My Daddy Is a Hero

by Lena Derhally

  It is also important to note that Chris pursued Shanann relentlessly in the beginning of their relationship. She was sick and in a bad place mentally and physically when they met. There has even been a study that revealed people with psychopathic traits are particularly adept at detecting vulnerability.36 Shanann still tried to push Chris away, but he won her over by showing her he was not like other men she had known. He acted kind, selfless, giving, willing to please, and he put her on a pedestal. He made her feel like a queen, and she hadn’t had that in her previous relationships, especially not in her first marriage. The relationship started with Chris’s deferring to her and giving her control. He started the dynamic between them with the role that he played with her.

  If Chris had come to Shanann and told her that teasing on social media made him uncomfortable or upset, I believe she would have taken that seriously, if he had been firm with her. When she saw he was serious about leaving the marriage, she was very ready to look at her flaws and change what she could for the greater good of the relationship, which says a lot about her good qualities. Again, because Chris played a certain role with her, she probably thought that the dynamic between them was playful and loving. Perhaps she even enjoyed being in control in the relationship, but by every indication, Chris willingly gave her control. In the prison confession, he blatantly said he never felt belittled by Shanann. “If she did belittle me, I can’t complain. I always knew I was the introvert and she took control of most situations.”

  Chris insisted that if he hadn’t met Nikki, he never would have thought he had a “bad” relationship with Shanann. “We took care of each other for years,” he said. “It was a good relationship. I mean, it’s just like, if I never met Nikki, would I ever have thought our relationship was bad? Probably not. That’s one thing I always thought about. Even Nikki said, ‘I don’t want you to leave your wife just because of me.’ And I’m just like, what do you mean? Nikki [said], ‘If you hadn’t met me, would you have known?’ And I’m like, nope. I never thought I would have strayed away from her (Shanann) at all. I’ve never tried to follow anybody.”

  Speaking from my professional perspective, I will be the first to say that most problems with couples is the dynamic between the couple. No one is perfect, and we are all flawed. That means every single one of us will make mistakes in our relationships. In this case, Shanann was 100 percent a victim, and Chris was 100 percent a violent and ruthless perpetrator. That does not mean Shanann didn’t contribute to the dynamic in the relationship, but she is not at fault or to blame for anything regarding this entire situation.

  Shanann was earnest and would have done anything to save her marriage. Looking through her text messages to her friends, she was trying to heal the relationship by taking accountability. She was asking Chris what she could do or what she could change to make him happier. She was willing to go to couples counseling, to read books, and essentially do whatever it would take to keep her family together.

  Chris showed the opposite attitude of Shanann when it came to his cavalier attitude toward his family. He was willing to throw away his family and destroy his marriage and relationship of eight years—even murder his wife and children—for a woman he had been seeing for six weeks. Shanann and her daughters were disposable to him. For the sake of his unborn child and his daughters, a decent man would have at least tried counseling, but Chris selfishly thought only of himself. He continued to lie and emotionally torture a loyal and devoted wife. It is heart wrenching to look at a selfie Shanann sent to a friend, eyes puffy from crying because of the emotional pain and confusion she was enduring because of Chris. Her normally beautiful and radiant face looked completely drained and hopeless with worry and deep sadness. It’s just incomprehensible to think that he was plotting her murder during that time, and she was totally in the dark about whom she had married.

  Shanann possessed all the qualities Chris never seemed to have fully developed: warmth, empathy, and a strong sense of self. As much as Chris needed her to take charge, make decisions, and take care of him, she was also inevitably going to trigger his deep need to feel respected and the loss of control he felt in his life. As Chris put on his mask and played a role in his relationship with Shanann, he would always be reminded of the story he was telling himself, that he “couldn’t be [himself]” in order to be validated and loved.

  Early on in his relationship with Shanann, Chris may have blamed his family for the issues and rebelled against them, specifically when he swore at them before his wedding.

