She is ...: I Ain’t Ya Mama Collab

by Chelsea Camaron

  “Sometimes, Elle, you have to learn to let people in. Sometimes when people offer you their help, you take it. Don’t question it, don’t turn it away. Don’t be cold, my girl. Don’t be proud. Let them in and remember you don’t have to carry the burdens alone.”

  While I want nothing more than to curl up on my twin size bed and mourn the loss of my home, I can’t.

  First, I don’t have time. Who knows when we have to be out of here by. Ten days Melanie said, but is she sure? I don’t dare ask at the moment. Jeff, obviously, isn’t the pillar of honesty.

  Second, I have a man I don’t know offering me an olive branch—one I’m not sure I should take. I mean if he was going to rape or kill me he would have done it before he brought me home, right? Can I let him in?

  Before I can stop myself I nod my head, for tonight. Sometimes it’s best to follow one’s gut so I hope it doesn’t fail me now. He’s already found his way into my mess of a world, I might as well let him help me get a plan in action. I will gather my shit, once I’m somewhere else, anywhere else, I can think this through and figure out what comes next.

  Picking up my pillow, I reach for the cold metal picture frame. The paper inside stares back at me. I want to laugh. I want to cry. One piece of paper, symbolizing my education, it’s what my life has come down to. My only success measured in a tiny, practically weightless piece of paper.

  “MBA,” Van’s voice deepens as he looks over my shoulder. I jump not realizing he followed me in here. “I’m impressed.”

  Shaking my head, I say nothing. What is impressive about a paper in a frame? What has that degree gotten me? I look around my room. Two twin beds occupy the space with one dresser. If I took out a tape measure and truly got an accurate count, I dare say my dorm room in college was bigger. Mel and I frequently joke about getting bunk beds to give us more area to move around. We always have to quickly dismiss the thought. If Jeff found extra space in here because of our bunk beds, he would add another bed and an additional body to fill that bed.

  The curtain covering our window isn’t actually a curtain but rather a flat sheet nailed to the wall to give us some privacy. The dresser we share is missing hardware and the closet has no door. Embarrassment fills me as I continue to take in the state of distress I reside in. The carpet is well worn, but clean in our room. Melanie is good to help me keep our space tidy, however, she works seven days a week caring for an elderly man while going to school in the evenings. It’s surprising she’s even allowing herself this time to breakdown.

  Two arms wrap around me from behind as my back presses against his chest. His forearms easily rest against my flat stomach as I clutch my degree tightly in my hands wondering if I’m really going to recover from all of this.

  “It’s gonna be alright, darlin’. Let’s get you outta here and rested. Tomorrow is a new day.” Van rumbles behind me.

  Allowing myself to draw from his strength I nod my head. What choice do I really have right now? I’m exhausted. I need to rest. I have tomorrow off and can figure out my plan before I have to be back to work Monday morning.

  His hands slide to palm my abdomen before moving to the frame. His large hands cover each of mine over the cherished treasure. I feel the rough of his callouses against the smooth of my own skin and can’t help but admire a man who works hard like his fingertips obviously show. My pulse quickens as I think of the feel of those fingers against my inner thighs. Closing my eyes, I feel my breaths pick up as I imagine the feel of him against my clit, rough, raw, and unyielding against the soft, sensitive tissues.

  The temperature in my room seems to amplify by hundreds as I fight back the urge to give this man my body even as my world crumbles around me. The little slut in a red devil’s suit in my mind tells me to get lost with Van for the night because it’s the only good I’ll get in the foreseeable future. Obviously, I’m delirious with desire because I’ve gone too long without any release.

  “This is a bad idea,” my voice is raspy giving away my sultry desires far too easily.

  “Can’t leave you here.” Van states but never gives me any space as I feel the heat of his body behind mine. The sounds of more glass breaking in the living room kills any thoughts of sexual satisfaction as I wonder just how long we have left in the house. “Grab some clothes or you can wear mine, but either way we need to go.”

  I let out a soft moan as I think of wearing nothing but a flannel button up shirt of the man behind me. Inhaling, I smell the scent of bourbon and his cologne all making my body hum with a need I’ve so long suppressed. “I don’t know how long I have. I need to ask Jeff, but I gotta wait for the drugs to get out of his system.” The words come off in a whisper as I feel my pride shatter.

  Van steps back releasing the frame back into my grasp, its weight falls heavy into my hands causing me to drop it against the tops of my thighs. Yanking up my pillow, he rips it from the lavender case as he moves to the dresser. He looks over his shoulder to me, “which drawers are yours?” He begins pulling open the different sizes from the sides since we have missing knobs. I gasp as he pulls out my pink vibrator from my pajama drawer.

  Immediately, he gives me his million-dollar smile as I shake my head back and forth. There is no way in hell I will admit to that being my battery operated boyfriend. As casually as he pulled it out, he tosses it back into the drawer and closes it.

  Well, I might leave here without pajamas but at least I can save myself some mortification. If he’s so determined to pack me up, I need to step in and quick. There is no way I will survive Van getting into my panties … well, not my panty drawer that is.

  On a squeal, I rush over, dropping my beloved frame onto the bed and grabbing the pillowcase from him. I don’t look and I don’t stop to think as I begin to shove articles of clothing into the fabric bag. I don’t have the fancy matching bras and panties. I don’t have the sexy lingerie. I have cotton bikinis and a few well earned push up bras that benefit my job.

  Rushing to my closet, I grab the hangers with my dress pants and button up shirts for my day job along with my two corsets I wear to the Run Down. Jeff roars at Melanie but I can’t make out what he’s saying with her screeching back at him.

  “I’m going to call the police. The least you can do is spend a night in jail when I tell them you hit me.” Mel squeals loudly as Vans deep green eyes grow wide meeting my gaze.

  “You put your hands on me, bitch,” Jeff shouts back.

  “Time to go,” Van orders and I realize things are going from bad to worse in the living room and I’m thankful Van is here to take me away.

  Swiping the picture frame holding my degree from the bed, I slide it into the pillow case and gesture with my hand for Van to lead the way out. Rather than move on, he takes my hand and tucks me snuggly into his side. Safe with his arm wrapped around me, he leads me through the minefield that has become my living room.

  It’s a strange feeling to find security in another person. For me, I’ve had far too long without anyone else, I don’t know if I can find comfort in the moment or if I should turn and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.

  Five

  Sullivan

  Pulling up to my house with Elle in tow is a strange feeling. I’ve never brought a woman here. I’ve had relationships, I’ve had hook-ups, but I’ve never had a woman in this house.

  Insecurity suddenly fills me. My home is modest. Meaning, it’s a park model tiny house. I ordered the custom structure from a local RV dealership. With some tweaking my place was built and delivered in a two-week time frame. Working my land, early on, I learned to be up at dawn and I wouldn’t see my bed until after dusk. Originally, I didn’t intend to live like this. I wanted a large cabin with a wrap around porch, a real family home. Then I started the farm and couldn’t bring myself to build the house.

  How can I build a family home without a family of my own? What if the woman I one day find and fall in love with doesn’t like the idea of a cabin?

  Then agai
n, if she doesn’t like a cabin, is she the woman for me? Doubtful.

  Will Elle find my place appropriate?

  I didn’t think this through, bringing her here. I have one bed. It’s a futon that pulls out. Looks like I’ll crash in the barn. I’ll give her space. She’s obviously going through some shit. Hooch is not going to be a happy hound tonight, but he’s a dog and will get over it. I smile inwardly thinking of the many nights I’ve spent in the barn because I was too tired from working the fields to make it back home. There was no way I could leave her in that place with all the drama and insecurity of what’s going on. No matter what she thinks of my house, this will give her a reprieve from her chaos back there.

  She can stay here as long as she needs to. I’m sure Don can hook me up with an executive apartment somewhere downtown. I’ll explain to him I need it to give my focus to the company, and he won’t even question me. Being in town would make it a shorter commute. Then Elle can take all the time necessary to get on her feet.

  We make the turn at the ‘Sully’s Farm’ sign. I look to my right at Elle who has her head resting against the window and her eyes closed. In the moonlight, I barely make out the glisten of a tear falling down her cheek. It hits me like a baseball bat to my chest. Reaching over, I give her thigh a small squeeze before I take her hand in mine.

  Comforting others is not something I’m used to doing. I don’t know if this is what she needs or not, but somehow my body is pulled like a magnet to touch hers. From the moment I first set my eyes on hers, I was drawn in like some cliché lovesick puppy. There is this hint of fire behind her golden speckles and this natural beauty that radiates off her. There is a sense to her that’s like sunshine heating your skin after a long winter. I can’t help but crave more.

  “It’s okay, Elle. Consider my place yours until you decide what’s next.”

  She doesn’t speak only nods and blinks away the tears she’s fighting back. My heart pounds inside my chest when she squeezes my hand back rather than pull away. When we make our way down the long dirt road that is my driveway, I watch as her eyes sparkle when we pass the barn.

  Mine, too, darlin’. I think knowing the barn, this farm, they are my little piece of heaven in this crazy world we live in.

  My tiny house comes into view and I wait for her to look at me in surprise or disappointment.

  Only Elle doesn’t. She simply releases my hand to unbuckle her seat belt. Just as I open my door, she speaks.

  “Van, I’m only here for tonight. I’ll sort my shit tomorrow. Thank you for your kindness.”

  Like a magnet finding it’s southern match to my northern tip, I lean over and brush my lips to hers. “As long as you need it, this place is yours.”

  Electricity shoots through us both. Elle pulls away at the contact in surprise but not from my kiss. Gripping the door handle, I pop it open and hop out. The night air is cool, but not cold or hot, just enough to take the edge off the fire building between Elle and me.

  Going around the front of the truck, I tap the hood just as Elle is opening her door. She hops down with her pillow case full of treasures with a look of fatigue but not defeat. Many people in her situation would be falling apart right now. Her roommate sure was in the living room. It is commendable to see her keep pushing through, then again, if everything had crashed around me tonight, I’m sure it would take some time to process. Maybe her break down is delayed. Except, I get the feeling she is special, she is strong.

  Reaching out, I take her pillowcase in my hand tossing it over my shoulder and putting her right hand in my left, lacing our fingers together as I take her up the single step to my front porch which covers the expanse of my home. The light from my front door lantern gives a soft yellow glow to her flawless skin. She doesn’t pull away like I expect, rather she falls in step behind me as if we’ve done this for years together.

  I hear her take a deep breath as I release her hand to twist the door knob. As soon as I push the door, Hooch comes barreling over with his floppy ears flying as us. This is his usual greeting, what surprises me is he doesn’t stop at me, no he rushes to our guest. Without hesitation or thought, Elle drops to her knees on my front porch to allow herself to be face to face with Hooch. He licks and she smiles.

  Time stops.

  Her teeth glow in the dark of the night and her eyes sparkle with a freedom I haven’t seen until this moment. She scratches behind his ear and he moves closer practically climbing onto her lap. When he laps at her face with his slobbering tongue, she doesn’t push him away, but instead she laughs.

  Again time stands still.

  Have I ever in my life heard such a free sound? Have I ever experienced a moment like this where everything seems to be in slow motion as someone simply takes in this second and lives for the little things?

  No. In all the travels, in all the time, in all the many things money can buy me, I have only had this moment of pure bliss once before. It was the day I went to the pound and Hooch broke free from the handlers hold to rush to me as a tiny pup and nip at my boots to be picked up. I too, smiled. When I scooped him up and brought him to my face, he licked me and I too, laughed.

  I also, never set him down as I turned around and went right to the adoption desk to sign for him. Three years it’s been me and Hooch. The only person who he has ever greeted with such exuberance is me … until tonight.

  Seems, Elle is far from shy with my dog and he seems taken with her as much as I am. When Hooch gets a little too excited and jumps up pushing Elle back onto her hands to catch herself from falling completely, I gasp and she full on belly laughs.

  “Hooch,” I call him while she keeps laughing and scratching.

  My dog doesn’t listen. I decide to take a different tactic. Laying her pillow case of belongings on my deck, I’m careful not to break the frame holding her degree that obviously means so much to her. The two of them are still lost in each other and neither seem to remember I’m even here. Standing over the pair, I hate to interrupt their good time, but it’s after four in the morning now and I’m ready to get some sleep. Leaning over, I scoop Elle up with my forearm under her knees and my other arm supporting her back. Lifting, Hooch falls off with the movement pushing him from his happy place.

  I look my dog in his eye in my way of saying, ‘mine,’ only I have a feeling he doesn’t care to receive my message. Elle tenses but doesn’t fight me. I imagine she doesn’t have much fight left in her. Stepping inside my space, I watch her take it in. She seems surprised then she looks to me.

  “It’s clean and impressive, Van.” She blurts out and immediately covers her mouth as if to take back the words.

  “Momma didn’t raise a slob, Elle.”

  She lays her head to my shoulder, on a sigh, “I can see she didn’t.”

  I don’t want to put her down, but I’ve held her longer than what comes across as natural so slowly, I take her to the futon which is up in the couch position and lay her down. Her braid is falling out in places now and her golden locks are a stark contrast to the dark navy fabric of my pillow. She is beautiful.

  Turning away before I find myself doing something stupid like kissing her again, I flip the light switch to the interior as I step back out to gather her belongings. Hooch pushes past me to jump up beside his new found friend.

  Traitor dog, what happened to man’s best friend?

  I bring in the stuff and look as she still gives my dog her undivided attention. Shaking my head, I try to fight off the fact that I’m suddenly jealous of my four legged friend. This isn’t how this should be going.

  “Hooch, come on.” I fight back my laughter when he cocks his head to the side giving me big, brown, sad eyes. “We’re in the barn tonight.”

  Elle sits straight up. “I can’t do that to you. Van, you’ve been so kind to me. I can’t take your bed.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Elle.”

  “I’m sure the owner of the farm lets you stay here and all, but I doubt he’d take kindly to you
sleeping in the barn. I’m sure there are like insurance requirements or OSHA codes or something, right?”

  I laugh at loud that she’s thinking of the business aspect of the farm and all the rules to why I shouldn’t sleep in the barn.

  “It’s all good.” I tell her realizing she has no clue who I am. It gives me a sense of peace I haven’t had I a very long time with a woman. I always have to question any new person’s motive in coming into my life. With Elle, she doesn’t see anything beyond the country boy in a farm truck and boots she served drinks to tonight. Right now, she sees Van not Sullivan Marks, billionaire heir, but Van the laid back, baseball hat wearing man who helped her when she’s down.

  “Okay, look,” she sits up, pushing Hooch off her. He sits on the floor at her feet rather than coming to me like he was instructed.

  Fucking, traitor dog, I seriously can’t believe this.

  “We’re both adults. I know you don’t need to be sleeping in a barn with snakes, critters, bugs, and the elements. We can sleep here. It’s just one night anyway.”

  “Elle, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I take off my hat and my hair flops crazy around my head.

  She looks to her feet before whispering, “it would make me feel better to know I didn’t kick you out of your space.”

  “Alright,” I concede and move to the built in dresser. Pulling out a plain white t-shirt and my boxers, I toss them to her. “Get comfortable. Bathroom is through that door,” I point to the door by the refrigerator. “Tiny space, but full accommodations.”

  She hops up and moves to me. Stopping in front of me, she reaches out for the clothing. Rolling up on her tip toes, she places a soft kiss to my cheek. A burn zips right through me holding me in place unable to move or take my next breath. Her exhale comes down hot against my skin as I see the shock in her face.

  “You feel it too?” I ask needing to know I’m not completely crazy.

  She bites her bottom lip and nods her head. Turning to face her, I cup her chin in my hand, lifting her face to mine, I bring my lips back to hers. Feeling the softness of her lips to my own as she opens slightly I press my bottom lip between hers and trace my tongue on the edge of her dry lip just as her bottom lip closes around mine. She sucks gently and suddenly I feel the rush to have more. Moving my hands to grip each side of her head, I pull Elle into me as I dive into her mouth, tracing her teeth with my tongue. She moans as her tongue tangles with mine and her hands pull at my shirt. I can taste the hint of sweet tea in her mouth and it makes me want more.