Getting closer to letting go, I insert a third finger, this time pretending it's Father's dick.
"Your pussy is beautiful, Suri. So tight and absolutely perfect in every way."
"Oh, Father Stone," I moan, "fuck me harder."
I play the scene over in my head until I finally reach the nirvana that I've been denied for so long.
The weight of gravity pulls my head forward once again, jerking me awake as it bobs in place. Shit, I fell asleep. I'm still in the evening mass.
The orgasm that I had earlier left me a shattered mess. Physically and emotionally. Tim wasn't very generous in the bedroom. He wasn't very generous anywhere. I wasn't planning to attend mass this evening, but Sister Dawn came knocking on my door seconds after I had finished. Dinner was over, and she wanted to check on me since I told her I didn't feel well.
Thank God she didn't hear anything.
I hope.
If she did, she isn't acting like it. The only way I could get her to leave me alone was to tell her I was feeling a little better and would walk to mass with her.
I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, trying to work the fatigue from them. I shift in the pew, trying to force some of the sleepiness away, and the stiff fabric of my habit grinds against my ass. Father O'Rourke, my least favorite priest here, continues to drone on and on at the altar. His monotone timbre lulls me to sleep during our evening service nearly every time. On top of that, he speaks entirely too slow. It's as if he is contemplating every single word before it comes out of his mouth.
My gaze flits around the chapel, looking at each of the stained glass windows, the statue of Mary, the crucifix. Accidentally, my eyes latch onto Mother Superior's, and I can't stop them from widening over the fact that she caught me not paying attention; again. Not only that, though. Sister Dawn is next to her, whispering in her ear. Mother Superior's eyes never leave mine as she narrows her gaze at me.
It looks like Sister Dawn heard me after all.
Father Stone
"Father, thank you for seeing me on such short notice."
Kneeling before Father Francis, he offers me his hand, and I lay a kiss on his knuckles, showing a sign of respect. He is like a father to me, and I don't know where I would be today if it weren't for him.
"Father Ryan, you know that I will drop everything for you, if possible."
He places a hand on my head and recites a quiet prayer, the same as he does every time we meet. I asked him once, what it is he says when he prays over me. He wouldn't tell me exactly what he said, but he explained it.
"As God works in mysterious ways, so too do his servants," he answered, "it's a prayer to God for understanding on behalf of us both."
Understanding from our savior for what is about to happen would be a miracle. The way I confess my sins and repent with Monsignor Francis is anything but ordinary.
"What is troubling you? You look more distressed than I ever remember seeing you before."
I raise my head, and my eyes find his. His wise stare is fixed on me, and I wonder if he already knows why I'm here. He's always been able to read me like a book.
"I'm worried, Father. I need a session."
"Are you sure? It's been so long, what? Two years?"
"Three. I haven't slipped since I ended things with Claire. But circumstances have changed, and I can feel my control crumbling."
"Shall we take this downstairs to the confessional?" he asks after a moment.
Monsignor Francis ties the last piece of fabric tightly around my right ankle, binding in place for my penance. My hands are tied to bars that stick out of the wall. My ankles are restrained to metal pipes rising out of the floor about a foot away from the wall. I am splayed out for him, forming the letter "X" with my back to the open room, and my eyes trained on the brick wall in front of me. I listen as he moves to the shelf where he keeps the holy water. He grabs the steel bucket and returns to me.
"In the name of the Father," he lifts the aspergillum and sprinkles the sacred water on my naked body.
"And of the Son," another shake of the aspergillum and more of the consecrated liquid flies over my skin.
"And of the Holy Spirit."
The rush of air from the Monsignor's motion mixed with the droplets splattered over my back sends a chill up my spine.
"Amen," we say in unison.
He returns the bucket to the shelf and steps up to the table where all of his instruments are. Secretly, I wish for the cane. I need something more substantial and with a bit more of a bite, this time around. Unfortunately, he passes over it before locking in on his tool of choice.
I watch as Monsignor fingers the leather tresses of the flogger as he stands before me, readying himself for my penance.
"Let's start at the beginning," he says, "what brought you here to me today?"
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Smack!
He starts gentle, but I need to feel the pain. I need to tell him about what happened earlier. Not just about touching myself. Not just about Suri witnessing me breaking. Not just about how I want to control her. About how I want to tie her to the cross that sits in this very room. About how I want to bend her to my will.
All of it.
"It's been three years since my last session."
Smack.
"Tell me your sins, Father," he commands.
Will he demand that Suri be sent away? I don't like the thought of not being around her, but that really may be the best course of action. Getting her out of my life will help get me back on track.
"I've been having impure thoughts," I mention.
Smack. It's a little harder this time and leaves a slight tingle in its wake. It feels better now, but it will require a mightier intensity before I can feel cleansed.
"Tell me about these thoughts," he insists, "no detail is too small."
"It started when she got here, Sister Suri. She's awakened something within me, something that hasn't been there for a long time. Not since the affair with Claire."
Smack. Smack.
"Mmm…" he acknowledges.
