Sins of the Mother

by Megan Mollson

  “What do you mean?” Zasha asked, her brow furrowing in bewilderment.

  “I never thought I’d leave my village, let alone the country,” Yelena said, looking down at her hands. “I was impatient for my life to begin, and so I took the first way out. My parents warned me, but I didn’t realize what they meant until it was too late. You see, they told me that once I leave, I can never go back.”

  “They chased you away?” Zasha asked in disgust.

  She had always wondered about her family overseas, but now that she knew what they had done, she was grateful not to have known them. What would life have been like with family like that? She felt an overwhelming surge of pity for her mother and wished that she could make her feel better.

  “I thought so at the time, but it didn’t make sense. They were supportive of my decision, so why did they warn me? You see, I didn’t realize the importance of their words until much later.”

  “What did they mean?” Zasha asked, sitting down on a chair and leaning forward. She was hungry for this knowledge, as she had spent her whole life wondering about these things. It felt like a miracle that Yelena was finally talking about her past.

  “The choices we make define who we are, Zasha,” Yelena said heavily. “They change us, and sometimes we don’t realize until it’s too late. So, one day you might find that you’ve changed so much that you can never go back to being the person you once were. You’ll find the person you have become doesn’t fit into your old life anymore.”

  “I see,” Zasha said slowly. “So, you’re saying that once we begin making certain choices, we might never be able to make things go back to the way they were.”

  “Yes,” Yelena said, nodding emphatically. “More or less. You’ve always got a choice in this life, malyshka. You can choose to stay the same, and you’ll always fit into this mold. Or you can choose to go for something new, but once you do that, you’ll have to understand the consequences. If you go, you will never be able to come back to this same life. Life in my village was safe, I knew what waited for me.”

  “Why did you leave then?” Zasha asked curiously. “You would’ve been safe there. You would’ve been able to see your family whenever you wanted to.”

  “The danger of staying the same is that you give up control of your life,” Yelena said sadly. “You allow someone else to choose to make the changes for you. If I had stayed, I would’ve faced revolution. And while it was what my country needed, things still changed. I chose to take things into my own hands.”

  “Do you regret it?” Zasha asked, tilting her head slightly.

  “I had a chance to go back once,” Yelena said with a sigh, closing her eyes as if she was reliving a memory. “But by then I understood what my parents meant, and I knew that I would never fit there anymore. There’s no regret, malyshka. If I had gone back, then I wouldn’t have the life that I have now.”

  “Wow,” Zasha said, her eyes wide. “I never knew any of this. It must’ve been a very difficult decision for you. Do you miss your parents? Did you have any siblings? Did you stay because of Papa?”

  “Slow down,” Yelena said, holding up her hand in amusement. “No, we’ll talk about all of that another time. I didn’t come up here to talk about the old days.”

  “Oh,” Zasha said, her shoulders drooping. “Wait, if you’re not here to talk about the past, then why did you tell me all of that?”

  “You’re growing up now, Zasha,” Yelena said with a wistful expression. “I wish you could stay as a little girl forever, but I know this isn’t possible. Life will come for you, and it will demand that you make a choice. I want you to be ready for that, because the choices you make from now on will define the type of person you become. They will affect your future in ways you can’t imagine, and I don’t want you to regret anything.”

  “Are you talking about this murder investigation with Ivy?” Zasha asked carefully.

  “Yes,” Yelena said, nodding quickly. “I know that she is opening up your mind to a world that you haven’t been exposed to. Soon, you will realize that the world is much bigger outside of New Hope, and you might want to explore. You might face the choice that I had all those years ago, and I want you to make the right decision for you.”

  “How do I know what’s the right choice?” Zasha said, her heart pounding in her chest. It felt like an awful lot of pressure had been placed on her shoulders in an instant, and she didn’t know if she was ready to carry it with her.

