Shut Out

by Kody Keplinger

  I tried not to think too much about what Cash had said once I was back inside. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Still, I could feel joy bubbling in my chest, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he’d realized what a mistake he’d made by letting me go.

  chapter nineteen

  “Cock tease.”

  I felt my cheeks flush as one of Randy’s football buddies brushed past me in the hall, his words hissing in my ear.

  “Hey, assclown,” Chloe snapped, whirling around at my side to face the guy’s retreating form. “Learn some manners or I’ll e-mail the whole high school about how small your dick is—because we both know that I’m aware of exactly how small it is.”

  “Whore,” he muttered, shooting Chloe a filthy glare over his shoulder.

  “Ha. You might have better luck with a whore, actually. Me? You couldn’t pay me to bang you again. Dick’s too minuscule to keep a lady satisfied. Come on, Lissa.” She took hold of my wrist and pulled me toward the cafeteria.

  It was Monday, my first day back at school since I’d caught Randy with The Blonde, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with the lunch situation. I obviously couldn’t sit with Randy and Shane and the others. But where would I go? That’s where I’d been sitting for more than a year. That’s where my friends were.

  When we walked into the cafeteria, I seriously considered turning around and going to the library. The Blonde was sitting in Randy’s lap at our usual table, and she was grinning from ear to ear—and who could blame her? She was getting attention from the coolest people in the school. From the cutest boy.

  From the boy who was supposed to be mine.

  “Boys suck,” I muttered.

  “Not all of them are so bad,” Chloe said, dragging me along behind her. “There are a few good ones, I swear.”

  “Well, introduce me to them, then. Oh, and where are we sitting?”

  “Right here.”

  I glanced around at the occupants of the table Chloe had just led me to. Ellen was beaming up at me, sitting in a chair beside Adam, her boyfriend. I felt my cheeks flush as I counted the people at the table—they were all soccer players or soccer players’ girlfriends.

  “What are we doing?” I asked Chloe through gritted teeth.

  “Neither of us is dating a football player anymore, Lissa. So we don’t have to worry about pissing anyone off. Ellen invited us.” My new best friend tossed a smile at my old best friend, and a nice full-circle feeling overwhelmed me. Just for an instant.

  “Take a seat,” Adam said, grinning at me. “Anyone who makes an ass out of Randy Vincent is a friend of mine.”

  “Actually,” I said stiffly, sliding into the chair on the other side of Ellen’s, “I think he made the ass out of me.”

  “Au contraire,” Adam argued, pointing a plastic fork in my direction. “While it may have seemed that way in the moment, in the long run, Randy will be the one to suffer. He revealed to half the female population that he cheats on girls and divulges intimate secrets about his girlfriend to the school at large. So even though it sucked for you, consider your scene at Homecoming a fair and kind warning to the rest of the world. Oh, and most likely, it will keep him from getting laid.”

  While I doubted that last bit, based on the way The Blonde had been wiggling in Randy’s lap when I passed, I didn’t argue.

  Chloe plopped into the seat on my other side. “Anyone going up to get food?” she asked, jerking her head toward the lunch line.

  “I’ll go with you,” I said, feeling silly about standing up when I’d barely been sitting for five seconds. “Come on.”

  “Oh, go ahead,” Chloe said. “I was just seeing if anyone else was going. Can you get me a Diet Coke? Thanks.”

  I swatted her arm with the back of my hand. “Lazy ass.”

  “You love my ass. Don’t lie.”

  “I’ll go with you, Lissa,” Ellen said, getting to her feet. “I’m actually craving those gross, soggy french fries. I must be losing it.”

  I laughed a little nervously before following her toward the lunch line. Honestly, I wasn’t quite sure why I was still so anxious around her. I mean, we’d attended two slumber parties together in the past two weeks, and we’d talked… a few times. But then again, this was the first time we’d been near each other without Chloe and Kelsey between us, screaming obscenities at each other.

