Shara.

  “Oh good,” said Nan. “I’m kind of looking forward to this. I never thought I’d see the day when I would be invited to one of your mum’s parties again! And as an almost-adult too! They had all the fun, and sent us up to bed early. Do you remember? It was torture because we could still hear them having all that fun downstairs.”

  �
�I’m not sure we want to be invited to one of mum’s parties as almost adults,” said Percy grimly.

  Felix and Shara were grinning.

  “Why? What’s wrong with them?” asked Felix.

  “Wild is what they are,” said Percy.

  Felix went next door to a guest room to get changed.

  The moment he had gone, Shara jumped onto Percy’s bed, bounced wildly and unleashed a howl of excitement.

  Nan’s mouth dropped open in alarm.

  “Sorry,” said Shara, with a sheepish grin. “I was dying to do that, but not in front of Felix.”

  She jumped back onto the floor with a great big sigh of contentment.

  “What was that for?” said Nan.

  Shara was still bouncing in excitement. “My mum couldn’t believe it when I told her I was going to the Gwendolyn Prince’s Halloween Party! It’s the most sought after invite in all of England!”

  “Why didn’t you say so about your mum?” said Nan. “I’m sure Mrs Prince would have invited her!”

  “Call her and tell her to come,” said Percy. “Your dad can stay with your brother, can’t he?”

  “Mum won’t come now,” said Shara regretfully. “She doesn’t have a costume ready, and she’d want to look her best with all the celebs about. Didn’t paparazzi sneak in last year and take lots of photographs? They even put them in the Finfolk Friendly. Mum brought the Halloween Deluxe edition especially. And all the kids at school will be green with envy when I tell them about this. Ha!”

  Percy scowled. “Yeah, I remember that photographer. He snuck in because he wanted a photo of Levi Poseidon.”

  Shara gasped. “The king?”

  Percy shook her head. “Little Levi.”

  The press had dubbed him Little Levi and it had stuck even into his teens. He was fifteen, Percy’s age.

  “The king’s favorite grandson?” said Shara in a strangled voice. “But we never saw pictures of him in the newspaper! Mum would have been talking about it for weeks if she had.”

  Percy snorted. “That’s because he stayed all of five minutes before leaving.”

  “Do you think that he will come this year?” said Shara anxiously.

  Percy shrugged. “No idea. I never know who mum is going to invite. She knows all sorts of people.”

  Nan was helping Shara lace up the corset of her medieval gown, tugging hard to pull the strings tight enough for Shara’s satisfaction.

  Percy had finished changing into her demon costume already.

  Her original plan had been to be a shaggy, fuzzy, grumpy-looking cat especially to annoy her mum, but that plan had changed the moment Gwendolyn had said Percy’s friends could come.

  Percy had been stricken with the wonderful idea that a demon was going to make Nan very mad indeed, and so had not been able to resist.

  Her costume consisted of a lot of purple lycra with the body detailed with fine enameled scales. The parts Percy liked best were the swishy, ropelike demon tail that ended in a sharp spike, and the two devilish horns that poked out of her head.

  “You have got to be kidding me,” muttered Nan, frowning at Percy.

  Percy winked at her.

  There was a knock on the bedroom door. Percy popped her head out. It was Felix, wearing a fairly simple skeleton costume, but looking remarkably dashing in it.

  “Are you all ready?” he asked.

  Percy glanced back at Nan and Shara who were shaking their heads. Nan was glaring at Percy, having eyed up in dismay the costume that Percy had bought for her.

  “I knew I shouldn’t have let you pick my costume,” she moaned.

  “You can be the furry cat if you want?” said Percy, biting her lip to keep from laughing.

  The cat costume was very unattractive and completely the wrong size for Nan, who was half a foot shorter than Percy.

  “You did this on purpose,” accused Nan.

  She picked up her cherub costume with a sigh. It came complete with fluttering little golden wings, and a golden halo to float magically atop her golden curls.

  “You are going to look perfect in it,” said Percy. “Demonling and Cherub all over again.”

  “What?” said Felix looking confused.

  “Nothing,” said Percy and Nan.

  This was the one secret that they had not shared with Felix and Shara. They knew they would sound absolutely mad if they told anyone that in their former lives one of them had been a demon and the other had been her cherub.

  Only two people knew this apart from Percy and Nan. One was Lucifer Darkwing, the school librarian, who also happened to be Percy’s Lord of Hell father from her former life. He had been banished to the mortal realm for doing something that he despaired at being unable to remember.

  And along with him had been banished his wife, now Madam Ruthless Glory, the headmistress of Humble High School, sent to watch over him.

  Both Lucifer and Glory were now Humbles, mere mortals without magic, and both were trying to make the best of this new and strange existence.

