Fighting Greed

by Miller, Jennifer

  Walking down the hall, I watch Ryan’s face. Every time I look at him, there’s something in my chest that clenches with an emotion I don’t understand. I think I’ve determined its because he looks so much like Sutton and I’m definitely falling for her.

  Who the fuck am I kidding? I’ve already fallen. God, I sound like a pussy, but it’s okay because she doesn’t need to know this. Not right now. The last thing I want is for her to run. But, the time I’ve spent with her already, it’s clear. I’m all in. I’ve fallen for her and this little boy. Ever since I read that story to him on video the first time, we talk regularly. It’s impossible not to adore the kid.

  I almost laugh at myself. Who would have thought that the biggest gamble I’d end up taking in my life wouldn’t have been the one that put me in rehab, ashamed, humiliated and battered. Instead, it’s the one where I choose to love a little boy and his mom.

  Holding him in one arm, I pull back the blankets on his bed before gently setting him down. He turns onto his side when I pull the covers up to his shoulder and then doesn’t move again.

  Turning to leave the room, I stop and see Sutton standing in the doorway. Ryan’s room is dark and the hallway behind her is bright, so I can’t see her face, it’s in shadow. I assume she’s smiling, so I smile widely at her, then when I reach her, take her in my arms.

  She wraps hers around my waist and squeezes before pulling back and taking my hand. I close the door to Ryan’s room and Sutton pulls me by my hand across the hall into her own and closes the door.

  She moves to the table beside her bed and turns on something that looks like a walkie talkie and I realize it’s so she can hear Ryan’s room.

  Then she walks back to me and when I open my mouth to say something, she shakes her head and puts her finger against my lips.

  Keeping her eyes on me, she steps back and reaches behind her and begins lowering the zipper of her dress. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her if I wanted to. Not only because she’s removing her clothes, but because her eyes are full of unspoken words that I feel like she wants me to unravel. But when her dress slides off her shoulders, pools at her waist and then she shimmies out of it, all thoughts of anything other than my skin about to be touching her skin leaves my mind.

  She’s wearing a black sheer bra and matching thong. Small scraps of fabric that are really nothing other than meant for show. She’s still standing in her heels too and I almost groan at the sight.

  I take a step toward her intending to put my mouth on her nipples but she shakes her head and I stop. She reaches behind her and undoes her bra. Her rosy nipples beg for attention and I’ll combust if she doesn’t let me lavish it on her soon.

  She walks to me, takes her hand and cups my face, traces the bridge of my nose and moves it down until she lines my lips. I can’t help but open my mouth to take her finger into it. I suck on it like I would her nipples, teasing it with my tongue. When she pops it out of my mouth, she moves it to her breast and circles her nipple with my wetness.

  I’m straining so hard in my pants it’s amazing my zipper hasn’t broken. She moves her fingers underneath the band of her panties and slowly, oh so slowly, moves them down her legs until she’s standing before me in nothing but those sexy shoes.

  “You’re killing me,” I say.

  She smiles and moves to me and slides my sport coat off my shoulders before placing it on the chair next to her bed that’s within reach. Then she removes my shirt at my wrists, then each of the buttons down my chest. When my chest is exposed her mouth presses between my pecs as she slides it off of my shoulders.

  Her mouth trails wet and hot kisses down, down, down, until she’s at the waist of my pants and is frantically working to get them undone. I gently push her hands away, slip my shoes and socks off, then help her with the rest. In no time, because I couldn’t handle it any other way, I’m standing before her naked, the proof of my arousal proud and throbbing between us.

  She takes me into her hands and then gets on her knees before me and I am sure that there is few things sexier in the world than my girl in this posture intent on giving me nothing but pleasure.

  I watch her move, watch her own excitement build and push her hair out of her face. When her eyes meet mine, it takes all I have not to explode right there. I know she’d welcome it, but instead I lift her to her feet, walk her to the bed and push her down gently.

