by Kendall Ryan
Lately, I’d been doing a lot of thinking about relationships. All this time, I’d thought that by avoiding a relationship I was being strong and independent, but in reality, I was just afraid to grow up. I was too old to be at this party, and I was too old to keep being afraid to live my life. It was time to make adult decisions and take a risk. Yes, I’d seen my sister get burned, but that didn’t mean I would. And if I did, I’d pick myself back up. That’s what a truly strong and independent woman would do.
I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. For so many years, I’d been missing out on having a real connection with someone because I was afraid. But now I was ready.
Excited by my new realization, I smiled to myself. As I left the bathroom, I took a sip of my martini and looked through the party again, hoping to spot a budding romance between the pop star and one of the partygoers, or even maybe a fight. I hated to leave without any takeaways for my column.
Before I could find anything, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and answered. “Hello?”
“Kate, hey, it’s Hunter.” He sounded frantic, and I couldn’t hear the rest of what he said over the noises of the party.
“Whoa, slow down,” I said, quickly stepping out onto the balcony where a group of models were smoking. “What happened?”
“Maddie’s in the hospital.”
My heart sank, and I put a hand over my mouth in shock.
“Is she okay?” I asked, already heading for the door.
“I’m not sure yet. We just got here, and the doctors are taking a look.” His voice sounded close to breaking. “I guess I just wanted to let you know.”
“I’m coming,” I said as I stepped out the front doors.
“It’s okay, it sounds like you’re out. You don’t have to,” he said, but I cut him off.
“Hunter, I’m already on my way. I’ll be there soon.”
• • •
I got to the hospital in record time and practically flew up the stairs. When I spotted Hunter in the waiting area, I ran up to him.
“How is she?” I asked, trying to catch my breath.
“She’s in surgery,” he said, worry etched on his face. “It’s her appendix. They said it’s a simple procedure and that it’s nothing to worry about.”
I could tell that he wasn’t convinced. I could only imagine how it felt as a parent to have your child in surgery.
I threw my arms around him and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me as I rested my head against his chest. It felt so comfortable to lean on him like that, so much so that I lingered, not wanting the moment to end.
“She’ll be fine,” I said, pulling back to meet his eyes. I hated the pain and anguish I saw reflected in them. “I had the same surgery when I was her age.”
“Thanks for coming.” He reached out to brush a stray hair from my face.
We moved into the waiting room and sat in the hard plastic chairs.
“Of course I came. I didn’t want you to be here alone.”
He looked into my eyes, and my heart sped up. Now wasn’t the time to tell him what I’d realized, but being here for him felt really good.
“Have you eaten anything?” I asked, glancing at my watch. It was almost nine.
“No, actually.” He ran a hand along the back of his neck. “I totally forgot about it.”
I stood up. “Let me go grab you something.”
“No, you don’t have to,” he said, but I held up a hand.
“Please, it’s the least I can do.”
He smiled as I grabbed my purse and headed out the doors. Ten minutes later, I was back with a sandwich and some fruit from the hospital cafeteria.
“Any news?” I asked as I set down the bag.
“She’s out of surgery,” he said, smiling. “She’s fine, just recovering, and I can go see her in a bit.”
I let out a sigh of relief and smiled back. “Thank God. I haven’t been that scared in a while.”
“Having you here meant a lot,” he said as I handed him the bag. “Sorry if I interrupted your date.”
Confused, I stared at him for a moment, then shook my head. “Oh no, it wasn’t a date. It was a stupid work party.”
He nodded, and I could see the relief on his face.
I stared at him for a moment before smiling to myself. The realization that Hunter was jealous caused a fluttering in my stomach.
“I’m glad you called me,” I added, unable to hold back my grin. I wanted to tell him how important it was to me to be here for him and Maddie, to be included in moments like this, but I didn’t know how to say it. Instead, I gave him another hug and melted into the feel of his arms wrapped around me.
We were interrupted by the doctor approaching.
“Maddie’s parents?” the doctor asked.
Hunter rose to his feet. “Just me.”
I stood by his side, our fingers clasped together tightly as the doctor dismissed me and looked directly at Hunter with concern in her eyes. “Maddie’s awake now. She did very well. Visitation is for family only if you want to go see her now.” She motioned down the hallway.
Hunter turned to me. “Thanks again. I’m probably going to stay the night while Maddie recovers.”
“Yeah, of course.” I nodded. “I’ll keep watch at the house.”
I smiled, but my heart was sinking. I didn’t want to leave without them and go home to an empty house. I gave Hunter’s hand a final squeeze before heading out.
As I pulled in the driveway, the house looked huge and menacing in the dark without any lights on. Usually when I pulled in, I could see Maddie watching TV or playing a game in the living room window. I was struck by a pang of loneliness as I got out of my car and walked to my apartment. I’d gotten so used to having them around that I hadn’t realized how it might feel when they were gone.
Once I was inside, I lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. My phone rang, and hoping it was Hunter, I answered it quickly without looking at the caller ID.
“Hunter?” I said into the phone without thinking.
“Who’s Hunter?” It was my sister, Kayla.