  “You won’t,” Yelena said with a soft smile. “You’ll have to make the choice and find out. Start thinking about the kind of life you want. I know that you’re brave enough to do anything you put your mind to. And I want you to know that no matter what you choose, we will always be by your side.”

  “Thank you, Mama,” Zasha said, looking down at the ground. “I don’t know what I would do if I could never see you all again. I don’t think I would survive.”

  “I don’t think you’ll have to make that choice,” Yelena said with a laugh. “My example was a bit extreme. Not everyone has to face what I did. And I made the choices I made, so that you would never have to go through the same things.”

  “Was it very difficult, Mama?” Zasha asked in a timid voice. “How did you do it?”

  “I was very scared,” Yelena admitted. “I didn’t know if I would be strong enough to see it through. And yet somehow, I found the strength. You’re always as strong as you have to be. And you never know how strong you are until your strength is all you have.”

  “Why did you have to make such difficult decisions?” Zasha asked quietly. “I don’t understand.”

  “I knew one day my children might want something more than farming and service,” Yelena said with a shrug. “I also knew that the longer I waited, the harder it would to be leave. And if I waited, I might never leave. I knew that if I had children, they might want to leave but be too scared to do it, so I did it for them. I crossed the ocean so that you wouldn’t have to.”

  “I see,” Zasha said, feeling the enormity of Yelena’s decision. She thought about how scared her mother must’ve been to travel to a foreign country on her own.

  “Don’t worry,” Yelena said with a small smile, “I survived, as you can see.”

  “Mama, Ivy said that when this is all over there might be a place for me in her business. In New York. She said she’d help me get set up,” Zasha said the words in a rush, trying to get them out. They felt like a betrayal, and she wished that she could take them back.

  Her mother went quiet, and Zasha clenched her eyes closed, feeling incredibly guilty. How could she even entertain the notion of leaving New Hope? Especially since her mother had taken the massive step of finally opening up to her.

  “I thought something like that might happen,” Yelena said, nodding slowly.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t go. I’ll tell her that I have to stay.”

  “If that’s what you want,” Yelena said with a shrug. “But don’t make your decision so lightly. You might think that life will be better if you avoid making the decision but look what happened to Mary. She decided to stay in New Hope. But then the war came, and she was left to run that farm on her own. And look how well she did. She was determined to make a success of it. She was so determined that she even did other people’s washing to make money when she had none. My point is this, Zasha, no matter what you choose, it is up to you to make a success of it. Whether you stay or whether you go, only you can decide how you want your life to be.”

  Zasha quietly mulled her mother’s words over. They swirled like storm clouds in her brain, and she wished that she could hide away for a bit.

  “If I went,” Zasha said softly, “everything would be different. And I wouldn’t be able to make things go back to the way they were. But if I stay, I could have the life I always imagined.”

  “Yes,” Yelena said with a firm nod. “Although, you might want to ask yourself if that life that you always imagined is still what you want. Zasha, you n
eed to ask yourself what it is you want, but you need to understand that from here on out, your life will be affected by what you choose. Where will you go, malyshka? Will you go back or will you choose to move forward?”

  Chapter Twenty

  The hospital room was cold and smelt of antiseptic. Zasha hated that Evelyn was in the impersonal room, and wished that the flowers that everyone brought would add some life to the space. How could anyone get better in a place like this?

  Her best friend looked like a porcelain doll, with her hair fanned around her face on the pillow. If it weren’t for the light rise and fall of her chest, Zasha might’ve thought the worst. Even so, her breathing was shallow, and it was clearly a struggle.

  Mr. Turner immediately turned to Zasha when she walked in, as if his hours in the room had made him aware of every little disturbance. He gave her a weak smile and immediately turned back to where his daughter was lying.

  “What brings you here, Zasha?” he asked, his voice hoarse. “There’s nothing new to report. She’s still fighting to wake up.”

