The most terrifying part of all of this is that we will probably never be able to prevent violence. We don’t have the control that we would like to in this world. Repeating myself again, I don’t believe that there was any way Shanann or anyone else could have seen this coming. Did Chris Watts dupe everyone? According to Abby Ellin, dupers are successful because they believe their own lies. Her takeaway (and mine), is that there’s no foolproof way to avoid being duped because, “…we don’t really ever know anybody else.”
* * *
48. Wral. “Fayetteville Mom Captures Slain Watts Family on Camera during Myrtle Beach Trip.” WRAL.com, August 22, 2018. https://www.wral.com/fayetteville-mom-captures-slain-family-on-camera-during-myrtle-beach-trip/17786760/.
49. “Professor: Christopher Watts Could Be a Psychopath.” FOX31 Denver, August 22, 2018. https://kdvr.com/2018/08/21/could-chris-watts-be-a-psychopath/.
50. Swanson, Sady. “Colorado District Attorney: Chris Watts’ Recent Murder Confession Mostly ‘Truthful, Credible’.” Coloradoan. Fort Collins Coloradoan, March 8, 2019. https://www.coloradoan.com/story/news/2019/03/07/chris-watts-murder-confession-investigators-mostly-truthful-credible-colorado-says/3093624002/.
51. Fields, Douglas. Why We Snap: Understanding the Rage Circuit in Your Brain. New York: Dutton, 2016.
52. Fields, R. Douglas, Troy Farah, and Bryan Walsh. “Neuroscience, Blind Rage, and the Killing at Carderock.” Undark Magazine, September 30, 2019. https://undark.org/article/wilo-why-we-snap-killing-carderock/.
53. Becker, Gavin De. The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence. London: Bloomsbury, 2010.
54. Ludwig, Robi. “How Could a Man like Chris Watts so Callously Slaughter His Entire Family?” Fox News. FOX News Network, March 9, 2019. https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/how-could-a-man-like-chris-watts-so-callously-slaughter-his-entire-family.
55. “Faith in the System: Inmates across the Nation Are Turning to Religion in Some Form. But Is It Sincere or Spin Control?” Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles Times, October 11, 1994. https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1994-10-11-ls-49030-story.html.
Acknowledgments
It takes a village to do most things in life, and writing a book is certainly no exception. I would like to thank just some of my little village that made this possible…
To Bonnie: An amazing writer, teacher, mentor, editor, human, and now someone I get to call a dear friend. You were brought to my life for a reason! Your wise advice, no matter how blunt, has been instrumental to my growth. I will be forever grateful to your encouragement, your nurturing, and your sage wisdom. Your belief and faith in me is something that will never leave me. Thank you for pushing me to be the best I can be, and for always being there for me- love you!
To Alan Kaufman: Thank you for your brilliant expertise and legal advice. I so appreciate your counsel, your wisdom, and your help with this project. Thank you for all your guidance.
To Caroline Teagle Johnson. Your talent is unparalleled. Thank you for your professionalism, your vision, your creativity, and for giving me a beautiful book that I am so proud of.
To Dr. Kimberly Gorgens, Dr. Douglas Fields and Abby Ellin: Thank you for granting me interviews in the midst of your busy lives and schedules. I am honored and humbled to have such brilliant and talented people featured in my book. Thank you for the important work that you share with the world, and for sharing it with me.
To my mentors, Carl S. and Rebecca S: Thank you for teaching me everything Imago related, and then some. It has shaped me as a person and a therapist. The knowledge you have given me helped inform the writing of this book, and I am always grateful to both of you for nurturing me and believing in me.
To Bob G: I love being on our podcast journey together. Some of the topics were incredibly helpful with writing this book- especially the “nice guys.” I learn and grow from all our conversations. Thanks for keeping my brain stimulated and keeping me laughing!
Thank you to my beta readers: Caryn, Katie D., Hayley and others in different parts of these acknowledgments. It’s always scary to share your writing with others. Thanks for letting me feel safe to share it with you all, and for your feedback that gave me the confidence to share it with more people. And Caryn, thank you for helping with the first line in the book!
To Melissa T.: You read the entire first draft in a matter of days and gave such thoughtful and helpful feedback that I really took to heart. You went above and beyond for me and I will always appreciate it. Thank you so much for everything.
