Mate: As Fields’ book succinctly states, “The Darwinian drive to pass on genes from the fittest individuals is the bedrock underlying the ready willingness to fight to the death over mates.”
Order in society: Fields’ book explains this as, “Violence is used to enforce the rules of society, to assure fairness, and to correct transgressions…. rage attacks frequently break out in response to a perceived social injustice. The trigger often ignites mob violence.”
Resources: This is about protecting our resources. Human beings will react with violence in order to prevent theft of the resources that are crucial to their survival.
Tribe: Protecting the tribe is a form of altruistic behavior, but it also divides and leads to violence. Tribalism is an “us vs. them” attitude. According to Fields, “It is the basis for racism and war. Avoiding this trigger is essential for peace.”
Stopped: Fields says, “being restrained, cornered, imprisoned, or impeded from the liberty of pursuing one’s desires will trip this trigger of rage.” This trigger misfires in certain situations, such as someone cutting you in line at the store. On a much larger scale, this trigger can also happen when someone is experiencing oppression because they are prevented from having the same benefits of society as others.
Because the main motivation for this crime was to start a new life with Nikki, Chris’ rage at his wife and children may have been tripped by the S (Stopped) trigger. He wanted to start a new life and felt that Shanann and the girls were impeding him from pursuing his desire.
In his most recent confessions to Cadle, Chris describes overwhelming anger toward his wife and daughters. In his account, when he discovers his daughters are still alive after his initial attempts to kill them, he describes being very angry that they were still alive. When he pushes Shanann’s body into the shallow grave face down, he describes being so angry with her that he had no desire to change how she landed. These are clear examples that his brain was tripped by the “S” (stop) trigger. When his girls weren’t dead after his first attempt to kill them, he became angrier because they were stopping his plan from going smoothly.
Dr. Fields mentioned it is possible he could have also been tripped by the M (mate) trigger, willing to become violent to ensure he could have a life with his new mate. It is possible to have more than one trigger that activates the violent response.
Chris was also under stress (much of it stress he created for himself) at the time of the murders. Dr. Fields says the presence of stressors contributes to this trigger of rage in the brain almost all the time. Chris was in the middle of a conflict between his parents and wife. When Shanann and the girls got back from North Carolina, he could no longer live the single lifestyle or carry on the double life he was leading with Nikki. There was a third baby on the way, one he didn’t want. He wanted out of his marriage, but realistically he knew that leaving the marriage and keeping his new relationship a secret would not be easy at all. A combination of the stress and the LIFEMORTS triggers could have helped take Chris over the edge and tripped his wires for violence.
Remembering that snapping is a break from reality and not insanity, would it even be possible for Chris to have snapped considering he planned the crime for weeks? I asked Dr. Fields if the process of snapping could last hours, days, or even weeks. I personally always had a suspicion that this crime was premeditated over the course of days or weeks, and I was skeptical if snapping could last over prolonged periods of time.
Dr. Fields says that snapping, or a break from reality, can go on for a long time before someone comes out of it and feels remorse. So, according to him, it is possible that Chris could have had a break from reality during the time he premeditated the crime and up until the point he says he started to feel remorse. Dr. Peter Ash, director of the Psychiatry and Law Service at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia has a similar opinion on snapping. He told CNN, “Although a person’s snap into violence may come as a total surprise, in most cases there is a psychological buildup to that point. There’s a pathway to violence that starts with some thinking and then fantasizing about a plan. There may be a more explicit planning phase that other people don’t particularly notice.”
Even though some people who snap may have remorse after the fact, any inkling of remorse from Chris feels disingenuous because it seems it is because he has to live the rest of his life in prison. Of course, in hindsight he has remorse because he is missing the comfortable life he used to have, but that’s not necessarily remorse for what he’s done. It’s hard to say how many people have genuine remorse after they’ve snapped, or if they are just devastated because they’ve ruined their lives due to their actions. Dr. Fields does believe that many of these people have genuine remorse, and people write to him from prison, thanking him for his book and helping them make sense of their crimes.
Whether Chris’ violent acts are related to psychopathy, narcissism, the phenomenon of snapping, or a combination of all these things would be impossible to fully determine with certainty, but it seems probable that it is a combination of all of them. He could have had psychopathic and/or narcissistic traits to begin with, and then had his “S” trigger tripped in his brain and experienced a break from reality. His break from reality could have given him the delusional mindset that killing his family would be a good option, thinking he could get away with it. Now as he sits in prison, and regardless of whether his remorse is genuine, he can see that killing his family was a horrible idea.
Although we can scientifically explain violent acts committed by otherwise “normal” people, this is in no way an excuse for their behavior. Most people under tremendous amount of stress and who have these same triggers do not commit murder. Dr. Fields stresses that, “we need to understand these incomprehensible situations, but it doesn’t excuse them, because we are all responsible for our behavior. It’s helpful to understand from the neuroscience what causes violence. I’m often asked to defend people in court because defense attorneys are looking for this kind of excuse that they had no control, and I don’t testify in those situations.”
