by Mia Madison
We were together.
He finally wanted me the way I wanted him.
The tenderness in touch, the warmth in his voice, and the worship in his eyes showed me how right I’d been to wait for him.
And as he made my shivering turn to trembling, and the trembling turn into panting and cries of delight, I felt like the luckiest woman in the world.
I was in a beautiful city with an amazing man.
It didn’t get any better than that.
For the rest of our time in Zermatt, it felt like Parker and I were truly a couple. Actually, it felt like we’d always been one, because it was so easy to talk to him. Kiss him. Touch him. It felt natural and normal and wonderful.
The original plan for the second day in Zermatt was to take an aerial cable car to a lookout point high up above the valley, but of course we didn’t end up doing that. Instead, we explored the picturesque town hand in hand, discovering little restaurants and coffee shops.
But for the most part, we stayed in the hotel. Though the woman at the front desk had exaggerated most of the features of the suite, the balcony made up for all of it. For hours, we’d sit out there, talking and watching The Matterhorn. It was a constantly changing view as clouds came and went. It was rare to ever seen it completely free of clouds, but one time we’d gotten close, and had taken a lot of pictures before more clouds moved in.
The second night in Zermatt, we’d spent almost the entire night talking out on the balcony. I’d sat in Parker’s lap as he cradled me in his arms, stroking my hair. And we talked. And talked. Pretty much all night long.
I’d heard about that happening. I’d seen it happen to my friends in college. They’d meet an amazing guy and end up talking together the entire night, sharing everything, but I’d never thought it would happen to me. And I wouldn’t have wanted it to happen with anyone other than Parker.
On the train out of Zermatt, we were both tired, but we stayed awake long enough to appreciate the last views of the amazing city. Then I fell asleep with my head against his shoulder and his arm around me.
We woke about an hour outside of Zurich where we’d spend the last two nights of our trip, and Parker got us food from the snack bar. As I nibbled at the pretzel—it was cinnamon sugar this time—he ate a sandwich and seemed to take pleasure in just looking at me.
Finally, he asked a question that had been dancing around the back of my head. “So what happens next?”
I put down the pretzel and wiped my hands. This was too important a conversation to eat through. I was grateful that he’d brought it up, but I wasn’t sure what he meant by next.
“When we get back to the US,” he elaborated. “Do you know what you’re going to do now that you’ve graduated?”
“No,” I admitted. “Do you?”
“No.” He was silent for a moment. “Sometimes I envy Claire.”
“Because she’s got that internship lined up?”
“Because she knows what she wants to do.”
I thought about that as I looked out the window. It was true, Claire always had a plan. She never faltered. She never wondered what to do next. Whereas I had a degree I didn’t know what to do with. I’d majored in biology with minors in math and literature. Talk about an odd collection of degrees that didn’t lend themselves to anything in particular. But those had all been classes I’d enjoyed.
“Do you want to go to med school?” Parker asked.
“God no.” I’d be awful as a doctor or nurse.
“I just thought, with biology…”
“The classes were always interesting to me, and I understood it when so many of my classmates struggled. I don’t know, I kind of always thought that maybe someday…” I trailed off, unwilling to voice the idea out loud.
“Tell me,” Parker urged, squeezing my hand in his.
Reluctantly, I tore my eyes away from the scenery. I’d never been good at talking about real stuff like this. “To earn money to offset my scholarship, I tutored a lot of other students. I guess in the back of my mind I thought that maybe it would be nice to teach it.”
“You’d be great at that.”
His simple confidence touched me, but I wasn’t sure he was seeing the situation very clearly.
“But… it’s biology. That would mean teaching high school. I—I don’t think I could do that. Teach students who were taller than me. Deal with the discipline problems. All the stuff that comes with teaching high school.”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” he said, and then grinned. “Literally or physically. You’re an amazing person, and you’re a lot stronger than you think you are. You got me down off that mountain top when I couldn’t do it myself. You made me open to the possibility of being with you when my mind was throwing up a million roadblocks. You get things done.”
I smiled up at him. “Thank you, but the methods I’ve used on you would probably not be the kinds of things that I should do with high school students.”
“Definitely not.” He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. “Nor with anyone who’s not me.”
Happiness filled my heart when he said things like that. His belief in me made me believe in myself. Maybe I could teach high school. Maybe I was strong enough. “It would mean more schooling, though.”
“What?”
“Sorry, just thinking aloud. I took pre-education courses, but I don’t have a teaching degree. There are a couple of graduate schools where you can earn your masters and your teaching degree at the same time. They’re expensive, though.”
“The first step is to figure out what you want. Then you worry about how to get it.”
“Good point. So your turn.”
“My turn?” He’d tried to make his voice innocent, but innocence was never a very convincing look on a hot and sexy man like Parker.
“You know what I mean. What do you want to be when you grow up? You’d be a good teacher, too.”
He shuddered theatrically. “Definitely not my thing.”
“Then you’re sticking with business? Gonna get a job in Corporate America?”
“I was actually… thinking a little bit more about law.”
“A lawyer? Like your dad?
His face closed off, and I knew I’d said the wrong thing. “You’re nothing like your dad.”
Parker’s expression was grim. “I know. He reminds me of that constantly.”
This time it was my turn to reach up and kiss him. “I meant that as a compliment, dummy.”
“Oh. I knew that.” A half smile broke out on his face. “The thing is, there are many different kinds of law to practice. If I went to law school, I could specialize in whatever I wanted. I wouldn’t have to end up keeping a huge company in line with current tax laws like he does. Maybe I could actually… help people. People who normally couldn’t get representation.”
“I think you’d be wonderful at that,” I said truthfully. “So I guess you’ll be looking at law schools when we get back to the states?”
“I guess so. Maybe you could look at education programs, too. We could be study-buddies and research schools and scholarships and stuff together.”
“Sounds like a good plan.” And it did. It wasn’t exactly a declaration of our undying love for each other, but it meant he wanted to continue to spend time together even after we were home. It meant there was hope for our relationship.
This time when we arrived in Zurich, I knew exactly where we were. I knew how to get to the river, how to get to the hotel, hell, I could even find the Swiss National Museum—not that I’d ever get Parker to set foot in it. But before I could even head for the exit, Parker grabbed my arm and steered me deeper into the train station. “What’s going on? The hotel’s that way.”
“Change of plans.” He laughed at the expression my face. “I thought you said you trusted me, Little Lanie.”
“I do.” His wink, as always, was as sexy as hell. “But do I at least get to know where we’re going?”
“Sure,” he said, leading me up a ram
p to a new platform. “Actually, you can see for yourself.”
He nudged me and nodded at a sign above our heads. I looked at it and gasped.
It said Germany.
We spent an amazing twenty-four hours at a US Army base in Stuttgart, Germany. Parker’s old army buddies and their spouses were warm and friendly. And most amazingly, they accepted us as a couple. No one commented on our age difference. No one asked how long we’d been together. They treated us like a couple, and we acted like one.
In the evening, while Parker and his friends drank beer and goofed off around the barbecue pit, I stayed in the kitchen with Mindy, the wife of Parker’s good friend John. She told me how happy Parker seemed. Her words made me glow. He seemed happy to me, too, but it was hard for me to be objective.
And later that night, as we shared the double bed in the guest bedroom at John and Mindy’s place, Parker again made me explode from the magic of his fingers and tongue. And I even got brave enough to return the favor, feeling a sense of womanly pride when I made him groan and cry out my name.
But we didn’t go any farther than that though I was dying to. On the train back to Zurich the next day, I thought about how much I wanted to feel him inside me. Maybe tonight would be the night. The whole ride back, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. Neither could I. Every chance we got, we kissed and touched each other like teens making out.
The rain started about an hour outside of Zurich, and it was so strong that we decided to get a cab back to the hotel. “No sense in getting our luggage soaked,” Parker said. He was right. We’d be flying home tomorrow, and the last thing we needed was wet suitcases.
The hotel wasn’t far away, but between rush hour and the rain, the cab wasn’t making very fast progress. That was okay with me since I was snuggled up next to Parker, my hands in his.
“We’ll stay in one room tonight, right?”
“Of course.” He kissed the top of my head.
“Good. It’s just… it’s our last night together, and I want it to be… special.”
“Every night with you is special.”
I smiled, but inside, I was steeling up my courage. “I was hoping—since this is our last night—that tonight we could really be together.”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Haven’t we been together every night since Zermatt?”
“Yeah… but that was just… I was hoping tonight we could… oh, you know what I mean.”
He stared at me quizzically for another long moment and then grinned. “Yeah, I do, but it was adorable how you were too embarrassed to say it.”
Blushing, I hit him on the arm. “Jerk.”
“I am. But this jerk is all yours tonight if you want him.”
My breath caught in my throat. “I do.”
Parker held my gaze as the taxi pulled up in front of the hotel and the driver got out. “I’m so glad.”
“Me too.” There was a slight thump as the trunk opened, and the driver took the suitcases out.
“Guess we’d better get inside,” Parker said.
“Okay. But just… I wanted you to know that this means a lot to me.”
He kissed me on the forehead. “It does to me, too.”
“I know, but… well, I know it’s dumb, but well… every woman dreams of having her first time with the perfect man, and you’re—“
Parker dropped my hand, surprising me into silence. “This’ll be your first time?”
I laughed, a little nervous. “Well, hasn’t it been obvious? Surely you could tell I wasn’t very experienced in some of the things we’ve done lately?”
His mouth tightened into a narrow line as he stared at me with an unreadable expression. “I knew you hadn’t dated much, but still… I would’ve thought at some point during college…”
Bemused, I took his hand back in my own. “I’m glad I waited. I want my first time to be with you.”
Just then, my door opened, and the driver looked in at me expectantly. With one last worried glance at Parker, I climbed out and dashed under the awning by the door where my suitcase waited.
Parker paid the driver and then walked slowly over to me, seeming not to notice that he was getting wet in the process. “Lanie…”
“What? This doesn’t change anything, Parker.”
“But it does. Your first time… it should be with someone special.”
