Christmas to Come: a heartbreaking coming of age saga set in London's East End

by Carol Rivers

  He was happy as Larry here in the back rooms where the beautiful colours flowed in abundance. Time and space evaporated. The LSD had never given him a bad trip, it was a confidence booster. As he relaxed beside the young girl who could have been Leyla, but for the fact Leyla had overdosed and departed this mortal coil three years ago, he was in psychedelic heaven. He had found Nirvana. He had also discovered a prosperous income from drugs. Handfuls of these bourgeois, arty types trying to score from dodgy cockney villains to impress their friends! Well, he was their man.

  He grinned foolishly. And the pot smokers, too. Roll on the beatniks and the musicians and the long-haired radicals. They had actually convinced themselves they were going to change the world. As God hadn't managed to do it in the long aeons of ownership, what hope had they, Micky often thought to himself? He would make sure the revenue he was generating from these monkeys was going to stack up. The duchess's money was long gone, and that bastard McNee was up to his old tricks again. He'd been hoping that the Krays, with whom he had a nodding acquaintance, would cement McNee ten feet down, under a fly-over. But unfortunately, Reggie had been nicked. Ronnie was still lamenting his new situation. But all that would change if Reggie was out soon with good behaviour. Then he would arrange for McNee to get his due rewards!

  Feeling satisfied, Micky crawled on top the inert body of the young woman beside him. She was totally out of it, her eyes seeing into some other world. He would have a joint or two with her in a minute and pulling her to him, she roused softly. There was a way-out smile on her face.

  Baby, if this was what tripping was all about, he wanted more of it.

  Percy had painted the yellow front door of twenty-four Chapel House Street, emerald green. The horseshoe knocker had been replaced with a glinting brass lion's head and the square of grass at the front was neatly tended as was the border of flowers. The Shines had moved in four years ago when Mr Taylor died and Bella knew that although the house was small, it was Dolly's pride and joy.

  She had replaced the lace curtains with frilly nets, the old lino with carpet and a new bed for her and Percy. Their expanding family were now all accommodated on bunk beds; the twins and five-year-old April and three-year-old June. Widowed Mrs Taylor, burdened with arthritis, slept on the bed settee downstairs.

  Bella dropped the heavy knocker and there were yells of delight from inside. The door swung open and Dolly and two little girls flung themselves forward. The next in line for attention was young Michael, who barely flinched as they clung to his legs. The ten-year-old twins looked shyly out from behind Dolly's plump shoulders.

  'Come in, come in,' Dolly beckoned, all frizzy hair and winsome bosom. She pulled Bella inside and kissed Michael on his cheek, much to his embarrassment. 'Tea's ready in the kitchen,' she gushed, urging them down the hall. 'Anne and Irene have made fairy cakes and April and June helped with the custard. Now Michael, go and tell the girls what you'd like to drink and we'll all sit down to eat. April, June, go and wash your hands, please.'

  Giggling, the two little girls ran off. The twins escorted Michael out to the kitchen and Bella followed Dolly to the front room. She was surprised to see that Mrs Taylor's chair was empty.

  'Mum's gone to Raymond's for a month,' Dolly said by way of explanation. 'It won't be much of a holiday as she has to put up with all his brood. Me and Ray have ten between the two of us!'

  Bella sighed. 'And there's me with just one.'

  'Don't speak too soon,' Dolly warned as she made herself comfortable on the settee. 'You're only twenty-eight, there's plenty of time yet.'

  'I can't see that happening,' Bella replied as she sat next to Dolly. 'I'm beginning to think I'm better off as I am.'

  She didn't enlighten Dolly on the way things were going at home with her and Micky. Their most recent quarrel had been over the coffee bar. When she'd told him about Gina's suggestion he'd flown off the handle. Gina was trying to get money out of them to line her own pockets, he'd insisted. When, ill-advisedly, she had tried to explain the potential, he'd told her she was a gullible fool and Gina wasn't getting a penny off him.

  'Dolly, I'd like to talk to you about something. I want to ask your advice.'

  Dolly's eyes widened. 'Really? That's a first! Wait a minute, I'll send the kids into the garden to play.'

