Trust the Push

by Kaylee Ryan

  As soon as we’re out of the bar, I place my arm over her shoulders and pull her into me. “That was torture,” I admit.

  “Torture?” she asks, confused.

  “Yes, Bree, torture. Sitting next to you in those shorts that are illegally short and this shirt, showing off your bra.” I moan deep in my throat at the thought of peeling it off her.

  “I’m sorry?” She says it like she’s asking a question, making me laugh.

  “You’re sorry, huh?” I ask, pulling her a little closer.

  “Sounded like the right thing to say.”

  “Well, never be sorry for being sexy as hell. You just can’t help it.” I kiss the top of her head.

  She runs her hand underneath my T-shirt and hooks her fingers into my jeans. It’s a simple act, intimate more than sexual, but the feel of her soft hands against my skin light a fire inside of me.

  Back at the hotel, as soon as the elevator doors close, I push her against the wall and mold my mouth to hers. Again, her hands snake up under my T-shirt, and her nails grip my back. When the doors open, I have to force myself to pull away from her. We’re both breathing heavily, and she has a beautiful smile on her face.

  “We’re going to get caught.” She laughs as I lead her off the elevator.

  “Would that be so bad?” I ask, because to me, that’s not a bad thing. I want the world and every motherfucker that eyes her to know she’s spoken for, even for just until whatever this is fizzles out. Yet another new discovery from me—that surprisingly I’m okay with her being mine. Not just for tonight, but for a hell of a lot longer. Even the word forever pops in my mind, and it doesn’t bother me. Not when it comes to Bree.

  “Yeah, Blaine, I really think it would. I like your parents, and when this is over, it would make things awkward. I have very few people in my life who I feel as though I can truly trust, and I trust them. I would hate to lose that.”

  What can I say to that? Nothing, so I don’t even try. I simply place the key in her door, unlocking it. As soon as it shuts behind us, I push her up against the wall. “This,” I say, kissing her neck, “was supposed to cool off a little once I got a taste of you.” I continue nipping her neck gently and soothing it with my tongue.

  “Yeah,” she agrees with a breathy sigh.

  “And this…” I pull back and turn us so it’s my back that’s against the wall. “…it’s sexy as fuck, Bree.” I trace my index finger from her collarbone to the bottom of the V-neck opening on her shirt. The one that shows me just a hint of cleavage that’s hiding behind that black lace bra. “This shirt should be illegal, at least for you.”

  “Why me?” Her eyes are closed as she enjoys the feel of my finger tracing against her skin.

  “Because I can’t control myself around you. This sexiness only makes it worse.”

  “Yeah? Maybe I should take it off, you know to help you balance your control.” Her voice is throaty and alluring as fuck.

  Slowly she opens her eyes, and the heat I see there would bring me to my knees if I were not leaning against the wall. I watch her as she starts at the top button and unfastens it. I rest my hands on her hips, needing that connection to her, but letting her have her fun. She’s teasing me, and we both know it.

  As soon as the final button is free, I grip either side of her shirt and pull it away from her breasts. I keep an iron grip on her shirt, even though all I really want to do is strip her bare and show her yet again how much I want her.

  “Aubree,” I say huskily.

  She slides one hand behind my neck and the other grips the neck of my shirt, fisting it, fighting her own battles with the inferno of desire that’s blazing between us.

  “Blaine,” she says, leaning in close.

  I pull on her shirt, needing her closer. Her earlier exhaustion seems to fade as the heat between us roars. When my phone vibrates in my pocket, she buries her head in my neck and begins to laugh.

  “That might be important.” She tries to pull away.

  I stop her by keeping my grip firm on her shirt. “I’m not letting you go before I get a kiss.”

  She gives me a short peck on the lips, but that’s not good enough. “Come on now, we can do better than that.” Her emerald eyes tell me everything she’s not. She agrees. Leaning in, I capture her lips with mine. My tongue traces her lips, prompting her to open for me. She does so without hesitation. That is until my phone vibrates again.

  “You should get that,” she says against my lips.

