by Jenna Jacob
“You lied to me. Lied to the man you were hired to help. I suppose there’s some crystal in your purse that makes that okay.”
I shook my head.
“What is it with you women? Is lying a part of your genetic code? Is it threaded through your DNA or something? Or is it a skillset you learn? Tell me, at what age do mothers pull their girls aside and teach them how to lie and betray men? Is it a contest? Do girls earn badges and trophies and shit for whoever tells a man the biggest lie?” Ross was screaming so loudly that my bones vibrated. The sizzling-hot waves of rage pouring off him were singeing my skin. “Let me fill you in on a little secret, princess. Your pussy and tits are for fucking, not for fucking men over.”
He shifted a furious glare toward the door and whispered, “Get out.”
“Ross, please. Let me explain.”
“Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Sight. Now!” he roared.
Chapter Fifteen
Ross
The tears in Harmony’s eyes as she turned and raced from my dressing room barely registered in my brain. I was completely consumed by the molten rage I hadn’t let take control over me in over four miserable years laying waste to every shred of humanity in my system.
Please, Ross. Let me explain.
Please, Ross. Let me explain.
Those same five words, though uttered by another woman—the ghost still haunting me relentlessly—sliced open the arteries of my mind, heart, body, and soul.
Gnashing my teeth together, I let out a feral roar.
Pacing the room, I tried to outrun the horrific memories spewing like a geyser and thundering through me with a pain so relentless and ruthless I could barely breathe.
Unable to harness my panic, guilt, and rage, I raced to the door and gripped the handle. I knew beyond the portal there was a woman all too eager to be used and tossed away, who had a little bag of magic powder, tucked in her bra or purse, that could take these brutal memories away.
All I had to do was open the door and tell her to bring in the candy.
Saliva pooled in my mouth.
My heart skipped a terrified staccato against my ribs.
Ignoring the anxiety rolling up my body, my fingers flexed for a fix.
Desire dripped sweat down my face, and hunger hummed in my limbs.
As the straitjacket of pain cinched tighter around me, the temptation to float away grew more appealing.
Gripping the knob with all my might, I closed my eyes and dragged in a ragged breath.
One day at a time.
I’m in charge of my life story.
Repeating the affirmations that got me through the first few days in rehab, I released the doorknob and took a step back. I wasn’t going to blow my sobriety over Harmony’s lie.
But rage was blistering me alive.
With a feral roar, I bent and hoisted the heavy loveseat beside me over my head, then heaved it across the room. I watched it sail through the air and crash into the big mirror on the other wall, shattering like my life had that horrible night when I’d lost it all.
I stared at the shimmering fragments littering the floor with the same eyes I’d helplessly watched the life slide from her body with. The room melted away as memories charged my brain, making me relive the helpless heartbreak, horror, and guilt.
I’m sorry. The last words she’d whispered wended through me like smoke-wrapped razor blades, slicing me to shreds as they blew past.
Tears slid down my cheeks.
A mournful howl tore from the back of my throat and I crumpled to the floor, unable to support myself beneath the weight of sorrow and shame.
The door flew open and Burk darted inside. I didn’t try to hide my tears or mask my pain, I simply looked up at him and whispered, “I need a line.”
Swallowing tightly, Burk dropped to the floor beside me and slung his arm over my shoulder. “I’ll get you a line, brother…a lifeline. Hang tight.”
Burk pulled his cell out and started scrolling through his contacts as I wiped my tears and struggled to pull myself together. After tapping the screen, he held the device to his ear. “Paul, it’s Burk.” The singer paused for a couple seconds. “Not good. Here he is. Work your magic, man. Work it hard.”
He handed me his phone and clasped his hand around mine. “You’ve got this, brother. I have faith in you. Climb back on top of it. You control it; it doesn’t control you. Got it?”
“Yeah.” I nodded grimly.
“I’ll be back in a few.”
As he headed toward the door, I called out to him. “Tell her I’m sorry.”
“Tell her yourself, fucker.” He winked and left the room.
