by Mj Fields
Her insistence on being here for me is infuriating.
“Jade is fine, and I don’t need you. You’re leaving with your mother.”
She looks at me for a long time. “I’m so sorry you feel that way. I’m so sorry you hate me.”
Gravel crunches behind us, and Tessa’s pale face turns red in anger.
“Sweetheart, they have time now. We get there and get back in plenty of time for you to get to the show.” Maggie is all sugar when she smiles at her, knowing damn well her daughter is livid.
“Thank you, Mom,” she snips.
After walking Audri and Dad out, I stay outside, avoiding everyone from our old school. Well, everyone in general. Pretty fucked up that I sat in there, picking out people who should be in a box instead of Tommy. Being a realist, I know my name made the list, too, so I’m not a total douche.
Jade knows where I am if she needs me. Ryan has popped out a few times. Alex brought me food. I guess food’s important to those whose blood, sweat, and tears go into growing the necessities to feed the masses.
This brings on a whole internal self-tortured and humiliation session.
Tessa’s naturally a nurturer; therefore, a) she needs to feed and help those she feels are needy and, by banishing her from doing so, it hurts her. This brings on the realization that I am a total dick and am hurting her. I should top that list of people that deserve being in a box. B) she actually looks at me and thinks, He’s weak, he needs me to save him. The fact she sees that and not all that I am blows my fucking mind, deflates my ego, and therein lies the humiliation.
Then there’s Tommy’s voice yapping in my ear, You are good enough for her. ’Cause he saw it all. Every fucking bit of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. He’s the only person who I trusted to give that to. Not at first. At first, I wanted to taste her tits and invade her womb.
I must be losing my fucking mind, because I swear a cupcake just flew past me.
I rub my eyes and hear, “Who brings cupcakes to a funeral?”
I look over and see Jade hurl another.
“Jade,” Ryan says calmly from behind her.
“No!” She chuckles another. “You bring cupcakes to birthdays, parties, even to bed, Ryan Brooks. You bring fucking pie to a funeral!”
I walk over. “Jade, maybe you should—”
I stop when Ryan picks one off the plate and throws it.
Jade smiles and shoves the plate toward me.
I don’t throw a fucking cupcake. I hold the plate and ask calmly, “Are we seriously throwing cupcakes?”
“Yes, we are.” She chucks another. “And because you’re his special friend, you’re throwing them, too.” She grins at me. “Come on, cupcake; give it a try.”
So, we throw cupcakes.
When Tommy’s mom calls, Jade’s guilt strikes every bit of her softened features to the fucking ground.
“If she sees—”
“Take her in, Lucas,” Ryan says as he grabs the plate then stomps the closest cupcake into dust beneath his shoe.
After depositing Jade by Tommy’s mom’s side, I head back out, and slide into the driver’s seat of my vehicle. And I do this while dialing Maggie Ross’s cell number.
A muffled, “Hello?” comes from the phone.
“Hello, Mrs. Ross, this is Lucas. How is Tessa?”
“Does it matter?” She sounds odd, like she’s crying.
“I apologize. Sorry to bother you. I hope she is okay.”
Silence, and then, “No, you don’t. You just enjoy treating me like shit!”
You have got to be fucking kidding me. I sigh out my frustration. “Tessa.”
“You don’t need me or want me as a friend, Lucas Links, so I would appreciate you butting out of my business!”
“Fine,” I snap.
“Good!” she snaps back, and then she whispers in a totally different tone, and that shit right there, that crazy, gives Sadi a run for her money. “I’m so sorry about Tommy, Lucas. I really am. I know how much you loved him.”
It also makes me a little bitch … even more a little bitch … anyway.
Chapter Twenty Six
Stewing at his nerve and kicking myself in the ass for being weak, which I shouldn’t feel for being kind, but he makes me feel that way, I follow Mom into the house, where she sets to getting me all set up.