  With a heavy sigh, I dig my phone out of my pocket and see two missed calls from Dad. Keeping one arm around her waist, I hit his name to call him back. Aubree rests her head on my chest at the same time he answers.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I ask before placing a kiss on top of her head.

  “They just called the race. Wanted to see what the plan was for tomorrow. I’m on the fifth floor, which room are you in?” he asks.

  “Uh, I ran downstairs to grab a bottle of water. I must have just missed you,” I tell him.

  “Why did you go all the way downstairs? There’s a vending machine on your floor. I just passed it.”

  “Didn’t bother to look,” I tell him. The truth is, I have spent very little time in my room. Just long enough to shower and get dressed today. The rest of my time I’ve been with Aubree.

  “Okay, well, I’ll wait on you. Your mother wants to know if Aubree got to her room all right?”

  “Yeah, she’s in her room. Resting,” I tell him. She is resting, I just leave out the fact that I just kissed her senseless and she’s resting against my chest. This is my moment, just for me. “I’ll be right there,” I tell him before ending the call.

  “Everything okay?” she asks.

  “Yeah, Dad’s on my floor looking for my room. They called the race so he wants to get a game plan for when we want to leave tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” She lifts her head and steps away from me.

  “Let’s get you tucked in.” I lead her to the bed, and help her undress, leaving her in nothing but her panties. I grab a Bishop Racing T-shirt, the one she was wearing earlier, and help her put it on.

  “Night, Checkmate,” she says, her eyes already closed.

  “Night, Bree.” I bend down and kiss her forehead before slipping out the door.

  Luckily there is a vending machine on her floor as well, so I buy a bottle of water and head upstairs to my room. Dad is waiting just outside the elevators when I get there.

  “Bree okay?” he asks.

  “Yeah, I mean, she was when I left her.”

  “I’m not blind, son. I see the way you watch her. The way you refused to leave her side tonight.”

  Not wanting to have this conversation in the hall, I start walking toward my room. Once we’re inside, I place my water bottle on the table and sit down on the bed. Resting my elbows on my knees, I bury my face in my hands. I can hear the chair move and I know from experience my father can wait me out. Finally, I look up at him. “It’s nothing. We’re just having fun.”

  He nods. “Yeah, but it’s more than that, even if you don’t want to admit it.”

  “She’s fun to be around.”

  “She is. Your mother is already in love with her.” He laughs.

  “I’m glad. She’s never had that.”

  “Blaine, I won’t lecture you. You’re an adult. What I will tell you is that girl has been through a life we’ve never imagined. Not knowing the love of her own father.” He shakes his head in disgust. “If you’re not in this, I mean, not really in this, you need to let her go.”

  “I can’t do that, not yet.”

  “You’re playing with fire, son.”

  “What happened to not lecturing me?”

  “Fine, I’ve said my peace. Now what time do you want to leave tomorrow?”

  Normally, I would want to leave early so we can get home, but I think about Aubree just one floor below all snug in her bed and waking up with her this morning. I want to do that again. I don’t kno
w when we will have this opportunity being in a hotel room, and our rooms spread out enough that no one will notice. “What time is checkout?” I ask him.

  “Ten.”

  I nod. “Yeah, around ten works fine.”

  He raises his eyebrows; that was an answer he obviously was not expecting from me. “All right. Your mother and I will be ready.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” He nods and walks out of my room. Quickly, I send a text to the guys, letting them know we’re going to meet in the lobby at ten. Then I pack my bag. Making sure nothing is left behind, I head back to the fourth floor. Back to Aubree.

  Reaching her room, I slide the keycard in and wince when it beeps, hoping that the sound doesn’t wake her. I enter as quietly as I can and find her sound asleep. Once my bags are on the floor by the dresser, I strip down to my boxer briefs, and climb into bed beside her.

  “Blaine?” she asks groggily.