“Sorry to bother you,” I said into the phone and cracked a smile when my longtime sponsor, Paul, started cussing me out—like the sailor he once was—for apologizing.
When he was through chewing me out, I spilled my guts. Told him about Angie finding a boyfriend. About Harmony joining the tour and how the innocent beauty flipped every fucking switch in my system. About shutting Sylvia out of my life and hiring Bernie. And how I stupidly let Harmony inside my walls only to have her lie to me.
“I don’t believe my luck. The first fucking woman I let get close to me in all these years, and she’s another fucking liar.”
“First of all, did Harmony actually lie or did she just not tell you everything you thought you deserved to hear?” Paul asked.
“Semantics, man. Omission of facts is the same as lying.”
“Not necessarily. After you blew a gasket about her being your fake girlfriend, she was probably scared shitless to tell you the rest.”
“Maybe I should quit. It’s the only way to keep Quinn from sticking his damn nose in my business.”
“Oh, so you’re just going to let him win, huh?” Paul scoffed.
I knew he was only giving me a much-needed dose of tough love, but the cocksucker was pissing me off.
“You do realize Quinn’s the one who set you up, right?” Paul chided. “Harmony is nothing but a pawn in his game. Yet you’re blaming her for the lie.”
“She didn’t have to lie for him.”
“Sure she did. He’s the fucker signing her paycheck?”
“I offered her double to walk the fuck away.”
“You should have offered her double to do what she’s doing.”
“What? Pissing me off?”
“No. Making you finally feel something, asshole.”
I loved the man for making me own my shit and at the same time, hated him for it.
“I think your girl never wanted to lie to you from the get-go. And the only reason you thought about throwing your sobriety out the window when the truth came out is because you’re already a little bit in love with her. Which, I’m sure, royally fucks you up since you now think she’s playing you exactly like Lil—”
“Don’t say her name,” I growled.
“I’ll fucking say her name any goddamn time I want to. Lily. Lily. Lily. There. And here’s a newsflash for you—before our conversation is over, you’re going to say her name as well.”
“I’m two seconds from hanging up, fucker,” I snarled.
“Go ahead. Hang up the phone, you stubborn prick. I’ve got Quinn’s number.”
“Goddammit, Paul,” I barked.
“Goddammit, Ross. Open your fucking eyes.” Paul paused and took a deep breath. “You can’t keep wrapping the chains of guilt around your neck. They’ll only weigh you down until you finally give up and start spreading a few lines out on a mirror. Stop letting the past dictate your future. You’re smarter than that. Where’s your fucking gratitude list? You’ve got the brass ring in your hand. Hold on to it. If you’re too scared to hang on to Harmony, at least hold on to the ring. But don’t you dare let go because you’re afraid to tell your ghosts goodbye.”
As usual, Paul was right. I was scared. Scared to let go of Lily. Scared to let Harmony in. Scared to say goodbye to her in six short months. Scared to say goodbye to either of them and be left with
nothing but empty nights, bittersweet memories, and bitter guilt.
Pinching my lips together, I let his words turn over in my head.
“I’ll catch the next flight to New York if you need me,” Paul offered.
A warm smile tugged my lips. “No, man. I’m good. I’ll be all right now. Thanks.”
“Remember, no matter what—”
“Comes my way, I can handle it. Yeah, I know. But I never expected anyone like Harmony to come my way.”
“She’s only there because you’re ready for her to be in your life. Don’t blow it. And I damn well expect to meet this girl when your tour is over.”
“Yeah, well, she might be back on her mountain in Kentucky by then.”
“I hope, for your sake, she’s not.”
Me, too.
“You know what you need to do next, right?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Tell me anyway.”
“I need to go find her, apologize, and tell her about…” I swallowed tightly and closed my eyes. Then I drew in a deep breath. “About…Lily.”
“You’re going to be fine, fucker. Just fine. If the road starts to crumble again, pick up the phone. All right?”
“Will do.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah, Mom. I promise.”
