Finding Hope at the Loch (Loch Lannick Book 7)

by Hannah Ellis

  “Have you seen Logan?” she called to her sister.

  “No. Why would I have seen Logan? Will you please just do as you’re told?” she growled at Arran as she lifted him into her arms.

  “I want to stay with Daddy!” Arran shouted, struggling and hitting out at Elspeth before she managed to pin his arms down.

  “You can’t stay with Daddy because he drank too much and now he can’t get out of bed. Which leaves me trying to deal with you and the cafe. And I’m going to be late opening up at this rate.” It seemed as though most of Elspeth’s rage wasn’t caused by Arran at all, though he was bearing the brunt of it.

  “Are you okay?” Isla asked, as Arran squirmed out of Elspeth’s arms at the sight of his grandparents sitting at a table outside the cafe. He ran in their direction before being distracted by his football on the grass.

  “I’m fine,” Elspeth snapped. “What’s going on with Logan? I hear he was sensible and went home at a reasonable time.”

  “He didn’t come home,” Isla said as they walked towards their parents. “I’ve no idea where he is.”

  “From what I heard, Logan left early and Rory stayed out drinking with Alasdair. He’s so hungover. Did you try calling Gary? Logan’s probably at his place.”

  “He’s not there. Apparently they had an argument.”

  “That’s weird.”

  “What’s weird?” Christine asked, looking at them over her coffee.

  “I can’t find Logan,” Isla said.

  Christine nodded towards the house. “He’s on our couch. I told him last night to message you. I should have known he’d forget.”

  “At least he’s all right.” Isla let out a sigh of relief. “I was starting to panic.”

  “He had a falling out with Gary,” Keith said quietly. “So he came to ask me if I’d be his best man.”

  “You can’t be his best man because you’re giving me away.”

  “I realise that. He was just upset and ranting. We had a whisky and a chat.”

  Christine gave a snort of laughter that made Keith wince. “Does this look like a man who had a whisky? More like a bottle of whisky.”

  “All right,” Keith grumbled. “Can you not shout? Logan needed someone to sound off to, that’s all.”

  “He’s being ridiculous,” Isla said. “The wedding planning is making him crazy. What does it matter if Gary brings his new girlfriend? Is changing the name on the place setting really such a big deal? And it’s not a massive surprise that Gary’s switched girlfriends in the time we’ve been planning the wedding.” Her parents stared at her, as though she was the one being ridiculous. “What?” she asked impatiently.

  “Do you know who Gary’s new girlfriend is?” Christine asked, her eyes filled with sympathy.

  Elspeth took a seat on the bench. “I hope it’s not who I think it is. I saw Gary with her a couple of weeks ago but I didn’t know he was actually seeing her.”

  “Who?” Isla demanded, her blood pumping faster as she looked between her parents and her sister.

  “That Sabrina girl who you went to school with,” Keith finally said. “The one who––”

  Christine cut him off with a quick slap to his arm. “I think we all know who she is without any more clues.”

  The one who’d made Isla’s school life miserable, Isla thought to herself, and who Logan had slept with when he and Isla had broken up after his dad died.

  “I take it Gary didn’t mention that part of the story?” Christine asked.

  “No, he conveniently left that bit out.” On cue, Isla’s phone vibrated with a call from Gary. “Speak of the devil.” She held her phone up, then looked at Elspeth. “I’m going to sort this mess out and then I’ll take that wee terror out for the day if you want?” She looked at Arran hitting a tree with a stick while shouting something about being a ninja. Hopefully he’d calm down after he’d burned off some energy. Otherwise it could be a long day.

  “Thank you,” Elspeth said. “You’re the best.”

  As she walked towards her parents’ house, Isla answered the phone to Gary.

  “No one’s seen him,” he said miserably. “I can’t find him anywhere.”

  “I’ve found him,” Isla said.

  “Thank goodness. Where is he?”

  “Passed out on my parents’ couch.” She reached the kitchen door but paused. “You didn’t tell me you were seeing Sabrina.”

  “Aye. I should have mentioned that.”

  “There’s no wonder Logan had something to say about it. You know the history. Surely you knew how he’d react.”

  “It was a long time ago, I thought maybe it was all forgotten about. And I was only testing the water to see how he’d feel about it … but he kicked off.”

  Isla shook her head. She liked Gary well enough, but he could be quite frustrating at times. “Sabrina definitely can’t come to the wedding, and it’s going to cause issues with you and Logan if you keep seeing her, so make sure she’s worth it. Maybe she’s changed but––”

  He cut her off. “If I’m honest, I suspect she hasn’t.”

  “Well then what the heck are you doing with her? You only split up with Lilac a few weeks ago.”

  “I don’t like being single,” he said pathetically. “And I seem to attract a certain type of woman.”

  Isla tried not to lose her patience. “Why don’t you just stay single until you find someone who might be more of a long-term prospect? You can do better for yourself.”

  “You might be right. Do you think Logan’s ever going to speak to me again?”

  “I’ll talk to him. He’ll be fine.”

  “Do you reckon he’ll still have me as his best man?”