“Sorry—nobody. How are you?”
Between moving and everything happening with Hunter, I hadn’t talked to Kayla in a couple of weeks.
“Good,” she said, drawing out the word. I hadn’t heard her sound this cheerful in a long time.
“What’s with you?” I asked. “You sound giddy.”
She laughed. “Can’t I just be happy?”
I bit my lip. I didn’t want to say it, but I didn’t think I’d seen her happy since before her divorce.
“All right, fine,” she said before I had to answer. “I met someone.”
I sat up in bed, my eyes wide. It was the second surprising phone call I’d had that night. “What? Tell me everything.”
“Kate, he’s amazing,” she said, practically swooning over the phone. “His name is Tyler. He’s so sweet and caring and helpful. Everything Jim wasn’t, basically.”
“What do you mean?” I’d always thought she and Jim seemed like a great couple. Honestly, I’d never really understood why they didn’t work out. “I thought Jim was all of those things.”
She sighed. “Look, Kate, there’s a lot I didn’t tell you about Jim and me. There were problems from the start that I didn’t want to admit. I pretended we were this perfect couple so nobody would notice that we weren’t that great for each other.”
I was floored. I’d never heard her talk this way before about Jim. He’d always seemed nice at family events, but I guess I’d never really known him that well.
“So, you think things are different now? With Tyler?”
“Absolutely. Seriously, I’ve never felt this way before. I know it sounds crazy, but he’s such a great person, and he understands me.”
I could tell she meant it. Looking back on it, I realized she’d never said things like this about Jim. I’d just assumed everything was great because they always seem
ed happy enough.
Kayla interrupted my thoughts. “I think I love him, Kate.”
“Wow, that’s amazing,” I said, wandering over to the window. I automatically glanced at Hunter’s window before remembering that he wasn’t there. “Seriously, I’m really happy for you.”
We caught up more on everything that had happened with her and Tyler before I told her I had to get to bed.
After I hung up the phone, I curled back up on the bed. I truly was happy for Kayla. After everything she’d gone through with Jim, she deserved to find someone else. And if after her divorce she was brave enough to try again, then I really didn’t have an excuse to be afraid.
I didn’t know how, but I needed to find a way to let Hunter know how I was feeling. I just hoped it wasn’t too late.
Chapter Sixteen
Hunter
I opened the freezer door and pulled out the yellow box of Popsicles, rifling through the packages to find the right flavor. Maddie had been home from the hospital for a few days, and I learned pretty quickly which colors she preferred. She wasn’t a huge fan of the grape ones and she absolutely hated the green lime ones, but everything else she got down just fine.
My gaze landed on a Popsicle that looked like it might be red, so I pulled it out of the box and held it up to the light. Through the thin packaging, I could see a faint red tint. Hallelujah. Red was Maddie’s favorite.
I walked into the living room where she was curled up under a thick, fuzzy blanket on the couch, still dressed in her pajamas and her hair a little tousled. I unwrapped the Popsicle and handed it to her, making sure to place a napkin in her lap.
“Be careful that it doesn’t start dripping,” I said, brushing her hair behind her ear.
“I know,” she said softly, nodding without taking her eyes away from the TV. She absentmindedly pulled the frozen treat toward her mouth, missing on her first try and smearing red juice on her chin.
Taking the napkin from her lap, I wiped the juice away, chuckling at how unfazed she seemed. The doctors had warned me that she would need lots of rest after the surgery, but that morning, I could tell she’d turned a corner by how entranced she was with her cartoons. Her first couple of days home, she could barely keep her eyes open long enough to pay attention to them. But now, she was hooked. I could already tell I’d have to be firm about getting her back to her normal screen-time schedule once she was fully recovered.
“I’ll get you another napkin,” I said, kissing the top of Maddie’s head before walking back into the kitchen.
Turns out, there was nothing more terrifying in the world than having to take your child to the hospital. I learned that the hard way. Even after the doctors reassured me that she’d be fine and that her surgery was totally routine and manageable, I couldn’t deal with how helpless I’d felt.
Sitting in that waiting room while strangers cut open my daughter with nothing to do but sit and wait and try not to freak out? I’d thought I was a calm and rational person, but based on the chaotic feelings that churned through me during that time, I was starting to question everything I thought I knew about myself. The only thing I didn’t question? The fact that Maddie meant everything to me. She was my whole world, and it was my job to make sure nothing bad ever happened to her. Case closed.
After grabbing a fresh napkin, I walked back into the living room and sat down next to her on the couch. I placed the napkin in her lap, smiling at the fact that her Popsicle was already halfway gone.
“Daddy, can we have something other than soup for dinner tonight?” Maddie asked, still staring straight ahead at the TV.
“What do you want instead?” I did a mental inventory, trying to remember what groceries we still had. I’d been doing my best to make mild and nutritious meals with what we already had on hand.
“Could we make gluten-free pizza?” She looked up at me with wide, hopeful eyes.
I smiled. Looked like someone was starting to feel better after all.
