Trust the Push

by Kaylee Ryan

  She’s not having any luck. I closed the blind as soon as we came on board, not wanting to spoil the surprise.

  “Aubs, I need to stretch my legs. Take a walk with me?” Ashley asks.

  “Sure,” she agrees, however hesitantly. She knows this isn’t our norm, but she’s rolling with it. Just something else for me to love about her. She’s the farthest thing from high maintenance that I could get, and I wouldn’t have her any other way. She’s not afraid to get dirty at the track, never complains if I’m working on the car. She’s perfect. In more ways than one.

  She scoots out of the booth and meets Ashley at the door. I’m right behind her. “Care for some company?” I ask them.

  Bree opens her mouth to stop me, but Ash beats her to it. “Sure, Kev, you coming?”

  Kevin too joins us, and the three of us follow Ashley off the toter home. Kevin parked so that we’re looking at the street. Jacob, Rick, and my parents are now with us as well.

  I place my hands over her eyes. “So, we have a surprise for you.” I’m sure she can hear the waves by this point.

  “What’s going on?” she asks, smiling.

  “Just trust us,” Ashley says, linking her arm through hers, while my mom takes the other.

  I remain behind her with my hands over her eyes. “Slow steps,” I instruct.

  “Come on, guys, what’s going on?”

  We stop just short of the sand that would be a sure giveaway. “Open your eyes, Bree,” I say, my lips close to her ear. Slowly, I remove my hands and she gasps, whipping around to face me.

  “What?” She turns back to face the ocean. Then again, back to me. “You—” She turns back to the ocean. “I can’t….” She takes a step forward, placing her feet on the sand. I watch as she kicks off her flip-flips and buries her toes in the sand. “It’s soft.” She laughs. It’s a musical sound.

  “Go on,” Mom urges. “Go check it out.”

  Bree turns back to face me. “I can’t believe you did this.”

  “It was a group effort.”

  The look she gives me tells me that she knows otherwise. The shimmer of tears in her beautiful green eyes sparkle from the sunlight. “Blaine.” Her voice cracks.

  “Hey.” I step next to her and pull her into my arms. I couldn’t give a fuck less who sees me. She’s upset and I have to fix this. “I thought you would want to see the ocean,” I say softly as she buries her face in my chest. “No way we could leave Florida without that.”

  “I do. I just… no one has ever done something like this for me. I mean, I’ve never had anyone who—” She stops.

  “Now you do,” Dad says firmly. “Go on and check it out.” He pats her shoulder. The old man is a big softie when it comes to family, and it seems as though that includes Aubree as well.

  Stepping back, I hold my hand out for her. “Come on, I’ll go with you.” Her smile is blinding and full of love when she takes my offered hand, and I lead us to the water. A wave comes rolling in, splashing us, causing her to laugh. I would not have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes, but her smile grows even wider. We spend about fifteen minutes just the two of us. We’re no longer holding hands, but our backs are to everyone and I don’t have to hide how I feel about her. I don’t have to worry about schooling my expression. Not that it matters. They’re on to us. I know they are.

  “Got ya!” Ashley chants as she kicks her legs through the water and splashes Bree. They take off running and splash in the water.

  I watch them smiling at her laughter. We should have brought Camber this trip. She would have loved running up and down the beach. These long trips are hard on her so she goes to doggy daycare. They spoil her rotten there.

  “You plan on telling her?” Dad asks, joining me. Mom is at his side.

  “Yeah,” I confess.

  “Oh, honey,” Mom gushes.

  “Mom,” I groan.

  “What? She’s wonderful. I already feel like she’s a part of our family.”

  “Well. Hold off, all right. I don’t need her scared off before I can convince her I’m a safe bet.”

  “Are you?” Dad asks.

  “The safest,” I assure him.

  He places his hand on my shoulder. “Funny,” he says with a grin, “what can happen when you trust the push.” He chuckles.

  “What on earth are you yacking about? This is not the time to talk racing.” Mom shakes her head.