  “Yes. But don’t bring a date to the wedding, okay?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “I need to go and talk to Logan. I’ll get him to call you in a bit.”

  “Thanks,” he said, sounding fairly sheepish.

  In her parents’ living room, Logan was fast asleep, face down on the worn, maroon-coloured couch. Perching beside him, she gave his shoulder a gentle shake. He groaned in response.

  “If you’re not coming home, you could at least message me to let me know,” she said.

  “I did,” he muttered without opening his eyes.

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “Did,” he insisted. Turning onto his back he blinked his eyes open and scanned the room. He reached towards the coffee table. “Pass me that.”

  Isla handed him his phone and watched as he squinted and tapped at the screen. He turned it to show her. “See!”

  “I can see that you wrote me a message,” she said. “You didn’t press send.”

  He whipped the phone back to check, then muttered a string of swear words. “Sorry,” he said, sinking back into the couch.

  “That’s okay. I only panicked for a few minutes. Gary’s been trying to get hold of you.”

  “Right,” Logan said with only a hint of irritation in his voice.

  “Anything you want to tell me about there?”

  “How much do you already know?” he asked, running a hand along her lower back.

  “All of it, I think.”

  “I was hoping you wouldn’t find out.”

  “So you’re still having Gary as your best man?”

  “No.”

  “But you thought I wouldn’t notice that?”

  His lips twitched upwards before all hint of the smile fell away. “I can’t believe he asked if he could bring Sabrina to the wedding. I can’t believe he’d date her. What kind of a friend is he?”

  “One with really bad taste in women,” Isla said lightly.

  “I’m surprised at you having any sympathy for him.”

  “I just think he’s a bit sad, flitting from one woman to another. I guess he’s not really very happy.”

  Logan slung an arm across his face. “Can we just be angry with him? It’s easier.”

  “No. Because he’s your best frien
d. And he knows he messed up. I think he feels terrible.”

  “He should. He ruined my stag night.”

  “It seems like you had a good session with Dad.”

  Logan winced. “I asked Keith to be my best man. Do you think he’ll be upset when I take it back?”

  “No. I think he knows you well enough to know you were just ranting. Why don’t you call Gary and straighten everything out?”

  “I’ll call him later. If I call him now I’ll probably end up shouting at him again.”

  “Go to bed for a bit then.” She patted his leg as she stood up. “I’m taking Arran out for a while.”

  Isla was almost at the door when Logan called out to her.

  He sat up and looked at her intently. “Do you even want all this?” he asked.

  “All what?”

  “The wedding.” Logan pushed his hands through his hair while Isla stood dumbstruck. “I didn’t want to be one of those guys who wasn’t interested in the wedding. I wanted to make everything perfect.” He looked at her with a pained expression. “But now I’m worried I’ve steamrollered you into something you don’t even want.”

  Slowly, she went and sat beside him. “I definitely want to marry you.”

  “That’s not what I asked,” he said.

  “The wedding’s more extravagant than I’d have chosen but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

  “You don’t want it, do you?” Logan closed his eyes and inhaled a breath through his nose. “Do you want to cancel it?”

  “No,” she said. “Of course I don’t.”

  “We can call it all off if you want.”

  “You’re very dramatic when you’re hungover. I definitely don’t want to call the wedding off.”

  “But it’s not what you want, is it?”

  Leaning into him, she covered his hand with her own. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been very enthusiastic but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. I’m bad at organising stuff and I’m not good with details. But I’m happy that you’re good at that stuff. The wedding is going to be amazing. I can’t wait.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” She pulled his face to hers and kissed him, then retreated quickly. “You need to brush your teeth!”

  “Sorry.” He stood and rolled his neck. “If I have a shower and brush my teeth can I come out with you and Arran today?”

  “Yes, please! I think he’s hyped up on sugar or something. He’s wild.”

  “On second thoughts, I’m not sure that’s going to help my hangover.”

  “Please!” She rested her head on his shoulder and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

  “Go on then. As long as we can get me some hangover food somewhere.”

  “I think we can manage that.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Despite not drinking any alcohol at the hen party, Elspeth spent the whole of the next day feeling like she had a hangover. The tiredness and vague feeling of discontent hung around her like a cloud. It wasn’t just that day, it had been there for weeks – months even – and she couldn’t seem to shift it. The new cake venture was supposed to give her something to focus on, but it wasn’t as effective as she’d hoped.

  Taking a sip of coffee, she winced at how cold it was. The cafe had been closed for an hour, so she had no idea why she was still sitting there, staring into a cup of cold coffee. If she was honest, she just didn’t want to face the reason she was still sitting there.

  As the door opened, her head shot up, intent on telling the customers that the cafe was closed. Except it wasn’t customers.

  “Are you okay?” Rory asked, looking at her with concern. After she’d been snappy with him for not being able to get out of bed that morning, he’d nipped over at lunchtime to grovel and beg a sandwich and coffee from her.

  “I’m fine. Are Isla and Logan not back with Arran yet?”

  “I haven’t seen them,” he said, slipping into the seat beside her. “Why are you sitting here on your own?”

