She knew she should file a complaint, but the part of her that ran, the part that left everything behind wanted her to let it go. She’d be gone soon enough, what would it matter? She didn’t need a legal issue tying her to Langley Park. But just as the thought crossed her mind, she looked at a picture tacked on the refrigerator of Ben and Kate at Disney World. Her chest tightened. She was kidding herself if she thought she was going to be leaving Langley Park with a clean break.
20
It was the kind of morning Jenna usually loved, overcast and just enough chill in the air to add a spring to her step. But this morning, she didn’t notice the weather. As she and Ben walked Officer Stevens out to his cruiser, her mind raced, and her muscles twitched.
She needed to run.
In a matter of weeks, her life had become unrecognizable. She needed time to clear her head, and for that, she didn’t turn to a therapist. She turned to the trail.
For nearly fourteen years, she’d focused on her work. And now she had Aidan Hadley, her mother, and Ben all swirling around in her head.
She wasn’t even sure who she was anymore. The person she had pretended to be for all those years was fading away, the façade peeling off layer by layer. Anxiety coursed through her body. She didn’t even know the person hidden behind the layers of lies and half-truths.
“You let me know if and when you want to proceed with that complaint, Ms. Lewis,” Stevens said, standing next to his cruiser. “And believe me, we’re going to be keeping an eye out for Aidan Hadley. I plan on checking in with his family every couple of days. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything. You’ve got my card, and you can always call Langley Park PD.”
“Thank you,” Jenna said, shifting her weight from foot to foot.
“Are you okay?” Ben asked, wrapping his arm around her waist.
Her body was vibrating, begging her to lace up and run. “When do we need to get to your parents’ place?”
“Around one. Why?”
Jenna glanced at her watch. It was only a little past ten. “I’d like to get a run in before we go.”
“I’ll join you.”
She stepped back and crossed her arms. “I need to run, Ben. Really run. This isn’t going to be some Sunday morning jog in the park.”
He smirked. “And you don’t think I’ll be able to keep up?”
She held his gaze. “I guess we’ll see. I’ll meet you out front in five.”
Her cheeks flushed and legs pumping, Jenna pushed her body toward the trailhead. She ran close to a six-minute mile, and while this speed usually left her passing most runners, Ben matched her demanding pace. She felt the endorphins taking over, but instead of focusing inward on her thoughts as she usually did, she found herself attuned to the hum of the outside world. Her mind focused on the sound of their feet hitting the pavement in unison, the beat rhythmically changing to a satisfying crunch as they moved onto the gravel trails that surrounded the lake.
Jenna glanced over at Ben. She pushed her body harder and positioned herself in front of him, leading him down a narrow path that weaved deeper into the thick foliage. The trail was only wide enough for them to continue on single file, and she thought she’d find peace in passing him. She thought she’d find comfort in knowing she could get away from him. But instead, the opposite happened. A sense of calm came over her knowing Ben was close behind. If she stopped running, he’d be right beside her.
Her watch gave off a tiny ping, notifying them they’d reached the eight-mile mark. “That’s it,” she said, slowing down to a walk.
Ben matched her pace. The trail widened, and he came up alongside her and held her hand. His touch was like being anchored in a safe harbor during a storm.
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Where are you?” he asked, smiling down at her.
“What do you mean?”
“I can tell you’ve got something on your mind.”
Jenna nodded. They walked a few more paces as she gazed up at the sky. The trees swayed in the breeze, their stretched limbs whispering thanks to the sun for delivering them from the dormancy of winter.
She released a long breath. “When I run, I feel like I’m running away from something. It’s like I’m trying to order all the chaos by escaping it. But today was different for me.”
“What are you running away from?” Ben asked.
“My past. My mother. My childhood. I left Kansas right after I graduated high school. I had to.”
“Didn’t you have any family that could help? I know you didn’t know your father, but what about your mother’s family?”