  Bella opened her bag and took out the sums she had been doing. When Dolly returned, she passed her the notes.

  'What's this?'

  'Dolly, I'm thinking about going into business.'

  'Never! Who with?'

  'Gina. She has a chance to buy the coffee bar and has asked me to go halves. This is a summary of the takings. Could you just glance at them and tell me what you think?'

  Dolly examined the paper, a small frown on her forehead. 'I'm no expert on figures, Bella, but even I can see the coffee bar is doing very well.'

  Bella nodded. 'Our customers spend as much on coffee as the dockers and labourers used to spend on fry-ups. They like different food though and the bakery delivers most of it. Pastries, fancy breads and quick snacks. Not only have we changed the menu, but our reputation for good coffee has got around. Sometimes there's standing room only. Last Saturday morning we had a queue outside the door - ' she broke off, grinning. 'I'm only seeing the good side, as you can tell. That's why I wanted your advice.'

  'What can I tell you?' Dolly chuckled. 'I don't know anything about coffee bars. But I can see you're very enthusiastic.'

  'I am.'

  'You like working there, don't you?'

  'I always did. Even when it was a cafe. But now it's even better. The young people are entertaining and the coffee brings all sorts together. Business began to improve with the Espresso machine and then exploded when we installed the juke box. Teenagers need somewhere to go, to drink coffee and listen to their chosen music. In a way, we are just like a club.'

  'A bit of a change to the Docklands, eh?'

  'As the kids get older they want something different.'

  'I don't know if I'd let my girls go to a coffee bar, though.'

  'They're young yet. But you probably won't be able to stop them when they get older.'

  Dolly made a face. 'If the girls come in your coffee bar, you can report it straight to me.'

  They laughed and Bella tilted her head curiously. 'So do I get the thumbs up? Is this a good idea, do you think?'

  'You don't need me to give you approval,' Dolly grinned. 'I think it's a wonderful idea.'

  Bella felt excited to have won Dolly's support. All she had to do now was work out the money with Gina. Would the coffee bar be a wise investment? If she didn't give it a try, she would never know!

  If Bella had any worries about her new venture, she soon lost them. Over the summer, trade increased to the point where they had to employ more help. Tina, the young girl who had helped in the early days, returned to work.

  Bella had come to a decision. She had invested all her savings into the coffee bar, every penny that she'd saved over the years. The family was happy for her, but not Micky, who had warned her she would regret her decision. Even Mary and Gus who were now living together in the prefab, called in to see what the coffee bar was like. Bella served them knickerbocker glories from the new ice cream machine and Espresso afterwards. Gus played the juke box and Bella was amused to see Mary talking to the teenagers.

  In September, Bella became an official partner. There was a small celebration one Saturday morning. Bella had prepared twice as many sandwiches and the baker had delivered large trays of coconut Madeline and succulent rum baba.

  Ronnie and Joyce made a glamorous appearance; Joyce wore a French pleat in her dark hair complimented by her Harrods lightweight styled coat, gloves and matching handbag in pale lilac. Even the youngest boys stared at her whilst the girls giggled as Ronnie smiled at them. Dressed in a blue blazer and clean cut white shirt, he looked very handsome.

  'Congratulations you two,' Joyce said as she hugged Gina and Bella. 'Do you know they're lining up outsid
e?'

  'We could do with more seats,' Gina chuckled. 'There are plenty of bums to sit on them.'

  'Then knock down that wall and extend into the kitchen,' Ronnie suggested and everyone stared at him. 'Convert the yard to the cooking area. Put plans in now and you'll treble your custom for the second half of the year.'

  'Are you interested in the project, Ron?' Bella enquired.

  Ronnie grinned. 'I've knocked down enough walls for strangers and you're family. So if you want it done, it's done.'

  'Yes, please!' Bella and Gina cried together. 'We want to look like the Moka in Frith Street and the Mocamba in the Brompton Road.' Bella had gone up to the city and knew exactly what they wanted the coffee bar to look like. 'How much is it going to cost us?'