  “Just having a coffee.” She hoped he wouldn’t notice the film on top of it. “Do you want one?” she added when the silence stretched on for too long.

  “No, thanks.” He tapped his fingers on the tabletop. “Were you hanging out here to avoid coming home?”

  Her lips twitched upwards as though he’d cracked a joke. Except he was looking at her so seriously that it made her feel like crying. “Of course not,” she said quickly.

  “Is it me?”

  “What?” she asked, feigning confusion when really she had the feeling he could read her mind.

  “Is it me that’s making you miserable?”

  Tears stung her eyes and she was thankful that her phone beeped with a message. “It’s Isla,” she said, reading the message. “They’re going to meet Gary for dinner and will take Arran with them instead of bringing him back and going out again. She says they won’t be late. That’s okay, isn’t it?”

  “Aye. It gives us time to talk properly. I might get a coffee after all. Do you want a fresh one?”

  “Yeah, okay.” If they were going to talk properly, she’d really rather have alcohol. Or better still, get up and run away. She’d been avoiding talking for weeks and she knew the conversation wasn’t going to be pleasant. While she waited for Rory to get drinks, she tapped out a reply to Isla, thanking her for taking Arran for the day.

  “Can you be honest with me?” Rory said when he returned. “Because every time I ask, you say everything’s fine. Except it’s clearly not fine. I don’t know what to do. Did I do something wrong? Do you hate living with me?”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong.” She pressed her lips together and wished she was anywhere but there. Rory looked at her, presumably waiting for an answer to his second question. Except Elspeth couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth or to placate him with a lie.

  “You’re clearly not happy,” he said. “And I feel like no matter what I do you’re annoyed with me. But I can’t figure out what’s going on.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “Just tell me what’s going on, please.”

  “I don’t really know what’s going on,” she said. “I feel as though I got trapped in someone else’s life.”

  She was surprised when he didn’t laugh or look at her like she was crazy. Increasingly, she had been feeling crazy.

  “What do you mean?” he asked patiently.

  “I mean I don’t feel as though I have control of my life. Ever since I got pregnant with Arran, it’s like my choices were taken away and I got caught in a wave that forced me to go in a certain direction. And I feel so guilty because I know I’m lucky to have Arran and the cafe and you. I should be happy and grateful but instead I feel like the walls are closing in on me.” She paused to wipe tears from her cheeks. “I’m twenty-one years old and my life feels as though it’s all mapped out. Every day I get up and do what’s expected of me. I’m a mother, a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend and a waitress. Which is fine, but if you take all that away, I have no clue who I am.”

  “I’m confused,” Rory said. “You always seem to know exactly what you want. And you make sure you get it.”

  “I’ve no idea what I want. I started the cafe because I got pregnant when I was still at school and didn’t have a lot of other opportunities.”

  “I thought you loved the cafe?”

  “I do,” she said on a sigh. “It just doesn’t feel enough any more.”

  “What about branching out with the cakes?”

  She shrugged. “That’s me trying to figure out if there’s something else I could do.”

  “You’re really good at it,” he said quietly.

  “Thanks.” She tapped her nails on the side of her coffee mug. They seemed to be skirting around the real issue and she knew she needed to address it. “I feel terrible. You’ve been so great with Arran and with moving up here. You’ve made all the sacrifices and I’m the one who complains. I keep trying to pretend everything’s fine,
but the more I pretend the harder it gets.”

  His hand crept across the table until the tips of his fingers rested on her knuckles. “I don’t understand, so I don’t know what to do to help.”

  She looked to the ceiling, then took a deep breath as she struggled to find words.

  “Just be honest with me,” he said. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I thought when you got a job and moved up here everything would be perfect, but now I feel trapped. I don’t know why. You didn’t do anything. I’m so sorry.”

  “Sorry for what?”

  She shook her head, blinking back tears. “I don’t think I want to be with you any more.” As soon as she said it she felt terrible. He really hadn’t done anything wrong. It was as though her feelings for him had just faded away.

  Tears glimmered in his eyes and he withdrew his hand. He opened his mouth, then closed it again and stood to pace the room. When he stopped, he looked at her sadly.

  “I love you,” he said, his jaw clenched tightly.

  “I know. I’m so sorry.”

  They were interrupted by the sound of Jasper barking outside. A moment later Christine opened the door to the cafe.

  “I thought you’d closed ages ago,” she said.

  “I’ve been cleaning and stuff.” Elspeth hoped her mum didn’t notice the atmosphere between her and Rory.

  “I assumed you’d be making the most of the child-free time, not cleaning. Logan called and asked me to let Jasper out. I’m going to take him for a quick walk. He’s hardly been out today.”

  “It’s almost dark,” Elspeth said, peering outside.

  “I won’t be long. Just give him a chance to stretch his legs.”

  “I can take him,” Rory said, stepping past Christine.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Aye. It’s fine.” He didn’t wait for further discussion, but whistled for Jasper and set off across the garden.

  “He’s a good lad,” Christine said as Elspeth took the mugs back to the kitchen. She wasn’t sure if the interruption was a good thing or not, but Rory obviously wanted time to think, and it gave Elspeth time to get her thoughts in order too.