• • •
A few days later, it was clear that Maddie and I needed to get out of the house. We had run out of Popsicles, and our pantry desperately needed to be restocked. And for as much as she and I loved spending time together, I could tell she was ready to look at someone else’s face and listen to someone else’s voice for a while. And I knew just who to call.
After a few rings, the line connected, and a voice I hadn’t realized just how much I missed answered.
“Hunter, hi. How’s Maddie doing?”
“Hi, Kate. She’s doing a lot better. Thanks for asking.” I couldn’t keep myself from smiling into my cell phone. Damn, I’d missed the sound of her voice.
“Is her incision healing okay? No signs of infection? No weird side effects from the anesthesia?”
“You’ve been stress-googling, haven’t you?”
We both laughed.
“Listen,” she said, her tone turning serious, “this is the first surgery in my life in a long time, and it turns out there’s a lot to worry about with these things. Hospitals are rife with infections and all sorts of other things you can catch.”
I smiled. How is it that Kate just gets better and better every time we talk?
“Well, it’s very sweet of you to worry, but she’s doing fine.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear it. It took just about every ounce of self-control I had to keep myself from texting you every five seconds.”
“You can always text me, Kate. You know that, right?”
She paused, and I worried for a second that I’d said too much.
Whatever, it’s true. Our physical arrangement might have been a casual one, but rushing to the hospital to help when my daughter had to have emergency surgery? Not exactly what you’d expect from a casual hookup.
“I know, I just—I didn’t want to overstep.”
“I understand,” I said slowly. “But just for the record, you wouldn’t have been overstepping. Not in the slightest.”
A longer silence stretched between us, and I really started to worry that I’d freaked her out.
“Kate? You still there?”
“Sorry, yes, I’m here.” Her voice sounded smaller, more timid than usual. “That was just . . . sweet, Hunter.”
“It’s true. So, listen, I was calling to see if you wanted to join Maddie and me on a short trip to the park this afternoon. We’re going a little stir-crazy over here. Plus, she would love to see you.” I had to lighten the mood before Kate hung up and wrote me off as the clingy idiot who didn’t know how to keep a relationship with a woman casual.
“I would love to,” she replied. “When are you planning to leave?”
“How does three work for you?”
“Three sounds perfect. Meet you at your front door then.”
“Looking forward to it.”
After we hung up, I went to tell Maddie the good news. “Guess what?” I asked, walking into the living room and standing next to the TV.
“What?”
“You and I are going to the park later today. And I just got off the phone with our neighbor Kate, and she said she would come with us.”
“Really?” Maddie turned to look at me, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised. It was really starting to melt my heart how much she enjoyed spending time with Kate.
“Really.”
“Yay!” she cried, bouncing in her seat on the couch and kicking her legs in excitement underneath the blanket.
“You know what that means, don’t you?” I asked, placing my hands on my hips.
She shook her head.
“It’s time for you to change out of those pajamas.”
Maddie and I spent the next couple of hours tidying up the living room and getting ready for the park, making sure to keep her incision site clean and protected. She seemed excited to put some real clothes on, and when I helped her tie her tennis shoes, I could tell from the look on her face that she was ready to play outside.
At three o’clock on the dot, Kate knocked on
our front door. I went to answer it with Maddie trailing close behind, and the moment I opened the door, Maddie reached out to wrap her arms around Kate’s waist.
“Oh, hi there,” Kate said, clearly touched by the hug. She looked at me and smiled, her eyes widening.
“I’m feeling a lot better,” Maddie said, letting go of Kate and stepping back to look up at her. “I ate a lot of Popsicles.”
“Popsicles, really? Mmm, I’m jealous. I haven’t had one of those in a long time,” Kate replied, shaking her head.
As the two of them chatted in the doorway, I slung the backpack I’d packed over my shoulder that held the supplies to clean Maddie’s incision—just in case we needed them—as well as a couple of waters, an extra jacket in case she got cold, and a couple of granola bars in case she got hungry. I knew I was overreacting a little, but hey, I was still recovering from her surgery too.
Maddie and Kate continued chatting during the whole car ride over to the park, with Maddie explaining what the hospital was like and exactly what it felt like when she woke up. I loved hearing how animated she got talking about this whole experience and appreciated how intently Kate listened and followed along. I’d been worried that Maddie might have been a little traumatized by the whole thing, but she was bouncing back even faster than I’d hoped—both physically and emotionally.
At the park, Maddie led Kate and me to her favorite playground, where she quickly found another little girl her age to play with and tell her hospital story to. Kate and I watched the two of them chatter and giggle for a while before they climbed to the top of the slide, where they huddled together and giggled some more.
I called out to Maddie to remember to take it easy—no running or jumping since she was still healing.
“I forgot how easy it is to make friends at that age,” Kate said with a smile, crossing her arms over her chest.
“It feels good to get some fresh air.” I sighed and stretched out my arms. “I feel like I haven’t talked to an adult in months.”
“Well, that’s not quite true,” Kate said, rubbing her arm. “How was your date?”
I paused. “Date?”
Kate dipped her chin and gave me an incredulous look. “With June?”