  “You’re right, dear.” Dad kisses her temple and her scolding is long since forgotten.

  We stay on the beach for a couple of hours before we finally need to hit the road and head home. I figured Aubree would be disappointed we have to leave, but she just smiles and gives every one of us a hug to say thank you.

  “The best day,” she says once we’re back on the road. She and I are sitting on the couch with her head on my shoulder. Jacob and Rick are riding with my parents, giving Dad a break and them some company. Kevin insisted that he was good to drive the next leg as well. So, here we are. The two of us.

  “Yeah? I’m glad. I promise I’ll take you back to the ocean when we can stay longer.”

  “Don’t—” She places her hand over her mouth covering a yawn. “Make promises you can’t keep.”

  Lifting my arm, I pull her in close. “I intend to keep it, Bree,” I say softly. She doesn’t reply, and by the way her breathing has evened out, I know she’s fallen asleep. I settle back into the couch and close my eyes, and it’s not long before sleep claims me as well.

  It was the early hours Monday morning when we finally got home. We drove all the way through from Florida. The same day, I had meetings at KHP, and by the time they were over, I was drained. It’s a shame really. I’ve gone soft apparently. I used to pull ten- and twelve-hour days on my feet when needed and recently, I’m lucky to be up for eight and not need a nap. I guess that’s what happens when you travel all the time.

  Tuesday was declared a girls’ day with Maria. We haven’t spent much time together since I took my new assignment, and we were long overdue. Of course, I had to fill her in on everything that’s been going on with me and Blaine. I’ve been texting her and we talk on the phone as much as we can, but it’s just not the same as having her here. She thought the ocean stop was sweet and thinks that he’s falling for me.

  I know he cares about me. I can see it in the way he looks at me. I can feel it in the way he touches me. Something shifted between us that night he got hurt. I can’t put my finger on it, and if I’m honest, I haven’t really tried to decipher it. Anytime I think about it, I push it to the back of my mind. My heart hopes that it means we’re more, but neither my head nor my heart are ready to deal with the pain and the loss if it’s not. I’ve spent the last few days staying busy so I could avoid thinking about it.

  I’m a coward.

  Blaine wanted me to come over after Maria left, but I was emotionally drained and just wanted to go to bed. I’m not sure if he believed me, and I’m aware it sounds as though I’m making up excuses, but I’m not.

  That brings us to today. It’s Wednesday, and Blaine has already called twice asking when I’m going to be there. He’s waiting for me at his place. He and the guys have a new body on the car, and we’re ready to go for this weekend’s race. It’s another local track, just about an hour and ten minutes away in Tazwell, Tennessee. That means we don’t leave until Friday around noon. Blaine still insists we get there early.

  I miss him.

  I miss him so much that my heart aches, but I know me and I’m too invested. I must start distancing myself for when the day comes that we are no longer. That doesn’t stop me from coming to see him. Case in point, I’m pulling into his driveway, only it’s already full. I notice Jonah’s BMW and start to panic thinking that they somehow found out about us. Not only will I lose Blaine, but my job too.

  “There she is,” Jonah says as I climb out of my car.

  “Hi.” I wave awkwardly, grateful my sunglasses are hiding the scared-as-hell look I’m
sure is showing in my eyes.

  “Didn’t know you would be here.” He looks over at Blaine and grins.

  “Yeah, I uh—” Camber comes rushing toward me and nudges my leg with her nose. “Hey, girl.” I bend to pet her, grateful for the interruption. That’s when it hits me. “Camber and I have a date,” I say, looking up at my boss’s boss.

  “Camber, huh?” he asks suspiciously.

  “Yeah. I can’t have animals in my apartment, and this one and I have become close. Blaine said I could take her to the park today.”

  He looks over at Blaine and he nods, although reluctantly. “Yeah, the traitor seems to prefer her over me anyway,” he says good-naturedly.

  “It’s a girl thing, huh, Camber?” I ask, snuggling in close to her neck. “What’s going on?” I ask, trying to play it cool.

  “Just stopped by to see my cousin.” Jonah grins.

