The Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances Series, books 1-5

by Michelle Mankin

  She was still there inside my heart, but I felt a little lighter as I stood and moved steadily and purposefully toward the door. I cracked it open. “I’ll be right down, Daddy. I just need to take a quick shower.”

  “Ok, Sunshine. No rush. I’ll fix Ramon breakfast. And pack you something to eat on the way.”

  He was wrong. I had every reason to rush. I had wasted too much time already going absolutely nowhere but backwards for three years. Now that I had decided to make peace with my past as best I could, I was anxious to take another step; getting on with the business of relearning how to live.

  • • •

  As one day followed the next, I slowly emerged from the insulation of my cocoon. Ramon was always there. Ramon made all the difference. Like clockwork, he arrived each morning well before the dawn. Since I hadn’t been cleared to surf yet, I would watch from a bench at the top of the cliff stairs while he caught the waves in my stead. Afterward, we would share coffee from a thermos and maybe half a fried egg sandwich my dad put together. Then Ramon would drive me into work and bring me straight home when my shift was through.

  We didn’t talk about the past. We talked about surfing, music, our families. Things we both loved. Safe topics. Ramon seemed to understand that I was still sifting through the memories, dreaming with my eyes wide open, dipping one cautious foot into each day while prying the other free from yesterday.

  But on the third morning since the accident, though he remained quiet and patient as ever, I could feel the tension in him. His eyes continually shifted to me as he drove me into work.

  “You don’t have to walk on eggshells with me,” I announced preemptively once he made the turn onto Newport Avenue. He pressed his lips flat and pulled into a parking space. I shifted to face him knowing he had something to say. He cut the engine and turned toward me.

  “I can tell you’ve been crying, Karen. I keep hoping I won’t find your eyes red rimmed every time I come up from the surf.” He raked a handful of curls back from his furrowed brow. “I hate when you’re upset. Hate the thought that maybe I’m the cause of it. What I said the other day at the hospital…”

  “You were right. One hundred percent right. It’s just that taking those steps is not an instantaneous, pain free process. If it were easy I wouldn’t have been avoiding doing it for as long as I have. Right?”

  “Sure, I can see that.” His eyes held steady on my mine for a long searching moment. “Only when I said those things, I didn’t intend for you to take that journey by yourself.”

  “I’m not.” I reached for his hand, the one closest to me. He had his keys clutched in a tight grip. I laid my fingers over his and stroked my thumb across his knuckles. I felt the attraction between us the moment I touched his warm hand, but I also experienced a more weighty connection when I gazed into his eyes. “I’m just getting my bearings. A lot of what needs doing is on me. But I appreciate very much you sticking around and giving me moral support while I figure things out.”

  “You’ve got me. I’m here for whatever you need.” He shifted to use his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I shivered remembering the hundreds of times he had touched me that way. The same deep bolt of awareness rocked me now. The same gravitational pull brought me closer. For a long moment, I drifted on the familiar currents within his empathetic gaze. Then, he tapped my nose, breaking the spell. “Simone’s watching from the shop.” I turned and noted her presence. I didn’t think today was the first time she had spied on us. She had been giving me inquisitive glances since Ramon started bringing me to work, but she hadn’t pushed me. Ramon cleared his throat. His tone seemed lighter when he continued. “I think we’re a little late today, but I’m sure she’ll cut you some slack.”

  I nodded. I didn’t trust my voice or the wild feelings careening around inside of me.

  “I’ll pick you up at closing time, same as usual.” He gave me a long searching look. “Don’t stress. You don’t have to make a lifetime of decisions in a few days.” He swiveled away, popped open his door rounded the hood of the Explorer with that confident swagger of his, and opened my door. I got out, my hip brushing his, giving me another heady dose of what-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-about-my-feelings-for-Ramon. I somehow managed to head toward the shop door Simone held ajar for me. I knew she could clearly see my post sexy guitarist haze. As soon as I stepped inside, I glanced back over my shoulder. I wanted one more look. Ramon was watching me. The chiseled edges of his lips lifting, he uncrossed his arms and pushed away from the side of the SUV where he’d been leaning. His gaze traveled along the length of me, not for the first time lately. His slight smile deepening, he tipped an imaginary hat to me as if he were my chauffeur wishing me a good day and folded his lean body back into the driver’s seat.

