“Neil, I’m so sorry.”
“She had a rare heart condition and, back in those days, we didn’t have the technology or the knowledge to diagnose or even treat it like we do today.”
“That had to be hard for you and your father.”
“It was hard on him, and he didn’t deal with it well. He drank to numb the pain of losing my mother and losing his identity as an officer. By the time I was sixteen, he was an entirely different person. He became violent and abusive. After going to school with one too many black eyes, the authorities intervened, and I was sent to live with my aunt.”
A wave of sorrow churned in her belly while thoughts of her mother, Travis, and Aunt Ginny filled her head. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“I didn’t tell you this to upset you. I may be overstepping here, but I think you and I may have grown up in similar circumstances.”
A lump formed in her throat. If she tried to speak, her words would have come out all broken and cracked.
“Jenna, I can see you care deeply for Kate and Ben.”
Jenna gave Neil a genuine smile, her teary eyes betraying her control. “I do care for them, so very much.”
Neil patted her hand. “When I met Kathy and Ben, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them. But I was afraid. I’d closed off my heart. I told myself I’d never let anyone hurt or reject me the way my father did. So I pulled away, frightened by all that love. I didn’t know if I could take it if they ever decided they didn’t want me. And thankfully, Kath called me on it.”
Laughter broke out in the backyard, and Neil paused. Kathy and Zoe had bumped into each other, each going for the birdie, and Ben and Kate were fist pumping and high-fiving after winning the point.
“What did Kathy tell you that made you change your mind?” Jenna asked.
A smile crept across his face. “She told me that what I was doing wasn’t living; it was merely surviving. She said that all the walls I’d constructed to protect my heart might be keeping out the possibility of pain, but they were most certainly keeping out the love. So, I took the greatest risk of my life. I opened my heart, and I chose. I chose Kath and Ben, and the rest is history.”
Neil rose to his feet and gave Jenna a fatherly pat on the shoulder. He walked out of the kitchen and greeted his wife and daughter who were still laughing about their collision on the last point. Jenna watched as Kathy lovingly touched Neil’s cheek as they exchanged a few words. Her gaze left Kathy and Neil, and when she looked at Ben, she found that he was watching her, his smile wide and lopsided.
She met his gaze and whispered, “I choose,” then walked out of the darkened kitchen and into the light of the backyard.
21
It was Tuesday morning, and Jenna had to remind herself that the past few days weren’t a dream. The early morning sun peeked in through the blinds of the carriage house bedroom as she stretched under the cozy blankets.
She’d been with Ben and Kate nonstop and could barely remember what her life was like before them. Warmth surged through her body fueled by absolute happiness. But then, like a reflex there to protect her heart, her defenses kicked in along with the punishing soundtrack.
They’ll only hurt you in the end.
The rapid beating in her chest and the sheen of sweat on her brow were jarring reminders that a lifetime spent protecting her heart couldn’t be so easily erased.
Jenna closed her eyes. She took in a breath and slowly exhaled.
You can do this. Remember what Neil said and choose.
She focused on her breathing and let her thoughts drift back to their time together on Memorial Day. Her group therapy appointment with Judith had been rescheduled for Tuesday, due to the holiday, which gave her the entire day to spend with Ben and Kate.
It was a gorgeous day, and they’d spent hours riding their bikes around Lake Boley. Exhausted from the exertion of racing home, Ben had rolled out an old quilt in the backyard, and they plunked down like three sleepy sacks of potatoes.
With Kate lying between them, they stared up at the clouds drifting languidly through the sky. Every so often, one of them would point out a cloud that resembled an animal or some object. Ben and Jenna laughed when Kate had sworn she had seen a two-headed unicorn.
Holding on to Jenna’s hand, Kate produced a howling yawn, then wiggled to use Ben’s shoulder as a pillow. Her chattering voice had grown quiet except for the occasional softly spoken reference to a cloud or a passing bird.
The gentle breeze had brought with it the far-off rise and fall of voices from a barbecue a few houses down that lulled them into a late afternoon nap. But before closing her eyes, Jenna turned toward Ben and found him looking at her.
“This is...” was all he said, his eyes warm and sparkling blue, before reaching his free arm over Kate and taking Jenna’s hand into his.
She shifted, and their joined hands were now resting on Kate as she napped contentedly between them.
Jenna knew what Ben meant. What they had together, this was special. This was real. And this could be forever.
Jenna nodded. “This is the click,” she murmured, a soft smile lingering on her lips.
Their clasped hands moved with the rise and fall of Kate’s breathing. Jenna closed her eyes, feeling safe and at peace.
Now Tuesday morning, Jenna needed to get a run in to clear her head and ready herself for group therapy with her mother.
As she slipped on her sports bra, she ran her hands down her torso while delicious thoughts of her run with Ben flooded her mind in a wave of near-tangible desire. She could feel him all over her, inside her, consuming her.
She closed the carriage house door and braced herself against the garage to stretch. There was a palpable shift in the air, and she sensed Ben behind her even before she felt the warmth of his body. She released the wall and leaned back, melting into him as his strong arms encircled her waist. He pressed a kiss to the base of her neck, eliciting shivers that had nothing to do with the temperature.
