The Leap of Your Life

by Tommy Baker

  You’re living them, but you also aspire to them. The beauty of your principles is you’re living them, and there’s proof. But they’re also a daily aspiration. Each day, you and I wake up and we either reaffirm these principles with our behaviors or we don’t. This is the key separator between feeling aligned in our lives and feeling disconnected.

  They become your identity. Your principles become who you are and are part of your identity. You base everything around them, and they give you certainty in the face of stress, anxiety, or unexpected circumstances.

  Often, it can be beneficial to work the principles first, and then the life philosophy becomes apparent. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. Here’s what’s required for you to identify your core principles:

  Choose three to five principles. Keep them short and choose only the ones that speak to you deeply. If done right, they all support one another.

  Show proof you’re living them. Much like our life philosophy, we must show proof we’re living these principles. Does that mean you’re perfect? No, it means no matter what happens, you’re always aspiring to them. They become a driving force in your life.

  Refine them every quarter. Four times a year, spend time refining and retooling your principles. They won’t dramatically shift, but life experiences, breakthroughs, and growth will always have an impact on our principles.

  Ask the (right) people for feedback. A great exercise is to ask five people who know you for open and honest feedback. To do this right, it’s often best to ask those who are slightly on the outside of our inner circle. Why? No emotional bias.

  Now, identify the core principles you’re currently living, or aspire to be living.

  Your Core Principles

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  Now that we’ve explored your life philosophy and principles, it’s time to harness the key skills of emotional intelligence and resilience. This essential skill will be at the core of knowing yourself.

  #NotesFromTheLeap

  Taylor Stone

  Owner, Inner Goddess Health

  What’s the boldest leap you’ve ever taken and why was this important to you?

  I started waking up without inspiration and my intuition kept telling me I had bigger things waiting for me. Without knowing what “it” was, I did know I had to leave my current situation, or I wasn’t going to be able to fulfill my purpose. My dreams began to be very morbid and I started seeing signs and synchronicities that were telling me that I had to leave. I took action and packed up what could fit in my 4Runner and moved across the country.

  What did you feel as you made this leap, and what happened after?

  I was actually very excited and felt a sense of freedom and relief. I somehow knew everything was going to work out for me, and I had to trust. Now, I feel more alive, I am happier than I have ever been on every level and I am extremely fulfilled. It helped me to inspire more women to listen to their intuition and that the life they crave to live isn’t so far out of reach if they take the leap.

  Looking back, what would you tell someone else in a similar circumstance knowing what you now know?

  It doesn’t have to make sense logically, but it will feel good in your soul. You will get excited thinking about it, and what could be. Your mind will play games with you, your family will think you’re crazy, but you have to do it anyways.

  Step 3: Developing Emotional Intelligence and Resilience

  Frequently, I’ll have clients come to me looking to reach the next level of their business. They’re looking to experience a breakthrough. They always come in thinking it’s a strategy or a tactic that’s going to get them there.

  And they’re always wrong. Sure, strategies and tactics have a place, but I first start in an unexpected place: examining their emotions. This includes starting with a deep look at what’s going on under the hood, as emotions become roadblocks to clarity and execution.

  Emotions are a daily practice, yet few of us have any training on how to use them as leverage for growth. One of the biggest drivers of discontent is our inability to understand our own emotions. It’s the source of existential crisis, endless conflict, and the killer of dreams, relationships, and forward momentum.

  Worse off, a lack of understanding our emotions can lead to terrible decisions. It leads to unnecessary conflicts with others, and an unhealthy relationship with ourselves. Since none of us have been taught how to handle our emotions, we’re simply “winging” it and doing our best to figure them out. Understanding our emotions can be broken down into three distinct pillars:

  Emotional intelligence or developing an understanding of our emotions. This is how quickly we can identify what’s really happening with our emotions. I like to think of this much like Wi-Fi, and the more that you and I can improve the speed and strength of our signal, the better off we are.

  Emotional maturity, the ability to rise above the common triggers of daily emotions (impatience, anger, frustration) and see yourself and the world around you from a much deeper perspective. At the core of emotional maturity is bucking the natural instinct to blame others and instead taking responsibility.

  Emotional resilience, being able to wrestle with uncomfortable emotions and our ability to bounce back to find peace and clarity. Think of the last time you experienced an uncomfortable emotion that led you down a bad path. Emotional resilience is the ability to not only understand the emotion but also to minimize the energetic impact it has on you.