He's thinking back to our sessions during the time of the affair. How I promised him it was just for fun and didn't mean anything. The longer it went on, the more intense I got until finally, I saw him almost daily to try and rein in my behavior.
I was missing services, forgetting my duties and responsibilities. Claire consumed me.
She was the one who got away.
He kept me locked up in here for two weeks, starving me, punishing me, making me see that I didn't care for her. That I only thought I was in love with her. I only thought she needed me to take care of her. In actuality, I needed her. I needed her to need me, so I would feel like her leaving wasn't a mistake.
After Monsignor helped me clear my head, I realized how far gone I had been. How toxic she was for me. I didn't want her; I didn't miss her; I didn't love her again. I only wanted revenge. I tried to rub her nose in the fact that she cheated on me and disappeared from my life. Then, to find out that the man she was running to wasn't the respectable Dom he pretended to be.
Smack. Smack. Smack. Harder and in quick succession.
YES! More!
Fuck yes! Fire licks across my back, my ass, and my thighs and my dick twitches to life. My skin burns, blissfully, but it's gone too soon, replaced by chilly goosebumps.
"I sincerely hope we aren't digressing back to that time in your life, Father Ryan," he chides.
"No, Father. Never again."
Smack. Softer again now.
Fuck.
"Sister Suri is pulling me in with her docile nature. It calls to me, begging me to shape her, to mold her into the perfect submissive. I couldn't stop my mind from wandering earlier today. I was thinking about all that I would do to her if she were mine, and I couldn't fight the urge to touch myself."
Smack.
"I pictured her here, secured to this cross. Her ample, round ass, red from my hand."
Smack.
Damn it; I need more than what he's giving me.
"What else, Father Ryan?"
"I didn't get to think about much of anything else. It seems the little mouse has a bad curiosity habit--she caught me.
SMACK.
It was one single blow, but Father gave me precisely what I needed. The flogger landed with a hard, calculated sting over the crack of my ass. The tresses flew between my open legs, swatting my balls, then curling upward from the impact, biting at my dick. The fire that licked across my skin a moment ago is back, burning hotter than ever.
My dick is painfully hard, and I think about how glorious it would feel wrapped in the warmth of Sister Suri's sweet mouth. I cry out in painful pleasure as Father's flogger strikes me two more times, equally as hard, once on each cheek of my ass.
My balls tighten up painfully as I wonder if the Monsignor is going to continue raining the flogger over me. As I silently plead for him to do it.
"That was for your stupidity."
"Yes, Father, thank you."
Smack.
Again with the gentle, barely-there touches from the flogger. I know where he's headed, and I am not going to like it. But penance shouldn't be fun. I shouldn't enjoy it as much as I just did.
"I don't believe that you are feeling the way you are because you're going to lose your control again."
Smack.
A little harder this time.
"I believe you feel this way because you're embracing the control."
"Forgive me, Father, I'm not sure what you--"
SMACK.
Another blow to the center of my ass, sending the tresses straight for my dick. Had the buzz from a moment ago not subsided slightly, I would have blown my load all over the wall in front of me.
"Let me finish. You're Dominant above all else. As much as you want to push it down and forget about it, you will never be able to do so. It's in your nature; your true calling."
Smack.
"Claire was never right for you. What happened to you three years ago is proof of that."
Smack.
"If your body is pulling you toward this, you need to embrace it. Frankly, I think it will be good for the girl as well. She makes a horrible nun. The two of you are meant for one another."
I have a hard time keeping the deep chuckle escaping.
"You think that's funny?" Monsignor asks.
"No," I clear my throat, stopping the laughter, "No, Father."
"The will serve the rest of your penance in this room, secured as you are now until that raging hard-on dies," he said with annoyance.
Wait; what? My head shoots around as far as I can get it, but the Monsignor doesn't acknowledge me.
"Then, you need to figure out how to welcome your true nature into the forefront of your mind and reassimilate the new old you into our culture here at St. Bartholomew's."
Suri
Sister Dawn and I sit uncomfortably close to one another on the bench outside of Mother Superior's office.
"I can't believe you ratted me out. How old are you?" I ask her under my breath so the other Sisters, milling about in the hallway trying to make it seem as though they aren't interested in why we're sitting here, don't hear me.
"Me? What about you and, and, your sin!" she can barely get the word out of her mouth. "I'm going to have to repent simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and bearing witness!"
"You do realize that 'sin' isn't a bad word, right? And yeah, I sinned, so what! You can't have forgiveness without it!" I respond a little louder than I mean to.
"Sister Suri, do try to act like you're repentant," Mother Superior's voice startles me.
Fuck. I didn't notice Mother Superior open the door.
"Sorry, Reverend Mother," I say, trying my hardest to make it sound honest.
"Sisters, run along and get your day started!" she shouts to the busybodies littering the hallway.
"Come in," she commands.
Sister Dawn and I follow her into her office and take a seat in front of her desk.
"Sister Dawn came to me yesterday evening with a serious accusation." Mother Superior gets right to it, narrowing her eyes at me. "She told me she heard you making sensuous noises inside of your room."