“Good morning,” he whispered into her ear.
She turned to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She smiled and gazed into his deep blue eyes. Her hands found the place that was starting to feel like home—her fingers entwined in the hair at the nape of his neck. But then she remembered Kate and tensed, hesitantly looking past Ben’s shoulder and into the house.
“Kate’s brushing her teeth,” he chuckled, bending down to kiss her nose. “And she’s the reason I’m here. Kate wanted to see if you had time to walk with us to the rec center.”
“Kids Camp,” Jenna said, remembering that Kate spent mornings at the Langley Park Community Recreation Center and afternoons with her Grandma Kathy during the summer break. She didn’t need to think twice. “I’d love to.”
The Langley Park Community Recreation Center was only a short walk from the house. Located at the corner of Baneberry Drive and Prairie Rose, it was situated next to the fire station and across from the Langley Park Public Library. Jenna had run past it almost every day since she’d arrived.
As they walked down Baneberry Drive, Kate positioned herself between her father and Jenna, and the trio walked down the sidewalk, hand in hand.
The little girl focused on their shadows and moved their hands up and down. “We look like we’re all stuck together.”
“We sure do, Jellybean,” Ben said with a smile in his voice, sharing a glance with Jenna.
“What’s going on at Kids Camp today, Kate?” Jenna asked.
“It’s Tuesday. We go swimming, and then we get to play trash.”
“Trash? That’s a game?”
“Finally! Something I get to teach you about kids.” Ben gave her a playful wink. “The goal is to get the balls, or trash, off your side of the gym and throw them over to the other team’s side.”
“We get three minutes and the team with the least amount of trash wins!” Kate chimed in.
“I see. So, no real trash like old banana pe
els or moldy bread?”
“Yuck! No way!” Kate squealed as they turned the corner.
“We could make our own version of trash in the backyard. We could use all my old tennis balls.”
Kate’s face lit up. “Could we do it today after Jenna and I play school?”
Jenna smiled. She loved that Kate didn’t see their work together as a chore.
“Sure,” Ben answered as the rec center came into view.
Jenna nodded, but her attention was drawn to the center’s entrance. “It’s a beautiful building. It reminds me of an old barn.” She admired the entrance with its white stone pillars connecting a large arch, created by using distressed wood. It even sported a copper weather vane with a rooster.
“I think that’s what they were going for. We may be more progressive in Langley Park, but we’re still in Kansas, Dorothy.”
“Daddy made it,” Kate said.
“What?” Jenna asked.
Ben met her gaze. “A few years ago, the building needed some structural updates and several spaces reconfigured. I was able to make the numbers work that also allowed us to renovate the main entrance.”
“It all goes together perfectly. It’s caught my eye each time I’ve gone past it,” Jenna said, glancing up at the arch that mimicked the clean lines and curves of a barn. The beautiful, distressed quality of the wood added subtle charm to the modern looking facility.
But before Ben could reply, Kate called out, “Hi, Madison,” and ran over to a little girl with long pigtails standing next to a willowy older woman.
“Hi, Lynn,” Ben said, shaking the woman’s hand. “Jenna Lewis this is Lynn Ramsay, Madison’s grandmother and—”
“My principal,” Kate added with enthusiasm, hugging the woman’s legs.
The adults chuckled, and Kate released her principal then went to talk with Madison. The little girls perked up when a counselor blew a whistle, signaling it was time for camp to start. The girls said their goodbyes in a flurry of hugs and kisses, and then they ran to join the other children preparing to enter the building.
“How’s your summer going, Lynn?” Ben asked.
“It’s going well, but I’m actually headed over to the school now. That’s the thing about teaching,” Lynn said with a grin, “there’s always something to get done even when the kiddos are out on summer break!”
Ben nodded. “Jenna’s a teacher.”
Lynn’s eyes lit up. “You wouldn’t happen to be Jenna Lewis from the Gwyer Reading Program?”
“I am,” Jenna answered, a bit surprised.
“I thought so. My teaching staff spent last year doing a book study on the Gwyer program. We watched your teaching tutorials on YouTube every week during our faculty meetings.”
“You’ve got a YouTube channel?” Ben asked with a wry grin.
“No, there are videos of me and the other trainers demonstrating different teaching techniques. They’re there to help illustrate how to implement the Gwyer teaching protocols,” Jenna said, catching a mischievous glint in Ben’s eye.
“You’re being modest,” Lynn said. “As a staff, Jenna was our favorite to watch.”
“I hope they were helpful.”
“Quite helpful,” Lynn said as an inquisitive look crossed her face. “Jenna, are you in town working with a school district?”
“Actually, no,” she answered. She wasn’t sure what to say next.
A beat of silence passed, but Ben was quick to jump in.
“Jenna’s in town visiting family and friends. She and Zoe went to school together.”
Lynn nodded. “That’s lovely. Langley Park is wonderful this time of year. I’d hate to take up any of your time during your visit, but if you ever have a free moment to grab a cup of coffee, I’d love to meet with you and pick your brain a bit.”
“Of course,” Jenna said, giving Ben a grateful smile. “Let’s exchange contact information. I’ve got my phone right here.”