“You’re a good boy, Ross,” Paul howled as I ended the call.
A second later, Burk returned, eyeing me pensively. “You okay?”
“I am now.” I nodded. I stood and handed him his phone. “Where’s Harmony?”
“She’s on the bus with everyone but Syd. He’s in his dressing room playing Daddy’s gonna make you scream with a couple of groupies.”
“How is she? Is she—”
“A mess? Yeah, a hot fucking mess right now.”
“Shit.” I sighed. “I need to talk to her.”
“You might want to leave her alone for a few days…just sayin’.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I need to fix this now.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to get through two pissed-off women, and an overbearing bus driver first.”
“Whatever it takes.”
Burk arched his brows. “You’re really falling for her, aren’t you?”
“I’m not falling. I already landed.”
“Son of a bitch.” Burk grinned. “First time I laid eyes on Sofia, I fell like a fucking sequoia. Best damn day of my life.”
I chuckled.
“Looks like Syd’s the last man standing.”
“Doubt it. I’m sure he’s got one of those groupies beneath him giving her the best ten seconds of her life,” I drawled as we left the dressing room and made our way to the bus.
Though Paul had helped me get my head on straight and my shit under control, the ground beneath my feet was still uneven. I had a feeling it wouldn’t level out until I made amends with Harmony.
What if she didn’t accept my apology?
What if she decided she’d had enough and quit?
Worry knotted my gut as I pushed past the heavy metal doors and jogged to the coach. As I leapt up the stairs, all heads turned my way. Ignoring the collective looks of contempt pelting me, I couldn’t do the same for the crushing sobs emanating from the back of the coach.
“You need to—”
“Don’t.” I glared at Ozzy. “I’ll fix it.”
“Make sure you do,” Sofia bit out angrily.
If I hadn’t been so busy begging the gods for Harmony’s forgiveness, I might have smiled at the fact that the beautiful vixen who’d so effortlessly slid inside my heart had touched the members of my band family’s as well.
Eating up the distance to the end bunk, my bunk, where Harmony was sobbing behind the closed curtain, I drew in a deep breath and yanked the drape open.
She jerked her head up. Her eyes were rimmed red, and tears were spilling down her cheeks. The pieces of my heart she hadn’t yet captured fluttered from my chest and floated into the palm of her hand.
Harmony turned her head as if embarrassed that I had found her crying.
Oh, hell no.
Without a word, I lifted her from the cubby, drew her flush against my body, and claimed her sweet lips with an impassioned apology. When Harmony tensed, my heart clutched and my gut seized. Refusing to let her shut me out, I slid a hand in her silky hair, tipped her head back, and deepened the kiss.
The whole time I was making love to her mouth and suffusing her soul with every ounce of passion unfurling inside me, I was praying I hadn’t fucked things up beyond repair. Long, agonizing seconds passed before Harmony wrapped her arms around me, melted against my chest with a soft moan, and parted her lips inviting me in.
Tears of joy stung my eyes.
Easing from her lips, I peppered tender kisses along her jaw and down her neck before settling against that sensitive spot behind her ear.
“I’m sorry, princess. So fucking sorry,” I murmured, bathing her warm, soft skin with my lips and tongue. “Sorry I lost my shit and took it out on you.” Melting my mouth over hers, I pulled away long seconds later to skate my tongue down her slender throat. “It won’t happen again, I swear.”
“It’s not your fault, Ross. I shouldn’t have—”
“No, it’s Quinn’s. And when I’m done begging your forgiveness, however long that takes, I’m going to kill the meddling prick.”
Harmony tossed her head back, granting me more canvas to paint with kisses, and laughed. It was the single most captivating symphony I’d ever heard.
“You can’t. He’s…gone.” She sighed dreamily as I sucked the lobe of her ear between my lips and lashed it with my tongue. “Flying…home…to Chicago.”
The sound of her choppy, breathless words went straight to my dick.
“Good. That gives me all the time in the world to convince you how sorry I am.”