  I’m not going to think about what the fact that she calls out for me does to me. I’m not going to ponder why my heart seems to expand in my chest anytime she’s near. “Shh, go back to sleep.” She snuggles closer, and I wrap my arms around her. Having her in my arms makes me feel… content. It doesn’t matter what else is going on, as long as she’s right here, everything is right in my world. That’s a feeling that’s all too new but welcome all the same. I lie here, softly running my fingers through her hair. I’m tired as hell, but I don’t want to go to sleep, not knowing when I’ll have a moment like this again, if ever. This is only a temporary situation, or is it? That’s my final thought before drifting off to sleep.

  It’s been four weeks this week since my relationship with Blaine changed. I spent the Fourth of July weekend at his place. We hid my car behind the old barn, and as far as we know, no one has figured it out. I know they suspect, but I’m going to continue to pretend that we’re living in our own little bubble. One that I know when it pops is also going to shatter my heart. The time I’ve spent with him, it’s worth it. Any amount of heartache is worth the time we have together. What is it they say… It’s better to have lived and loved than to never have loved at all? Something to that effect. Maria spouted if off to me the other day on the phone when I told her I was in love with him. Not just I might be, I’m in love with him. It’s fast, I know. I’ve only known him for a couple of months, but we spend a lot of time together and we just… click.

  We’ve yet to talk about how long we’re going to let this go on, and I’m good with that. Ignorance is bliss. Today we’re headed to Tampa, Florida. It’s an eleven-and-a-half hour drive, so leaving today, Wednesday, gives us plenty of time. Blaine surprised everyone when he said he wanted to stop somewhere tonight and spend the night, finishing the drive tomorrow. Racing starts Friday at six in the evening, so pulling in Thursday night gives us ample amount of time, or so he says.

  The mass text message he sent last night, the one I got when I was lying on the couch beside him says that we are leaving at eight this morning. It’s a little after six, and I need to get moving, and pull my car around to the shop so no one knows I spent the night. That’s something I’ve been doing a lot lately. So much in fact that Maria is complaining that she never sees me anymore. I can tell she’s teasing, but I still feel bad. I promised her that we would have dinner next week before we head out again.

  “Morning.” Blaine kisses my bare shoulder. It’s a wake-up that’s become routine for us, and I’m already dreading the mornings when I will no longer have his lips against my skin, and his husky voice in my ear.

  “Morning, we need to get moving.”

  “Just… a little longer.” He yawns.

  “Nope. I have to move my car and get my stuff packed and out to my car so it’s not so obvious that I stayed,” I remind him.

  “Is it really that bad if they find out?” he asks.

  “It has to be this way. It will be easier when you decide to end this.” I focus on keeping my breathing deep and even, despite the twisting in my gut.

  “When I decide?” he asks. “What makes you think it’s going to be me who ends this?”

  “I’ve known that from the very beginning, Blaine. I told you I won’t be able to walk away. My heart can’t separate sex from love.” I shrug. “That’s not who I am.”

  “Maybe that’s not who I am either,” he counters. His tone is even, not giving me any insight to how he’s feeling. He ignores the fact, or maybe he just doesn’t pick up on, that I basically told him I’m in love with him.

  “Come on, Checkmate.” I use his racing nickname. “Everyone knows including me that serious is not your thing. I knew that going into this. I’m okay with it.” That’s what I need to say, because that was our deal. What I want to say is we can make this work. That I love him enough for the both of us, but I can’t.

  “Why?” he asks, sitting up and letting the sheet pool around his waist. “Why are you okay with it, Aubree?” His voice is gruff, and I can’t tell if he’s pissed off or getting upset at the thought of what we have ending.

  Climbing out of bed, I grab his T-shirt from the floor, and pull it on before turning to face him. My emotions are already bare to him. I need clothing as a barrier, as if it can hide my true emotions, can hide my heart. “Because that’s who you are, Blaine Bishop. And I happen to be pretty damn fond of you.”

  “Bullshit. Tell me the real reason,” he pries.

  “I just told you.” Kind of. I left off the part about being in love with him. He doesn’t want to hear it anymore than I want to say it. Saying it makes it real. Makes the fact that my heart is surely going to be broken one day in the near future a certainty. One I’m not ready to deal with.

