by S J Batsford
I smile, I would have loved a brother like Mason.
Me: Nan made a comment about how we act together. Said if she didn’t know otherwise she’d think we were either together or bro/sis.
Mason: Oh god. Could you imagine you and me as bf/gf :/ weird, but I like the bro/sis option. Imagine all the trouble we’d get into. Lmao.
Me: Yeah, sort of freaked me out too. *Shudders* :p Mace, we get into trouble now anyway. Pmsl.
Mason: Oh yeah, I keep forgetting you already get me into trouble, you little rebel. Lmao. You better get sum Zzz’s. Night, night. POTTY MOUTH. X
Me: Oh, no, you did not just call me that. I’m going to slap you tomorrow. Night, night, you pain in the arse. X
~*~
The smell of blueberry pancakes wakes me. Mom’s favourite.
God, I know I don’t pray, much, but my Mom always said it didn’t matter if I didn’t go to church, or pray all the time as long as I believed. So, here goes. Please, help me get through today. Give me the strength to help Nan through this. Amen.
I feel stupid for praying to a silent room, but I need all the help I can get today.
Even getting out of bed is hard, but I push through. I can’t be arsed to dress so I drag myself downstairs, when everything inside me just wants to go back to bed and pretend none of it is real.
Standing in the archway to the kitchen. I find Nan staring out the window, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. Mason is cooking, in a frilly apron! I slap my hand over my mouth and try not to laugh.
In front of me is a tall, muscular, handsome man in a pink frilly apron. It’s too good an opportunity to miss, I whip my phone out and just as he turns I click capture. Laughing at his look of complete horror.
Looking from Mason to my phone. Nan giggles from the window.
“You better delete that… right now.”
“Oh, hell no.” I dance toward him waving my phone in his face.
“Payback’s a bitch Mason Lee…” I sing dodging his attempt to grab the phone. I giggle running behind Nan. She laughs looking at the picture.
“Come on, please? What have I done to deserve that?” he asks innocently, batting his eyes at me sticking his lip out. I get another pic.
“Fine. Do with them what you will. I won’t be cooking breakfast for you anymore,” he huffs, walking off.
I can tell he’s not serious by his twinkling green eyes. “Well, there’s always dinner and tea…”
“That’s it. Miss. Mouthy,” he says, whipping off the apron and jumping the counter.
I screech and dart away barely escaping his clutching hands. Shoving my phone in my bra for safekeeping, I run for the living room, but I’m tackled to the sofa and pinned on my back, my arms restrained at my sides by strong thighs.
“Give me the phone or I’ll be forced to tickle,” he laughs, his hands poised.
“No, don’t... The pics are payback for the name.” I struggle.
“Oh, is that right? Those pictures are my punishment?” I giggle nodding.
“Well, I think this can be your punishment for taking them,” he says digging his fingers into my ribs. I scream whipping my head from side to side.
“No. Please, stop…. I’m going to pee myself,” I screech trying to buck him off.
“Nuh-uh, this is your punishment for being a naughty girl. Say, I’m sorry, Mason,” he says, settling more securely on me. I shake my head, unable to talk, gasping for breath between giggles, he stops to let me catch my breath.
“Say it,” he insists, his fingers poised to torture me again.
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry!”
“Now, say, you're the best and I wuvs you so much.”
I laugh, repeating the words after him sarcastically.
“Now, say, you're the best and I wuvs you so much.”
Shaking his head, he says, “No, no, you say. You’re the best and I wuvs you so much.”
I huff, “You’re the best and I wuvs you so much. Now, get off of me, you heavy lump,” I sigh as he finally gets off me.
“Come on you two, breakfast’s getting cold,” Nan yells from the kitchen.
“Were you calling me fat back there, Carter?” he teases putting his fingers into claws.
“No. You just have a lot of muscle that’s all,” I say, shoving him, and he just grins cheekily at me.
“Oh, so you like my muscles? Do ya sass me cause ya secretly fancy all this,” he asks, rubbing a hand down his chest.