“My mother’s family made it clear they wanted nothing to do with me. Many years ago, they set up a trust in my name. There’s quite a bit of money in it. But you see, the money comes with strings, well, one string.”
“What’s the stipulation?” Ben asked.
“If I want access to the money, I can’t contact them.”
Ben stopped walking and met her gaze. “That makes no sense. You’re a good, kind person. You’re a teacher for Christ’s sake. Who in their right mind would pay someone like you to stay away?” There was an edge to his voice, something protective and fierce lingering just below the surface.
“That’s just the way it is, Ben.”
The anger in his eyes softened. “Post tenebras lux.”
She furrowed her brow. “What does that mean?”
“It’s Latin. It means light after darkness. That’s what you are to me. You’ve brought me back to life. You’ve helped me see the beauty in this world again.”
And with those words, Jenna knew that with Ben it was going to be all or nothing. She couldn’t lie to him, even if knowing about her past meant he never wanted to see her again.
“I’ve never told this to anyone, Ben. I’ve been awful, deceitful. I’ve lied about my past. I’ve pretended to be someone else, something else for so long. And now that I’m back, and I’ve seen my mother, I’ve had to face who I am. But I’m not sure who that is. And then there’s you and Kate. I’ve never felt so…”
Ben closed the distance between them. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Jenna. I want every part of you. All of it. The good and the bad. There’s nothing you could say that would ever change the way I feel about you.”
Looking into his dark eyes, she was lost. Love. Was this love? She knew the answer, knew it in her heart, but her mind wasn’t ready for what that meant.
She pressed up on her toes and kissed Ben with a desperate fury. The kiss opened a floodgate inside of her, and everything came tumbling out—her fierce need for him, the pain and confusion she felt about her mother, the anger over Aidan Hadley. The uncertainty and chaos that had engulfed her life came pouring out as she clawed at his t-shirt.
She needed him inside her. That was the only thing that made sense. She knew Ben could feel her need, feel her urgency. It was as if he was able to read her mind.
He pressed her back against a tree trunk and deepened their kiss. Her hands went to the nape of his neck and threaded into his hair. She twisted the dark locks, and Ben growled against her lips, a low, possessive sound that sent a jolt of heat to her core. He reached under her running skirt and pushed the fabric aside. Lowering his track shorts, he grasped her ass and lifted her into his arms. She tilted her hips, rubbing her delicate folds against his cock. Ben found the perfect angle of penetration and thrust inside her. Lust and relief flooded her system. Each thrust felt like a promise. Each kiss strengthened their bond.
Jenna let out a ragged breath. “Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”
Ben met her gaze, his eyes filled with conviction. “Never. I will never stop.”
The drive over to Kathy and Neil’s only took a few minutes. When they arrived, Jenna was confused when Ben jumped out of the vehicle, until he crossed in front of the car and opened her door.
“You know, you don’t have to do that,” she said, trying to mask how much she liked this sweet act of chivalry.
“You’ll have to take that one up with my mother. She’s had me opening car doors and carrying old ladies’ groceries for as long as I can remember.”
“I’ll have to thank her. You didn’t turn out too badly.”
The run and then the after-the-run lovemaking had left her feeling more at ease. There were so many unknowns in her life right now. But with Ben at her side, it all seemed manageable.
“Not too bad,” Ben replied, reaching for her hand.
Jenna gazed past Ben to see an elegant red brick Colonial style home. It looked like it belonged in the pages of a storybook. Three white dormers adorned the roof, and the shutters affixed to each side of the nine windows were painted a welcoming Kelly green to match the front door. The yard was wide and lush with pink and yellow flowers lining the brick path leading up to the house.
“This is where you grew up?” Jenna asked, unable to hide the wonder in her voice.
Ben gave her hand a light squeeze. “See that tree over there.” He pointed to a shady oak on the west side of the property. “When I was nine, I tried to build a pulley system in it so I could bring materials up to build a tree house. Long story short, I fell out. Spent the whole summer with my left arm in a cast.”
She smiled at the thought of a young Ben, running carefree and climbing trees.