  As time went by, he couldn’t handle the disapproval from his family and the deterioration of the relationship with his father. Eventually Chris would come to see Shanann as the problem, blaming her for his issues with Cindy and Jamie, and specifically for driving a wedge between him and his beloved father.

  Usually, when there is a power struggle in a couple, and old childhood wounds are reopening, people tend to blame their partner for all the problems because blame is easier. If we blame others, we never have to look inward and take responsibility for our own stuff, which is exhausting and uncomfortable. Blame is easy because it means we don’t have to admit “failure.” For many of us, failure equates to unworthy, a feeling most people want to avoid at all costs.

  Although Chris was having an affair and lying and manipulating Shanann, causing her extreme emotional distress, he still had the audacity to blame her for their problems. He never once looked at himself and how he was contributing to the issues in the relationship. Instead of trying to work out his issues for the sake of his children and his family, he used an affair as a way out of his own unhappiness or boredom. Needless to say, these are all extremely selfish, narcissistic, and emotionally immature ways of dealing with relational issues. Furthermore, murder is an extremely psychopathic and antisocial way of dealing with problems.

  * * *

  28. Boyle, Louise. “Chris Watts Claims Obsession with Mistress Led to Him Murdering Family.” Daily Mail Online. Associated Newspapers, October 4, 2019. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7534027/Chris-Watts-claims-hadnt-met-mistress-wouldnt-murdered-family.html.

  29. Futch, Michael. “Chris Watts, Accused of Killing Pregnant Wife, kids in Colorado, Has Fayetteville Ties.” The Fayetteville Observer. The Fayetteville Observer, August 17, 2018. https://www.fayobserver.com/news/20180816/chris-watts-accused-of-killing-pregnant-wife-kids-in-colorado-has-fayetteville-ties.

  30. Briquelet, Kate. “‘Everyone Liked Him’: Did Colorado Dad Chris Watts Lead a Double Life?” The Daily Beast. The Daily Beast Company, September 1, 2018. https://www.thedailybeast.com/everyone-liked-him-did-colorado-dad-chris-watts-lead-a-double-life.

  31. Glover, Robert A. No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life.

  32. [1] Glover, Robert A. No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life. Philadelphia: Running Press, 2017.

  33. Reese, Ashley. “Shanann Watts’s Murder Is a Grim Reminder of How Vulnerable Pregnant Women Are to Intimate Partner Violence.” Jezebel. Jezebel, August 22, 2018. https://jezebel.com/shanann-wattss-murder-is-a-grim-reminder-of-how-vulnera-1828519548

  34. Fisher, Helen. “The Nature of Romantic Love.” The Journal of NH Research, volume 6, April 1994. http://helenfisher.com/downloads/articles/04natofrl.pdf

  35. Elsevier. “Anthropologist and Love Expert Helen Fisher on the Mysteries of Love.” Elsevier Connect. Accessed October 26, 2019. https://www.elsevier.com/connect/anthropologist-and-love-expert-helen-fisher-on-the-mysteries-of-love.

  36. Chivers, Tom. “How to Spot a Psychopath.” The Telegraph. Telegraph Media Group, August 29, 2017. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/non-fiction/spot-psychopath/.

  Chapter 20

  “A failed psychopath”

  My theory is that Chris was possibly born with empathy deficits. He could potentially
be both a psychopath and a communal narcissist. He certainly has traits of both. What I believe made him violent and sent him over the edge was a perfect storm of psychopathic and narcissistic traits combined with relational stress, outside influences, and the propensity that the human brain has toward violence, something we will explore shortly.

