Autumn's Eyes (Storm Season Book 1)

by J. L. Sutton

  “Looking for me, handsome?” A sultry voice called from behind me as a wave of pins and needles worked their way into my skull. Taking a deep breath I turned around slowly, pouring all my focus into not showing any fear.

  The seraph was tall, her curves accentuated by the tight fitting red top and matching skirt she wore, leaving little to the imagination. As she stepped out of the shadows I saw her full lips were pulled into an inviting smile, and though she wore no lipstick, their dark shade was almost unnaturally crimson. Something about her struck me as familiar though, and the platinum blond curls along with her unmistakably Southern accent gave me a pretty good idea who. “Ivy.”

  “Very good.” Ivy clapped slowly as she stepped towards me. Looking closer now, I could see the little girl I met before hidden in her features, almost as if she was the same person—with her age accelerated by twenty odd years. “Dawn said you would try something like this. You’re nothing if not persistent.” Seeing my confusion her smile grew a fraction wider. “Come now, don’t look so surprised. You should know better than to think she wouldn’t find a way to keep an eye on you.”

  “I didn’t expect it to be you,” I admitted. Last time we met, Dawn seemed pretty adamant on keeping me away from Ivy.

  “It made sense. As much as my sister disliked the idea, she knows I’m the most . . . controlled. Don’t worry though handsome—I was given very strict orders,” Ivy said, sighing melodramatically. “Pity, I was really rather hoping to abuse my position of power.”

  “And you agreed to help her?” I asked skeptically, ignoring her sly expression.

  “Oh, I was well compensated for my time.” She grinned, offering no further explanation—though I was pretty sure I didn’t want one. Something at my feet caught my attention, and when I dropped my gaze to the ground I saw the ducks from the pond silently waddling towards her.

  “My little darlings,” Ivy cooed as she took a step forward. Dropping to her haunches the largest of the ducks moved in close, allowing Ivy to stroke his neck as he ate from her hand. Odd, apparently animals didn’t seem to share the same aversion to seraphim as humans did.

  The ducks began to quack in unison as an indistinct shape came into view behind Ivy, running amok in all directions as the hazy, glossy liquid shadow rapidly solidified ten feet above a nearby tree. A moment later a figure appeared from the writhing mass and dropped to the ground, hitting the trunk at least twice before landing with a loud thump, followed swiftly by a string of expletives. Sebastian rose, covered in dirt and dripping wet from what was left of the tree, not wearing shoes or a shirt. His hair was shorter, the color perfectly matching his neon green board shorts.

  “This better be good Ivy. I was in the middle of a monster swell.”

  “I’m sure it will be,” she said, motioning her head towards me.

  “Ah, my new favorite human. I thought I’d be seeing you before long,” Sebastian said, smiling cheerfully before turning to Ivy. “We shouldn’t be here. Dawn won’t like this one bit.”

  Ivy laughed. “Since when are you afraid to raise a little hell?”

  “I’m not, just thought someone should point it out.” He shrugged indifferently. “She’ll blame you anyway. So, what can we do for you Benjamin?”

  “Where is she?” I asked point blank.

  The two seraphim shared a long, tense look before Ivy spoke. “After her little stunt, Dawn turned herself in. She’s being held until Logan decides what to do with her. Dawn’s duties have been assigned to me, for the time being.”

  A swirl of emotions ran through me as the momentary relief of finally knowing was swiftly replaced by pressing anxiety. Dammit. I should’ve known she would. “What’s going to happen to her?”

  “We’re not sure,” Sebastian said as he took a seat on the large rock beside Ivy, his usual easy going attitude slipping away. “It’s a serious offence, and Logan is pretty pissed off with her.”

  “So she changed my fate, a little, why is it so bad? I’m not exactly complaining.”

