Fear of Fire and Shadow

by S. Young

  As soon as we were inside the city walls, I sensed Wolfe’s urgency to get to the Guard as much as my own. We made haste through the thronging masses as they hurried to and fro. The marketplace in Daeronia would be busy; they didn’t have anything to export except beer and coal, so much of the business was in import. I had to admit as I followed Wolfe out of the main streets to quieter cobbled ones, I was impressed by the vojvodkyna’s white-stone city. It really was spectacularly beautiful. Much like Her Grace. I winced, remembering we were heading to the home of Wolfe’s ex-lover.

  That wouldn’t be awkward at all.

  Unlike the other wealthy districts of Phaedra, the Radiant District was walled and had a gatekeeper. When Wolfe explained who we were, one of the soldiers disappeared behind the carved wooden doors that kept us out. Wolfe glared his disapproval at the three other guards. They looked anywhere but at him. I almost sympathized with them. I knew how stinging that glare could be.

  “Captain!”

  We both turned at the sound of Lieutenant Chaeron’s voice as he came through the gates, directing the guard to open them so we could trot through.

  “It’s good to see you, Lieutenant.” Wolfe nodded down at him. Chaeron nodded back. Men were such funny things.

  I smiled brightly at Chaeron. “Lieutenant. So good to see you.”

  “You too, Miss Rogan.” He looked up at me with concern as he walked by my horse. “I do hope you are well.”

  Realizing he was genuinely distressed that I had been taken whilst under his protection, I sought to reassure him. “Of course, Lieutenant. Captain Wolfe and I looked out for one another.”

  We both ignored the grunt from said captain’s direction.

  “The vojvodkyna has a suite waiting for you. She realizes how exhausted you must be and has given you leave to retreat to your room.”

  Given me leave? I wanted to snort at that. I was going to my bloody room, leave or not. I didn’t say that, though. That would make me sound jealous. And I wasn’t. Not a bit. “How kind of her.”

  Several members of the guard were waiting outside of Vojvodkyna Winter’s white-stone mansion. It was like a small replica of the Silveran palace. Hmm. I raised an eyebrow but kept quiet. I wouldn’t have been able to comment, even if I’d wanted to. The soldiers circled me and Wolfe, peppering us with questions until Wolfe took pity on me and ordered his men aside so I could go inside.

  “Lady Rogan,” Wolfe called as I walked away. I stiffened at hearing him so formal. I turned slightly, face expressionless.

  “Yes, Captain?”

  “I would prefer if we stayed here for a few days instead of one. To regain our strength.”

  I returned his nod with a brittle one of my own. I could understand the wisdom in the suggestion, despite my desperate need to get to Alvernia … except I wondered if it was just wisdom on Wolfe’s part or if he wanted some extra time with the beautiful vojvodkyna.

  Shaking off the strange pang of hurt I felt, I followed Lieutenant Chaeron who introduced me to the butler, a beautiful older woman. I’d never met a female butler before. It wasn’t really the done thing. Yet it did not surprise me to find one in Winter’s home. The butler’s auburn hair was tied back in a fierce knot, streaks of silver darting through the sides. I was surprised that Winter had such an attractive butler, thinking perhaps her vain enough to want to be the prettiest woman in her home.

  But when the butler called for two maidservants to help me to my room, I came to a better understanding. The two maids were stunning young creatures, their auburn hair and wide blue eyes a striking counterpart to their dark work clothes. Then again, even their work clothes were the finest I had seen.

  It was then I realized something obvious: Vojvodkyna Winter Rada was obsessed with beauty. And so far the servants resembled her in coloring. It was strange to say the least, and I wasn’t just being snotty because of her history with Wolfe. I found it all a little narcissistic. Not a little. A lot.

  As I followed the stunning little creatures to a lovely bedroom suite where a bath already awaited me, as did a tray of food, I snorted at the maids’ beauty. The Royal Guard must be in haven here.

  It was a wonderful sleep. Comfortable. Warm. Luxurious even. I did dream of Haydyn again, but I had given in to the idea that until I saved her, she was going to be a regular visitor in my subconscious. The next morning, I awoke to a maid setting a tray over my lap. She informed me I had missed breakfast but that once I was refreshed, I was invited to join the vojvodkyna in her parlor for tea.