As they approached the front door, her body tensed. She started going over the lies she usually told when she was headed into a new social situation. But a strange feeling came over her. Ben’s family already knew about her mother. This gave her some peace, but she was still unsure about how to navigate this new life.
She was worried about Kate’s feelings and didn’t want to do anything to confuse or upset the little girl. She didn’t even know what to call what she and Ben had become. The word “girlfriend” sounded too adolescent.
She stopped walking. “I don’t think we should say anything about us or…”
“Or about all the sex?” Ben said, flashing the boyish smile she loved.
“Ben!” she whispered as a shiver ran down her spine.
“Your naughty school teacher side is safe with me,” he said, then pulled her in for a quick kiss.
Ben opened the door and let her in ahead of him. The heady, warm scent of pie baking in the oven filled the air, and Jenna’s mind went back to her Aunt Ginny’s kitchen.
One of her earliest memories was standing on one of her aunt’s sturdy kitchen chairs, sprinkling flour on the worn butcher block counter. She would move her hands through the cool powder, around and around in tiny circles as the smell of pie filled the air.
Jenna clasped and unclasped her hands. She wasn’t even aware she was doing it until Ben’s hands engulfed hers.
“It’s going to be okay, Jenna. I promise.”
She met his gaze and nodded.
“Hello?” Kathy called out from inside the house. “Is that you, Ben?”
“Yes, Mom, it’s just us,” he answered with a wide grin.
Jenna loved seeing that easy smile on his face and promised herself she wouldn’t let the ghosts of her past spoil the day.
“We’re in the kitchen,” Zoe added.
They entered a gorgeous kitchen that opened up to a covered patio. Beyond that, a fenced in backyard full of shady trees led to a tidy garden tucked into the back corner. A badminton net had been set up in the grass right off the porch where Sam and Kate were attempting to volley back and forth. Neil was close by cheering them on from his post at the grill.
“Hey, you two,” Kathy said, pulling Jenna into a warm embrace. “How are you, honey? You had quite a scare this morning.”
Jenna nodded. She glanced out into the backyard. Neil was hitting the birdie back-and-forth with Kate and Sam. She didn’t want Kate overhearing their conversation.
“Officer Stevens was very helpful, and we think we may know who’s been targeting me. Unfortunately, the police haven’t been able to locate him.”
“It’s J. Bonner Hadley’s son, Aidan,” Ben said, his voice ripe with disdain.
Kathy nodded. “I’m just glad you’re all safe. I’m sure the police are doing everything they can.”
Zoe frowned. “This makes me so angry. The chances that Aidan Hadley will see the inside of a jail cell are slim to none with his daddy always swooping in and bailing him out of trouble. You know, he’s been a problem at Park Tavern for a while now, but he’s never lashed out at anyone until you, Jenna.” She said the last part sheepishly, giving Jenna an apologetic smile.
“I don’t want anyone to go to jail. I just want him to leave me, leave us, alone,” she added, glancing at Ben.
“I agree,” he said, placing his hand over hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “The kid is clearly troubled. The last time we saw him at Park Tavern, he looked terrible, completely strung-out. The best thing for everyone would be for the police to find him and get him some help.”
Kathy and Zoe looked down at Ben’s hand which was still wrapped protectively around hers. Jenna saw mother and daughter share a look, a knowing twinkle in their eyes.
She was about to pull her hand away when she heard her name being screeched like a hawk about to swoop down on its prey. Seconds later, an excited Kate was bounding onto her lap, and Ben’s hand was knocked away in the commotion of Kate’s greeting.
“Have you been having fun today, Jellybean?” Ben asked, kissing the top of Kate’s head.
“Yes, Daddy! I pulled weeds and watered the petunias all by myself.”
Kathy patted Kate’s hand. “She was quite a helper. She even read to me out in the hammock. She’s come a long way in the short amount of time you’ve been working with her, Jenna.”
“Well, she’s pretty fun to read with,” Jenna said, smiling and tickling a squirming Kate in her lap.