  Percy and Nan exchanged a quick glance, during which Nan managed the remarkable feat of conveying with only her eyes that she thought it was most irresponsible of Percy to have dressed them both up as Demonling as Cherub.

  They had both agreed it was better not to reveal any of this to Felix and Shara. While Lucifer might be a human being now, it seemed that he still possessed a remnant of his demonic aura, which was capable of attracting and inspiring darkness in those around him. It was best if nobody else knew what Lucifer Darkwing had once been.

  Nan disappeared into Percy’s ensuite bathroom to get changed. Since Shara had already changed into her vampire queen outfit, and was now putting make-up on, Percy let Felix into the bedroom.

  Felix sat cross-legged on Percy’s bed. He played with Lucky kitten and idly watched Shara apply blood to the sides of her mouth. Percy paced, and watched Felix watch Shara. She soon saw what he was fascinated by. Shara had transformed her face beyond recognition. The girl was an artist.

  The distant sound of the doorbell rang as people began to arrive to the house. Music began to play as the poltergeist band struck up a jaunty tune.

  Nan took a very long time in the bathroom, and came out as a scowling little cherub, dressed all in white, her tiny wings sticking out jauntily from her shoulder blades.

  “These things are ridiculous,” she complained. “As if anyone my size would be able to fly in them.”

  Felix was trying not to laugh. “You look great,” he said.

  “Shut up, Felix,” said Nan with uncharacteristic sourness, plopping herself down on the bed beside him and making her wings tremble in an amusing manner.

  “You’ve disabled them,” said Shara a little sadly. “They’ve stopped fluttering. It was cute.”

  “It was not.”

  “You know what would’ve been amazing?” said Percy. “If you’d used your wand to enchant those wings so you really could fly. It would be hilarious!”

  Nan snorted scathingly.

  Shara burst into laughter, and then shot Nan an apologetic look.

  Nan glowered at Percy. “Gosh, Percy, I’m so sorry I don’t know any enchantments like that. If I had only known that’s what you wanted, I’d have begged mum to teach me weeks ago, even if that sort of magic is way out of my level.”

  “Your mum’s still coming with your dad tonight, isn’t she?” said Percy with a straight face. “We could ask her? Heck, we could ask mine. She would do it in a jiffy.”

  “You are impossible!” said Nan.

  “Oh please do it,” begged Shara. “It would be the best thing ever!”

  “If Percy wants a flying cherub,” said Nan sourly, “then she can have this costume and I’ll have hers. Swapsies, Percy?”

  “Never Nan. You know Hell can’t afford to lose a demon like me.”

  As they bickered, Shara stood up, finally satisfied with the thick layer of make-up that she had applied. She now looked remarkably like Octavia Smythe-Smi
th, the only vampire student at Humble High. Octavia happened to be Felix’s undercover crime detecting partner. Like him, she was also a secret recruit of the Eldritch Council.

  “That’s uncanny,” he said.

  “It’s amazing,” said Nan. “I love it.”

  Lucky kitten mewled. She had been prancing around on the duvet and tussling with one of Felix’s hands. Now she leapt off the bed with a hiss of alarm, and ran over to wind herself around Percy’s ankles.

  Percy picked her up, asking, “What is it? You’re not still scared of Skrull, are you?”

  Downstairs the doorbell rang, and Lucky kitten hissed again.

  Suddenly remembering that they had a fugitive in a house full of guests, Percy was alarmed. She hurried to her window to take a look outside on the street to see who had just arrived.

  She had to open her window, stick her head through it, and crane her neck before she could see who was standing at the front door.

  The dark haired man below hadn’t bothered to put on a costume other than two little horns sticking out of his temples which looked disconcertingly real. He seemed to sense Percy, and looked right up at her.

  Spotting her, he beamed. “Percy! Darling! It sounds like a rollicking party in there. Are you going to let me in?”

  Percy groaned. She hadn’t seen him for all of half term and tonight was Halloween. Why had she not realized this might happen!

  He had likely only meant to pop in on his way to some other party, but now his face was alive with unexpected delight and anticipation. Percy knew exactly why. And now there would be no getting rid of him.

  She withdrew her head back into her bedroom looking so alarmed, that Nan asked her, “Who is it?”

  “It’s Lucifer Darkwing!”

  Nan’s eyes went wide. She immediately understood Percy’s concerns.

  “Lucifer Darkwing?” said Shara. “The school librarian?”

  “He’s your uncle, isn’t he?” said Felix, looking like he didn’t understand why Shara was confused.

  Percy nodded. This was the lie that she had told to Felix and Octavia, before Felix had become her friend.

  “My paternal uncle,” she confirmed, thoroughly beginning to regret this lie. And yet how else could she have explained her otherwise unusually close relationship with the school librarian?