“She good?” Dad asks as he walks out, still in his suit.
“Pneumonia. She has antibiotics and needs to do nebulizer treatments. She also needs rest and fluids.”
“She is right here.” I raise my hand. “And she has a play tonight and tomorrow night. I’m not missing it.”
Mom raises her hand. “And her mother didn’t say she had to.”
Dad chuckles.
Mom smiles at him, shakes her head, then looks back at me. “But she is saying that if you do not rest and hydrate, I’m going to get onstage tonight and take over for you at the slightest sign of illness or exhaustion, and we all know you didn’t get your musical ability from your mother.” She throws her thumb over her shoulder at Dad. “And if he even thinks to step in, I will throw him off stage.”
“You sure you got it in you still, Mags?”
Her jaw drops, and she turns and gives him the Mom eye. “I am strong, John Ross.”
He nods once, and I should get creeped out, but I don’t, when he looks her over. “Let me know when you’re done proving that to yourself.”
“John!” she gasps.
He looks to me. “Need meds in the next four hours?”
I shake my head. “They gave me an IV and a shot in the butt. I’m good with everything except the nebulizer until tomorrow.”
He nods. “Then get your ass to sleep.”
Trying not to smile, I walk past him and into the living room.
“That was wildly inappropriate,” Mom whispers.
“I’m a married man, saying something to his wife. Until you serve me papers, expect that whenever I damn well please.”
“John Ross!” she gasps again.
“Maggie Ross, I know for certain giving birth to five kids didn’t ruin that part of you.”
“You are—”
“Getting real tired of being alone.”
“You’ve every right to date,” she spits.
“You want me to be with another woman?” he asks.
Dear God, I should be running for the falls and dunking my head under until I’ve lost enough oxygen to lose my damn memory of overhearing that, but I can’t.
I hear rustling and a door open. Then it slams shut quickly.
“Before you leave this house, this marriage again, answer me.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to do anything I haven’t.”
“Right, so I can go on dates and string some idiot doctor along to make my spouse jealous?”
I hear Dad, “umph,” and then Dad burst out in laughter, right before the door slams.
I then hear him open the window and call out, “See you tonight, Maggie Ross.”
Tonight should have been the hardest of performances, being that it followed the saddest of days. But it wasn’t. Hearing my parents at the house and watching them steal glances while I’m onstage, lifted the worry, Kendall and Jake would be okay.
There is hope.
Lying on the couch, nebulizer in my mouth, head hanging down over the edge and feet on the back of the couch, avoiding watching Chewy look at me curiously and not sadly, I feel happy.
And then, like the female version of a kick to the nuts, Ryan, Alex, and Lucas all walk in, looking at me like I’ve lost my ever-loving mind.
“You’re fine, huh?” Lucas snaps as he walks by.
I lift a finger, just one, and he grumbles under his breath as he stalks into the bathroom.
I look at Ryan and Alex as I inhale deeply then puff out a huge burst of smoke. Well, not really smoke, but it has the same look, and explain, “Pneumonia.”
Jade, Phoebe, and Becca walk in, and Phoebe tosses me my key
s. “We brought back the Jeep.” She bends over and turns her head. “Wow, what’s up with you?”
“I have pneumonia,” I repeat, talking with the mouthpiece in.
“Yep … sounds like you’re fine,” Lucas snaps as he walks past in shorts and heads to the hot tub.
“Can you go out with us?” Jade asks.
I point at the nebulizer and hold up a finger, telling her I’ll be out in a minute.
Dropping the towel, I step up then into the hot tub, sitting next to Jade. “Sorry I had to leave so early today.”
“Oh, Tessa, you were sick. I understand.”
I look at Lucas. “I was fine.”
He rolls his eyes at me then rests his head on a rolled-up towel behind him.
After an awkward silence, Jade turns to me. “I’m going to be staying here for the week. My dad has to go out of town. Won’t that be fun?”