  Zasha walked to Evelyn’s side and picked up her hand. She stared down at the once vibrant young woman and felt her heart ache. Evelyn’s life had been destroyed by someone’s choices. Would she ever be able to move on? Suddenly, her mother’s speech about choices seemed impossible. How could anyone take control of their own life when the choices of others could have such devastating consequences?

  If Evelyn had been given the choice to go with Ivy to New York, Zasha had no doubt that Evelyn would’ve jumped at the chance. In fact, if their situations were reversed, Ivy and Evelyn would probably be much closer to solving the case. It was Evelyn who had the thirst for adventure, and who longed for something beyond the boundaries of New Hope. Evelyn would’ve taken Jeremy with her, and they wouldn’t have looked back. As long as they were together, nothing else would’ve mattered.

  “I can’t imagine a world without Evelyn,” Zasha said softly. “I need her to wake up. There’s so much we still need to discuss.”

  “You two always had so much to talk about,” Mr. Turner said, his mouth quirking up into a wry smile. “I never understood how you were able to stay up all night talking, then still have more to say to each other in the morning. I never spoke so much in all my life.”

  “We understand each other,” Zasha said with a soft smile. “She made life exciting. Whenever anything happens, she’s the first person I want to talk to.”

  “I’m grateful that she has a good friend like you,” Mr. Turner said sincerely. “She’s going to need your support when she wakes up. I don’t know what she would do without you either. Especially now that her little sister is gone.”

  Zasha looked away guilty. She was afraid that Mr. Turner would see the truth written on her face. What happened if he found out that she had considered going to New York? How could she even consider abandoning her oldest friend? Evie would need Zasha if she woke up. When she woke up, Zasha reminded herself. She had to be positive or else the worst might happen.

  “Mr. Turner,” Zasha said hesitantly.

  Ever since she spoke to her mother, Zasha had been turning something over in her mind. It was something her mother said, but she couldn’t figure out why it bothered her. All she knew was that she had to speak to Mr. Turner about it. As soon as her mother decided that their chat was done, Zasha hurried to the hospital. She barely managed to catch the last bus and wasn’t sure how she was going to make it back before dark, but she knew it was important.

  “What is it?” Mr. Turner prompted gently.

  “Did Mrs. Turner ever mention that she was having financial trouble while you were at war?” Zasha asked carefully.

  Mr. Turner looked up at her and frowned. Her question caught him off-guard and his brow furrowed in concentration. He still held onto Evelyn’s hand, but he put the other on his knee as he thought.

  “She never wanted to worry me,” Mr. Turner said eventually. “She was terrified that she distracted me during a fight. So, she kept most of her letters very light, but I could read between the lines. I could tell that something had gone wrong, but I knew she would only tell me when I got back. Honestly, I thought we would lose the farm.”

  “Do you remember when the financial troubles started?” Zasha asked, wringing her hands.

  “Well, I don’t remember the exact date,” Mr. Turner admitted. “All I know is that there was a drought in nineteen-sixteen and a lot of farmers suffered because of it. A lot of them lost everything and had to enlist.”

  “I didn’t know it was that bad,” Zasha said, her eyes widening. “All I remember is playing in the creek.”

  “You girls were very young back then, so it doesn’t surprise me. I’m grateful that Mary was able to deal with it without stressing the kids out. No matter what anyone says, my girls had a happy childhood. I wish I could say I had more to do with it, but honestly, it’s all because of Mary. She was the best mother in the world.”

  “She really was,” Zasha said kindly. “I know that Evelyn loved her very much. The girls always looked up to Mrs. Turner. She brought out the best in a person. It takes a lot of strength to keep going with a smile, especially when so many around her failed. She must’ve been incredibly stressed.”

  “I can’t even imagine,” Mr. Turner said with a sigh. “When I got back, the farm was doing even better than when I left it. It was almost a shame that I had to take over again. Although Mary was relieved to let me do everything. She said she had enough and just wanted things to go back to normal. That poor woman worked her hands to the bone.”