  Sebastian shifted uncomfortably. “Why am I not surprised? I figured you wouldn’t know the whole story.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  It was Ivy who answered. “Nothing about this is simple handsome. You two have been playing fast and loose with your fate for so long now, that your paths have begun to blur together. When you chose to willingly force Fate’s course, you made it difficult for us to see anything involving you clearly anymore. Dawn felt the call that night. Faint, but unmistakable. Too early for anything to be set in stone, but before she interfered the glimmer Dawn witnessed had a distinct possibility of occurring.”

  “You’re saying there was a chance I was meant to die that night?” It wasn’t the first time since meeting Dawn I contemplated the thought, but being able to calmly say the words out loud took more effort than I expected.

  “No,” Sebastian said quietly. “She saw you walk away.”

  For a moment I was too stunned to speak. Dawn saw me killing Reese? Before I could regain a grip on my thoughts I was pulled back onto the street with him and the woman, the same way I had so many times before. This time was different though. Instead of reliving the same sequence over and over, my mind imagined a different scenario. I reached the two of them just in time to stop him—catching Reese by surprise as he lunged for her, wrestling the knife from his hand before he could react. Then being forced to use the weapon to defend myself when he wouldn’t stop coming at me. Dropping the wet, red stained blade to the ground as I realized what I had done.

  If Dawn hadn’t been there to stop me, it could easily have turned out that way. Or a hundred different ways having the same ending.

  My temper reared in me then, the words flowing from me hot and unbidden. “Then why the hell did she stop me? I could have ended it all—right there and then! It could easily have been self-defense. If she just stepped aside that animal would have gotten what he deserved, and she wouldn’t be in this mess.”

  I was seething, my breathing labored and very audible thanks to the sudden flash of anger still white hot in my chest. Dawn was right. Even when he was miles away, my poor self-control allowed Reese to so easily affect my life. She knew me so well, and that was all the more reason why I wished she was here with me.

  Ivy looked directly at me, taking a measured breath before she spoke. “Given your emotional state, I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say something so completely moronic. You have no idea what it means to take a life, how irrevocably it changes every part of you. Dawn intervened that night to stop you from acting out of anger, becoming the very thing you so eagerly wish to destroy. She did it, for you, knowing full well what it would mean for her. So you wouldn’t ever have to know what it’s like to carry such a burden.”

  Ivy’s words cut deep, spoken so calmly I couldn’t bear to hold onto my rage a second longer. I didn’t need any convincing to know she spoke the truth, and it made me feel foolish. It would be just like Dawn to martyr herself for me. She knew what she believed in, and she would follow it no matter the cost. I just wished she didn’t have so much faith in me, or that I hadn’t let her down so spectacularly.

  Time after time she came through for me. Showing me things I was too stubborn to see, tempering my actions when I couldn’t be dissuaded, to downright pulling my ass out of trouble when I was in over my head. I owed my shadowy friend far more than I ever realized.

  Dead or not—that girl was far too good for me.

  “This is all my fault.” I groaned, my voice sounding hollow and very small. “I allowed this to happen. All because of my petty vendetta, and now she’s paying the price for it.”

  Sebastian coughed, getting my attention as he cleared his throat. “That’s not true and you know it. Dawn’s a big girl, she made her own decisions—same as you did.”

  Yes, she did. But where did it leave me? Every time I thought I was one step ahead I somehow managed to stumble backwards, distancing myself further from anything I h
eld dear as I watched what I thought was the right decisions turn to bitter ashes in my mouth.

  I needed to do something, anything to make things right. Claire was gone. Reese was as near enough to untouchable. I couldn’t handle losing Dawn too. “Tell me how I can fix this.”

  “There isn’t anything to fix,” Ivy said. “You were the one who decided to change your fate—you made the decisions that led to this outcome.”

  This was all so wrong. I screwed up, and I accepted it. The consequences were squarely on my shoulders. So why did Dawn have to suffer for my mistakes? Then, an idea sparked through me.

  “Correct me if I’m wrong here, but the problem isn’t that Dawn intervened when she was expressly told not to, so much as she changed the outcome of my fate?” I asked, the desperate plan forming in my head materializing as I spoke.