  'I'll work out something,' Ronnie told them ruefully. 'I might develop a big appetite for Espresso.'

  Everyone was laughing, but in just a few moments Bella had realized that the future could become very profitable indeed. Every instinct told her that as long as they listened to the customers and made changes when they had to, there was nothing to stop them. Nothing at all. Not even Micky.

  The following day was Sunday, but Ron still sent his men. He knew a name in the planning office and in just over a month, the refurbishment was all done, with little interruption to the business. The customers were as excited as Bella and Gina.

  Soon they were attracting the city custom; musicians, artists and actors among them. Creatives who liked to think they were trendy and attracted the young people to their work and lifestyles.

  The teenagers loved the atmosphere. Bella hoped that now they had been proved successful, Micky would take more of an interest in her work and dreams for the future. But alas, there was no sign of that.

  'You'll come to us for Christmas dinner, won't you?' Joyce enquired one day as the holiday approached. As usual, Michael and Ronnie had gone to the park with the football and Joyce and Bella were dressing the tree in the front room.

  'I'd like that.' Bella didn't mention Micky. He was rarely at home and on the rare occasions he was, he drank heavily and smoked non-stop, leaving a smell that polluted the house. She left the windows open, even if it was very cold.

  'You know,' Joyce mused as she hung a dainty silver bell on the Christmas tree, 'this really seems like home now. Do you know that Ronnie once almost changed his mind about living here?'

  'I had no idea.' Bella wondered if that change of heart was due to what happened with Terry? The old house had its ghosts and she lived with them every day. However, now she felt Terry was at peace. Something he had never been in real life.

  'And to tell the truth,' Joyce continued. ' I didn't think I could ever be satisfied playing at the housewife. I always thought I'd get back to doing something, other than helping Ron with the business. But the past five years have been so happy that - ' she stopped, a flush on her cheeks. 'I've discovered I'm happy being Mrs Ronnie Bryant.'

  Bella knew her sister-in-law was deeply in love with Ronnie and all he represented. He was hard worker and believed in being a family man. The couple were content living in Piper Street although they still had the choice of living anywhere they liked. If only she had the same thing with Micky, Bella thought longingly. She wanted to make a fuss of him like she used to. Like Joyce did with Ron. She wanted to cook him dinners and watch him sit in front of the television with Michael and drink mugs of hot Cocoa. Bella was so proud of their son. He was now at the grammar school. Micky didn't seem to realise how bright he was. And those family occasions that she tried to create for his sake, were far and few between.

  Then there was the coffee bar. She longed to boast a little and win Micky's approval. She wasn't jealous of the women he slept with as she knew they came and went. She had long ago become resigned to Micky's amours. She still held a faint hope that if she could make him see what a joy his family could be, their love could be revived.

  Bella gazed around Joyce's home enviously. It was all so fresh and modern. Mrs Bryant's big polished table still remained but a new set of modern dining chairs had been added. Lively colours had replaced the gloomy old ones that had made the house seem so dour. A modern sofa and a tub shaped chair had replaced the shabby couch. Coloured squares on the curtains and squiggles on the pottery made the room look stylish. One of the walls was papered with a design that looked like coloured rain. Bella sighed softly. Perhaps it was time to redecorate the airey?

  'Ron's mum wouldn't approve of my taste,' Joyce admitted, breaking in to Bella's train of thought. 'Ron told me his dad was never allowed to bring in new things. She liked the house as it was. She was really house proud.' Joyce bent down to hang another little silver bell. 'I never knew her but I would have liked - ' Suddenly she put her hand to head.

  'Joyce, are you feeling unwell?'

  ' I just came over a bit dizzy.'

  'Sit down.' Bella helped her to the sofa. 'You're probably doing too much.'

  Joyce blinked her eyes and carefully rearranged her already perfectly groomed hair. 'Actually, I'm praying this is good news.'

  Bella looked at her and frowned. 'You don't mean - ?'

  Joyce nodded. 'I've missed a period. I know it's early days, but what if it's true? Oh Bella, I long to have a baby now. It will be Ronnie's and I know how much he wants to be a father.'

  'Joyce, that's wonderful.'