Ben stepped back as the women pulled out their phones. He hadn’t really understood what Jenna’s job entailed and how many children and teachers she was helping. She was good at what she did, his daughter’s progress alone spoke volumes. But there was something about witnessing this interaction that made him feel like he was seeing a whole different side of her.
They said goodbye to Lynn, and Ben took Jenna’s hand in his as they made the turn onto Baneberry Drive and headed home.
“Busy day?” Jenna asked.
He looked down appreciatively at her running attire. Another little running skirt. “I’d love to join you for a run.”
“Would you?” she replied with a glint in her eye.
Ben’s face fell. “I’ve got to head out to Lawrence this morning. I have a meeting with a client, and then I was going to meet Zoe for lunch.”
“How about we try for tomorrow? We could walk Kate down to Kids Camp and go from there?” Jenna offered with a wicked grin.
“I’d like that.”
He felt like a lovesick teenager. He wanted to tell her that he’d like that for the rest of his life, but he didn’t want to scare her away with talk of forever.
He knew she wanted to be with him, wanted a life with him and Kate. He could feel this as real as the sun shining on his face. But he needed to tread carefully. Jenna had to figure things out with her mother, things he wished she would share with him.
They walked hand-in-hand as the familiar sounds of Langley Park waking up filled the air.
“I’ll see my mother this afternoon for family therapy.”
“At one?” Ben asked, hoping to ease Jenna into a conversation about her mother. He wanted to understand more about their relationship.
“Yes,” she answered.
“How’s she doing?”
“She seems to be doing well. It’s so strange, so surreal, seeing her after all this time. When I was a kid, even a teenager, I saw her so differently.”
“How so?”
“She seemed so much more powerful back then. I told you we moved a lot. But what I didn’t tell you was why.”
Ben pulled her closer, releasing her hand and wrapping his arm around her shoulder. A warm sensation filled his chest as her arm came around his waist.
“My mother was involved with this man. A man named Travis Mayer. It wasn’t a healthy relationship. They drank, partied, and argued all the time. Whenever they had a really big blowout, my mother would pack us up and leave town. We always rented furnished homes, so there wasn’t much to take. But Travis would always find us. It was like some kind of cat and mouse game to them. They both thrived on the chaos.”
“Were you always in Kansas?”
Jenna nodded. “Travis and my mother have a lot in common. Neither of them ever held a real job, and they both depended on family money to survive. Travis’ grandmother owned quite a bit of farmland in southern Kansas. She did well financially growing soybeans and wheat. But things really changed when they found oil. She’s been a very wealthy woman ever since. So, as long as Travis stayed close and played the obedient grandson from time to time, she kept him flush with cash.”
“And this Travis? He wasn’t a good guy?”
“No, he wasn’t.” She let out a shaky breath. “Can I tell you why I had to leave?”
“You can tell me anything, Jenna. Anything.”
“It’s not a pretty story.”
“It doesn’t have to be. I meant what I told you. I want to know all of you. I want everything.”
Jenna blinked.
1:13 a.m.
She blinked again. The number three on her digital clock changed to a four.
1:14 a.m.
She’d woken up to the sound of car doors slamming. Jenna shook her head, groggy from sleep and listened to her mother and Travis laugh, fumbling to open the front door in a drunken haze.
The door opened and slammed shut. Jenna flew from her bed and crawled over to the vent in the floor. She pressed her ear to the metal slats and listened. Her heartbeat race
d as she tried to decipher the voices from down below.
This had become a ritual, laying on the floor, straining her ears as she listened to their drunken banter, trying to make out if she was going to be left alone. She didn’t know which was worse, the moments she spent on the floor listening or what often came next.
“Music! You know what I want to hear, don’t you, baby?” Judith slurred.
The slam of cabinet doors and the clinking of glass liquor bottles echoed through the vent.
“Make me a Jack and Coke, Jude. And yes, I do know what you want,” Travis answered.
Jenna listened to his heavy footfalls cross into the living room toward his newest toy.
Travis didn’t treat many things with care, but he treasured his Pioneer PL 400 turntable with diamond stylus needle. A recent gift from his grandmother, Travis had set it up in Judith’s house to Jenna’s dismay.
“Dammit, what happened to it?”
“What the Sam hell are you yellin’ about, baby?” Jenna’s mother cooed back.
“Your bitch of a daughter, Jude. Get her ass down here.”
Jenna froze. She crept back to her bed and crawled under the covers. Her mother opened her bedroom door and stumbled into the room.
She grabbed Jenna’s hair and yanked. “JJ, get up! We know what you did.”
Jenna looked up at her mother, fear pulsing through her body. “What is it?” she asked, trying to keep her face blank.
“What is it?” Judith parroted back, mocking her daughter’s words. “Did you break Travis’ record player?”
“No, I didn’t touch it.”
“Well, it’s not working. So, if I didn’t break it, and Travis didn’t break it. It had to be you.”
Jenna wanted to remind her mother of all the people who were at their house partying last night, all taking turns playing records on Travis’ new toy.
The Complete Langley Park Series (Books 1-5) Page 18