  “Hmm. Maybe I’ll get a hamburger instead,” Ellen was saying. “They’re obnoxiously greasy, but sometimes greasy can be good, right? What do you think?”

  “I’m sorry.” It came out of my mouth before I could stop it. I tucked my hair behind my ear and cleared my throat. “I mean, not about the hamburgers. I’m sorry about us. How we stopped hanging out and stuff, and—”

  “I know. Me, too.”

  “It was my fault,” I said. “I let having a boyfriend and the whole football–soccer drama come between us.”

  “Yeah… You did mess up pretty bad,” Ellen said, reaching down and squeezing my hand. “But whatever. I’m over it, and we’re hanging out now. We’re cool.”

  I beamed at her. “I’m glad.”

  “Me, too.”

  We chatted for a few more minutes as we inched forward in the line, catching up on the things we’d missed in the last year—apparently, Ellen’s brother had gotten kicked out of middle school for fighting and was now going to a private school. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t been with her through that. But it was like she’d said—I was there now, and that’s what mattered.

  “You know,” she said after we’d loaded our trays with food and I’d grabbed Chloe’s Diet Coke, “I knew. Even before Randy said anything at Homecoming, I knew you were… Well, I knew you hadn’t slept with him.”

  I blushed. “Um… thank you?”

  “No, seriously,” she said as she handed the cranky-looking cashier the money for her lunch. “I mean, I second-guessed myself a few times, but when you started the strike I just thought… I thought I still knew you, and the you I knew wouldn’t have slept with him, if that makes sense.”

  “I thought about it a few times. We got close.”

  “I know, I know. Don’t get me wrong, he’s hot and I know you loved him, but…” She hesitated, watching as I paid for my meal. “As much of a control freak as you are, I knew it couldn’t have happened. Not with an idiot like Randy, at least. It’s nice to know I still know you.”

  “Better than anyone,” I told her.

  “Except Chloe,” she said, walking back to the table with me. “You two are insanely cute together. It’s almost ridiculous.”

  I was about to respond when we reached the table and Chloe—speak of the devil—leaped from her chair and swiped her Diet Coke off my tray so fast that I jumped, startled, and a few fries fell off the plate and onto the floor.

  “Right.” I sighed. “Really cute.”

  Chloe took a swig of her drink and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Sorry,” she said. “I was dying of thirst. You guys took forever.”

  “Sorry to keep you waiting, Your Highness.”

  “You’re forgiven.”

  Ellen laughed as she reclaimed her seat next to Adam.

  I sighed and sat down, only just then realizing that there was now someone sitting in the seat across from me.

  “So, Cash, what happened to you Friday night?” Adam asked. “At Homecoming. Did you bail or what?”

  Cash’s green eyes met mine across the table before he looked at Adam. “Yeah, I left early. Wasn’t really feeling it this year.”

  “You’re never feeling it,” Adam said. “You never take a date, and sometimes you don’t even show up. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the whole Mr. Unattainable tactic, but usually a dude does that as a means to an end. You’re sort of missing the point here, Cash.”

  For a second, I thought I saw Cash turn red.

  “I don’t know, man,” he told Adam. “I’m just too busy to date right now. Between soccer, working, and keeping the grades up so I
can get this scholarship… I just need to stay focused, you know?”

  Adam snorted. “All right,” he said. “But you know we’re talking about a date, right? Like, just asking a chick to Homecoming. Not planning a wedding.”

  “You’re breaking the heart of every girl in Hamilton,” Ellen teased him, throwing a french fry in his direction. “The way you flirt with them. They all think they have a shot, and then you go and say things like, ‘Oh, I have to stay focused.’ ” Her imitation of Cash sounded more like a deep-voiced caveman than anything.

  “It’s so true,” Chloe chimed in. “You’re really going to give Lissa a run for her money as school tease.”

  I felt my cheeks heat up as everyone—Cash in particular—turned their eyes on me. I took a deep breath and clenched my fists in my lap to keep from tapping on the table.