“No,” she whimpered. “No more apologies. All I need is…you.”
“I’m all yours, princess.” I promised.
I started to slant my lips over hers when the coach swayed as it eased from the curb. I wrapped a protective arm around Harmony’s waist. She issued a little yelp, then pressed her palm to the bathroom door and giggled.
“I guess we’re moving huh?”
“We are.” I smirked and pressed my lips to hers again.
I was drowning in the honey sweet flavor of her kiss, and my blood blazed as the coach swayed and the heated V of her pussy scraped my swollen cock. I cupped her breast and thumbed her nipple, greedily swallowing down her kitten-soft moans.
“Stay the night with me,” I growled low in her ear.
“Yes.” Her voice and body quivered in tandem.
The roar of anticipation humming in my head muted the sound of the accelerating engine. I was lost in the silky depths of Harmony’s heavenly mouth as images of dragging endless orgasms from her sexy writhing, whimpering, keening body flooded my brain.
My heart was tripping, and the heady magnitude of responsibility pressed in all around me.
In a few short minutes, I would strip the shimmering dress off this sweet innocent girl and lay her across my bed. Then with tender, loving care—and the patience of Job—strip the fragile flesh of her virginity away and welcome her into the world as a woman.
The realization that I hadn’t packed any condoms was spinning through my head when Kenny yelled out a curse.
Less than a second later, a thunderous crash exploded all around me. The coach pitched violently to the left, yanking Harmony from my lips and the safety of my arms.
Screams, shattering glass, and the screech of twisted metal filled the air.
In sickening slow motion, a cry of terror launched from Harmony’s throat, and I helplessly watched her sail down the aisle, spinning like a rag doll.
“No,” I yelled, lurching forward to catch her and wrap her safely in my arms.
But the coach continued listing, slamming me hard against the bathroom door. Bowing beneath my weight, the wood gave
way with a loud crack and splintered all around me. Like a bullet, I was sailing past the toilet and straight toward the shower enclosure. Jerking my arms up, I shielded my face as I crashed through the glass. Blades of fire ripped my flesh. A scream of pain tore from my throat right before my head bounced off the tile wall with a sickening thud.
Blinding sparks exploded in my brain. And as I wondered if this was how I died, the world went black.
The sounds of sirens and men yelling dragged me from the inky darkness. Forcing my eyelids open, I saw the bathroom sink…on its side? Confusion raked my brain as a warm, thick liquid oozed into my eyes and blurred my vision.
“What the fuck is happening?” I moaned, snapping them shut again.
My mind was as fuzzy as the time I drank a bottle of tequila in Puerto Vallarta and woke up on the beach, covered in sand flea bites. Based on the sirens and the scent of diesel fuel pummeling my senses, I knew I wasn’t on any beach. And whatever was happening to me was no fucking vacation.
Fragments of memories fluttered through my head.
A crash.
Screams.
Splintered wood and glass.
The bus tipping over.
Harmony ripped from my arms and sailing through the air.
Panic slammed me, stealing my breath.
Blinking rapidly, I tried to clear the sticky goo from my eyes and leaned forward. Like a blowtorch, pain seared every inch of my body. Clenching my jaw, I reached up and gripped what was left of the shower frame, sending the shards of glass in my hand sinking deeper. With a hiss, I dragged myself to my knees. Glass fragments rained off my body as waves of dizziness crested through me. Fueled by the panic to find Harmony, I gripped my bloody fingers around the base of the sink and dragged myself toward the fractured wood of the portal.
“Harmony,” I bellowed.
“He’s back here,” a man yelled. “I found him.”
Why wasn’t she answering me?
Panic wrapped my heart and squeezed
“Harmony!” I screamed as tears of fear stung my eyes.
“Easy, buddy. Everybody’s out but you. My name’s Nate. You hang tight. We’re going to get you out of here,” he calmly assured, wiping something over my eyes and forehead. The crap blurring my vision was now gone, but the cloth in Nate’s hand was covered in blood.