  Chris possesses many traits of psychopathy, although most of them weren’t obvious until his thirties. The average person thinks of psychopathy/sociopathy and narcissism in quite simplistic terms when it is actually more complex. When most people think of a “psychopath,” they think of someone like the famous serial killer Ted Bundy. Meaning, they think all psychopaths commit violent crimes. People also believe that in order to be a psychopath, the person must have some history of violence, such as torturing small animals or other classic warning signs. Although this is true for some psychopaths who start out with conduct disorder that later becomes antisocial personality disorder, not all psychopaths display signs of violence or abusive behavior. In fact, plenty of psychopathic people are wandering around among us, and can be referred to as “community psychopaths.”

  I spoke to Kim Gorgens, a Clinical Professor in the Graduate School of Professional Psychology at the University of Denver. An expert on criminal behavior, she did her doctoral research on community psychopaths and teaches The Psychology of Criminal Behavior at the University of Denver. She told me: “I think of psychopathy as a trait that confers some advantages for leadership and politics and relationships, none of which includes murder, obviously. We study psychopathy in incarcerated populations, and those are the folks that aren’t very good at it. Chris Watts is a failed psychopath like many others in prison for the same kinds of crimes.”

  Gorgens made an important point. The only psychopaths we study are the ones who are incarcerated and couldn’t use their psychopathy to their advantage. Because Chris Watts didn’t show signs of conduct disorder or antisocial personality disorder, it is easy to assume that he’s not a psychopath, but we aren’t considering the psychopaths among us who aren’t in prison and never will be. Many of these people are non-violent psychopaths, but all have the same thing in common: lack of typical human emotion and empathy.

  Upon further investigation, completely fascinated by this idea of the psychopaths among us, I stumbled across an article on Talkspace.com, “I Am A Psychopath,”37 by Athena Walker. Walker argues that psychopaths are mythologized and demonized based on the psychopaths who are incarcerated and studied, which she says only make up a fraction of the total population of psychopaths. She goes on to say the following:

  “Our difference is obvious to us as children. The world operates on a construct of emotion that we lack. I have often called emotions temperamental cheat codes to the neurotypical experience. It cuts out a great deal of the weighing information and deciding on actions based on social outcome. Most people act as their internal directional emotions tell them to, and it makes human interaction much easier; everyone is on the same page.

  We aren’t. Psychopathy is a variant structure of the brain that won’t be evident until after the person reaches twenty-five, and at that time, provided the circumstances are present to allow for it, they can be diagnosed as psychopathic. We lack empathy, we lack fear, sadness, anxiety, remorse, we lack many of the things that explain to you in silent code how to behave around others of your kind, and the world in general.

  Instead we must either be taught or figure it out on our own. Nothing neurotypicals do makes sense to us. It’s like trying to figure out a foreign film without subtitles and no scene context. We just begin to mimic. As we get older, our skill increases and we do better, but in the beginning, we are bad at it. Another issue we face is having to learn the value that neurotypicals place on certain behaviors that to us seem worthless. We must develop cognitive empathy, and use this to guide our interactions…

  As we age the differences between us and those around us dictate that we craft a mask that allows us to seem like everyone else. Neurotypicals develop social masks, a presentation of self that presents the best light possible. Psychopathic masks are far more involved and detailed. These masks are a different person entirely, and the more honed the mask, the more obvious it is to us that we are very different from those around us. However, most of us will never think for a moment that we are psychopathic….

  When people formed groups, I never cared to belong. When others sought each other out in times of trouble, I saw no need. Problems in the family, which at times were plentiful, simply never fazed me or made an impact on me in any way. This alarmed my parents enough that they assumed I was dangerously suppressing things.”

  After reading Walker’s article I was stunned at how much her self-description sounded exactly like Chris Watts. Chris seems to be exactly what Gorgens stated: a failed psychopath. It is his complete lack of empathy, remorse, and normal human emotion that made him capable of murdering his entire family. Shanann Watts could have been married to a psychopath and had no idea because the mask he crafted was just that good. Just as Athena Walker says, most psychopaths won’t think they’re psychopathic, and I think it’s a safe bet to say Chris never did and still doesn’t. In the information we have based on interviews with Chris, his own descriptions of self eerily match Athena Walker’s to a tee. If you recall, Chris was very detached when his father was dealing with a drug issue, he said he never cared to have a bunch of friends or belong to any type of group, and he kept all his problems to himself. He never sought others out in times of trouble. Most striking is his lack of emotions. The difference between Athena Walker and Chris Watts is that Chris Watts is a failed psychopath.