  “Sorry,” Chloe said after taking a sip of her drink. “That sounded better in my head.” She looked imploringly at me. “I didn’t mean to—”

  “It’s cool,” I said quickly. I looked across the table at Cash, and I felt the tension ease up a bit. “I mean… really, there’s no comparison. Unless Cash has his tease status formally announced at prom, I think the crown is safe with me.”

  “I’ll get on that—having it announced at prom,” Cash replied. “But anyway, it’ll be hard to get a date now. With this sex strike going on. Might as well just wait.”

  “Hold up,” Adam said, and his attention was back on me. “You mean the strike isn’t over? Even now that you and the buffoon are done?”

  I shook my head. “No. The strike doesn’t end until the rivalry does.”

  “You’re kidding.” Adam groaned.

  “Why would you think it was over?” Ellen questioned. “You didn’t ask me about it.”

  “I just assumed now that Lissa doesn’t have to put up with Randy’s shit, everything would go back to normal. Isn’t that why this whole thing started? Because he’s a douchebag?”

  “Actually,” Ellen said before I could respond, “it’s not just about Randy. We’ve been over this a thousand times before, Adam. It’s about everyone. I got pissed when you guys shoved Luther into his locker and left him there for a whole block. I wasn’t cool with that, and I’m not cool with this, either. None of the girls are. So, like Lissa said, it’s not over until the rivalry is over.”

  Adam rolled his eyes. “Sure. We’ll see how much longer it lasts.”

  “At least our efforts are organized,” I said. I was beginning to lose the affection for him that I’d felt upon first approaching the table. “We’re supporting one another and talking to one another and helping one another through this. All the boys do is sit around and wait for us to change our minds, but that’s not going to happen. The strike doesn’t end until the rivalry does.”

  Adam frowned at me, and he started to say something, but Chloe cut him off.

  “Look, can we not fight right now?” she asked. “Normally, I’d be all about the drama—watching it, not taking part in it, of course—but after Friday night, I’m on overload. So can we skip the debate here, kids?”

  Adam slouched into his seat. “Whatever.”

  “For the record,” Ellen added, turning to Cash, “nothing in the oath the girls made says we can’t date. Besides, only the current girlfriends of the teammates made the oath to begin with. There’s no reason for you to use that as an excuse.”

  Cash smiled at her. That winning, charming, perfect smile that won me over time and again. “You’re right,” he said. “Strike or not, I’m not really looking for a girlfriend…. But”—and I swear his eyes locked on mine—“if someone special came along, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to let her get away.”

  “Well, that’s good to hear,” Ellen said. “As long as you’re keeping your options open.”

  But I didn’t think it was good to hear at all. Cash had basically just told me that I wasn’t worth his time. He’d let me go before, so clearly I wasn’t special enough for him to date. The hope I’d carried after his visit yesterday was crushed. The way he’d looked at me when he said it left no room for misinterpretation.

  “Oh, well, that’s a dick move,” I blurted out. “You basically just said that every girl you’ve ever flirted with wasn’t worth it. And since pretty much the entire female population here has thrown themselves at you at one time or another, you’re implying that you’re too good for all of us.” I scrambled hastily to my feet when I saw the barely contained shock on the faces around the table.

  “Lissa—” Cash began.

  But I was already stumbling away.

  “Where are you going?” Chloe asked.

  “I’m, um, not feeling well,” I said. “I’ll see you in class later.”

  Before she could ask again or I could convince myself to chance a look at Cash, I grabbed my purse and hurried toward the cafeteria door, wondering how I’d been stupid enough to think he liked me, and why it was so hard not to fall for him.

  chapter twenty

  “Did you really think I was going to let you get away without explaining that one?”

  I blinked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, surprised to see Ellen standing behind me. She smiled and walked over to the sink next to mine.