  The problem? We haven’t been trained on any of these, and we can easily fall prey to highly charged emotional states. Those who developed these three emotional pillars have been shown to:

  Handle adversity swiftly. Challenges in our day-to-day lives can come with a hefty dose of emotional intensity, and usually the initial problem isn’t the problem.

  Feel more inner peace. Our ability to handle life’s emotions ultimately gives us a sense of inner peace. This quiet calmness is not only a physical and mental benefit, but it prevents us from making decisions we’re bound to regret later. Instead, we’re able to connect with ourselves and understand that the intensity of the moment will pass.

  Be less reactive. It’s been a long day at work. You didn’t sleep great last night, and today you have too much on your plate. As the day passes, triggers start to appear—you get cut off on the road, the Starbucks line takes too long, and the client still hasn’t paid the invoice. Sigh.

  An email comes in right before you close your laptop for the day, and instantly, anger strikes. You’re pissed off, and you quickly hit the reply tab and type a scathing email. You feel great doing this and you know you’re right. They’re wrong, and it’s their fault. The next morning you wake up with regret. You hope the email was happening during your second REM cycle. You check the phone—damn, it’s there. You read it and you’re shocked you would send such a thing.

  In this case, a high level of emotional fitness would still feel the trigger, albeit reduced. However, it’s what happens next that separates those with low emotional resilience and intelligence that matters. That next behavior, the next choice is everything.

  So how do you develop your emotional capacity to deal with all life has to offer? Here’s a simple six-step process designed to get you there:

  The Six-Step Process to Develop Your Emotional Skillset

  What am I feeling right now? Release judgment and simply identify the feeling.

  Why am I feeling this way? Connect the dots.

  Is feeling this way getting me closer to what I want or further away?

  If the answer is yes, you’re getting closer, you’re done. You understand the emotion and have identified it is serving you.

  If the answer is no, release the emotion.

  Based on your release, choos
e to experience a new emotion that serves what you want.

  Step 4: Radical Self-Assessment

  Throughout the journey of knowing yourself, developing a routine of radical self-assessment will be crucial. Often, we allow our clarity to get clouded by living in a world of false narratives and beliefs that don’t allow us to see exactly where we are.

  This is my issue with dance party, motivational Red Bull seminars. Although I believe getting in peak emotional states to achieve clarity is important, they often only focus on the vison and possibility for your life. With the EDM dance beat at full blast and the dopamine to match, the energy is palpable.

  But something is missing. Because most people who experience this energy will feel high for a week or two, and then it’ll fade. One reason is the lack of radical self-assessment, or what I call taking inventory. It’s impossible for you to build a dream or a vision without first knowing where you are.

  Often, we’re afraid to look at where we are, so instead we look at where we may be able to go. That feels better than:

  Reflecting on the career that’s eating you alive and getting honest about how much your current path isn’t for you.

  Looking in the mirror, both literally and figuratively to assess what you see reflected back to you in regard to physical performance, health, and vitality.

  Avoiding printing out your bank statements and spending time with your income numbers, because they’re not pretty.

  Asking your life partner for real, honest feedback on how we’re showing up because we’d rather live in assumptions.

  So, how do you go about radical self-assessment? Simple: get honest about your current circumstances. Take a moment right now to reflect on your life, and ask yourself:

  Do you have a sense of purpose and fulfillment with your work?

  Do you have a connection to your body with health and vitality?

  Do you have confidence you’re on the right track with your life?

  Do you have a powerful connection to your closest relationships?

  Without excuses, simply answer these questions. If the answers are no—you’re practicing radical self-assessment. This, then, becomes a daily practice during which you take a moment to cut off the noise and check in.

  Leap Tip: Release the Emotion

  None of us were trained to understand our emotions. Often, these lead to nonproductive activities and sometimes destructive ones.

  Next time you feel charged, write down exactly what you’re feeling. This is not a time to play nice: let her rip. This practice helps you identify what you’re feeling and release it in a healthy way.

  Expression is always a source of healing and ultimately—clarity.

  Step 5: Examining and Reframing Your Stories

  Stories are simply beliefs in action. These narratives become a guiding force to propel us through our experiences and end up shaping the quality of our lives.

  Unexamined, stories can be crippling and push us farther away from what we really want, keeping us stuck for years on end. But they can also be used to inspire, empower, and create radical shifts you once thought were unavailable to you.

  Our stories range from the all-encompassing, such as “I’m not good enough” to more specific, say, in the context of business “Everyone is out to get me” or “No one will outwork me” or “It’s hard for me to communicate.”

  This is the inner dialogue we’re constantly repeating and reaffirming hundreds, if not thousands, of times a day. So, why are stories so powerful?

