A Sister's Sorrow

by Kitty Neale

  ‘Yeah, I suppose, but I’d rather be poor and happy than rich and lonely.’

  Mo nodded her head in agreement, but thought that if she was a film star, she’d be rich – and she knew that would make her happy, very happy indeed.

  Chapter 19

  On the Monday that Tommy was to start school, Sarah awoke to him jumping on her. ‘Wake up, Sarah, I want to go to school now.’

  Sarah rubbed her eyes and could see it was still dark outside. ‘Tommy, it’s far too early, the school won’t be open yet. Go back to bed and get some sleep or you’ll be shattered later.’ She turned over in her bed, but Tommy wasn’t having any of it.

  ‘Please, Sarah, get up. We’ve got to get ready.’

  ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Tommy. Move then, let me get out of the bed. I can see I’ll be wasting my time trying to sleep with you this excited.’ She swung her legs over the bed and stretched her arms, as she noticed Tommy’s bed was neat and tidy for a change. ‘You’ve made your bed?’ she asked Tommy, surprised.

  ‘Yes, and I’ve got my bag packed with my paints and marbles, and an apple. You don’t have to come with me today ’cos I’m going with Larry and his mum. Larry said I’ll sit at the desk next to him. He said my teacher is really nice and hardly ever throws the blackboard wiper.’

  ‘Tommy, do you even know what a blackboard is?’

  ‘Yeah, the thing the teacher draws on.’

  Sarah could tell that Tommy and his friend had obviously been having lengthy discussions about school, and she was pleased that he was so keen to go. She had feared that he’d be scared and put up some resistance, but it looked as though the opposite was true.

  A couple of hours later, Tommy skipped out the door, and Sarah realised she was going to miss her little brother. She stood at the front door and watched as he and Larry went running up the street together. It didn’t appear that he was going to miss her quite as much as she would him, although he did give her a brief wave as he ran off.

  Sarah went back to their room and sat on the edge of her bed as she drained the last of her tea. Tommy starting school was the beginning of something new for them both. She was nervous and excited at the same time, but before she went to see George about the job with his mum, there was one more thing pressing on her mind. Ron Lyons.

  George was really pleased when he spotted Sarah walking towards him with a big grin on her face. It was nice to see her looking happy.

  ‘Good morning,’ he said. ‘I take it little Tommy got off to school all right then?’

  ‘Hello, George. Yes, he couldn’t wait to go and had me up at the crack of dawn. Still, it’s nice to see him so contented, albeit a tad excited.’

  ‘Right, then you’ll be wanting that job with my mum now. I’ve already spoken to her about it and she’s looking forward to meeting you. Do you want to come round tomorrow evening?’ George hoped she’d say yes. His mum had taken a bit of persuasion, but eventually she had agreed to give Sarah a chance.

  ‘Yes, thanks, that would be great. There’s just one more thing I was hoping you could help me with?’

  ‘Always a pleasure to lend a hand to a beautiful young lady … What can I do for you?’

  ‘Well, it’s a bit of a long story …’

  George laughed and interrupted, ‘It usually is with you.’

  ‘Thing is, I want to get in touch with someone. I know his name and I know he lives on Lavender Hill, but that’s about it. It’s a bit of a delicate situation, so I can’t just go and knock on every door until I find him. Any suggestions?’

  George rubbed his chin as he thought. He wanted to know more about the man she was looking for. If it was a love interest, then he wasn’t sure that he really wanted to help. ‘I know it’s none of my business, but why is it “delicate”?’

  ‘Like I said, it’s a long story, but … I think the man I’m looking for is my dad.’

  ‘Oh, I see,’ George said, feeling chuffed that she wasn’t chasing after another bloke. ‘I take it that he doesn’t know about you then?’

  ‘No. He knew my mum was pregnant, but that’s about it. From what I know he’s got a family of his own, so he ain’t going to want me banging on his door.’

  ‘This bloke, your dad, what’s his name? Chances are, if he’s a local, I might know him.’

  ‘Ron Lyons,’ Sarah answered.

