We both moan as we deepen the kiss with our tongues. He presses me closer to him so our chests are touching. I run my fingers through his soft hair. He sucks on my lower lip when we run out of breath. Then he trails kisses down my chin, down my neck. I pull my head back, giving him all the access he wants. I want him to kiss me everywhere. I’ve missed his lips on my skin. My body yearns for him more since last Saturday, when he made me his.
He takes off my sweater then my blouse until I’m sitting there only wearing my bra and jeans. A soft moan escapes from my throat when he sucks on my skin, just above my right breast. I know that’s going to leave a mark, and I want to ask him to do that again and again and again. He rests his forehead on my chest after a moment. I can feel his breathing on the space between my breasts.
It’s such an intimate position and I wish I could freeze this moment forever. I wish he would stay right here, with me, for the rest of our lives.
He presses his lips on the space between my breasts and I stop breathing. His hand caresses my bare back while his other one cups by breast. My skin is on fire. I’m on fire.
“Derek.” I whisper, breathless. “We’re at your grandma’s house.”
I don’t know who needs the reminder. Him or me. Probably both of us. I wish we were anywhere else.
“She’s sleeping,” He says against my skin.
I bite my lip. “She can hear us.”
How embarrassing would it be if she hears me and her grandson having sex? What would she think of me? Would she still think I’m ‘lovely’?
“She’ll pretend she didn’t.” Derek jokes and I laugh. He looks up at me. “What if I turn on the TV?” He asks and I can see how much he wants me in his eyes. It’s flattering and it arouses me even more. It has been a long week without him and my body years for his.
So I nod and he presses his lips against mine. “Don’t move,” He says against my lips. He goes back into the room and I hear the TV turn on. It’s kind of loud but I guess that’s the point. I hope his grandma is a heavy sleeper. He comes back into the bathroom and locks the door. He throws a towel on the floor and pushes it against the edge of the door. I feel my face grow hot because this feels very naughty. I know I wouldn’t do this with any other man. It’s him. It’s Derek. I can’t resist him. My skin is burning for his touch and I know it won’t go away until we burn the fire off.
He takes off his shirt then stands in front of me again. I place my hands on his bare chest. His skin is warm. His kiss is urgent when he kisses me again. He doesn’t have to say it. We have to hurry before his aunt comes back.
He picks me up again and I wrap my legs around his torso as he turns around. I feel the wall behind me as he kisses my neck, using his tongue. His hands unbutton my jeans and he begins to kiss his way down my chest, down my stomach. I catch my breath when I feel his lips on my thigh. He pulls down my underwear and his mouth covers me. I bite my lip, trying my best to be quiet and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. His tongue is on me, kissing me and making me more desperate for him by the second. He comes back up and kisses my mouth desperately.
I unbutton his pants so he knows I need him now. He reaches out for his wallet and pulls out a condom. I look at him suspiciously. “You planned this, didn’t you?” I whisper.
He grins then shrugs. “I hoped for it.”
I smile then kiss him. He pulls apart and puts on the condom and then he grabs my leg and pulls it up around his waist. I moan quietly when he buries himself inside of me. He places his hand on the wall next to me.
“Fuck.” He curses as he buries his face in my neck. He doesn’t move for a moment. “I need a second.” He whispers breathlessly.
I feel an immense amount of pleasure knowing I’m causing this pleasure in him. I put my arm around his shoulder, trying to wait patiently but in reality, I’m dying for him to move.
“Jesus, Gin, what are you doing to me?” He asks in a low voice, moving his head so he can look at me.
I want to tell him that I could ask him the same question but I can’t get any words out when we’re standing here, with him buried inside of me. I lean in and press my lips against his neck. He grunts and then he begins moving. Our breaths begin to quicken as he thrusts his hips against mine. He kisses my neck and I shut my eyes and try my best to not make a sound.
We both moan quietly as he moves faster and faster. Our bodies shake as we reach climax together and we begin to relax after the release. I put my leg down and it hurts a bit from the awkward position.
Derek presses his lips against mine and looks into my eyes. His blue eyes are dark with desire. “I’m getting addicted to you,” He says as he presses his thumb against my lower lip.
Good. I want him to because so am I. The feelings I have for him intensify every time we share moments like these.
He kisses me hard and I close my eyes and place my hands on the back of his head, giving myself to him again in that one kiss.
40. happy and sad
Ruby finds us in the living room watching TV when she gets back. We help her unload the groceries and put them away and we hang out with her for a while before we leave to meet Natalie and Josh.
The restaurant they choose is called CRUST and it’s oceanside so we have the beautiful view of the ocean. It’s an Italian restaurant. I’ve been here many times before with Kevin so it feels a little weird to be here with Derek now. Crazy how fast life can change.