“Daddy, can Jenna and I go read in the hammock?”
“Sure, Bean. As long as it’s okay with Jenna.”
“Only if there’s nothing I can do to help with lunch,” Jenna said, turning to Kathy and Zoe.
“We’ve got it under control in here. My children can help me in the kitchen just like the old days.”
“And by the ‘old days’ she means last week,” Zoe said, earning herself a playful swat from her mother.
“Go on, you two,” Kathy said, ushering Jenna and her granddaughter out onto the porch. “Lunch will be ready in about twenty minutes.”
Ben watched as an eager Kate took Jenna by the hand and led her outside to an old green hammock hanging between two sturdy oaks. Kate grabbed a few books and settled herself next to Jenna. The sunlight streamed down through the leaves, illuminating the pair in patches of light and dark. The hammock swung back and forth in a lazy arc as Kate read aloud, her sing-songy voice trailing away on the breeze.
“Kate may be more in love with her than you are,” Zoe said, a challenging look in her eye.
Ben walked over to the cutting board and began slicing strawberries. “I’m trying to remember when I asked for your opinion on my personal life?” he replied, giving his little sister a warning glance.
“Children,” Kathy said, her tone pleasant but firm.
Ben and Zoe, used to this motherly rebuke, shared a wry smile.
Kathy picked up a dish towel and wiped some flour from the counter. “You know, Benjamin, it’s been more than three years since Sara’s death. You are allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to love again.”
He didn’t reply.
Kathy joined him at the cutting board, taking up a small paring knife. “Often, honey, all the things we need in this life, the important things, are right in front of us. We just have to open our hearts and let them in.”
His usual response to his mother or sister nosing around his personal life was to respond with a sharp barb or ignore the comment altogether. But he didn’t want to fall back on the callous ways that had kept him cocooned in his pain. He glanced outside at Jenna and Kate reading and swinging in the hammock.
“I know, Mom,” he said
giving his mother a grateful smile. “I can see exactly what I have right in front of me.”
“Rematch!” Kate called out, smiling up at her father with a thin rim of vanilla ice cream from her slice of apple pie à la mode still coating the top of her lip. She’d held the badminton birdie all through lunch and kept reminding everyone of the game that was to take place after their meal.
Ben tousled her hair. “All right, Jellybean. Just as soon as we get the table cleared.”
“Why don’t you all start playing,” Neil suggested. “I think Jenna and I can finish up.”
“Absolutely,” Jenna replied.
The group positioned themselves on the badminton court with Sam refereeing. Ben and Kate teamed up to play against Zoe and Kathy.
Jenna smiled as she watched Ben adjust Kate’s grip on the racket while she and Neil collected plates and glasses.
“Ben’s not too bad with a racket. He went to state for tennis his senior year of high school,” Neil shared.
“I think Ben’s probably good at just about everything he does,” Jenna replied, giving Neil a warm smile.
They walked into the kitchen and Neil chuckled. “He certainly works hard for what he wants. He’s always been like that.”
Neil set a dish on the counter. “Kathy mentioned you lived in this area when you were younger.”
“I wasn’t here for very long. We rented a house near the high school for a few months during my sophomore year.”
“Your family moved a lot when you were growing up.” It was more of a statement than a question. Neil sat down on a barstool and motioned for her to take the seat next to him.
Jenna took the offered barstool. “We did. It was just my mother and me.”
She wasn’t going to mention Travis.
“I don’t think Kath’s told you about my father?”
“No, Kathy’s never mentioned your father to me.” Jenna met Neil’s gaze. His gray eyes were kind and reassuring.
“He was a good man, an officer in the Air Force. He was hurt in a training accident when I was thirteen years old. After that, he wasn’t able to serve and was honorably discharged. That’s when we moved from Maine to Kansas City to be closer to my mother’s sister. But we weren’t here two months before my mother passed away.”
The Complete Langley Park Series (Books 1-5) Page 17