“Really?”
She nods.
“Great!”
“Tomorrow night, I want to go to your play.” Jade looks around. “We should all go.”
“Why are you still doing the play if you’re sick?” Lucas snaps.
“Because I can,” I answer
“Does your mother know?” he all but growls.
“I don’t know. Maybe you give her a call and ask.”
“Mom knows not to argue with her, Lucas. Remember Tessa the Terrible?” Alex chuckles.
I shake my head. “I don’t think he has met her yet. He may soon.”
“No, he doesn’t want to.” Jade laughs.
Lucas shrugs. “I’m pretty sure I already have.”
From the house, Kendall calls as she runs to us, “Tessa, phone. It’s Ben Sawyer.”
I take the phone and turn, giving everyone my back. “Hey, Ben. How was your game?”
“Kicked ass. How was the play?”
“It went all right. Thanks again for coming last night.”
“Wouldn’t have missed it.” He yawns.
“I’m glad.”
“Girl, I have no idea how you sound so wired. I’m beat.”
“I’ve been resting a lot.”
“Get some more. I’m about to catch some Z’s.”
“I’ll be doing the same soon.”
“Hey, Tess?”
“Hey, Ben?”
“Not sure what the future holds, but I’m hoping to see you before hunting season.”
“I hope so, too. And Ben, again, thank you so much for everything.”
“Tess, anytime.”
“You’re truly the best.”
After we hang up, I set the phone on the ground, turn around, and slide back in.
“Everything okay, Tessa?” Jade asks.
“Yep.” I smile.
“I thought things were going well?”
“We’ve always been buds. We don’t want to ruin it.”
“But, Tessa, you said maybe.” Jade glances at Lucas and nods. “Okay.”
I give myself a good ten minutes before heading inside, showering, and then turning on the TV and crying myself to sleep.
I wake up to my alarm and have no idea when I came up. I look at the clock that says eleven a.m. then look around the empty room. Then I run down the stairs and find Kendall at the sink.
“Hey there.”
“Your medicine is in that cup. Mom said noon.”
I grab it, and she hands me a cup of water.
“Where’s Jade?
“She left a note. Tommy’s mom called crying, and she had Alex take her there.” Kendall nods toward the counter.
I read the note. “She’s staying there tonight?”
“Yeah.”
I don’t say anything.
“Why?”
I shake my head. “I just worry it’s too sad for her.”
I toss back the pills and drink down the water. Then I open my mouth and stick out my tongue.
“What are you doing?” Kendall giggles.
“If Mom asks, you saw me take my medicine.”
She shakes her head. “You are so weird.”
“Better weird than late.” I grab the phone. “Going to shower.”
“With the phone?” she calls to me.
“That’s what weird people do.”
Behind the bathroom door, I call Cassidy and make plans for Doe Camp after final curtain.
My first scene, I walk onstage and see them, all of them, sitting in the front row center. Seats that were auctioned off. Jade, Phoebe, Becca, Ryan, Alex, and Lucas. Why is he here?
The entire show, I have to make an effort not to look at him, and I nearly lose it when I sing “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” and see Jade’s tears. It kills me.
At the end, I shed some, too.
“That was amazing, Tessa.” The director hugs me when I walk backstage.
“Thanks,” I say, unable to stop the tears.
A week of grief soaked in exhaustion streams down my face as I sit in the dressing room, removing my stage makeup.
Cassidy, I adore her, because when some of the ensemble begins whispering, she tells them, if they were not aware that tears help get rid of the makeup faster, then they were idiots and shouldn’t be allowed in next year’s production.
When we walk out, few people are without reddened eyes.
“You are epic,” I whisper to Cassidy. Then I give her direction to camp and tell her I’ll be there in an hour.
She turns left, and I turn right, almost running into Jade, who hugs me.
“Tessa, you looked and sounded beautiful.”
“Oh, it was nothing,” I lie.