Josh and Natalie are already there when we arrive. Natalie introduces them while I excuse myself to the bathroom. It’s a busy day at the restaurant. All the tables are full and the room is filled with laughter and loud noises. It feels so good to be here with Derek and my sister and Josh, of course. Josh is a firefighter and works long hours so I’m glad his schedule allowed him to come.
When I get back to the table, Josh and Derek are in deep conversation. I look at Natalie as I sit down and she raises her eyebrows at me with a smile.
“I got some nachos because I’m starving,” She says as she looks down at the menu. I shake my head with a smile then try to pay attention to the conversation Derek and Josh are having. They’re talking about a movie and I get lost very quickly.
The waitress seems to recognize Derek but she tries not to make eye contact. I guess she doesn’t want to draw attention towards us and I’m grateful for that. Derek asks me to order for him and I do it gladly.
Josh and Derek carry most of the conversation during dinner with me and Nat commenting here and there. I shouldn’t be surprised that they get along very well. They’re both very outgoing and apparently have a lot in common.
We talk and laugh and it’s such a fun dinner, that it flies by.
After we’re done, we walk down the beach to the inn. Natalie and Josh walk ahead of us. Mom is watching Samuel so they’re going to pick him up before heading to their house.
We hold hands and fall back behind on purpose. There is a light breeze that makes my hair get all over my face. I reach out and pull it away with my free hand.
“So you and Josh got along very well.” I comment as we walk.
It’s a little past ten at night, so it’s dark except for the moon and the stars. It’s such a beautiful night and Derek by my side makes it perfect.
Derek grins. “His profession makes mine look like shit.”
I smile then turn to look at him. “What would you be if you wouldn’t have become a model or actor?”
His eyes meet mine. “Is it sad that I don’t see myself doing anything else?”
“No, it’s not,” I say with a smile. “It just means that it’s your true passion and that’s never a bad thing.”
He lets my hand go and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. “You’re so real, Gin, you know that?”
“Real?” I smile up at him, wondering what he means by that.
“Yes,” He says with a smile as he looks straight ahead. “Maybe I’ve just been around people like me for too long.” He looks down
at me. “You make me feel good. I think that’s why I love being around you.”
His words make me smile and I reach out and press my lips against his. He drops his arm then places his hands on my cheeks. We’ve stopped walking and I moan softly when I feel his tongue on my lower lip.
“Hey lovebirds!” I hear Natalie yell somewhere to my right. “We’re going inside.”
We don’t pull apart and I just wave my hand to where I think she is. I just want to be alone with him. I’m not ready to say goodnight. Derek puts his arms around me after we run out of breath and he hugs me tightly. My right cheek is pressed against his chest and I stare at the beach as he holds me. A hug was just a hug before meeting him. Derek has somehow made hugs feel more than hugs.
It’s in this moment that I realize that I might already be in love with him.
I didn’t want to admit it earlier today when Natalie brought it up but I can’t ignore this feeling anymore. This is more than a crush, more than attraction. I’ve never felt anything like it. It makes me feel happy and sad at the same time.
Happy because I’m here in his arms right now and sad because I know this might not be forever.
I try to remember how my life was before Derek and know that it will never be like that again. I know I have two choices: I can look at him in the eye right now and ask him how deep his feelings are for me and I can be disappointed and ask him to leave or I can set aside this conversation for another day and enjoy this moment—this time—with him.
I know I’ll have to face these feelings and his feelings for me in the upcoming days but I don’t want to do it right now. I don’t want to ruin this moment because it’s perfect.
He presses his lips on the top of my head and kisses me. “Do you want to sit?” He asks quietly.
I nod and we pull apart. He sits down on the sand then pats the space in between his legs. I smile and sit with my back pressed against his chest. He kisses the crook of my neck and it sends goosebumps all over my body. His arms go around my waist and he holds me tightly.
“You’re going to be away for a while, aren’t you?” I ask after a long moment of silence. I’m still thinking about what he told his grandma earlier today. I wish he didn’t have to leave New York; I don’t want to be away from him.
“Yes,” He says, his cheek moves against my temple as he speaks. “We were supposed to start filming a week ago but it had to be pushed back because of my schedule.”
“Is this for the sequel of your movie?” I ask carefully. What I’m really asking is if he’ll be filming with Sadie. This insecurity is starting to get exhausting.
“No. We don’t start filming the sequel until a few more months. This is for a new show," He says proudly and I smile. I love how much he loves his job.
I place my hand on top of his and look down. “I’m going to miss you.”
He kisses the side of my head. “I know, Gin, I’m going to miss you too. I promise I’ll fly back to New York as often as I can.”