I had to work hard to hold my laughter inside. Sensuous noises? Really?
"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you mean, Mother Superior."
If Sister Dawn and Mother Superior want to play games, then we can play games. You're going to keep me from work--not that I'm complaining-- because she heard sensuous noises? Give me a fucking break.
"Sister Dawn heard what you were doing last night," Mother Superior glares at me.
Woah. If looks could kill, right?
I maintain the look of ignorance on my face, my gaze shifting between them.
"Sister Dawn," Mother Superior starts, "tell Sister Suri what it is that you heard last night."
My gaze moves to Sister Dawn, and I challenge her to say what she heard out loud.
"Well, I saw Sister Suri walking to her room. I asked her if she was coming to dinner. When she said no, that she didn't feel well, I let her go. Once dinner was over, I felt the need to check on her. I walked to her room and was getting ready to knock on her door when I heard it."
Fuck, and I tried so hard to keep it in.
"Heard what?" Mother Superior asks, wanting Sister Dawn to elaborate.
Mother Superior is a horrible person. Is she going to sit here and make Sister Dawn say what she heard, knowing that it's going to eat her alive to do so? She's no better than I am.
I sit there, watching Sister Dawn try to work up the courage to say what it is she heard. She starts to speak, unable to say what it is she heard. She is stuttering and talking around what it is she actually wants to say.
"She heard me orgasming," I interrupt.
I can't stand the thought of making Sister Dawn say it, knowing she's too shy to do so. I don't care if she's a tattletale, she means well. She certainly doesn't deserve this purposeful humiliation just so Mother Superior can wield her power over me.
I hate being the better person, better than Mother Superior anyway, all the while knowing what a fucking asshole I am.
Mother Superior looks angry at the fact that I spoke for Dawn.
Too fucking bad.
"Is this true, Sister Dawn. Is Sister Suri telling the truth?"
"Yes ma'am," Sister Dawn says, her eyes glued to her fingers, which are linked together, tightly, in her lap.
"It's not fair of you to make her say it, knowing it embarrasses her so much. Haven't you heard of humility, Mother Superior?"
Mother Superior isn't happy with the fact that, suddenly, Sister Dawn and I are on the same team. I can't argue with her. I'm not excited about it either, but I can't seem to kick that submissive nature of mine, putting everyone else before me.
"Sister Dawn, thank you. You may leave," Mother Superior states.
I stay seated, knowing she's not finished with me. Once Sister Dawn leaves, she turns back toward my direction.
"How dare you!" she shrieks.
"Excuse me? It's not like I was in the middle of the hallway doing what I did. I was in the privacy of my own room. I even told Sister Dawn that I would be fine and didn't need anything. It's not my fault that she followed me and got herself into this mess!"
Whack!
Suddenly, my head is cast to the side by the force of the back of Mother Superior's hand. My hand flies to the corner of my mouth and my cheek to stop the sting. She must have surprised herself as much as she surprised me because once I compose myself enough to look at her, I see the shock plastered across her face.
I lower my hand, and her eyes grow even wider. Looking down at my fingers, I see a tiny amount of blood on them. My tongue travels to the corner of my mouth, where my lips meet, and I taste metal.
Blood. This bitch made me bleed!
My gaze fixates on her once more, but this time it's f
illed with hatred.
"Get out," she commands.
"Now who should be ashamed? How many Hail Marys is it going to take for God to forgive you for this transgression, Mother?"
"Get out now! Go to your room and do not leave it until I come and get you or, so help me God; the consequences will be a thousand times worse. Don't forget that I know why you're here."
She wouldn't, would she? The bitch has the one thing in the world that can control my every move, and I fucking detest her for it. I get up and run from her office, not stopping until I get to my room and lock my door behind me. I throw myself down onto the bed and start crying. I am not this person. I swore to myself that once I left Tim, I would never again live under someone else's thumb. I have to get out of here. I need to get a hold of Detective Robbins. If he can't place me somewhere else, ASAP, then I will run.
Several hours later, I hear a soft knock on my door. I ignore it, I can't bring myself to pull the covers back from my body. Ironically, my uncomfortable bed is the only comfort I've had since I got here.
The knock sounds again, this time, followed by a small voice.
"Sister Suri?"
It's Sister Dawn. What does she want? I throw the covers off of me and pad across the floor, opening my door slightly while trying to keep the right side of my face out of sight.
"What do you want?"
Sister Dawn flinches with hurt at my brash question, and I start to feel bad for her all over again. This is so fucking annoying.
"I'm here to, um. Well, Mother Superior," she stops, unable to form a complete sentence.
I stare, waiting for her to speak again.
"Sister Suri, can I please just come in and talk?"
For some reason, I let her. She's blissfully unaware and ignorant, and I can't help but feel bad for her because of it. She walks through the doorway and invites herself to sit on the edge of my bed. There isn't anywhere to sit, though. I join her with a heavy thud as my ass hits the hard mattress.
Bad Habits: A Dark Anthology Page 21