“Yes,” I said emphatically. “That’s what you are.”
“No, I’m not. And I won’t do this to you. Won’t ruin what should be an extremely special— “
I tuned him out as I stared at his face. He didn’t want me anymore? Because I was a virgin? That didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t mean that.
“Parker, please, nothing’s changed.”
He looked at me and shook his head. “You should wait for the right man.”
“I did,” I proclaimed, but he’d already taken his duffle bag and my suitcase and headed through the revolving doors into the lobby.
Shocked, I stared after him. He’d been willing to sleep with me when he thought I’d done so before, but now he didn’t want to anymore?
That made no sense whatsoever, and I intended to tell him so. I wasn’t the shy, quiet girl with the squeaky voice anymore. I was a woman sharing an amazing trip with the man of her dreams, and I was damn well not going to let his imagined hang-ups ruin our last night together.
Storming into the lobby, I spotted him on the far side talking to some woman. A week ago, that would’ve bothered me, but now I knew him better. I knew what he wanted, and I damn well knew what I wanted.
“Parker!” He turned to look at me when I approached. “You don’t get to do this.” I lowered my voice a little as I neared him, but quite frankly, I didn’t care who heard me.
“Look, Lanie—“ Parker began, but I cut him off.
“You don’t get to change your mind just because you found out one piece of information that wasn’t to your liking. I’m still the same person I was before, and so are you, and if you think that it changes anything at all just because I’m a vir—“
I cut off mid-sentence, finally getting a good look at the woman Parker had been talking to.
A woman who was currently beaming at me. “Grandma’s doing better, so I came back!”
Shocked, I stepped into Claire’s embrace as she reached out to hug me.
I tried to catch Parker’s eye, but Claire was talking nonstop. “Where were you guys? When I checked in yesterday, they said you weren’t here.”
“We made a short side trip,” Parker said briefly. Unlike me, he’d had a few extra seconds to process the shock.
Finally, I found my voice. “You… I mean, I’m glad about your grandmother, but I can’t believe you flew all this way just for two days.”
She grinned, bouncing up and down in place. “I know. I had to beg Dad to let me do it, but finally he relented. It’s my graduation trip, after all.”
“Is he here?” Parker asked.
“No, but guess what? When we fly back, they’re going to meet us in New York, and we’ll stay there for two nights before heading home. It’s not how we originally planned things, but it’ll still make a nice ending for our trip.”
I nodded, not really taking all that in. I was desperate to talk to Parker alone—a fact that Claire didn’t seem to notice.
“Let’s get you guys checked in. Well, I mean Parker. Lanie, I’ve already got our room. It’s 1302. After you two unpack, we should go get fondue.”
Now I met Parker’s eyes. Separate rooms were the last thing I wanted, but I wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore.
Parker dropped my gaze. “Why don’t you two go to dinner and catch up. I’m a little tired—I’m probably going to hit the sack early tonight.”
“Okay,” Claire said, dragging me toward the elevator. “Sleep well,” she told Parker, but he was already gone.
Not heading toward the elevators to the front desk to check in, but to the hotel bar.
Tears sprung i
n my eyes as Clair led me away.
I guess Parker had made his choice.
Parker
Back in the states, I was having a somewhat-less-than-pleasant lunch with my sister.
“I leave you two alone together for one week and look what happens. Lanie’s in our hotel room crying her eyes out, and you look like shit.”
“Thanks, Sis.”
Claire rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t give me that. You know this is messed up.”
I didn’t need her to tell me that. I knew I fucked up. I always did. It was pretty much a constant in my life.
Claire took a sip of the huge chocolate milkshake she’d gotten with her meal. We were in New York City surrounded by first class restaurants, and she’d made me take her out for burgers and shakes.
Good thing she hadn’t yet seen Lanie’s pictures of the sweet and soulful cows she’d encountered up on Mt. Pilatus.
I picked up a fry and pushed it through the ketchup on my plate. “I should never have gone on the trip.”
“Why?” Claire demanded.
Abandoning the soggy fry, I shook my head. “Because I always screw everything up.”
“And what makes you think that? Dad? My mom?”
“Life.”
Claire’s eyes narrowed. “And how’s that narrative working for you these days?”
Shit. Someone had clearly taken Psych 101. “It’s not a narrative. It’s the way things are.”
“Maybe it’s the way things were, but it’s not how they are now. It’s been fifteen years since you first came to live with Mom and Dad. And yeah, there were a lot of problems. And yeah, you did some stupid shit. Most teenage boys do. But so did Mom and Dad. And I know you never got much support from your own mother.”
“You’re right, this is cheering me up,” I said, not bothering to hide the sarcasm. Claire had dragged me out of the hotel earlier with the promise of making me feel better. Generally, just being with her did that, but not today. Not when I’d hurt Lanie so much.
“Look, we’re just in NYC for two nights. Then it’s back home and back to the real world. I’ll start my internship. You’ll figure out your next step, and Lanie will figure out hers. And if you’re not careful, they’ll be steps in opposite directions. If you don’t make things right with her before this trip ends, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”