  ‘Ron Lyons,’ George parroted as he thought hard. ‘The name sounds familiar … In fact, there was a girl in my school called Theresa Lyons. She was a few years below me, but she could be related. Hang on a tick.’

  George walked over to Roger who he noticed was staying out of the way, but still eyeing Sarah from a distance with a lustful look. ‘Mate, do you remember Theresa Lyons from school?’

  ‘Yes, and I tell you what, that ugly duckling has grown into a right looker. I saw her at the Town Hall dance with Freddie the Fish. Don’t know what she was doing with him though, she’s well out of his league.’

  ‘I don’t suppose you know where she lives?’

  ‘On Lavender Hill. Why do you want to know? I thought you was well into Sarah?’

  ‘It’s not me who wants to know, it’s Sarah, she’s looking for Theresa’s dad, Ron.’

  ‘Ha, I see. You want to be her knight in shining armour. Buy me a pint later and I’ll tell you exactly where she lives. In fact, I can do even better than that. Ron Lyons works at Battersea Bridge nick, he’s a desk sergeant,’ Roger said and playfully punched George on the arm.

  ‘Great. I’ll buy you two, cheers.’

  George walked back to Sarah with the information he had gleaned from Roger, hoping it would earn him some extra brownie points.

  ‘Well … do you know where I can find him?’ Sarah asked eagerly.

  ‘Yep, and even more than that, I can tell you where he works,’ George said, feeling rather smug.

  ‘Oh, that’s great, George, thank you. I wouldn’t want to cause him any embarrassment with his family, so if I can find him at work that’ll be so much better.’

  ‘You ain’t got far to go from where you live. Turns out he works at the police station.’

  ‘What, Battersea Bridge station?’

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘My dad’s a copper?’

  ‘I think so. By all accounts he’s a desk sergeant, so you shouldn’t have any problems finding him.’

  ‘George, I can’t believe it! All this time, when I’ve been scavenging down on them banks, I’ve been right under my dad’s nose and didn’t know it.’

  ‘It’s a small world, love,’ George said. ‘So, what are you going to do now?’

  ‘I’m going to go and see him.’

  ‘What, just like that? You’re going to march in off the street and announce that you’re his daughter?’

  ‘Pretty much, unless you’ve got any better ideas?’ Sarah said.

  ‘No, not really. Do you want me to come with you?’

  Sarah was quick to reply, ‘No, but thanks, George, and that’s really good of you to offer. I’ll be off now, but I’ll see you tomorrow evening.’

  ‘Not so fast, missy,’ George said, then took a pencil from his money bag and scribbled down his address on a brown paper bag. ‘You’ll be needing this. Mum’s expecting you about half six.’

  Sarah took the bag and smiled at George before walking off. ‘Wish me luck,’ she called over her shoulder.

  George wished her all the luck in the world and thought she was going to need it. Ron Lyons was in for the shock of his life, and George hoped the man would be welcoming. Even before Sarah had been born, her father had abandoned both her and her mother, and now she could be facing the hurt of being rejected again.

  Chapter 20

  Sarah stood outside the large redbrick building and held onto the black railings as she tried to muster up the courage to walk through the main door. Two bobbies came out and walked past her. They were young, too young to be her dad. She had no idea what her father looked like, but she hoped
that as soon as she saw him, she’d somehow recognise him.

  She drew in a long breath before apprehensively climbing the few steps that led to the entrance, then slowly pushed open the door. As she stepped inside, she looked around. The stark walls were painted pale green, and there were several doors leading from the reception area.

  ‘Can I help you, miss?’ she heard a policeman ask from behind a long wooden counter.

  She looked at the man, but felt nothing, and wondered if he could be her father. She approached the desk, all the time studying the policeman’s face, trying to see something that reminded her of herself.

  ‘I … I … I’m looking for Ron Lyons …’ she managed to say nervously. She could feel her heart beating fast, and her hands were clammy. She tapped her left finger and thumb together.

  ‘And who shall I tell him wants to see him?’ the policeman asked.

  Sarah had to think quickly. She couldn’t say her own name. ‘Sarah Neerly,’ she lied, thinking George wouldn’t mind her using his.