Every one of them hugs me. Well, everyone except Lucas.
“Good job. These are from all of us.” He hands me flowers; yellow roses and white daisies.
“Thanks. They …”
He turns and hurries away.
“He hates me,” I whisper to myself.
Jade hears me, of course, and smiles. “No, he doesn’t, silly. He wants you to be happy.”
“Oh, I see that by his actions over the past … oh let’s see, since I met him,” I joke, even though it hurts.
Jade pinches her lips together, but her eyes, they tell a story. Her lips, they do not. “I’ll see you at church in the morning, right?”
“I’m not sure I’m going, but I really want to hang out tomorrow, and since we’ll be roomies, I think we can figure it out.” I rub her belly and whisper, “Love you, baby.”
“You shouldn’t have to be sober”—I laugh, holding up my fourth beer—“but here’s to you.”
Cassidy laughs and raises her water. “To Argentina!”
“Let’s dance!” I say, standing, then almost falling, then standing again.
“Whose phone?” Karen asks, raising Dad’s phone in the air.
“Shit.” I laugh.
“Girl, do not answer that.” Cassidy laughs as I grab it and look at the screen.
Lucas’s number appears then disappears when the phone stops ringing.
“Screw you,” I grumble then dial his digits.
He picks up but doesn’t say anything.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“No, sorry, I shouldn’t have called. Never mind.”
“Lucas, where are you?”
“Home. I’m fine. Leave it alone. Have fun, Tessa.” He hangs up.
I look back to see everyone seems to be leaving.
“It’s early.” I laugh, eyes burning.
“We’re all exhausted.” Karen waves from the door. “This place is great.”
“You’ll all have to come again.” I smile, vison now blurred by looming tears.
“Please tell me no one else died,” Cassidy says, serious as shit.
“No, it was um … It was …”
“I got you. Your secrets, too. What can I do?”
“When they all leave, can you give me a ride?”
His light is on, and the rest of the house is dark.
“I have no problem waiting,” Cassid
y says
“No, I’ll have him take me home after I can get him to talk. He’s hurting.”
“Okay, well, being the sober one, I’m going to insist on staying until you are at least in the house.”
“Right. Good idea.” Chewing on my lip, I look over at her. “Five minutes?”
“I’ll wait ten.”
“No, if I’m not …” I pause and think. “Back in five, and then I’ll come out and let you know what’s going on. And if you ever need something of the secret-keeping, late-night ride, you got it.”
She laughs. “Go.”
He doesn’t answer the door, but it’s unlocked, so here I am, creeping up his stairs, feeling like a freak, but no more than he was yesterday morning looming over my bed. With that bit of rationalization, I also have no freaking problem opening his bedroom door and walking right in.
He sets down a book and looks beyond me. “What are you doing here, Tessa? You’re loaded; how the hell did you get here?”
“I hitchhiked. You should talk. Your room smells like a freaking bong.” I cover my mouth to quiet a giggle. “Where’s your mom?”
“Not here,” he snaps. “And you aren’t for long, either. I’m calling Alex to come get you.”
“I don’t think so. Cassidy is waiting for me to get kicked out, so I got it all covered.”
“Did you fuck Ben?” he spits out of nowhere.
“Not really your business, but no!” I yell. “Did you sleep with that girl from the club?”
“Not your business, but no,” Lucas mocks me.
I put my hands on my hips. “How about the girl from lunch the other day?”
“No, Tessa.” He turns around, giving me his back, sputtering, “Fuck.”
“Why do you hate me?”
“Because I have to. You need to leave.”
“Why can’t we be friends?”
He throws his hands in the air. “Tessa, could you really see us as friends?”
“Why did you take Sadi’s side over mine when she pulled out my hair?”
“You. Need. To. Leave.”
Fuck that, I think then continue, “Why did you try to get me into bed with those two girls, Lucas? Why?”
“Because I knew you’d leave.”