  For a moment, I admire the way she looks. Olive skin tan against the white of her bedding, dark hair splayed out around her, legs slightly open.

  “Open your legs,” I instruct. She does a little. “More,” I demand. She complies.

  Lowering myself onto the bed, I settle between her legs and kiss the insides of her thighs. Her legs fall open further and when I nibble on her thighs, close, but still not where she wants me, she groans.

  I don’t keep her waiting. Putting my mouth where I know she wants it, I lick, taste and suck her as her moans only increase my own need.

  Her head whips back and forth, she’s lost in nothing but sensation and I know she’s going to come any time, so I stop.

  The loss of my mouth makes her gasp deeply and protest, “What? What? Seriously?”

  With a smile, I get to my knees and slide into her feeling satisfaction at the noise she makes now when I’m snug inside her wet heat. “Better, baby?”

  She nods her head yes and begins grinding her hips against mine.

  I move my hips and trace her body with my hands loving the show she’s giving me while in the throes of pleasure.

  She surprises me when she sits up, “I want on top,” she says.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I tease making her smile as I quickly comply.

  When she’s in position, she stares down at me. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her look more beautiful, and that’s saying something because she always does. Her skin is flushed and there’s a sheen to it. Her hair is a little messy, her breasts high and her bottom lip full from biting it. While holding my eyes, she leans forward until her chest is touching mine and then she kisses me.

  It’s soft, full of want and need. Her tongue strokes mine, loves mine, moves with mine. She groans and kisses me harder. I match her pace beat by beat and am startled when something wet falls on my face.

  Pulling back, I look into her eyes and find hers are wet. “Cupcake? What’s wrong?”

  She shakes her head, “I’m fine. Just caught up in you,” she tells me, her bottom lip trembling a little.

  “I know. Me too,” I tell her and then I bring her down to me and kiss her again. Running my hands in her hair, down her back, I kiss her like I need her to survive.

  When she sits back up, her eyes never leave mine. As she moves, as she cries out, as she finds her pleasure and I release mine, our eyes never leave each other’s. As simple as it is, it’s profound and I feel like we’re looking right into each other’s souls. The thought leaves me feeling a little vulnerable which is a foreign feeling but one I welcome because I know it’s because I’ve never felt like this with anyone else before.

  She collapses onto my chest and I run my fingers through her hair and up and down her back.

  “That was…” she begins.

  “Yeah,” I agree knowing exactly what she means.

  She sleeps on my chest that night her arm tight around my waist. I hold her tight in turn and twice we wake in the night to turn to the other in need.

  When morning arrives, I wake before her. I can hear Ryan talking to himself through the monitor. He’s counting and singing his ABC’s and I enjoy the sound of his chatter in my ear and the feeling of her breath against my skin as she breathes in and out.

  I could get used to this.

  When I hear Ryan shuffle around a bit, I gently shake Sutton awake.

  “Sutton?”

  She mumbles something in her sleep.

  “Sutton, wake up,” I try again. She startles awake and sits up abruptly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “Huh? O
h, it’s okay. I was just… having a bad dream I think.”

  “Ryan’s awake,” I say quietly. “I’m not sure if he usually comes in here in the morning and I didn’t think you’d want him to see me…” I trail off.

  “Oh, I didn’t think about that. I don’t care if he sees you, but maybe at breakfast instead of in his mommy’s bed?”

  Laughing softly, I stand after pushing the blankets off of me. Stretching, I enjoy seeing her eyes trail over my body. I work hard for this physique – I like that she enjoys it. “Okay if I jump in the shower?”

  “Of course.”

  “Cool. I’ll see you out there in a few.”

  She smiles, stands and moves to her dresser to grab something to throw on and this time, I’m the one that admires her body.

  Ducking into the bathroom when she’s finished she grabs a towel out of the closet and hands it to me. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.”

  She kisses me softly on the lips, smiles and leaves the room.