  Sa-woon. I sighed.

  “That’s it,” Simone announced saucily, breaking her silence. “What the hell is going on with you and Ramon Martinez?” She raised both brows. “I thought all the stuff I’d heard about the two of you at the Deck Bar was exaggeration.”

  “Not on my side,” I admitted honestly, taking a big bold step into my life’s new reality.

  “Hmm, Sleeping Beauty seems to have awakened. Sorry, Chulo,” she glanced down at the ever-present dog at her feet. “Apparently your Aunt Karen won’t be getting a furry companion after all. She’s chosen the more challenging route, without discussing it with me I might add.” She shook her head in mock sadness at the black and white fluff ball. His bandit masked head cocked to the side, he listened as if he could understand every single word. Simone turned back to me. “So that blow to the head has got you considering things. Good. It’s about damn time in my opinion. But are you sure you wanna go down that particular path with him? Anyone can see you two have some serious chemistry. But he’s always been a player. If you cross that line with him, you could very well lose the friendship that you seem to have only just regained.”

  “You’re absolutely right.” I nodded. I would be a huge risk, a gamble I had taken before and lost.

  “I guess it comes down to what you think is more important.”

  I wanted both, the friendship and the fervor. It had been years since I’d slept with anyone. A drunken tryst with a coworker had been an unmitigated disaster. I wasn’t the type of woman who could do casual sex. I wanted to be with someone I cared about. I knew with Ramon it would be incredible, but I wasn’t sure if it was really a possibility. Imagining being with him was going beyond getting on with my life and into the realm of pure fantasy.

  “Today is just today.” I decided out loud, shaking off the rest, especially the hypnotizing effect Ramon had on me. “Let’s declutter and organize. Then eat chocolate. Lots of chocolate.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  * * *

  Ramon

  “I need a beer.”

  “Pretty early to be drinking don’t you think?”

  I gave Ash a look that would’ve sent most people retreating. He just laughed, took the stool closest to me and settled in like I had invited him. He told the bartender to fetch him what I was having.

  “Maybe you didn’t understand.” I frowned at him. “I don’t want company.”

  “What’s got you all crumbly?”

  Instead of answering, I took a long pull on my beer and tried to redirect. “Come to think of it maybe you can help me with something. The homeless girl, the one with the purple Laker’s cap. You know who I’m talking about?”

  “Yeah. Sometimes she hangs around the studio. I think she likes listening to the music.”

  “You think she’s a musician?”

  “I dunno. I haven’t given it much thought. Simone and Karen seemed to have formed an attachment to her, though. They’re always leaving stuff out in the alley behind the shop for her.”

  “She saved Karen’s life. I’d like to find her. Thank her. Do something to help her if I can. Would you call me if you see her?”

  “Sure.” We relaxed into the companionable sile
nce that fifteen years of being together nearly 24-7 as a band had given us. My gaze drifted to the television in the corner. The ticker was running the 800 number for the two daughters of a successful Hollywood producer that had gone missing. Something about the older one seemed vaguely familiar.

  “I heard you’ve been taking Karen to work.” Ash was staring at me when I turned my head. Apparently, he hadn’t been watching the news as closely as I had been. “I’m guessing you just dropped her off before you came here.”

  “Dude. Are you really fishing for gossip about my love life like some old lady?”

  “What’s this?” His eyes lit up, and he lifted a brow. I felt like I had been set up. “Karen, huh?”

  I nodded.

  “About fucking time.”

  That was not the response I was expecting.

  He tipped his beer back then set it down on the coaster. “Tell me.”