  “She would have had to,” Zasha said, shaking her head slowly. “I heard from my mother that Mrs. Turner had to wash clothes for some people in town. I don’t even know how she would’ve found time to do that in between everything else. She had the girls, the farm, and was facing a financial crisis. All while her husband was away at war.”

  “She was the strongest person I knew,” Mr. Turner said, his voice thick. “She did what she had to do, and I was so proud of her. I don’t think anyone in the world has a better wife. I was the luckiest man in the world. And I knew it too. I knew that things could’ve been much different. You know she almost married Daniel? He nearly had everything, but she chose me instead. I know you’re busy looking for the murderer, but my opinion is that you don’t have to look far. He did it. If it weren’t for Evelyn, I would’ve made him pay for what he did.”

  “I’m learning a lot about the people in this town,” Zasha said carefully, not wanting to upset Mr. Turner further. “I was just wondering if you knew how she did it.”

  “Did what?” Mr. Turner asked, scrunching his face up in confusion.

  “Saved the farm,” Zasha prompted. “Do you know how she saved the farm when so many others failed? Did she get a loan from someone? Or did the bank help her out? Did she find a benefactor?”

  “She saved the farm through hard work and dedication,” Mr. Turner said with a shrug. “When I got back, there wasn’t much time to talk about all that, and she didn’t seem to want to go into details. I didn’t press her for information, and she didn’t offer it.”

  “I see,” Zasha said slowly, biting her lip.

  “It’s possible,” Mr. Turner said, his voice rising an octave. “A lot of people think she was up to no good, but my Mary was a good woman. She did what she had to do to survive and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. She did more for others than she ever did for herself.”

  “I know,” Zasha said, raising her hands in surrender. “I never thought any different. I swear. Mrs. Turner was a special woman. If anyone could save the farm through hard work and sheer determination, it was her.”

  This seemed to appease him, and he gave her a curt nod. A heavy silence fell over them, and the only sound was Evelyn’s labored breathing. Zasha closed her eyes, feeling somewhat embarrassed. This was the longest conversation she had ever had with Mr. Turner. He was a very private man, and he had never had reason to chat to his d
aughter’s best friend before. Zasha only knew him as the stern presence who sat at the head of the table when she visited Evelyn. She could sense that there wouldn’t be any more chats in their future, and she had to force herself to continue. Zasha reminded herself that she was doing all of this for Evelyn.

  “Mr. Turner,” Zasha said hesitantly. “I was wondering, do you know who Mrs. Turner did washing for?”

  “Why?” Mr. Turner asked with a frown. “Are you looking to start up something like that?”

  “Oh no,” Zasha shook her head. “Not at all. Although, it might be a good idea if I’m ever in trouble.”

  “You’re marrying the Grey boy, aren’t you?” Mr. Turner asked gruffly.

  “Oh, uhm, well, nothing’s been set in stone yet. I mean, he hasn’t asked me to marry him… We’re just courting at the moment.”

  “The boy’s going to ask one of these days, mark my words,” Mr. Turner said with a firm nod. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s the way Jeremy looks at Evie, and it’s the way I looked at Mary. You won’t have to wait long. He’ll do it soon. Especially if he has competition, which I suspect he does.”

  Zasha blinked in surprise. This wasn’t at all the direction she’d expected the conversation to take. She blushed and looked away when she realized that Mr. Turner was studying her carefully.

  “I don’t know…” Zasha started, but Mr. Turner wasn’t finished.

  “You’ll do well if you marry him,” Mr. Turner said with a sigh. “You’ll have trouble with his mother, but which daughter-in-law has it easy? You won’t ever have to worry about money. So, you don’t have to worry about doing washing for others.”

  “Oh,” Zasha said, looking down at her hands awkwardly. “Well, you see… I was hoping that I could talk to some of her old clients and see what they remember from around that time. You never know, it could’ve been a jealous farmer who did this. Losing everything can drive people insane.”