  “Cousin?” I ask, confused.

  “Yeah, did I forget to mention that? Blaine’s mom and mine are sisters,” Jonah explains.

  I look to Blaine for help and he shrugs. “No, no one bothered to mention that,” I say calmly when my insides feel anything but. “So, this, me being here, that’s what? A favor to your cousin?”

  “You could say that. It truly is marketing genius. Our visit rates are up, and we’ve hired two new massage therapists.”

  “Really? Does that mean I don’t have a job when this is over?” I ask, and even I can hear the concern in my voice.

  “Of course not. Your job will be there when the season is over.”

  “Why me?” I finally say. “I mean, I know what you told me, but this is a new development, so why me?”

  Jonah laughs. “Kevin talked highly of you. He called me after and said you were great with Rick. You didn’t go all fangirl over this one.” He points to Blaine. “That’s a rarity. You were perfect for that reason alone. Not to mention, your skill and work ethic. That was all true, Aubree.”

  I let his words roll around, and I’m not sure if I’m just shocked or angry. I mean, Blaine knew Jonah was my boss, his cousin, and he didn’t mention it. He knew that this was way riskier than what we first thought, especially with his family and friends with us, watching us. I know they know. I just pretend otherwise. I need some time. “Ready, girl?” I ask Camber.

  “You’re leaving?” Blaine blurts.

  “Yeah. I’ll have her back in a couple of hours.”

  “No need to rush off,” Jonah tells me.

  “That was the plan, taking this pretty girl,” I pet Camber on the head, “for a walk. See you.” I call for Camber and turn to my car.

  “You need her leash,” Blaine calls out.

  “We’ll be fine. She minds well.” With that, I open my door and point. Camber doesn’t hesitate to jump in and settle into the passenger seat. I can feel his stare, but I don’t look at him. Instead, I drive away, never looking back. As soon as I’m out of the driveway, my phone is vibrating in the cupholder. Camber looks at it as if it’s disturbing her trip. “I know, girl,” I say, reaching over to pet her. “He’s mad that we left, but what else was I supposed to do?” I ignore the constant reminder of my vibrating cell phone the entire ten-minute drive to the park. It’s more of a school playground, but it’s abandoned, and I know that as soon as he gets the chance, he’ll come after me. He won’t think to look here. I just need some time. Time to grieve, time to sort out my feelings. His cousin, my boss, is now involved and that takes this… secret to a whole other level. Is my job in jeopardy? How will I work with Jonah once this is all over? Will he pity me? Too many scenarios are bouncing around in my head. I just need some time to sort them all out.

  Once we’re parked, I grab my phone and keys and climb out, Camber hot on my heels. I spread the blanket I got from the trunk out under the large oak tree at the back of the playground. Camber curls up beside me and sighs as if she’s been waiting for a day like this forever. Reaching for my phone, I see several messages, all from Blaine.

  Blaine: You didn’t have to leave.

  Blaine: Come back.

  Blaine: Are you mad?

  Blaine: I should have told you.

  Blaine: Bree…

  And the last one, sent just two minutes ago.

  Blaine: I’m sorry.

  My fingers hesitate over the keys, but instead of texting him back, I close out of the screen and pull up my contacts, hitting Maria’s name.

  “Hey, you, I thought you had plans today.”

  “Well, I did, but they changed. I’m at the old elementary school underneath the old oak tree in the back.” Camber barks, causing me to chuckle. “Correction, Camber and I are under the old oak tree.”

  “Camber?”

  “Blaine’s dog.”

  “Are you dog sitting or something?” she asks, confused.

  “Not really. I kind of dognapped her, except Blaine was standing there, so it’s more like I borrowed her for a couple of hours.”

  “Are you feeling all right?” she asks with a chuckle.

  “Yeah.” I go on to tell her about Jonah being there and the fact that he’s Blaine’s cousin.

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, wow.”

  “So, what are you thinking?”