That makes me feel a little better but I already feel sad. I don’t know what to say so I just nod and his arms around me tighten. I feel his lips on the crook of my neck again and I close my eyes and purse my lips. There aren’t any other people at the beach; most of them are about a mile away, outside the restaurant where we were. I’m glad it’s just us right now.
“Does it annoy you that I’m always kissing you?” He suddenly asks.
I open my eyes and laugh softly. “No, of course not.”
“Good,” He says against my skin. “Because I don’t know how to stop.”
I don’t want you to stop.
I bite my lip when I feel his tongue on my skin. How am I supposed to go back to New York tomorrow after a perfect day like today? I know I’ll remember this day for the rest of my life, just like any other day I spend with him. He kisses me one more time then raises his head and we both look straight ahead at the ocean for a long time.
I wonder what he’s thinking of. I wonder if he’s thinking about me like I’m thinking of him.
We sit there long enough for my butt to go completely numb. It’s past one in the morning when we finally stand up and walk to the inn.
There is a key with a number dangling with it behind the counter in the lobby. I’m guessing it’s for the room my mom prepared for Derek. It’s never completely quiet in the inn, the sound of the ocean is always in the background and I love that.
I turn to look at Derek. “The key to your room.”
He takes it, looking at me regretfully.
I smile. “I know.”
He reaches out for me and we kiss for a long time. Then we pull away and he looks at me. “Maybe you can show me to my room?” He asks, a smile plays on his lips.
I laugh quietly. “Okay. Right this way, Mr. Collins.”
He chuckles behind me as he follows me up the stairs. His room is number 4 and it’s to the left down the hall from all the other occupied rooms. I’m guessing my mom did that on purpose. I stop outside the door and he unlocks it and turns to look at me.
“Would it be completely immoral of me to ask you to come in?”
I fight back a smile. “You want me to come in?”
He almost rolls his eyes at me. “Of course I do, Gin.”
“Hmm.” I look down the dark hallway pretending to be thoughtful. “Maybe just a bit?”
He grins. “I’ll take it.”
I follow him into the room. He turns around and looks at me. I bite my lip nervously then look up and meet his gaze in the dark room. That’s all it takes. Just that one look. He takes a step forward and we’re kissing and pulling each other’s clothes off. In seconds, I’m lying on the bed with him hovering on top of me. I pull my head back and close my eyes as he kisses my breasts.
I feel his hardness against my thigh as he lays in between my legs. His hands squeeze my waist as he kisses me. I reach down and stroke him, making him moan. His lips find mine again and he kisses me hard before pulling away to put on the condom.
“Oh.” I moan pleasurably when I feel him go inside of me.
He kisses me and then he begins to move on top of me. We move under the sheets in secret, making my feelings for him grow even more. I don’t see a day when I won’t want to be with him like this—a day when I won’t want him to make love to me. There’s that word again. I shut my thoughts off and concentrate on how good it feels to have Derek inside of me.
“We really need to stop having sex in places we shouldn’t,” I say, moments later as we lay naked in bed.
Derek chuckles then reaches out and places his arm around my waist. He buries his face against my neck. “Why did that just make me hard again?” He asks making me laugh.
Okay. I’ve definitely fallen for Derek Collins…just like I knew I would.
41. temporary mess
Derek and I land in New York Sunday evening.
He gets recognized at the airport as we’re making our way to the exit and he holds my hand as he takes pictures with fans and answers people’s questions. It’s not until an hour later when we finally find our way outside.
Ian is waiting for us and he drives us to Derek’s house.
I don’t object. I want to spend as much time with him before he goes back to filming. We just have two more days to spend together and thankfully, I don’t get back to work until Wednesday. We spend the rest of day on Sunday and most of the day on Monday in his room, only getting out of bed for food. It’s paradise.
Stella comes over Monday afternoon for fittings for me to wear for the premiere tomorrow. Derek works out while I try on all the beautiful dresses she brought.
“You don’t have to do anything. Just stand next to Derek and let him lead. Don’t answer any questions,” Stella says to me while the assistant she brought with her zips up the dress I’m trying on.
I look at her and smile. “I think I can handle questions,” I say, jokingly.
Stella looks at me. Her stare is hard, almost a glare. It makes the sm
ile fade off my face. “Honey, please don’t.”
I frown. “I’m sorry, have I done or said something wrong?”
I think back to the times I’ve been surrounded by cameras. The most recent time being yesterday when we were at the airport. I never really say anything. I just try to keep a smile on my face and let Derek lead us out of there. Hasn’t Stella noticed that? I don’t understand why she’s acting this way towards me. It’s almost like she doesn’t like that Derek and I are together. She didn’t give me this vibe the first time we met.
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