  “Nothing to tell, really. She just doesn’t see me in the same way. Too much past between us.”

  “Too many women, you mean.”

  I shrugged. No need to correct him. No one but Simone and I knew Karen blamed me for Dominic’s death.

  “She saw an eyeful, heard an earful, I’m sure.”

  What could I say?

  “Definite problem. You might try hard liquor. Karen’s not a one night stand. She’s a have and to hold kinda girl, like Simone.”

  I lifted a finger to get the bartender’s attention.

  “Not for you.” Ash brought my finger down. “I meant for her.”

  He didn’t know about her struggles with alcohol obviously.

  “I’m not getting her drunk to get her in bed with me.”

  “She’s seen your Romeo routine.” He twisted his lips and looked me over as if deciding how that angle would play. “She’s not gonna fall for the Latino smolder. Any other ideas?”

  “Time and proximity. Wear her down, I guess.”

  “Ah fuck, if that’s the best you’ve got no wonder you’re drinking first thing in the morning.”

  • • •

  “How’d work go today?” I asked Karen later, drumming my hands on the steering wheel while pretending not to stare at her legs. They looked fucking phenomenal in her cutoff shorts. The peek a boo show with her perfect tits and the mesh teeny tiny tank she was wearing over them was driving me just as insane. I could see her bra through it. It had me imagining a hundred different scenarios, most of them starting with me pulling us over into the closest parking lot. I could get her clothing off in about two minutes, one if that was a front clasp bra. My cock got hard thinking about it, and I slammed on the brakes a little too abruptly at the red light on Bacon.

  “It was alright.” I was so distracted by my daydream that it took me a moment to remember what I’d asked. She turned her head to stare out the side window. Gnawing on her bottom lip, she seemed almost as distracted as I was.

  I wondered if her thoughts mirrored my own. Maybe I could ease inside that pretty head of hers.

  “Anything interesting happen today?”

  “Not really.” She turned back toward me. “I reorganized the rash guards. Ate a bunch of chocolate for lunch that I’m regretting in a major way since I can’t surf to work off the extra calories.”

  I could think of other ways to work them off.

  “Oh, and Vassel stopped by, if you call that interesting. He bought some surf wax, and asked if I wanted to go with him to the engagement party for Linc and Simone.”

  Fucking weasel. My grip tightened, ground the steering wheel, and I nearly t-boned the car that turned across traffic in front of me.

  “I told him I couldn’t go, but now I’m wondering if I should’ve said yes. Simone’s going to be disappointed if I don’t go. And if you remember what you said about making new memories…”

  “You’re going with me,” I cut her off. I didn’t want Vassel anywhere near her. I knew what he wanted. I knew his type because I’d been just like him. I couldn’t believe he thought he could slink in and get the jump on her. I’d pulled him aside after Karen had left that night at the Deck Bar. Apparently I hadn’t made it clear enough that she was off limits.

  I parked the Explorer at the curb in front of her house. She gave me a wide-eyed look. I could tell she was uncertain about my proposal. Ash’s disbelief about the chances of my slow burn working on her echoing in my ears, I decided not to leave her any wiggle room.

  “I’ll pick you up at six.” I informed her.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  * * *

  Karen

  “Ramonmartinezjustbroughtmehomefromwork,andItoldhimaboutVasselandhelookedreallypissed,andhetoldmeIshouldgowithhim,andhellpickmeupatsix.Isthatadateorafriendthing?”

  “Holy shit,” Simone said when I paused to take a breath. “That mouthful sounded pretty serious. But honey, you’re gonna have to tell me again at a normal speed with actual breaks between words and sentences.”

  I slowed it down enough to convey what had happened on the drive home minus my fixation with the way Ramon’s ass had looked in his board shorts.

  “I’ll be right over,” she said when I was finished. “Give me five minutes.”