  Not particularly looking forward to that, I made an agreeable noise from the back of my throat before tearing into my toast. The maid stared at me a little wide-eyed, probably unaccustomed to a lady taking out her anger on harmless toasted bread. She gave me a tremulous smile and then bustled around the room, laying out a dress from the luggage the Royal Guard had kept safe. It would be nice to wear clean clothes again.

  I followed another pretty maid to a room with white double doors edged in gold. A handsome footman with burnished brown hair and pale-blue eyes pulled the door open for me, and I swept inside, my gaze returning to the footman who was strangely familiar.

  “I see Arnaud has captured your attention,” a husky voice curled around me, drawing my attention away from the footman.

  My spirits depressed. I forgot the impact of Winter’s beauty. Contrary to her name, Winter was more autumn in coloring. Striking auburn hair, wide cobalt eyes, and fine features. Her pale skin was the only thing about her that could be considered winterish. No wonder Wolfe had wanted this woman. Which really made me wonder what on earth he found appealing about me. She was all sunny autumn morning, and I was all … thunderclouds and rain with my black hair and dark eyes. Wolfe—

  Wolfe! I turned around again to stare at the footman but he was gone, the door closed behind him. The footman had Wolfe’s coloring. My gut twisted and my jaw clenched.

  “He’s rather delicious, isn’t he?” Winter laughed, a throaty laugh meant for seducing boys and men.

  I replied with a half smile. “Very.”

  Winter drew to her feet, her white dress as stunning as a ball gown, the neckline cut low, the waist cinched so everyone could see how tiny it was. I smoothed the plain gown I wore, wondering why I was letting the obvious differences between us bother me. I had never cared before.

  “Come, sit down, you look exhausted.” Winter clasped my hand and led me to the armchair. I took a seat, surprised by the genuine concern on her face as she eyed the fading bruise on my cheek. “You’ve been through such an ordeal. The Vikomt Stovia told me all about your abduction by rookery gang members.” She shook her head in disgust. “I had heard of this so-called rookery in Vasteryian Borders but to face the reality of it—you’re very brave, Lady Rogan. You are to be commended for handling it so well.”

  I smiled in spite of myself. “Thank you, Your Grace.” Wolfe hadn’t told Winter about the gypsies. He’d only told her a half truth, a truth she was already aware of. Good. We were sticking to the plan, not panicking anyone with the growing unrest in Phaedra.

  “Tea?” Winter asked.

  I nodded, feeling tongue-tied. I really didn’t know what to say to this vivacious creature. Haydyn was always so good at talking to the Rada. I winced. Then again, Haydyn was as beautiful as Winter, perhaps more so.

  “Arabelle.” Winter waved a dainty hand to the maid in the corner and the girl came forward at a graceful float. She had her servants as well trained as debutantes.

  Once tea was sorted, Arabelle was dismissed and Winter relaxed into the settee. “I do hope you slept well last night, Lady Rogan. I gathered you might need the rest.”

  “I did.” I actually smiled at the thought of the luxurious bed upstairs. “Thank you, Your Grace, for your hospitality. It feels like the sun after a very long bout of rain.”

  Pleased with my poetic thanks, Winter hurried on to pepper me with more questions about my well-being until I began to feel guilty for judging her so harshl
y. She didn’t seem like a shallow socialite at all. In fact, if I remember correctly, Haydyn had told me she liked the vojvodkyna. She said Winter was smart and opinionated and cared not who knew it—the kind of woman I might have called friend …

  Just as we were discussing Haydyn’s plans to hold a ball next season in the hopes of addressing some Phaedrian issues, a knock sounded at the door and Wolfe strode in. He looked like his old self again. At the sight of him, my pulse increased. I bitterly tried to ignore my reaction.

  “Vikomt!” Winter rose to her feet, her eyes alight. The smile he bestowed upon her was wide and brilliant. He bowed over her hand and pressed an intimate kiss to the corner of her wrist.