Ultimately, it seems that the perfect storm of our genetics (personality traits), environment, and life stressors play a role in why we snap. Many of us know what that feeling of rage is, or we at least know what it’s like to be pushed to a point where we feel we could explode. However, we don’t commit murder or hurt others. Most of us certainly don’t plot the murders of our spouses and children because it goes against our basic human code. There is something in us that stops things from going too far, and only in extreme situations where we may have to defend ourselves from injury or death, would we ever resort to violence. Chris Watts made selfish decisions. In many ways, he was the architect of his own stress. There are people who have had way more stress in their lives than Chris, and they would never make the choices he did.
How do you spot the red flags and protect yourself?
As I researched and wrote this book, I have continued to hold the belief that no one could have ever seen this tragedy coming or stopped it from happening. As I stated before, if Shanann had any inkling her husband was capable of murdering her and her children, she never would have left him alone with the girls. If anyone close to Shanann and Chris thought this was possible, I’m sure they would have done something to try and stop it from happening. Not one person interviewed who knew Chris personally could have fathomed he was capable of murdering his own family.
This case has certainly been one that gives people pause. Some have told me that since this case, they have looked at their husbands and wondered if they are hiding something or wondered if they could be capable of this kind of violence.
Abby Ellin, author of the book Duped: Double Lives, False Identities and the Con Man I Almost Married, told me there is often no way to tell who is duping us. “Almost everyone’s been duped at some point in their lives, and if they haven’t, they know someone who has. No one wants to talk about it b
ecause they’re so humiliated, but it’s part of the human experience. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Even really smart people get duped! Sometimes smart people get duped more because they think they’re immune to it. Especially when it comes to love, we want to believe the best in people. We want to believe in the happily ever after, so we give the benefit of the doubt.”
Most people who have affairs and devalue their partners do not commit these types of murders. However, I believe it’s important to include some red flags and tips to help you protect yourself and familiarize yourself with the warning signs of potentially dangerous people in hopes that it could help you or your loved ones.
1.They exhibit no empathy for you or your perspective. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. For example, if you recognize someone is sad, you would also feel sad for them and connect with that feeling of sadness, even if you hadn’t experienced the same thing in your life. Chris started to show extreme empathy deficits in the weeks before the killings. It’s possible he showed them even earlier, but we can’t really know for sure as Shanann is not alive to look back, reflect, and speak from her perspective. We can easily deduce that Chris didn’t display any empathy for his wife or children once he started the affair with Nikki. Many people don’t outwardly show emotion, but it doesn’t mean they don’t have empathy, so that is not necessarily a way to tell if someone has empathy deficits.
Some things to look for when looking for someone with genuine empathy include the following.
• Do they seem to understand other people’s feelings and perspectives, or do they have a hard time putting themselves in someone else’s shoes? Sometimes you can pick up on this by listening to what people say. Are they judgmental and cruel or open to hearing different perspectives?
• Do they seem to pick up on emotional cues like sadness or vulnerability? If your partner sees you deeply hurting, do they try to genuinely comfort you? Do they feel bad? Do they have an emotional response? Does it feel genuine to you, or are they just telling you what you want to hear?
2. They are ready to walk away from you with no good reason or explanation. Chris was ready to walk away from his family and a pregnant wife with absolutely no remorse or explanation. If somebody is ready to discard you and get rid of you without communicating or trying, it might be best to let them walk. If they are willing to walk away so easily after a deep and meaningful history together, it shows their lack of character and their limits to form real attachments and bonds to people. If someone is ready to leave a relationship so easily, there is most likely something else going on. Let them walk away and take necessary steps to protect yourself.
3. They gaslight you. Gaslighting manipulates someone else into doubting their own sanity. For example, when Shanann asked Chris at the beach in North Carolina if there was someone else, he denied it. Even though she had a feeling that something was off, and she knew something was very wrong, he denied the truth, and that made her doubt her sanity. Shanann was forced to question everything: What happened? How did he fall out of love with her so fast? What did she do? Did he meet someone else? Her gut was telling her something was wrong, but because Chris was being so deceitful and duplicitous, she wasn’t getting straightforward answers. Therefore, she wasn’t sure what was reality anymore.
When I asked Abby Ellin what she believes is the number one sign of a duper based on her research, she said, “The minute anyone is going on the offense and attacking you and accusing you, they’re guilty. If they’re making you think you’re the one with the problem, something’s wrong.”
If you are in a relationship, and you start to feel crazy, and you are questioning everything, those are signs that someone is emotionally manipulating you.
4. Your gut is telling you something is very wrong. The most effective and accurate tool any human being has is their “gut” feeling. We are all equipped with survival mechanisms that help us detect threat and danger. Feeling anxiety and a deep sense that something is very wrong usually means something is. Trouble often happens when people go against the gut feelings they have. Shanann knew something was wrong but she just couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. That feeling of “knowing” (even if you rationally question it) is your gut feeling and should always be taken seriously. For a much more in-depth look at how we can use our sense of intuition to protect ourselves from danger, read Gavin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear.53
Preventing violence
What are some of the things we can do on an individual level to help prevent violence from occurring? What are lessons that can be learned from this story that we can apply to our own lives?