  After taking a quick shower, I stand in front of the mirror with the towel around my hips. Knowing I’d feel better if I at least swirled some mouthwash in my mouth I open a couple drawers and cabinets trying to find some. I feel like I’m snooping a little but hope she won’t mind.

  It’s when I open her medicine cabinet that I find the mouthwash and as I take it out I can’t help but notice some medication bottles for an anti-depressant. I know that’s what it is because it’s a familiar name. The date on it is recent and I find myself feeling concerned about her. Depression is not something to take lightly. Part of me wants to tell her I saw it and ask her if everything is okay, but I know that she’ll tell me if and when she’s ready. I need to honor her privacy.

  Placing the mouthwash back in the cabinet, I hurriedly put my dress shirt and pants back on and walk out of the room sans socks, shoes, and underwear. Free balling it is necessary since I didn’t anticipate this impromptu sleep over.

  When I reach the kitchen, I smile at Ryan sitting at the table, chatting with Sutton all about his evening with Vanessa. Sutton is at the stove cooking eggs and hash browns and interrupts only to ask clarifying questions here and there.

  Eager to join them I step into the kitchen and when Sutton sees me, she moves to me and places a quick kiss on my lips. Glancing at Ryan I nervously wait to see his reaction. I don’t want to upset him.

  To my surprise he begins clapping, “I told you, mommy!”

  Sutton looks at him in surprise. “You told me what?”

  “I told you if Zane kisses you that you could get married. You kissed - you’re married! Just like the princess!”

  Sutton turns pink, her eyes wide, “No, honey. That’s not how it works.”

  “You’re just like the princess, mommy!”

  She turns to me, “I’m sorry about this. Vanessa had Ryan watch a movie with her and after the princess and prince kissed they got married and he has it in his head that we should-”

  She trails off and I smile wickedly, “So what I’m hearing is you were talking about me.”

  “Mommy’s a princess! Mommy’s married!” Ryan keeps cheering from the table. Sutton’s cheeks somehow manage to get pinker and I laugh. Enjoying it all, taking it in and hoping that this will be my new normal because I never knew I was ready for something like this, but it couldn’t feel more right.

  Pulling Sutton in my arms, I press a kiss to the top of her head.

  Today has been a whole cocktail of emotions that I can’t even begin to process. Euphoria, happiness, guilt, sadness, excitement and contentment - all of them present. The biggest one is guilt. I know the deeper into this I get, the harder it’s going to be all the way around. If I was a good woman, I would make myself busy and hardly see Zane at all before his fight this weekend, but instead I’ve done anything but that.

  The day after he spent the night here, we went to his place after Ryan and I were ready for the day so he could change his clothes. Then we spent the day at the zoo together. Ryan and Zane were adorable to watch. Zane patiently answered all of Ryan’s questions about the animals and there were a ton. Zane read each informational plaque containing animal facts to Ryan and then they would decide upon and give their own first names to each animal.

  Ryan had the time of his life. All he can talk about is Zane and he constantly asks when he’ll be seeing him again. Of course it could also have something to do with the ice cream and giant stuffed lion Zane bought him at the zoo.

  Walking around with Ryan in his stroller at times when he became tired or with him perched on Zane’s shoulders, it was easy to get lost in the little family unit it felt like we made up together. Somehow I would snap out of it and then the despair would set in. I know I’m going to lose him. It’s only a matter of time.

  The image of a large hourglass again came to mind and I could see every grain of sand rush through faster and faster.

  On top of trying to figure out how and when I’m going to tell Zane, is the fear that if I don’t figure it out immediately Tyson is going to beat me to it. That’s something I absolutely do not want. It’s time to get my shit handled.

  After a long day at the office where I caught up on paperwork most of the day, I finally get a few minutes to myself while Ryan is distracted with his crayons and a coloring book and call Zane.

  “Hey, cupcake.”