  “It’s not the only problem, but it is the biggest one,” Ivy said, raising her eyebrow skeptically. “What’s your point?”

  “My point,” I began, taking a moment to think on what I was about to suggest. “My point is if my decisions led to being there that night, then even if Dawn interfered in my fate I can still change it back.”

  For a long moment the seraphim didn’t respond, their expressions revealing nothing. Then Ivy spoke. “Let me get this straight. Your brilliant plan, is to kill him? Do the very thing Dawn tried to stop you from doing in the first place?”

  “I don’t have many other options,” I countered. “I know exactly what he is, and I can’t stop him any other way until he makes a mistake I can use against him. Until then every person he hurts while I do nothing makes me just as guilty as he is. There’s blood on my hands either way. You can’t honestly tell me he doesn’t deserve it, and if I can save Dawn in the process, then isn’t it worth the price?”

  “I’m not disagreeing with you handsome.” Ivy sighed, slumping next to Sebastian. “Speaking as a woman killed at the hands of a man—if I was still human, I’d gladly hold him down for you.”

  “I think what my tactless sister is trying to say, is we don’t think Dawn will see it that way,” Sebastian offered neutrally.

  “You have a valid point,” Ivy continued. “But think long and hard before you decide what to do. It may help her case, but you must understand what Dawn saw is no longer valid. If you meet him again, Fate may decide on a different course. You might not be the one to walk away this time. As to the question of the price, well, that’s something you will have to decide for yourself.”

  Dawn’s words to me on the beach echoed in my head as I headed back to my car, the walk feeling miles longer, as if the pathway was stretched and my feet strapped with lead. I was contemplating a dark road, and I was only now beginning to realize just how far I was willing to follow it. How had it come to this? Choosing between letting my promise to Claire go unfulfilled, leaving someone I cared about to suffer for my mistakes, or kill a man in cold blood.

  I was under no illusions. No matter how I justified my actions it would never be a just thing to do. This wouldn’t be self-defense, response to a threat, or even in the heat of the moment. If I did this it would be cold—planned and methodical. What scared me most wasn’t I could just as easily die myself, or that I could be caught, but I knew just how willing I was to do it. No, I wouldn’t have any trouble ending his life.

  Reese was a murderer—unashamed and unrepentant. It wasn’t just what happened with Claire or Dawn that drove me. How many others suffered under his hands? How many more would? Was what I was contemplating so monstrous when the alternative was to condemn someone else to Claire’s fate? I didn’t think it was. So why did I feel so sick to my stomach just thinking about it?

  For the first time I truly understood why the seraphim were given no choice in what they did—no one should ever have to make a decision like this. It was easy to question the way things happened, until you were the one who had to make that choice yourself.

  How was I supposed to know what the right decision was? You don’t wake up one day having all the answers in your pocket. Was there even a right answer?

  The sun began to rise over the city, the yellow horizon broken by the dark clouds looming over the coastline. I slipped the keys into the ignition and just drove—my thoughts somewhere far away as I weaved through the quiet streets. After circling the park so many times I lost count I found myself parked in Jennifer’s driveway, never having remembered consciously making the decision to be here. Looking up I saw her bedroom light was on, and after a second’s deliberation I grabbed my phone from my inside pocket and sent her a text saying that I was here. My fingers tapped restlessly against the steering wheel as I waited for her reply, back and forth, back and forth, a pattern as disorganized as my thoughts.

  The door creaked open and Jennifer, still dressed in her fluffy orange bathrobe and holding a steaming cup of coffee in her hands, let me inside. She took one look at me over her glasses and scowled. “You look terrible.”

  I just smiled and hugged her. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”

  “I’m glad to see you too,” she said, her face becoming instantly suspicious. “What’s wrong?”

  “Can’t I just drop by to see my best friend unannounced?” I asked as she led the way to her tiny kitchen table. “You do it all the time.”