  Asperger’s Syndrome

  I am aware that people have speculated that Chris could have Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a condition on the autism spectrum. Usually, those with Asperger’s are higher functioning on the spectrum. People with Asperger’s are known to be quite socially awkward. They miss social cues, they don’t show much emotion, they like to focus on a single subject, they repeat things a lot, and they dislike change. Could Chris have Asperger’s? Of course, it is possible, and there are some overlaps with psychopathy, but I believe he leans more toward a psychopathic and/or narcissistic type. Although people with Asperger’s can have problems with empathy, they are generally not thought to be violent. In fact, they rarely are.

  There are some academic journals on Asperger’s and violence, and there are a few case studies in these journals that look at those with Asperger’s who have murdered. In the Web MD article, “Asperger’s and Violence: Experts Weigh In,”38 it says, “psychologists and psychiatrists agree that people with autism or Asperger’s are not more likely to commit violent crimes than members of the general population, but they say in very rare cases, it can happen.” Furthermore, Dr. Marianne Kristiansson, a professor in Forensic Psychiatry in Stockholm, Sweden, who was interviewed for the article distinguishes between the crimes someone with Asperger’s may commit versus a psychopath’s crimes, saying, “ a psychopath commits crimes that he receives some benefit from, and he would not commit suicide after a crime.” This sentence describes Chris’s crime: He killed his family to receive personal benefit for himself, and he had no intention of committing suicide afterward. His motive was to continue his life with Nikki without his family to hold him back from her.

  While people with Asperger’s are socially awkward and have trouble with emotions and communication, they are not necessarily manipulative in nature or lacking in remorse. In the Psychology Today article, “Asperger’s Disorder vs. Psychopathy,”39 it says the main factor that makes someone with Asperger’s potentially become violent is comorbidity with another psychiatric disorder. There are also people with Asperger’s who show a lot of remorse, compassion, and empathy, unlike psychopaths. The article says with Asperger’s and psychopathy, “the most significant difference is the lack of remorse in psychopaths, along with their propensity to manipulate, blame others, and e
xploit situations and people.” Chris has now blatantly stated he felt no remorse for his family after he killed them, he certainly blamed others, starting with Shanann when he falsely accused her of killing the children. He has also manipulated and exploited people. These things are more in line with psychopathic traits than with Asperger’s.

  Mimicking and muted emotions

  An interesting comment from Chris’s prison confession where he indicates he may have a predisposition to psychopathy is his muted emotions. He was able to disguise his lack of empathy because people were mistaking his lack of emotion as being laid back, non-violent, and calm. People often equate these qualities with kindness, but that isn’t necessarily true. Chris appeared to be kind and empathic, attentive, and caring because, as an adult, he was able to put on a convincing mask.

  So many people close to him described him as never showing emotion, but none of this registered for them as anything potentially sinister until they looked at it in hindsight. Just as Walker said in her article, “The world operates on a construct of emotion that we lack.”

  When he was a child, Chris’s mother and sister constantly asked how he felt because they had no clue. His mother looks back and clearly remembers Chris being a very quiet child. He was quiet because he was likely observing others so he could mimic them. He knew he was different than other people, and he didn’t know how to relate to them.

  When Chris was an adult, people thought he was socially awkward, which is another clue that he couldn’t relate to others. Someone who had met him at one of the more recent Thrive conferences had said that although Shanann was warm and bubbly, something about Chris was very odd, to her. His face was described as empty with no expressions. She felt something was off with him. It was something that went beyond someone who was just socially awkward, and she couldn’t put her finger on it.