  “Bree,” he says softly.

  “I’ll take a shower first.” I grab some clothes and rush off to the bathroom. Although, I know it’s immature, I shut and lock the door behind me. I need a little distance if we’re going to get moving and get me out of this house before anyone else gets here. Under the hot spray, I let the tears that have been threatening to fall have their freedom. Silently, I cry for what I know I’m about to lose. The pain in my chest is so much worse than I could ever have anticipated.

  Twenty minutes later, I’m opening the bathroom door to find his room empty. Packing my bag for the trip, I hide the rest of my stuff in the closet, just in case, and head downstairs. “Blaine,” I call out. Nothing, no response. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I down half of it before heading outside. I see my car is moved, so I go ahead and walk to the toter home and toss my bag into the underbelly storage. I’ve started keeping my massage bag there instead of packing it back and forth each week. I’ve only needed it the one time, and although I’m grateful that no one has been injured, I’m wondering if KHP is going to call and pull the plug on this little adventure they sent me on. I hated the idea at first, and now, thinking about not being there when he races, it causes an ache in my chest. One I know that I will one day have to get used to.

  Just as I’m shutting the underbelly storage door, Kevin and Ashley pull in. She’s going with us this time, and I’m excited. She’s not tagged along since my first weekend. She and I text often. I keep her in the loop of how things are going since Kevin is always busy working on the car. We even met up a few weeks ago for drinks. I met her friends, Susanne, Beth and Lisa. She was right, they’re a lot of fun to be around and when they invited me to do it again sometime, I found myself saying yes. I’m even looking forward to it.

  “Hey, you,” she says as soon as she climbs out of their SUV. “You ready for this one?”

  “You bet. Two new states. I just wish we had time to see the ocean while we’re there.”

  “You’ve never seen the ocean?” she asks.

  “Nope. Never traveled out of Tennessee until I took this assignment.”

  “I’m seeing a girls’ trip in our future,” she says.

  “I’m in.”

  “In for what?” Blaine asks, joining us.

  “My wife is planning a trip for you
r… for Aubree and her to go to the beach. A girls’ trip,” Kevin says. I can’t help but wonder what he was going to call me. It’s obvious he’s also onto us. Maybe Ashley told him. I know from the looks and the hints that she’s been dropping that she knows. Or at least suspects. I just ignore it, what else can I do? I don’t blame her for not wanting to keep secrets from her husband.

  “Girls’ trip, huh?” he asks.

  “Yeah. Aubs has never seen the ocean. If that’s not excuse enough for a girls’ trip, I don’t know what is,” Ashley tells him.

  The rest of the crew pulls in, followed by Robin and Brian who back up to the T-shirt trailer and hook to it without even getting out of the truck. The rest of us pile in the toter home.

  “I got first leg today,” Blaine says, climbing into the driver’s seat.

  “Aubs, why don’t you take shotgun?” Ashley suggests. “This is a new state for you. You should take in the sights.”

  I can tell that’s not the only reason she suggested that I sit up front with Blaine, but I take the seat anyway.

  Blaine looks over and winks. “You ready for this?”

  “Let’s do this!” Jacob chants, way too chipper for this early in the morning, causing us all to laugh.

  Blaine is quiet and so am I as I take in the scenery. It’s beautiful, and it’s pretty cool to be sitting up this high on the highway. It’s not something I’m used to. I snap a picture of the welcome sign when we cross over into Georgia. I’m excited to pick up a new state, but not even the excitement can hold its own with the lull of the wheels on the road as I drift off to sleep.

  “Hey, beautiful.” I hear his deep voice and feel his lips against my cheek. As I start to wake up, I remember where we are. My eyes pop open and I sit up quickly in my seat, looking around. “Hey,” he soothes. “It’s just us. We’re stopping to stretch our legs and fill up. I thought you might want something.”

  “Thanks,” I say, my heart rate slowly returning to its normal rhythm. “I am thirsty,” I say, realizing how dry my mouth is.