  “Benjamin Hadley, I have known you for more than a decade, and you have never just dropped by. Now tell me what’s on your mind before I beat it out of you.” She smiled innocently, a sure sign she wasn’t joking. It was never a good idea to provoke Jen before she had her morning coffee.

  I looked down at the table, following the pattern in the grain of the dark wood as I tried to figure out exactly why I was here. I so badly wanted to confide in her. Besides Claire, Jennifer knew me better than anyone. She would know exactly what I should do. Of course, I couldn’t tell her anything, but it was comforting to see her after the night I had.

  “Do you believe in fate?” I asked quietly. Having not found a better way to avoid any unnecessary details, I figured that was a relatively safe question.

  “Of course I do. How else would you explain my luck with men?” Jennifer took a sip of her coffee, somehow managing to keep a straight face. “Why do you ask?”

  I laughed humorlessly. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

  “You’re starting to scare me,” Jennifer said seriously as she took a seat beside me.

  I can’t say I blamed her—I must’ve sounded pretty out of it. What could I say to make her understand? Were there even words I could use to ask what I wanted to, without really asking? What I would give to just talk to her and pretend everything was going to be okay, even just for a little bit. “I think I have to do something unforgivable.”

  Jennifer’s expression became thoughtful, and a long moment passed in silence before she responded. “Okay, I don’t know what’s happening, and I know better than to try dragging it out of you. But whatever’s going on, I know you have your reasons. You will make the right decision, in the end.” She looked into my eyes, placing her hand on my shoulder without a trace of doubt. “You always do.”

  “Thanks Jen.” I smiled weakly, gently squeezing her hand. “I really hope you’re right.”

  21. Shadows

  Despite not having seen a pillow in nearly thirty hours, when I finally crawled into my bed I found sleep was the last thing on my mind. In one corner stood everything I held dear, and in the other my conscience—my mind the chosen warzone between the two.

  Hours passed, and when sleep finally took me I found little comfort in my dreams. My dark thoughts turned to nightmares of an endless, slowly spinning room, filled with maddening whispers pressing in from all sides, dragging me under only to pull me up for more. When I turned toward where the voices came from I found nothing but bare walls and broken windows. I approached them, and the glass crumbled to dust around the frame, only to appear whole again on the other side of the room. I would catch brief glimpses of a female figure sli
p between the untouchable panes, taunting me for a brief moment before her form dissolved into the shadows. Sometimes I saw Claire, other times it was Dawn or my sister, but their faces were all equally filled with contempt, eyes accusing and lifeless.

  I woke eleven hours later feeling like I barely slept, my body covered in sweat and half dangling from the edge of the bed. What little I could remember of my vivid dreams lingered with me, vying for my focus with the crowd of thoughts already scattered in my head. I could still hear the whispers calling out to me, gaining volume every time I closed my eyes.

  “Get out of there,” I moaned as I pushed my hands roughly against my searing temples, squeezing until the pressure was the only thing I felt. With immense effort I pulled myself out of bed, my bare feet dragging against the floor as I walked to the kitchen in search of large doses of caffeine and aspirin.

  Right now the thought of food made me nauseous, so I skipped breakfast and channeled my mounting doubts in the healthiest way I knew how—repeatedly beating my punching bag until I was too exhausted to think. It was amazing how therapeutic hitting something could be. Each time my fist connected I could feel a portion of my frustration go with it, and before long nature’s greatest invention spread its way through my body, numbing the pain as it bent my focus to the simple task. Oh, how I loved adrenaline.

  The night Claire died I felt so weak, so powerless, and as I watched Reese slip through my fingers a second time it felt like I was losing her all over again. It scared me that a small part of me wanted to do this. It was the real reason I was so unsure of my course. I allowed myself to let him turn me into this person, a hollow man eager for his taste of vengeance. How was I supposed to know the right thing to do, when I couldn’t trust my own judgment? As I struck out against the bag again and again, my thoughts inevitably drifted to my baby sister. I thought back to the night Hyde threatened her, a night that seemed so long ago now, and I remembered how easily I chose my path then.