  She made it in four and a half, though she didn’t park Linc’s jeep straight. Unfortunately, she took long enough that my self-doubt had crept in. “I think I’m reading too much into it. He knows that the pier is a hard place for me. He’s just being a good friend.”

  “I’d agree with you except for the part about Vassel.” Her brows drew together. “And because of the way he watches you when you walk into the building.”

  “Like how?” I rolled me eyes. “Like I can’t believe I got stuck being your escort?”

  “Uh-uh.” She shook her head. “Like this.” She leaned against my wall, the one with the overhead bookshelves that were now completely bare. I had tucked the crowns, pictures and mementos away in the closet. She lifted one leg, pressed her sandal flat to the wall and then crossed her arms and lowered her lids to run her gaze leisurely over me.

  “The I’m-imagining-you-naked-and-want-to-take-you-to-bed look?” My tone reflected my incredulousness. “No way. You’re crazy.”

  “I don’t think so, but tell me, how was that dance with him at the Deck Bar? Friendly distance or grinding close?

  I blushed.

  “Alrighty then.” Her gaze brightened. She stalked to my closet. “It’s a definite date-date. Let’s see what you’ve got to wear.” She ran a hand through the things hanging in my closet. “Ok, never mind, we’re going shopping at lunch tomorrow.” She turned back to me. I was still rooted to the rug, stomach churning. “We’ll do pedicures. Waxing. The works. Just in case. Best to be prepared.”

  I gulped. I wanted to believe this was a good thing. It was what I wanted. So why was I terrified?

  “I know what you’re thinking. This is good.” Simone threw her arms around me and kissed the top off my head. “It’s Ramon. You’ve been friends forever. Do not stress. I know you’ve been out of circulation for a while. So had I before Linc came back. If you want anything to happen, then let it happen. If you don’t, then don’t. It’s as simple as that.”

  I blinked at her in disbelief. Ramon and I were anything but simple. But I nodded. I could put one foot in front of another. I’d done that for years. And if I got scared, I could run. I’d done that before, too. I was more afraid that I would come on too strong, and he’d have to shut me down. That had happened before, too. Both times ended in years of separation between us. That I couldn’t bear.

  And that was the thing I perseverated on. Long after Simone left. Long after midnight rolled around. And when morning broke and Ramon came to pick me up, he was unusually reserved. He didn’t mention the upcoming date slash non-date, and neither did I because I still didn’t know what to do about it.

  • • •

  Ramon

  Too soon. I shouldn’t have pushed her so soon. She hadn’t said more than a murmured hello and a thank you by the ti
me I’d dropped her off at work, and she’d called me later to tell me not to worry about taking her home because she and Simone we’re going to hang out and do girl stuff.

  She hadn’t mentioned the party once.

  I had no idea what was going through her head, but my jaw was set as I pulled into a parking spot next to the nondescript multistoried building nestled into the hill beside the pier. The bottom floor was the newly remodeled office and recording space for Outside, Linc and Ash’s new recording venture. The top two floors contained rental units, and I was on my way to one of those.

  It took several knocks before anyone answered. Undeniably cute, her purple and blonde streaked hair sticking up all over the place like a punk rocker, Tasha blinked at me, her expression registering her surprise.

  “What…”

  “Where’s Vassel?” I cut to the chase.

  “He’s asleep.”

  “Wake him, or I will.”

  “Alright.” She scrunched her face in displeasure before shuffling off in a pair of men’s slippers that were as big as the ‘Saltwater soul’ tee shirt that nearly swallowed her.

  I glanced around the apartment. No furniture. Eighties era brassy fixtures. Popcorn ceiling. Earth toned shag carpet. Vertical blinds. Efficiency style kitchen and living room combo. Cardboard boxes flattened and spread out beneath all the band’s equipment. They were apparently using the main living space as a studio.

  “What the hell?” Vassel emerged from the bedroom. Four people in one bedroom. One of them a girl. I wondered briefly at the bizarre living arrangement but set speculation aside to get right to the point.