  ‘And can I ask what it’s about?’

  ‘I … er …’ Her mind went blank.

  ‘Just a minute, I’ll find him for you,’ the policeman said impatiently, then exited through a door behind the counter.

  Sarah sighed with relief. She saw a long wooden bench and walked across to sit down. Her legs felt strangely shaky and her head was swimming. She’d been full of bravado at George’s stall, but now she wasn’t feeling quite so brave and regretted declining George’s offer to accompany her.

  Sarah jigged her leg and began to bite her nails. This wasn’t going to be as easy as she’d originally thought, and now she wondered what she was going to say. It felt as if she’d been sitting waiting for hours, but really it was only a few minutes before she heard the door open and the policeman walked back through, closely followed by another uniformed man.

  That’s him, she thought to herself. That’s my dad! He was a large man, with brown hair thinning on top, and his complexion was rugged, but when she saw his eyes they were deep green, and it was like a reflection of her own.

  ‘I understand you’re looking for me. I’m Sergeant Lyons,’ he said in a deep voice.

  Sarah felt rooted to the wooden bench. She wanted to get up and move closer to him but her legs wouldn’t work, and it felt as if her voice had become stuck in her throat. She gulped hard, but it wasn’t easy as her mouth was so dry.

  ‘Miss … Are you all right?’

  Sarah nodded, but she felt light-headed, and for a moment, she thought she might faint. She heard her father tell the other policeman to fetch her a glass of water, and suddenly she realised she was causing a scene and needed to pull herself together. She didn’t want to draw too much attention to herself. ‘Thanks, but I’m fine.’

  ‘What did you want to see me about?’ her father asked.

  Sarah finally moved from the bench and stood in front of the counter. Both policemen were staring at her, and as she looked into her father’s eyes, she hoped he’d realise who she was. ‘Can we speak somewhere in private?’ she asked in almost a whisper.

  She saw the men exchange glances.

  ‘Come through this way,’ her father said, lifting the flip-up counter. Sarah followed him into a long corridor. He led her through to a room with a table and chairs in the middle, and pale-grey painted walls. It didn’t feel very friendly. Then her father spoke.

  ‘Sorry, this is normally an interrogating room, but please, take a seat.’

  Sarah pulled out a chair and sat down, gripping her shaking hands in her lap.

  ‘Now then,’ her father said as he took a seat opposite her, ‘do you want to tell me what this is all about? I hope you’re not wasting police time, young lady.’

  Sarah had thought about what she was going to say, but all the words evaded her now, and instead she blurted, ‘I lied. My name isn’t really Sarah Neerly. It’s Sarah Jepson and I believe you knew my mother, Annie?’

  Ron Lyons leaned back in his seat, and Sarah watched as the colour drained from his face.

  ‘Annie Jepson … Yes, I remember her well. How is she?’

  ‘Dead,’ Sarah said bluntly.

  ‘Oh, I’m very sorry to hear that.’

  Sarah couldn’t detect any sincerity in his voice and his face was deadpan.

  ‘She told me something on her deathbed …’ Sarah paused, hoping her father would work out what she was about to say so that she wouldn’t have to spell out the details.

  There was silence between them for a moment, but then it was broken as he said, ‘Are you going to enlighten me?’

  ‘Well, it’s a bit delicate. My mum, Annie, she told me that you’re … you … Oh, blimey, I’m just going to come straight out with it. She said you’re my dad.’

  Ron Lyons shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He looked very awkward and Sarah wondered if she should have broken the news a little more gently.

  He cleared his throat, before saying, ‘I think Annie, your mother, is very much mistaken. I’m sorry you’ve had a wasted journey to see me. Now, if there’s nothing else, I’ll see you out.’

  She hadn’t expected her dad to welcome her with open arms, but she hadn’t been prepared for such a quick and cold denial. ‘Wait, I’m sorry, but I think you are my father. Look at my eyes, they’re the same as yours. My mum told me all about you, and how you left her when you knew she was pregnant. It was a long time ago, I don’t bear grudges as you were both much younger then, but you are my dad.’