  I experienced a painful twist in my chest. Seeing them together, as they turned to me, I realized just how handsome they looked together. How right. Winter was a little older than Wolfe, but with his maturity and sense of responsibility, the age difference seemed inconsequential.

  “My lady.” Wolfe nodded at me, his expression carefully blank.

  I wanted to scowl at him in outrage. Instead, I nodded back as if I were unaffected by the difference in temperature of his greeting compared to the one he’d given Winter.

  “Oh, my lord, it is lovely to have you to tea,” Winter said in that husky undertone, leading him to the settee to sit closely by her.

  I did not think it was deliberate, but now that Wolfe was in the room, nothing else existed for Winter. She huddled into him, availing him of her recent deal with a factory owner in Raphizya that she swore would bring more income and work for the people of Caera. Wolfe listened aptly, his eyes never leaving her, drinking in the vivid, intelligent woman’s every word. I was completely cut out, and the longer they sat talking, the angrier and more hurt I grew. I felt as if a small creature was gnawing on my ribs.

  I was jealous.

  Hatefully, painfully jealous, and there was nothing I could do about it.

  If only there was some way to end my attraction to him. I mulled over this for a moment. There was Haydyn. Once Raj administered the cure and she was well and back to full strength, perhaps she could manipulate my feelings for Wolfe. Make me feel indifferent to him.

  I chewed on the idea for a bit before dismissing it. No. Haydyn needed all her strength for the peace evocation.

  Well, that was that, then. I just had to avoid Wolfe at all costs.

  I stood, smiling brightly, falsely, down at them. “Thank you for tea, Your Grace, but I promised Lieutenant Chaeron I would meet with him.”

  “Oh, of course.” Winter smiled at me.

  “Good day, Your Grace. Captain.” I managed to meet his eyes before hurrying past.

  “Lady Rogan, wait,” Wolfe clipped out.

  I spun and raised an eyebrow at his demanding tone. “Yes?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I just told you,” I snapped.

  Winter raised an eyebrow, and Wolfe glowered. And then as I looked at them pressed together on the settee, I realized I was not only jealous, I was angry. Just two nights before, Wolfe had been kissing me. Now he was romancing his old lover under my nose. I had been right to brush off his attentions as a mistake. It had been nothing but a weak moment during a trying time. Wolfe was nothing but another Jarek.

  “I don’t remember any such plans,” Wolfe drawled.

  “I want Lieutenant Chaeron to train me. With a sword. Considering what happened. You yourself said it wasn’t a bad idea.”

  He frowned. “It’s not. But I’ll train you.”

  The thought of him putting his arms around me frightened me. Not because I was afraid of him. Only of how he made me feel.

  Weak.

  “No, thank you.” Without another word, I spun around and left them to stew in the wake of my rude departure.

  Chapter 19

  Training with Chaeron the day before had really taken my mind off the Wolfe situation. I was still not amused that Chaeron hadn’t taken my word for it that Wolfe was allowing me to be trained to use a sword and had gone off to ask permission from the man himself. But when he returned, a little sheepish, I decided that learning to fight back was more important than being peevish.

  Chaeron proved to be a patient and adept trainer, and I really felt as if I had learned something from him. I now knew how to hold the hilt of a sword properly, which was more important than I gave credence to. He taught me how to use an opponent’s weight and height against them, considering most men were going to be taller and stronger than I was. He could still back me into a corner, but not so quickly as before.

  “Lieutenant.” I waved to him as I crossed the courtyard. He and a few other soldiers were already busy at practice. “May I join you today?”

  “You’ve come back for more punishment, Miss Rogan?” Chaeron teased.

  I raised my eyebrows in mock hauteur. “I’m nothing if not resilient, Lieutenant.”

  We smiled at one another before he set about procuring me a sword. We went over a few basics again and he had a few of the men, of different heights and weights, come at me, calling out instructions on how best to deal with their attack.

  “See how Smythe keeps attacking low—despite my best efforts to break him of the habit—he’s trying to sneak past your defenses. But now that you know the pattern of his thrust and parry, you can use it against him, sweep up, strike at him as his sword comes at you …”

  We had only been training for a half hour when Wolfe appeared in the courtyard. The men hurried to appear vigilant, even though there was nothing to be vigilant about.