1. Don’t brush problems under the rug. It’s never a good thing to pretend problems don’t exist. While too much conflict can be a bad thing, having no conflict at all can be destructive, and in some cases, deadly. If you or loved ones have trouble dealing with conflict, there are many professionals that can help you learn healthy ways to communicate. For example, in Imago Relationship Therapy, we teach people how to address concerns and frustrations in a safe and healthy way.
2. Destigmatize mental illness and promote mental health awareness. Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma on seeking counseling for issues. If there were less stigma and shame around getting help for mental health issues, I imagine some, but not all tragedies could be avoided. Even destigmatizing disorders like psychopathy and narcissism is important because if there is more public awareness about these disorders and less shame, there may be a way to treat these disorders, by teaching empathy, and showing pro-social solutions to solve problems instead of antisocial ones.
3. Be aware of the misfires in your brain when you become angry. Dr. Fields wrote his book Why We Snap, because he thought if people could understand the nine triggers that lead to violence, and recognize when our brain is having a misfire based on how our brain was designed for us to detect threat, we may be able to avoid some violence. If we can identify the right triggers when we feel anger or rage, and understand where it is coming from, we may be able to take a step back and release some of our anger. Help teach others about these triggers.
• • •
Chris in prison
Now that Chris is in prison for the rest of his life, his urges to be important, special, and a martyr seem to be coming to the surface. Dr. Robi Ludwig, a psychotherapist, wrote a Fox News article, “How could a man like Chris Watts so callously slaughter his entire family?” In the article, she says, “Chris Watts may not have been able to find his relevance in the real world but seems to have found it in prison. In prison, Chris feels like an important man; the man he always thought he should be. He gets fan mail and love letters. His newly revealed confessions after “finding God” are making him even more of a global star, albeit a notorious one. He is making his mark on history, so he thinks. His egotistical plan and sick need for distinction and recognition are finally being met. Criminality led to his celebrity.”54
Chris says he now believes that his mission and purpose in life is to help and serve others through God. Whatever demons he had been hiding throughout his life are now exposed, but he refuses to accept that people see him as a monster. He doesn’t want to be judged and wants a second chance. In prison, he believes he has been given another chance. He is oddly grateful for this new beginning and in his own words said, “I never knew I could have a relationship with God like I do now. That’s the amazing grace in all this. I wish no one had to pay a price for it. I know everyone has a purpose; I just hope I can find mine. The only thing you can do now is to pray and seek peace and hope everyone can find it too.”
According to an article in The Los Angeles Times, “Faith in the System: Inmates across the nation are turning to religion in some form. But is it sincere or spin control?” Christian conversion experiences run as high as 150,000 a year among the nation’s 1 million inmates, but most “commitments to Christ” don’t last an
d some prisoners convert several times annually, says Rutgers criminal justice professor Todd Clear.” The article also says, “Understandably, judges and parole boards rarely put much faith in convict conversions, experts say, “There’s such an incentive to fabricate that it’s difficult to be convincing,” UCLA’s Wiley explains. “The problem is that the best evidence of a genuine conversion comes after a person leaves prison.”55 Whether or not Chris’ conversion is genuine is anybody’s guess, but the damage has been done and there is no reversing the pain he has caused.
Too many people had to pay the price for Chris Watts’s selfish and inexcusable actions. As said previously in this book, Detective David Baumhover of the Frederick Police has stopped working since March of 2019. The Denver Post reported he had to leave because of his severe PTSD from this case. Baumhover suffers flashbacks and is triggered whenever he sees little girls, and it’s almost impossible for him to go anywhere because children are everywhere. Baumhover told the Post, “I have a hard time dealing with the probability that my career is ended, and not the way I wanted it to.”
Other people associated with the case have experienced their own trauma and still have nightmares about things like oil tanks. Chris Watts single handedly destroyed the lives of not only Shanann’s friends and family, and his family, but the lives of strangers who had to immerse themselves in the case. Chris doesn’t seem to care very much. After all, he’s told Cadle that he’s content in prison. It’s hard to imagine being content after you’ve ruined so many people’s lives.
Chris Watts says he wishes in hindsight that no one had to pay the price for him to have a relationship with God, but Shanann, Bella, CeCe, and Nico paid the ultimate price. They don’t have any second chances. They are gone. We will never see their full potential or purpose and what they would have done with their lives.
Is there anything we can learn from this tragedy? I can’t help but think if Chris knew how to deal with his emotions or had a clue about how he was unfairly misdirecting his anger at his wife and kids, the outcome might have been different. Even if he is a psychopath or a narcissist (or both), it is still possible he could have gone through life as a non-violent person had he been given the proper tools. We will never know if things could have been different or if Chris was always destined to go down a path like this.
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