  They determine the way we see the world. The narrative we create will determine our perception. They’re our beliefs being played out in real time, scene by scene.

  We play out the characters role within our stories. Every narrative has characters, and the main one is the person going through your life: you. You’re going to follow the script, whether you like it or not.

  They’re the precursor to action or inaction. Your stories either become a catalyst for action and growth or inaction and stagnation.

  They’re deeply tied to our emotional state. Earlier, we examined the power of emotional intelligence and resilience. Stories become a way to become beholden to our emotions or break free from them.

  The great news is stories can also be transformed at any moment. They can be used as leverage to push you to grow and get you to your dreams faster. Part of knowing yourself is being able to examine the narratives you’re currently walking around with, and asking a simple question:

  Will this story or narrative serve the person I’m becoming and the vision of the leap I’ve created?

  If the answer is no, here’s your opportunity to create a new story. If the answer is yes, it’s your chance to double or triple down and go all in. If this seems like a lot of work, don’t fret.

  I’ll provide you some frameworks to examine your stories, simplify the process, and choose the stories you’re committed to operating with throughout your leap, starting now.

  For example, here are some of mine and how they impact my behaviors:

  There is nothing I can’t create when I pour my mind, body, and spirit into it. This allows me to believe in what I’m doing on a deep level, and always find the “win” in any situation.

  The only approval I require is the approval of the man looking back at me in the mirror. This allows me to practice self-reliance and reminds me to not live based on other’s approval or expectations of me.

  I step into the unknown with faith, trust, and clarity. This allows me to reframe the fear of the unknown, instead using it to my advantage to know it’s what I must do.

  What are the stories you’re going to choose for your leap? Identify at least three right now (even if they’re not currently true, but you’re committed to making them true.)

  Identifying Your New Stories

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  Your Leap Is the Direct Path to Know Yourself

  Change is hard. Despite the endless seminars on how you can make it big in real estate in three months and move to Cancun to sip margaritas for the rest of your life, human behavior is complex. It’s messy, and there’s no linear path, no matter what the personal development seminars are telling you.

  Change that endures is even harder. Sure, it’s easy to go low-carb or meditate for 30 days, but are you willing to completely shift your lifestyle for the rest of your life? For most, the answer is no, at least not long term.

  Knowing yourself becomes a crucial ingredient for your leap. Although your leap will be the most invigorating thing you’ll do, it’s going to rock your identity. Any time we make big changes in life, we shift who we believe ourselves to be and it’s a vulnerable place.

  If you add the external stress and chaos of life to that equation and don’t have a solid backbone, it can be a recipe for disaster. When you do the foundational work, and combine it with the leap of your life, you’ll build a trust with yourself that nothing else on the planet can match.

  By completing the Identify Your New Stories exercise, you’ve done a lot of the heavy lifting. And yet, you may still feel overwhelmed. That’s precisely why it’s time to release the noise, and get you clear.

  Chapter 5 Key Takeaways

  Knowing yourself provides a stable foundation. Spend time doing the inner work of cultivating a philosophy, identifying your core principles, and taking inventory of where you are today. This is the best place to build from.

  Emotional intelligence and resilience are skills. Navigating your emotions is a skill, and one that pays off with clarity and inner peace. Ensure this is a daily practice.

  Stories are belief-driven narratives. Our stories shape our behaviors and can be placed in one of two categories: serving you or not serving you. Identify yours, and create new ones that serve your leap.

  CHAPTER 5 POWER ACTIONS

  Complete al
l of the work in this section before moving on. Don’t overthink it but be intentional. Understand if you put pen to paper, you’re in the 5% of people who take the time to do the much-needed inner work.

  Note

  1 https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/23421-living-in-alignment-with-your-personal-philosophy.

  CHAPTER 6

  Release the Noise

  By all accounts, Karan Baraj seems like your typical Fortune 500 executive. He lives in Manhattan, has a toddler, buys $14 green juice and has worked hard to climb the ranks of the corporate ladder. Along the way he’s experienced success, including being named “top 40 under 40” executives in marketing by Ad Age.

  Pretty standard, right? It may seem that way, but every four years Karan rips his life wide open and takes his family with him on a trip with no plan, purpose, or outcome. He spends time in ashrams across the Himalayas, waking up early to scrub the monastery, and spends hours in meditation. He travels on a whim, writes novels, and stops setting personal goals. He leaves his corporate gig behind with little to no communication along the way.

  After a year, he comes back and re-enters society for another four years—until the cycle repeats itself. Calling this the 4–1–4 model, Karan expands during our interview: