by Kendall Ryan
Shit. “Oh, right. My date with June. God, does the fact that I completely forgot about it make me a total asshole?”
“Only half an asshole, I think.” Kate laughed. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but I could have sworn she looked a little relieved.
“I’ll take it.” I looked over at her with a half grin. “Well, the date wasn’t great, if that wasn’t already clear.” I chuckled, running my hand over the back of my neck.
“What happened?”
“She didn’t do anything wrong. We just didn’t really have anything in common besides our kids.”
Kate tilted her head, giving me a sidelong look. “That seems like a pretty big thing to have in common to me.”
“You’d think it would help, wouldn’t you?” I smiled wryly back at her. “But it turns out, sticking two single parents at the same dinner table isn’t a surefire recipe for romance.”
“I’m not sure that recipe exists,” she said, looking down at her feet.
“Maybe not, but I did figure one thing out on that date.”
“What’s that?”
“That I missed you.”
Kate paused then, looking at me with wide, stunned eyes, clearly taken aback. “Hunter . . .”
“Don’t worry, I know. I’m not trying to push you into a relationship. What we have is casual. Strictly physical. It’s just . . . I would be lying if I said that my shitty date didn’t make me wish you were the one I’d had a nice dinner with. Not June.”
“It’s not that I don’t—”
“Really, you don’t have to explain. I’m not asking you for anything more. It’s just that sometimes I wish we wanted the same thing. But I’m not that guy. You made it clear what you want. I just need to accept that. It’s on me.”
Kate opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get any words out, Maddie came bounding back up to us with a surprising amount of energy.
“Daddy, can I have a snack?” she asked, grabbing my hand and pulling it toward her.
“Sure, just give me one sec.”
I pulled a granola bar out of the backpack and handed it to her. She quickly unwrapped it and took a huge bite. When I checked my watch, it made sense why she was so hungry. It was four thirty, her normal pre-dinner Popsicle time.
I really need to get her back onto our normal routine.
“Are you feeling tired at all, Maddie?” I asked.
“I’m not tired,” she said, scrunching her brows together and looking up at me with a stubborn look on her face.
“Okay, you can play for a little while longer,” I replied.
Maddie scampered off then to get her turn on the swing with her new friend.
“Has work been understanding of everything that’s been going on?” Kate asked.
I smiled, suddenly grateful for her merciful change of subject. We continued chatting for the rest of our time at the park and during the whole car ride back to the house. Everything seemed to be back to normal by then, and I silently hoped that she’d let my small confession go for good.
It’s not that I regretted telling Kate how I felt. I did wish that we wanted the same things. But she made it clear from the beginning what she wanted, and that didn’t include long-term commitment or a kid.
No matter how I was starting to feel, or what I wanted, one thing was clear.
I needed to get over it.
Chapter Seventeen
Kate
What are you two doing today?
I waited for Hunter to reply as I googled fun things to do in the city. I needed to let him know how I felt, and since communication wasn’t exactly my strong suit, I decided to show him instead of telling him. I was ready for all of it—the relationship, the commitment, even trying on motherhood. And what better way to show that than to plan a fun day date with him and Maddie?
We’re just hanging out today. What’s up?
Meet me out front in thirty. I have an idea.
I grinned as I got ready, pulling on a light summer dress that was both flattering and family appropriate.
After much deliberation, I’d decided to take them to the zoo. There was a special exhibit with baby foxes that I’d been hearing about, and I thought it would be cute for Maddie to see them. I knew how much she had loved seeing dinosaur skeletons, and I hoped she’d be just as excited to see animals that were still alive.
I waited out front, nervously tapping my foot, hoping I wasn’t being too spontaneous by hijacking their whole day. I mentally slapped myself. Where was my confidence? The day was going to be great.
All my doubts flew from my head as Hunter emerged from the house in a black T-shirt and jeans. He looked as sexy as always, and I had to resist giving him a kiss hello. Maddie ran out from behind him, wearing a pink skirt with a gray T-shirt that said Pow! in big white letters.
“Cool outfit,” I said, grinning. It was perfect for her.
“Thanks.” She smiled, slipping on a pair of black sunglasses.
I held back a laugh, glancing at Hunter. His expressive brown eyes lit up with a smile that sent my heart spiraling.
“Hey,” I said, shielding my eyes from the sun. “Thanks for going along with my spontaneity.”
“We can always use some excitement.” He grinned back at me.
His eyes traced up and down my body, taking in my dress. My breath caught as his gaze paused for a moment at my breasts, which were pressing against the thin material. I felt my nipples harden and hoped he wouldn’t notice. My gaze lingered on him for a few seconds before I realized Maddie was looking between us.
“Okay,” I said quickly, tearing my gaze from Hunter. “So, are you guys ready to go on an adventure?” I started for my car when Hunter shook his head and guided us to his instead.
“Car seat,” he said.
Ah. Right. I guess I had a lot to learn.
I climbed in, and he opened the door to the backseat as Maddie got inside.
“Where are we going?” she asked suspiciously.
“It’s a surprise. But I promise it’ll be fun.”
Hunter strapped Maddie into the backseat before settling into the front.
As we got closer to the zoo, I glanced back and saw Maddie leaning against the window, trying to figure out where we were. When we turned the corner, she gasped.
“Are we seeing the foxes?”
“How did you know about that exhibit?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at Hunter.
“Everyone knows about it,” she exclaimed.
I laughed, so relieved she was excited about it that I didn’t even care that the surprise was ruined.
When we entered the zoo, Maddie practically sprinted off for the fox exhibit. We looked through the glass at the little foxes, their big ears sticking up.
“Do you like them?” I asked Maddie, who was pressing her face against the glass and waving at them.
“They’re so cool,” she said, not taking her eyes off them.
“Do you want to play with one?”
She turned to me with her mouth open, apparently speechless.
“I bought a special ticket so you can hold one,” I told her, pulling the ticket out of my bag. Her eyes went wide, and she looked at Hunter.
He put his hands up. “Don’t look at me. This was all Kate.”
He grinned at me as Maddie gaped.
“Come on. Let’s go.” I motioned toward the ticket desk.
The zoo workers led us into a special room. Maddie was so excited, she was bouncing up and down in anticipation, and in that moment I felt pretty damn proud of myself. When they finally brought the baby fox in, Maddie let out a little shriek. I grinned at Hunter as she held out a tentative hand to pet its soft fur.
Hunter’s hand pressed against my lower back. “This is pretty amazing. Thanks for putting this together.”
“My pleasure. I’m having fun.”
“Not as much fun as her,” he said, nodding toward Maddie, who was squealing with excitement as the little animal licked her
hand.
“Nobody has ever had that much fun.” I laughed, pulling out my phone to get a picture.
When she was finished, Maddie came bounding over to us and wrapped her arms around my waist, telling me that was the best day she’d ever had.
Shocked, I hugged her back. I’d known she was excited, but I hadn’t expected this. Unexpected tears sprang to my eyes, and I quickly blinked them away. Get a grip, Kate. Apparently, I’d turned into a huge softie.
As we walked through the zoo, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Spending time with Hunter and Maddie was even more fun than I’d expected. It felt so natural to be with them like this, and I couldn’t help but imagine us doing this kind of thing every weekend.
We came to the big-cats exhibit, where the lion had just had a cub. A huge crowd had gathered in front of the exhibit, and when we finally made our way to the front, we could see the mother lion with her baby.
“That’s the dad,” I said, pointing to the male lion that was sunning himself nearby.
I watched Maddie as she leaned against the railing, and all this talk of babies and moms and dads made a question spring to mind. Do the people around us think I’m Maddie’s mom?
My stomach did a little flip at the thought, and I realized I’d been secretly hoping that’s what they thought. Normally I wasn’t such a bundle of emotions, but the idea of the three of us being a family made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The idea of belonging—of being part of my own personal tribe—sounded better than I ever thought it would.
I watched Hunter as he crouched down and recited lion facts for Maddie. His dark hair had grown a little longer since I’d first met him, and he had a shadow of facial hair dusting his strong jaw.
Warmth spread through me as I watched him. I wanted him now even more than I had that first night when he was just some hot, nameless guy at a bar. Now, he was so much more than that.
He stood up and glanced over at me. When our eyes met, a warm shiver raced through me. What was it about this man that tore down all my defenses?
Hoping to get my mind off all the sudden emotion I was feeling, I suggested we ride the little train that drove throughout the zoo. Maddie got a kick out of holding up her arms like she was on a roller coaster, and by the end of the train ride, my face hurt from laughing so much.
By the time we’d finished at the zoo, it was almost closing time.
“I’m starving,” Maddie declared as we walked toward the car.
“If you guys are up for it, I know of some good dinner spots around here. My treat,” I said as Hunter buckled Maddie into the backseat.
“You’ve already done enough, Kate,” Hunter said as he settled into the front seat.
“I want to.” I smiled. “Besides, I need to continue your culinary education.”
He gave me a crooked grin. “Well, if it’s going to be educational, I can’t really say no, can I?”
I directed him to take us to one of my favorite vegan restaurants. It was hard to please kids, especially with health food, but I had a feeling Maddie would appreciate it. Especially because I knew they had an extensive gluten-free menu.
Once we were seated at our table, I raised my water glass. “Cheers to a great day.”
“It was awesome,” Maddie said as we clinked glasses. She picked up her menu, holding it upside down.
I turned the menu around and read her some of the options, sensing Hunter’s gaze on me as I helped Maddie settle on a gluten-free mac and cheese. When the food arrived, Hunter and Maddie dove into their meals excitedly.
“This is actually good,” Hunter said, surprise in his voice as he took another bite of his sandwich.
Maddie seemed equally impressed.
We finished off our meal by splitting a vegan cupcake. A pang of sadness hit me as we left the restaurant; I wasn’t ready for the night to end, but I didn’t think I could continue to hold them hostage any longer.
When we pulled up to the house, Maddie jumped out of the car and started to run inside.
“Maddie, what do you have to say to Kate?” Hunter asked before she’d gone inside.
She stopped in her tracks, turning back to me, then ran over and gave me another hug. “Thank you,” she said, her head resting on my stomach.
“Anytime.” I patted her on the head, my heart swelling.
After she’d gone inside, Hunter walked me over to my door.
“Thanks for today. We had a great time.” He smiled at me, making my insides warm again. “I have a feeling Maddie is going to be talking about today for a while.”
I leaned against the door frame. His lips looked so good that it took all my restraint not to kiss him.
“I had a great time too.” I smiled, purposely lingering.
I wondered if I should tell him how I’d been feeling, just blurt it out and get it out in the open, but I couldn’t come up with the words. It was such a perfect moment; all I had to do was say it.
God, I was so terrible at this. No wonder I’d never had a relationship. I needed to figure out the right way to tell him how I felt before I totally lost my mind.
“Well, good night,” I finally said, unable to handle the silence any longer.
“Good night.”
His gaze on mine seemed so heavy, almost magnetic, like I couldn’t look away. I felt like he was waiting for me to say something, but my heart was pounding so hard, I didn’t think I could get any words out. I quickly stepped inside and smiled at him one more time before shutting the door behind me.
As I walked upstairs to my apartment, I sighed. That wasn’t my smoothest moment. He’d probably been waiting for me to make the first move, and instead I’d messed it up by being totally awkward.
As I walked by the window, I noticed the light on in Hunter’s room. I felt another twinge of sadness that I wasn’t going home with him and Maddie. The day had been so fun and comfortable; it had almost been like we were a real family.
I hoped he’d understood what I was trying to tell him by planning the day, but I knew I needed to work up the courage to tell him how I felt before I lost him.
Chapter Eighteen
Hunter
Today had been entirely unexpected. I would have never imagined that Kate of all people could plan such a kid-friendly date. Watching her excitement when we strolled into the zoo and seeing Maddie light up at the baby foxes—it had honestly been one of the best days in a long time.
Maybe that was crazy of me to think, but it was true. Until Kate came into our lives, I hadn’t realized quite how hungry I was for a real relationship with a woman.
Of course, it was with the same woman who had sat me down prior to our first hookup and made me promise that we’d keep this casual and had talked about avoiding developing feelings like it was a fatal disease. God, how badly I wished that she wanted the same things I did.
After the day we’d had, it didn’t surprise me at all how quickly Maddie went to sleep. As I crept out of her room, closing the door gently behind me, I grabbed the monitor I rarely used, planning to walk over to Kate’s place to thank her one more time and say good night.
Today had gone so smoothly, even after I admitted my feelings to her at the park the other day. I was worried that what I said might have scared her off, but after the day we had, it felt like maybe she’d just let that indiscretion go.
I knocked on Kate’s door, and within moments, she opened it, a small smile on her face. Even though we’d spent the whole day together, I couldn’t help but be a little blown away by her beauty. Her hair was swept back into a loose braid, and she’d changed into a pair of yoga pants and a soft-looking T-shirt. Even in casual loungewear, she was sexy. And the way she was looking at me, with that sweet little smile and that knowing look in her eye? My heart thumped fast.
“Is Maddie asleep?” she asked, stepping aside to let me in.
I held up the monitor. “I could barely keep her awake long enough to brush her teeth.”
Even though I’d b
een to Kate’s apartment a dozen times by now, seeing what she’d done with the place still brought a smile to my face. When I’d listed this little apartment above my garage, I’d imagined some sad loner moving into it, someone who would barely be a blip on my radar except once a month to pay rent and utilities. But Kate had breathed new life into what used to be an empty, unused space. Part of me wondered if I was still talking about the apartment, or my heart.
From her pristine kitchen tools to her killer record collection, to her smile and sex appeal, Kate was a total and complete surprise to me. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
“Can I get you something to drink? Water? Wine? I picked up a new bottle of red a couple days ago that I think might actually be decent, even though it was only six dollars.” She walked into her kitchen and pulled out a dark bottle with a white label on it, holding it up to read the description.
“A glass of wine would be great.”
I followed her into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. She set the bottle on the counter and pulled a wine opener out of one of the drawers.
“Need any help getting that bottle open?” I asked.
“The day I need a man to open my wine for me is the day I give up drinking.” She scoffed, popping the cork out of the bottle with ease. “I appreciate you asking, though,” she added with a grin.
After taking a couple of stemless wineglasses down from the shelf, Kate poured us each a glass and joined me at the table. I thanked her and took the glass in my hand, very aware of our fingers brushing with the exchange.
“To independent women,” I said, raising my glass into the air.
Kate smiled, arching a playful eyebrow and cocking her head to the side. “And to the men who are secure enough to let them stay that way,” she said, clinking her glass to mine.
I smiled back and took a sip of the wine while Kate did the same. It was sweeter than I expected and didn’t exactly taste like wine, but it was still drinkable.
“Grape juice. That tastes exactly like grape juice,” Kate said, shaking her head and swirling the liquid around in her glass.