I burst out laughing. “Don’t worry, your safe big guy. You’re so not my type.” I giggle at his wounded face.
“So, what is your type then?” he asks, sliding into his chair not taking his eyes off my face.
“Don’t know, haven’t met anyone I think of that way yet,” I murmur shrugging offhandedly, but the image of Ethan laughing pops into my head and the way I ogled him. He’s my type.
“Oh, you’re blushing. What haven’t you told Mason?” he asks, rubbing his hands together, I throw a pancake at him. Laughing, he stuffs it into his mouth.
“Would you not, refer to yourself as a third person? Tell him, Nan,” I say, hoping to deflect their attention.
“No, I’m with Mason on this one. I want to know what made you blush like that,” she chimes in. They high five and sit there staring at me. Making me squirm in my chair.
I roll my eyes at them and sigh. “It’s a bloke I met weeks ago, I liked him and he wasn’t hard on the eyes either.”
I stand, ignoring them and washing my plate. Nan sits quietly listening while Mason keeps badgering me.
“Come on, you have to give us more than that.”
“There’s not much to know.” I turn, leaning on the worktop.
“Where did you two meet?”
I sit back down ready to be interrogated. “Okay, we met on the flight here.” I see Nan brighten out of the corner of my eye.
“Oh, the Cali boy?” She bounces in her seat. I nod embarrassed.
“He was a prime piece of meat too,” she relays to him.
Mason howls hearing Nan’s use of what can only be described as a sexy voice. I cringe, not a thing I want to think about or hear.
“Nan!” I protest, shaking my head.
“What? Am I lying? Ask her to describe him.” She turns to Mason.
He looks at me eyebrow cocked as if to say ‘you heard the lady’. I groan.
“Fine. He was gorgeous. Tanned, light brown, spiked hair. Square jawed with a bit of scruff, straight nose and the most kissable lips I have ever seen. And my god, his eyes… They were hazel with a touch of green.” I blush realising I went all girly.
“Okay. Are we done interrogating now?” I snap, before stalking off into the living room, hoping they’ll drown it and leave me alone.
No such luck. They follow me in and sit on either side of me staring. Freaking me out.
“What are you staring at?” I snap.
“You, Miss Stroppy. I think you have it bad,” Mace teases.
“I do not. I don’t even know him. So, how can I have it bad? We only spoke for a few hours,” I snap and slap my hand over my big mouth.
Shit... They aren’t going to stop now. Bowing my head, I wait for them to bombard me with questions only one comes.
“So, when are you seeing him again?” This is Mace, Nan already knows.
“I’m not. I don’t know anything about him. Not much anyway and who gives someone they just met on a plane their phone number?”
“Maybe someone who spoke to a girl for hours. Men don’t do that unless they’re interested.”
I see an opening and take it. “Oh? Is that why you’re always talking to me? Cause you secretly wuv me?” I taunt.
“No. You’re my best friend. A pain in my ass and it just so happens that you make me laugh,” he quips. “Sorry Cora,” he adds, sitting back relaxing.
“Okay, you may be right, but there’s no point talking about it. There’s nothing more to tell. I’m not going to see him again. So, let
’s just drop it” I snap irritated.
~*~
Staring at myself in the mirror, I take deep breaths. I can’t believe it’s time, I have to say goodbye. I don’t know if I can do this. I feel panicky and so alone, it’s oppressive, closing in on me and sucking the air from my lungs.
Taking deep breaths, I try distraction. I look at myself smoothing imaginary wrinkles. The dress looks amazing, the perfect tribute.
“Are you ready?” Turning, I see Mason standing by the door watching me. Looking incredibly handsome.
“My Mom would have loved you… I wish you could have met each other.” I smile sadly at him.
“Me too.”
“Thanks for distracting me this morning, I’ve been dreading today. I know it’s not a proper funeral, but it’s my only chance to say goodbye.”
“It’s a celebration of her life. She may have been cremated over there but she’s been here with you the whole time… And don’t think that conversation is over!”