  Ron quickly scraped his chair back, and began pacing up and down the small room. He looked worried, panicked almost, but Sarah couldn’t understand why. Yes, she’d just dropped a bombshell on him, but according to her mother he must have known he had a love child and surely he’d thought about her turning up one day?

  ‘I’m not sure what you want from me, Sarah. You can’t prove anything, and you can’t go around accusing people of being your father just on your mother’s word.’

  ‘I’m not accusing anyone! I know you’re my dad and I’m not here because I want something from you,’ Sarah answered, feeling hurt.

  ‘Then what do you want?’

  Her father’s voice was harsh, and Sarah could feel tears beginning to pool in her eyes. She hadn’t wanted to cry in front of him – at least not tears of upset. ‘I don’t know really. I suppose I just wanted to know you,’ she said, and looked imploringly at him.

  ‘I’m sorry, Sarah, but you’re wasting your time. I never believed your mother was pregnant. I thought she was just trying to trap me into being with her. For all I know you could be the result of whatever Tom, Dick or Harry she took to her bed after me. I don’t mean to sound unpleasant, but I know all about your mother and what she did for a living. She’s been nicked for it a few times. Look, whatever silly notion you’ve got in your head, just forget about it.’

  Sarah couldn’t hold back any longer and the tears began to fall, splashing on the table as they landed. ‘How dare you talk about my mum like that! She was forced to be a prostitute ’cos you left us high and dry. How else was she supposed to look after me when you abandoned us?’

  ‘Stop it. Shut up and stop what you’re saying right now. I won’t have you talking like that. Your mother was a tart and I’m not your dad! Now get that through your skull.’

  It wasn’t easy to hear him talk about her mother in that way, yet Sarah still felt she should try and convince him, make him see the truth, accept her as his own. It was clear he was her father, his eyes were so distinct, and exactly the same as hers. ‘Please, Ron. I don’t want anything more than your acknowledgement and maybe to find out a bit more about you. I’m your daughter … surely you want to know about me and my life?’

  ‘To be honest, Sarah, I couldn’t give two hoots about your mother, you or your life. I didn’t know you existed until ten minutes ago, and that’s the way I’d prefer to keep things.’

  ‘But you can’t deny it, you do know now. You know I exist!’ Sarah said, almost
pleading with the man for his acceptance.

  ‘You can go on as much as you like, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re a fantasist and your mother was a whore, so that’s an end to all this nonsense.’

  Sarah’s tears were falling harder now, and she drew in a juddery breath. After several more snivels, she looked up at Ron, who had sat down opposite her again. She stared into his eyes, hoping to find some glimmer of recognition, even a sign of empathy towards her. But they were cold, devoid of any emotion, and she doubted she’d be able to change his mind.

  ‘Ron, I’m not expecting you to welcome me into your family or anything like that. In fact, I’m not even expecting to meet them or for them to know anything about me,’ she said, hoping the promise of staying away from his family would soften him.

  ‘Why would you mention my family? What do you know about me and mine?’ Ron asked suspiciously.

  ‘I … erm … I just know you have a family of your own, and I wouldn’t want to cause you any embarrassment with them.’

  ‘Yes, well, as it happens, I’m happily married with six kids and if you start blurting out stuff about me being your father, I could lose them all. My wife, my career, everything.’

  ‘Is that what you’re worried about, your wife finding out?’ Sarah asked disappointedly.

  ‘Yes, of course it is! But you already knew that, didn’t you?’

  Sarah didn’t know what he meant and shook her head. She’d guessed he’d want to keep her a secret, but he seemed to be implying something else.

  ‘Ah, that’s it! I should have known. I know your game, missy … you think you can come in here with your wild stories and I’ll pay you money to shut you up so that my wife doesn’t find out. I’m right, aren’t I? You want to blackmail me.’

  ‘No,’ Sarah answered emphatically, ‘that’s not true!’

  ‘Of course it is! I bet you thought you’d butter me up first, get me to admit to being your father, then you’d stick the knife in and see what you could get out of me. How much did you think your silence would be worth?’

  ‘It’s not like that! I’m not after your money,’ Sarah protested, but she could see Ron wasn’t listening.