To Lisa, Erin and Kim: You are amazing friends that I cherish, but you have also gone above and beyond in supporting this book and helping me to put it out into the world. I am lucky to have such talented, fierce and inspirational women in my life and I adore and love you all. Lisa- Thanks for working so hard on all things marketing and PR and doing all the things I didn’t want to do! Thanks for being my unofficial “book” therapist and all the support you’ve given me over the years. I treasure our friendship and was happy and comforted to work with a good friend on this project. Kim- you’re one of my favorite people in life. I’m just a better person when I’m around you. Thank you so much for being so reliable and on top of everything. Your support, dedication, and friendship has been instrumental to the launch of the book. Erin- you inspire and amaze me every day. I’ll never be able to adequately express what your friendship means to me. You’re more than a friend, you’re family.
To my AMAZING support squad in life: Suzanne, Meg, Jenny HLP, Robyn, Christine, Silvia, Mer, Katy, MB, Khalil, Melissa, Scott K., Dani, Ali, Zan, Dana, Beebs, Summer, Amanda W., Nat, Becky, Kasia, Lila, Tania: Whether I have known you since birth or just in the last few years, thank you for always being by my side and supporting everything I do. It means the world to me and I love you all!
I am blessed with a large and loving extended family that support me in everything I do. For this book, I want to specifically thank Russ and Marina, who are always in my corner and cheering me on. I want to thank Marcella for always believing in me, wanting the best for me, and always being there for me at all times. Ramsey and Joe- you’re the best cheerleaders. I always feel so supported by you both. Massi, Hazem, Soud and Sara you aren’t blood related, but you are true family in every sense of the word. You’ve been supporting me 100% with this book, and I’m so glad I gained the best cousins I could have asked for later in life. I love all of y’all!
Mom and Dad: It goes without saying that you instilled all my best qualities in me. Dad always makes sure to keep me humble and working hard and mom believes I can do anything I put my mind to. You’re both my number one fans. Thank you for your unconditional love and giving me the ability to believe in myself. I love you and look up to you both so much. I wouldn’t be where I am today without either of you and your unwavering love, guidance, and support. I hope I continue to make you both proud.
To my children and Goddaughter: Everything I do is for you all. I hope I make you proud. There are no words that will ever adequately describe the love I have for you kiddos, so just know you’re my reason for everything and I love you very, very much.
And finally, there are three people that I had to save for last:
Sarah Lindsey – Every single day you have been there for me as someone to consistently lean on. Whether you were reading the book, asking me for updates every day, and just being a rock for me in general…you have always been there. I am so grateful for your friendship. I’m filled with gratitude that you were there to “hold my hand” every step of the way. You’re one in a million. Thank you for your unconditional support and love, in this book and in life. I love you!
A.Mowle- What can I say? For over 20 years you have been the most loyal and supportive friend to me. I’m not sure there’s anyone out there who believes in me the way you do. Not a day goes by where I don’t thank my luc
ky stars for you. Even in your busy life as an attorney and mother, you offered to transcribe interviews, you thoroughly read my manuscript, you were available at all hours of the day- calling me in the middle of court to answer a silly question or validate a concern I had. You’re my best cheerleader in life and the kindest soul on this earth. I will never be able to adequately express how you’ve impacted my life. Love you forever, and don’t you forget it!
Last and certainly not least… to my husband: This book exists because of you. You were the one that knew I would write a book one day, and you never let me forget it. Don’t think a moment goes by where I don’t recognize how you support me in everything I do. You believe in me more than I believe in myself, and I often feel the strength to keep going when I would have otherwise given up because of you. You lift me up and let me dream big. You give me strength, courage, take my fear and anxiety away, and push me outside my comfort zone. With you by my side, I feel like I can do anything. The best decision I have made in life was marrying you. Thank you, literally, for everything. Love you always.
Lena Derhally is a licensed psychotherapist certified in Imago Relationship Therapy. She specializes in relationships and sees individuals and couples with a variety of issues. She has published numerous articles in The Washington Post and Huffington Post. She has also been interviewed for a variety of publications as an expert, including Self Magazine and Glamour Magazine. She is the co-host of a psychology podcast, “Sessions with Bob and Lena” and is a public speaker. In her spare time, when she is not spending time with her family and friends, she enjoys being a clinical instructor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the George Washington School of Medicine, where she mentors medical students. She is also very passionate about raising money and awareness for children with trauma who have been afflicted by war. Lena lives in Washington DC with her husband and children.
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