  'I'm not going to tell Ron until Christmas Eve. It will be my Christmas present. I'll see the doctor first, to confirm it of course.' She looked at Bella, her face full of hope. 'Oh, I'm so sorry, this is selfish of me. I know you and Micky would like another child.'

  'I'm quite happy,' Bella said lightly, taking Joyce's hand and squeezing it.

  'You mean as a working woman?'

  'Babies aren't the top of my Christmas list. Only your baby. I'll be an auntie! Now I can go out and buy lots of baby clothes.'

  'But only white or yellow!'

  Suddenly they were laughing and hugging and Bella knew that this Christmas, with or without Micky, was going to be a very special one.

  Lenny stood in the shadows. He had watched the coffee bar for months now, careful never to let himself be seen. It had become part of his life, ever since his release. The evenings had drawn in and the darkness gave him good protection. Each night he watched all the youngsters laughing and talking as they left and said their goodbyes on the street. Sometimes he heard the music drift out and this made him sad. It made him think of the days when he and Gina used to lie in bed on a Sunday morning and turn on the wireless. Gina had a lovely singing voice, full of passion. Just like the way she made love. The strange thing was, it had taken prison to bring him to his senses. There, he'd had time to work it all out. To come to the realisation, she was a good woman. The best. Her bossiness was just her way of getting things done. He'd resented that. Resented her success as he'd never had any of his own. Other thoughts had tormented him while he'd been away. Had she found a new man? Was there a new love interest in her life? Had she replaced him?

  What a fool he had been! The regrets were legion. Why had he let Micky convince him he was wasting his time at Gina's? Micky had put ideas into his head. Massaged his ego in order to get what he wanted.

  "You're letting her rule you," he'd insisted. "She'll drive you into the ground. You're worth more than the broom she sticks in your hand to push each day." Micky had finally convinced him that stealing from an old girl who was half barmy, was the way to go. The irony was that yet again he had escaped detection. Just like the warehouse. Instead he had frittered away the money and had been caught trying to nick a lorry. A lorry of all things! What was in his mind? It was full of old tyres and he'd had this notion he'd get money for them. Two years he'd gone down for. For a load of old rubber!

  Lenny turned up his collar, threadbare and rough. He watched Gina move amongst the tables, washing them down, lavishing care on that bloody great machine behind the counter. He smiled then. That was his Gina.

  He watched every night. Watched unt
il the lights went out. Then he was tempted, oh so tempted, to go over and look in the window. What would she say to him? What would he say to her?

  "Hello, girl. I like the swanky new kitchen. No rotten veg now to sweep up?"

  Huh! She'd probably kick him out of the door. But he couldn't help dreaming of his Gina with her black hair swept up behind her head, her eyes flashing and always ready with a quick answer. How he missed her. He missed everything about her. He was forty-six now, a down-and-out with a receding hair line, empty pockets and a gut full of ulcers.

  He was an ex-con, living in a hostel, reviewing his life which amounted to sod all. He couldn't turn back the clock. And he'd better get moving if he didn't want his collar felt. The coppers would think he was casing the joint.

  Shrugging his shoulders under the old coat, Lenny moved stealthily away. The shops were full of bright Christmas lights. Some kids on the corner were singing carols. He didn't want to be round here any more. He had to move on with his life. But he was lost.

  And he couldn't find his way back.

  Chapter 26

  The big polished dining table was extended to its fullest and places set with the best china and cutlery for Christmas dinner. Joyce and Bella were in the kitchen preparing the food and Michael and Ronnie were watching television. The smell of roast turkey was pervading the house as Sean and Ashley arrived.

  'Happy Christmas one and all!' They bore armfuls of presents and smelt highly of lacquer as the wind blew them through the front door.

  'Happy Christmas!' Bella kissed them under the mistletoe and there were rude comments and much laughter. The Christmas tree was surrounded by carefully wrapped parcels that Michael had examined earlier to see if he could guess what was in them.

  'It's nice to be cooked for,' Sean told them when he taken off his coat and hung it up. 'But if you girls want a hand in the kitchen let us know.'