The drive to the church is quiet the silence only broken by Nan’s sniffles from the back seat as she cries softly. I sit next to Mace ringing my hands, breathing erratically.
I don’t know if I can do this. My thought scares me more than saying goodbye. I can do this I need to, for Mom.
We arrive and stand at the church’s entrance waiting for people to arrive, hoping people come. Everything passes in a daze, I shake hands and exchange words with people I don’t know. More and more people arrive extending their condolences, telling me what a great person my Mom was.
“Nan, do you know all these people?” I whisper stunned.
“I know, honey. Some are people Lizzy went to school with, dance and neighbours. She would have been shocked by the amount that want to pay their respects.” She wipes her eyes, looking at everyone in awe.
“Wow. Your mom was well known and loved by the looks of it, you should be proud.” Mace whispers. I nod, because I am proud of my Mom, she was the greatest person I knew.
“Hi, I’m Kaysie. I’m sorry for your loss. I went to school with Lizzy, she was a wonderful person,” a short redheaded woman says holding my hand.
“Thank you,” I say robotically as the line goes on and on and my temper rises with every condolence.
“I don’t know how much more I can take. Why the hell do people say, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ anyway?” I hiss.
“Lily, honey… Don’t. You know they don’t know what to say,” Nan whispers softly patting my arm. I nod, refusing to upset her more than she already is.
It’s irrational, I’m angry, I just want my Mom. I stifle a sob, chewing on my cheek as an arm slides around my shoulders.
“It’s okay, Lils. It’ll be over soon.” This is why I love Mason. He’s always there, no matter what.
I keep my head down. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be,” I hiccup.
“I know, I’m here. Just lean on me, you’re not alone.” Turning, I hug him tight, squeezing his neck as his strong arms pull me tight against him.
“Thanks, Mace. I don’t know what we would have done without you. I’m glad you knocked me on my backside that day,” I say with a watery giggle.
I feel rather than hear him chuckle. “That was not my fault and you know it. You were spaced out and ran into me.”
“Yeah, I was. Sorry, but you did get an awesome best friend out of it…. So, you can hardly complain.” I sass and he smiles at me nodding.
His smile dissolves, staring over my shoulder. I know instantly, it’s time.
The Pastor motions us in, taking a deep breath I grasp Nan’s hand, and we walk to the church together. People nod sadly as we pass, I nod back and turn away, I hate being the centre of attention.
We’re sitting in the long front row and since there is only Nan and I as family, I invited Mason, Millie and Tiffany to sit with us. It felt appropriate since Tiff was Mom’s best friend.
I stare at the photo of Mom and I, we were camping at the time it was taken. Holding a teenage me from behind, we’re both laughing. It’s a beautiful shot of my Mom at her happiest.... Seeing her face smiling happily at me hits me hard. A tear spills over as the Pastor starts the service.
I’m not listening though. I stare at the photo wishing I could go back. Be with her again, hear her voice, see her smile. Tell her how much I love her.
“Miss Carter, do you wish to say a few words?” the Pastor asks. I blink looking at him blankly and stand robotically.
“You don’t have to...” Mason says clasping my hand.
“I’m fine, Mace. I have to say something in her memory” I say with a watery smile squeezing his hand. Straightening I breathe deeply.
Shoulders back, chin up, deep breath and smile. You can do this.
Standing at the podium looking at all the people who came to pay their respects to my Mom is staggering.
Another breath, blow it out gently, I look at the picture again.
“Thank you all for coming. It shows just how much Mom was known and loved. She wasn’t just a Mom. She was a Dad and a best friend. She managed them perfectly.
When I was sick no matter the age, I wanted my Mom. When I was tired, she rocked me to sleep and when I had nightmares she slept beside me. Without her I will be truly lost…” My throat closes my loss overwhelming me.
Looking at my Mom’s smiling face, I start again.
“She loved fashion, loved her job. She designed the dress I’m wearing, and I wear it today as a tribute to her achievements and love of fashion. We didn’t have a lot of money, but she made sure I never went without.