  “Chloe wanted to come,” she said. “But I told her I hadn’t been on a Lissa-in-crisis mission in a while, so she let me take this one. So what was that about?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Lissa, I’ve known you for eleven years. I can tell when you’re lying. Something freaked you out enough to make you run out of the cafeteria like that. Was it Randy? Are you upset about him being with that girl?”

  I shook my head. “No… I mean, yeah, I am, but that’s not it. It’s… it’s Cash.”

  I don’t know what made me decide to tell her the truth. Maybe I was just sick of holding it in, or maybe it was the nostalgia effect, missing the days when Ellen and I would share our darkest secrets with each other. Either way, I spilled my guts to her right there in the girls’ bathroom. I told her about the party over the summer, how Cash had never called me, how I couldn’t fight the feelings I still had for him even though, especially after what he’d just said at the lunch table, he clearly didn’t have those feelings for me. By the time I’d told her everything, the bell for third block had already chimed and we were late for class.

  “Screw him,” Ellen said.

  I stared at her. “What?”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I like Cash. He’s friends with Adam, and he’s a nice guy, but if he can’t see how special you are, then he doesn’t deserve you. Screw him.”

  “Oh.” My brain was in the gutter, because that wasn’t how I’d thought she meant it at first.

  “The last thing you need right now is boy drama,” Ellen said, picking my purse up off the bathroom floor and handing it to me. “So don’t bother. You’re awesome no matter what he thinks, okay? Just relax a little.”

  She didn’t understand that that was part of the problem—I was too relaxed around Cash. It was too easy to say things I shouldn’t. Like what I’d blurted out at the lunch table.

  “Maybe use the extra energy to focus on taking care of the rest of us,” Ellen continued as we walked out of the bathroom. “This strike has gone on longer than we’d anticipated. We all thought it would be two weeks, but it’s been almost three, and I know they didn’t show it, but a few of the girls are getting antsy. Instead of worrying about the stupid boys, why not focus on finding a way to lift morale? How does that sound?”

  “Right,” I said. “The strike. I’ll focus on the strike and stop worrying about Cash and Randy. That shouldn’t be too hard.”

  She gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my arm before we separated in the hallway.

  But the whole idea of not thinking about Cash got overturned the next night at work. I was doing well there for about five seconds. It was hard not to notice certain things, though. Like the way he seemed to be staring at me more than normal.

 
; I worried that he was going to confront me about what I’d said at lunch the day before, about how no one was good enough for him. But when he decided to strike up a conversation in the Religion section, I was relieved that he’d chosen a different subject.

  “So have you been reading Lysistrata at all?” he asked, walking up behind me as I reorganized the shelf of Bibles.

  “What?”

  “That book I told you to read. The Greek play about the sex strike.”

  “Oh, right.” Stop blushing, I told myself. I shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about this. “No, I haven’t yet. Sorry.”

  “Too bad,” he said. “I’d love to hear your take on the battle-of-the-sexes aspect, since that’s kind of what’s happening in real life.”

  I laughed. “It’s not really a battle,” I told him, readjusting the last Bible on the shelf so that the spine faced properly outward. It struck me how inappropriate it was to have this conversation in front of so many Bibles. “If anything, the battle is one-sided, since the boys aren’t really doing much about it.”

  “That’s about to change.”

  I turned around, and my breath caught in my chest when I realized just how close he was standing to me. My back was pressed into the shelves, but our chests were almost touching. I had to tilt my head to look up at Cash, he was so close, and I was surprised when he didn’t back away from me. Instead, he held his ground and grinned down at me.

  “W-what do you mean?” I stammered, trying to stop my heart from beating out of my chest. I cleared my throat and inched to one side.

  Cash blinked and stepped back a little, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Sorry. Personal bubble, radii, all that.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, trying not to think about a dream that had started with us in a very similar position to the one we’d just been standing in. “But, um… What do you mean about that changing? The battle-of-the-sexes thing.”

  “Well, I thought about what you said yesterday, that stuff about the boys not being organized. You’re right. We aren’t, but that’s changing.”