  “Lieutenant.” Wolfe nodded at Chaeron. “Why don’t you and the men take a break?”

  I frowned as Chaeron nodded and gestured for the men to follow him out of the courtyard, dispersing them in seconds. “You just got rid of my sparring partners.”

  Wolfe remained expressionless. “Follow me.”

  What on haven did he want? Still furious at him, I considered telling him to stick his sword where the sun didn’t shine.

  But curiosity won out.

  I followed quickly as he led me out of the courtyard and down the stone servants’ steps that led into the walled gardens. I hurried along, trying to keep up with him, my heart thudding as I gripped the hilt of the sword in my sweating hand. What could be wrong to have put Wolfe in this strange state of tense calm?

  When he disappeared into the high hedges that hid us from the view of the house, I’d had enough. “Wolfe!” I called sharply, drawing to a halt.

  He spun around, and I bit my lip. Damn it, I’d used his given name again. Shrugging off my embarrassment, I glared at him. “Well? What is the matter? I’m not following you any longer until you tell me what is going on.”

  Wolfe shrugged and headed toward me, his movements slow, almost predatory. “I merely wanted privacy to continue your training.”

  An angry flush colored my face. “I was in the middle of training. I don’t need your help.”

  “I’m the best swordsman in the Royal Guard,” he said without arrogance, and I knew it was true. “Don’t you want to learn from the best?”

  “I was learning from second best, which is quite all right with me.” I thrust my chin in the air, running my eyes down the length of his body with a look of distaste. “Why don’t you return to your mistress, Captain? I’ve heard she enjoys a bit of swordplay.”

  Wolfe laughed, a true happy laugh that sent a shiver through me. I stepped back, but he followed until I was pressed up against a hedge, the branches pricking into my skin through my dress. He loomed over me, inches from me, intimidating me. “Are we going to spar or not?”

  Determined I could withstand his nearness, I gave him a stubborn nod and pushed him away. He immediately encircled me, his arms coming around and covering my hand on the sword.

  “I’ve already been shown how to hold it,” I said hoarsely, my skin tight and sensitive at his proximity. I could feel his breath in my ear, his hard thighs through my skirts.

  “You’ve not been
shown how to hold mine properly,” he replied in a low voice, his lips brushing my ear. My cheeks must have bloomed bright red as understanding dawned. The lascivious son of a …

  “Why, you—” My indignation trailed off into silence at the surprisingly sweet kiss he pressed against my neck. He held me tight as if trying to offer comfort more than passion. I almost melted into him. But then … I have an excellent memory.

  I swear, I’ve never met a man who knows how to use his mouth quite so well.

  Winter!

  I stiffened. I remembered overhearing her one night at the palace two summer seasons ago. She and her friends had been discussing her liaison with Wolfe with pride and relish.

  I would pay all the gold in Phaedra to be showered in that man’s kisses.

  Feeling stupider than stupid, I shoved away from Wolfe, hard. He staggered a little. Turning to face him, I found his eyes bright and narrowed with frustration.

  “I’m not one of your women,” I hissed, hating the sting of tears in my eyes. “It’s not like that between us. Go back to Winter.”

  His face hardened and he bristled. For a moment, I had forgotten how much larger he was than me, his height casting me into shadow. “I’m not having an affair with Winter,” Wolfe growled. “It’s been over between us for a long time.”

  I wanted to believe him. Wolfe wasn’t the kind of man who lied. And I knew, deep down, as I sneered at him and composed myself, because it was easier that way, I was deliberately choosing to believe otherwise. I shook my head, the message in my eyes clear. I felt his glare burn through my back as I hurried out of the gardens and away from him.

  Dinner was excruciating. I wore my best dress, which wasn’t saying much considering all I had packed were traveling gowns. I sat next to Chaeron, hoping his soothing presence would get me through the ordeal of sharing dinner with Winter and Wolfe. Winter sat at the head of the table with Wolfe at her side. As per usual, she was dressed as perfectly as a doll, flawless and refined. A lady.