She was an amazing Mom and person. We were rich in other ways. Ways some people aren’t lucky enough to experience, we were rich for having each other. That’s what my Mom taught me.
To be grateful of what and who I have in life. Today, as I say goodbye to her, I make a promise to cherish every moment, to appreciate the people I love and who love me and to try never to take them for granted. Thank you for coming.” I take one last look at the picture of Mom before leaving the podium.
I walk back to my seat. The silence, throughout the church is deafening only broken by a few sniffles. I look to Nan who is smiling and crying at the same time.
~*~
The wake is being held at our house, so we moved all the furniture to one side and set all the food on the dining table.
The countless faces, names and introductions are endless. The only enjoyable part of it is when people tell me sweet and funny stories about Mom in her wilder days.
“Hey, Lily. Have you seen my mom? I can’t find her,” Millie whispers, making me jump.
“No. She’s the only one that hasn’t shaken my hand,” I whisper back, we giggle.
“Come on. I’ll help look and get a break from all the ‘I’m sorry for losses.’” I roll my eyes.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” she teases. I smirk at her smart-arse remark and stick my tongue out.
“You go that way, smart arse, I’ll go out back and check,” I say, pointing her towards the stairs.
My polite smile returns as I pass through the people gathered outside the back door smoking and chatting. They all give me sad smiles as I hurry away.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Haven’t you already caused enough trouble for this family?” Whoa, I stop before turning the corner. That’s Tiff. I’ve never heard her sound like that before.
“Come on, Tiff. I just wanted to pay my respects like the rest….” a male voice pleads.
“Yeah? Well, you didn’t goddamn respect her when she was alive, why would you now?” Tiffany hisses back, the venom dripping from her words scares me a little.
What the…? I peek around the side of the house, sure enough, there is Tiff looking majorly pissed. Jabbing a finger into the chest of a tall man in an expensive suit.
He stands there, head bowed, hands on his hips looking ashamed.
“Tiff, are you okay?” I ask, coming around the c
orner.
They both jump, but the bloke stares at me. He’s tall, tanned and rumpled. Brown wavy hair and green eyes.
Tiff spins. “Yes, sweetie. I’m fine. Just talking to an old friend of mine,” she says, stressing the word old.
“Oh, um… sorry. Millie’s looking for you. She’s worried,” I inform her. Rubbing my arm nervously. Hoping they don’t realise I heard some of their conversation.
The way the bloke is staring at me is freaking me out. I look between him and Tiff waiting for an introduction. Clearing his throat, the man lifts his hand.
“I’m...” that’s as far as he gets before Tiff butts in.
“Lily. This is Alex. His sister Lilyanna, was a good friend of mine and your mom’s.”
I’m shocked at her rudeness. Looking at Alex he looks shell shocked and a little scared, I don’t blame him Tiff is scary right now.
“Hello, it’s nice to meet you, is your sister here too?” I ask carefully, not wanting to set Tiff off again.
He shakes his head clearing his throat again and releases my hand. “You, too. I’m sorry about Lizzy. She was an amazing woman.” I smile warmly at him.
But Tiff growls, huffing. My stunned gaze swings to her. What the hell?
“What’s the matter?” I ask touching her arm gently.
“Nothing, I’m fine. Did you say Millie was looking for me?” she evades, grabbing my hand and pulling me away. Throwing an angry look at Alex. Who is still standing there open mouthed staring at me.
“Hey, Lils. Millie thinks you’ve eloped,” Mason yells across the yard heading straight to us as Tiff practically drags me along behind her.
I barely hear him as I swing my gaze back to look at Alex, whose gaze snaps to Mason coming across the lawn toward me. All colour drains from his face as Mason slings an arm around my shoulders.
What’s wrong with Tiff? Maybe Millie should be worried. She doesn’t normally act like that. She’s not rude, she’s a sweet person.
I look back over Mason’s arm, but Alex has disappeared.