  “Hi,” I smile. “How was your day?”

  This has become a habit. When our schedules are hectic we always check in to see about the other’s day. I would love for Zane to come over and stay here each night like he’s offered, but I keep using Ryan as an excuse about taking it slow. The real reason is because my heart can’t handle having him here like that only for it to be ripped away later.

  He fills me in on some training information and tells me a few things about his upcoming fight and then asks how my day was. I share a few details, but really I called because it’s time to force myself into confessing the truth.

  “I was wondering if you could get together with me tomorrow night? What’s your schedule like?” I ask him practically shaking with nerves part of me hoping he tells me that won’t work. That I’ll be off the hook a little longer.

  “I will make time. You want to come here, me go there? We going out? What’s what?”

  Smiling at how cheerful he sounds, it falls when I think about how that won’t last long. “Can you come here?” I ask him.

  “Yeah of course,” he replies and we chat for a little longer before I need to let him go so I can make dinner for Ryan.

  I’ve already asked Vanessa to watch Ryan for me at her place while Zane is here. I don’t want Ryan to overhear any of our conversation and I’m expecting that Zane won’t be happy, naturally. I want him to be able to express what he needs to without fear of Ryan’s presence.

  It seems the least I can do.

  Just as I’m placing dinner on the table, I’m startled when the front door swings open with no warning.

  My stomach drops and almost the food I’m holding along with it when I see Nico standing there. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him, I was starting to get used to the idea. Stupid me.

  “Well hello there, amor. It’s been far too long since I’ve seen you.”

  Giving him a tight smile, “I know, it’s been great.”

  “So funny you are,” he says with no humor on his face whatsoever.

  I watch as Ryan sobers at Nico’s presence too.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask him a little too sharply. I need to be careful.

  “What makes you think I have a reason? Maybe I just wanted to see your beautiful face.”

  Staring at him for a moment, I look at Ryan, “Hey buddy, how would you like to eat your mac and cheese in the living room while watching a movie on your tablet? You can even use your headphones if you’d like.”

  “Okay!” he says excitedly. He knows it’s a treat when I let him do that because he’s not usually allowed to eat in there, let al
one have dinner and play or watch a movie on his device at the same time. Quickly setting him up on the floor with a tray we typically use for arts and crafts, I give him his dinner and begin playing a chosen movie while he adjusts his headphones. He smiles up at me happily.

  As I go back into the kitchen, I take Nico by the arm and drag him with me.

  “Get to it,” I tell him crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Whatever do you mean, amor?”

  I clench my teeth together so hard they hurt. I know he’s only calling me that because he knows it pisses me off. I remain quiet waiting him out. The true reason for why he’s here will reveal itself.

  He sighs heavily, “Fine. I’m here because I want to talk to you about Zane’s upcoming fight.” He practically spits Zane’s name out when he says it.

  “What about it?”

  “There’s a lot of money riding on it, which I’m sure is no surprise. What information have you gained from your conversations… or whatever else you’ve been doing… with him?”

  Taking a deep breath I look him straight in the eyes, “Nothing. I haven’t learned anything.”

  “And why is that, amor?”

  I don’t answer.

  His eyes narrow, his jaw clenches and his fists tighten at his side. Fear makes my breaths quicken and my stomach twist. Please don’t hit me in front of Ryan is the only thing running through my mind.

  “Is it because he hasn’t told you anything worth sharing, or is it because you aren’t asking him any questions. And before you answer, you better hope it’s not the latter.”

  Maybe it’s the tone of his voice or the look on his face. Maybe it’s the way he tells me what to do. Maybe it’s that I’m so fucking tired of this back and forth shit with him. For far too long I’ve been under his control and I’m just so damn tired. Tired of it all.

  “Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not asking him anything. I’m not doing this for you anymore. I’m done. I love him, Nico. I will not betray him,” I look toward Ryan. “Not anymore than I already have.”