  “I have no clue. I don’t know why he wouldn’t tell me. I mean, we’ve been together for months as more, you know, and his family and friends, they all know, Maria. I know they do. I mean, I know Ashley knows, but they all must know. We’re not that good at keeping it hidden.”

  “I know you’re not. You wear your heart on your sleeve.”

  “Yeah, so they know and what if they tell Jonah, or maybe they already did, and he was there today to see for himself? I could lose my job. I could lose everything I’ve worked for.”

  “Did you get that vibe from him?”

  “What?”

  “From Jonah, did you get the ‘I know you’re sleeping with my cousin so I’m here to fire your ass’ vibe from him?”

  “No.”

  “Then maybe you’re thinking too much about this.”

  “He should have told me,” I counter with a huff.

  “Yeah, he should have, but really he’s not paying you, so it’s not like you’re sleeping with your boss.”

  “No, but Jonah, his cousin is paying me to sleep with him.”

  “Really, Aubs. That’s a little dramatic. He’s paying you to do a job, which you are doing perfectly. He even told you visits were up and that his marketing plan was working.”

  “Yeah, but he doesn’t know that I’m sleeping with Blaine either. At least I don’t think he knows, not yet anyway. It’s only a matter of time before he finds out.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “You’re right, I don’t, but, Maria, this was only supposed to be temporary.”

  “Yeah, but plans change, Aubs.”

  “They can. They can also stay the same.” The plan has always been to let this fling play out, and when my time was up, we would be done. That’s still the plan. Blaine knows it, and so do I. What wasn’t part of the plan is falling in love with him.

  “Aubrey,” Maria says softly, and I know it’s coming. “You can’t plan falling in love. The heart doesn’t work that way.”

  “I know.” I sniff, losing my battle as tears well up in my eyes. Camber rests her head on my lap, offering me comfort. I’ll miss her too. “I didn’t mean to, and yet I let it happen knowing I was going to be heartbroken in the end.”

  “Talk to him, see what he has to say.”

  “This was always going to end,” I say again.

  “I know you’re scared of being hurt even more, but this could all turn out to be your happily ever after.”

  “My life is not a romance novel,” I huff.

  “It could be. Your life is what you make it, Aubs. You know that. You are a product of that. You had a shitty childhood. You grew up, worked hard, and now you have made a nice life for yourself. You did that. You chose to be where you are today. Y
ou could have very easily taken a different path.”

  “Right,” I agree half-heartedly.

  “Just take some time to gather your thoughts. Talk to him, listen to what he has to say.”

  “Yeah,” I agree, but not really committing.

  “You’re already shutting down. I hate this for you, Aubree. These past few months you’ve been vibrant and happy. He brings that into your life. Don’t be so quick to throw it away.”

  “I’m not throwing anything away, Maria. This has been and still is the plan. To part ways. I just need to… distance myself a little more. It will be easier in the long run.” I was already on that line of thinking, and this just solidifies that I was right.

  “Stubborn,” she murmurs. “I’ll be here for you no matter what, but please just think about this, and talk to him before you make any major decisions.”

  “I should go,” I tell her. “Camber and I need to go get some water. It’s hot as hell out here.”

  “All right. Be safe. Call me and let me know how you’re doing.”

  We end the call and I lie back on the blanket. Camber moves to rest her head on my belly as I run my fingers over her soft fur. I always wanted a dog growing up but was never allowed. One day, I hope to have one just like Camber. My heart cracks at the thought of everything I’m going to lose. I’ve built relationships not just with Blaine and his dog, but his friends and family. I’m going to miss them all. There’s going to be a huge void in my life, and I have a feeling I’m never going to be able to fill it. Not this time.

  I wake to the sound of laughter. Opening my eyes, it takes me a minute to realize where I am. Camber slumbers at my side as the sun begins to set. Reaching for my phone, I see eighteen missed calls and several text messages from Blaine.

  Blaine: He’s gone.

  Blaine: Please come back.

  Blaine: We can talk about this.

  Blaine: I’m sorry.

  That was about three hours ago, the messages start to grow with concern as I read on.