Reasons Only Time Allows

by Micah Thomas

  Thelon drove in the dusky light through the sleeping outskirts of town and down a gravel road leading to stand-alone restroom facilities. “We can pretty much go anywhere that no one else is, but I don’t really want to be far from the bathrooms.”

  “Because of the water. Am I right?” Henry asked.

  “I guess. Or because I don’t want to shit outside.”

  Henry stuck his tongue out at Thelon.

  They saw lights and tents spread out across the valley, but no more than half a dozen campsites seemed active in those green fields of low-cut grass speckled with the occasional tree. After leaving the car at a midpoint between the bathrooms and the camp spot they selected, each took a pack on their shoulders containing a tent, rented sleeping bags of questionable cleanliness, and some food from the car.

  Henry bumped into Cassie with a soft body check as they crossed a small bridge over a stream.

  “Dude,” Cassie said.

  “What, afraid of heights?” Though only a foot high, he acted like the stream was a gorge and he wobbled near the edge.

  “No, but if you want to flirt with me, you don’t have to knock me into a river. I’m right here.”

  Henry’s face turned a beet-red, visible even in the twilight.

  With minimal effort and only a few comical failures, they got their tents up as the stars appeared in the sky. Thelon let out a big breath, wondering what was next. Do we start a fire and sing kumbaya?

  Cassie solved his quandary by asking, “Can we go out to dinner?”

  “Hold up,” Thelon said. “I thought you wanted to be camping. I figured you might be tired. I slept and I’m still exhausted. This day is the longest I’ve ever had in my entire life and I can’t even figure out how we were in Phoenix when it started.”

  Henry and Cassie watched Thelon as he experienced his tantrum. Then, they looked at each other and as if there was an inside joke, started laughing.

  “What?”

  “Thelon,” Henry said, “chill. We passed a steak place just before the turnoff. We’ll get real dinner and come right back. It’s a classic no big deal.”

  “What about our tents?”

  “There is literally no one around and who would even want this used shit?”

  For the second time in an hour, Thelon crumbled, defeated by their combined powers of persuasion. “You don’t want to sleep, fine. We eat. Whatever.”

  He heard his own voice sounded like a grump. He was playing this role, but he didn’t know if anything was really bothering him other than realizing more and more that he wasn’t in control over any of this.

  ~

  THEY DROVE TO the diner down the street from the campgrounds. The food was homestyle and good: ribs with soft biscuits, summer corn on the cobb, and green beans.

  Cassie said, “You know the problem with road food? It’s all so soft and salty and your mouth starts to crave something real.”

  “This is real,” Henry said and took a giant bite from a tender rib.

  “Exactly.” Cassie held out her sauce-covered hands and the boys took them as if they planned to say grace midmeal. “Like, this is real. You know?”

  Thelon watched them enjoy their food, but he had little appetite. He picked at his bloody steak. It’s probably delicious. I just don’t want anything. “Yeah. This has been a real long-ass day.”

  “Oh! He jokes!” Cassie replied with a laugh.

  “Thelon is a man of mystery. You never know when he’s going to say something deep, something funny, or disappear out of existence.”

  Their laughter stopped as if Henry had broken an unspoken rule of not mentioning the weirdness that followed them.

  It’s time. “Okay,” Thelon said. “Black Star. Let’s talk about it.”

  “This is what it’s all about,” Henry agreed.

  Cassie wiped her hands and leaned forward in her seat, listening with intention.

  Thelon cleared his throat and began, “First thing, and you can hate me if you want, but I do not know everything. I got you both out here with me, and I’m shaking because I don’t know shit. It’s frustrating because I wish I did know what’s coming next.”

  “You’re building it up again,” Cassie said. “Just spit it out.”

  “Okay, Okay. When I first met Henry—”

  “On the Moon,” Henry interjected.

  “Yes, on the Moon, his mind or soul or whatever merged with me. We were distinct people, but we could talk telepathically, if that makes sense.”

  They nodded either way.

  “You—he—showed me parts of his life pretty much like downloading movies. So, I have these snippets of someone else’s memories and there’s not a lot of context. No narrator explaining why he thought these parts were important enough to show. I told you guys about your feelings for each other and that’s like, the gist of that part, but how it all began is confusing—I think because Henry was confused. He’d volunteered for an experiment.”

  “That doesn’t sound like me,” Henry said.

  “Okay, he was in trouble and needed to get off the streets and there was a company doing research and he volunteered.”

  “That sounds more like me.”

  “They gave him drugs. They had it down to a formula that would transport a person’s mind to another world. Who the fuck knows what the scientists thought they were doing and why, but in that other place, creatures vastly different from us lived and did their thing. When we came knocking, they liked it.” Thelon held his hand up, stopping Henry from interrupting again.

  “They didn’t have bodies—not like ours. Their entire world was some sorta energy, but when it interacted with humans—well, mostly just some special people like Henry—well…fuck.”

  “Go slow. Try again after a few breaths,” Cassie said with her hand on his.

  Thelon blinked a few times and took a deep, calming breath. “The successful subjects in the experiment came back carrying one of them—an alien—if it was a good match back to our world. Henry wasn’t the first, but I know fuck all about the rest except for Hakim—I’ll get to that part. Henry came back with some alien thing that fed on his emotions, his pain, his fury, and confusion. And what it did was burn. I’m talking fires big and small. That’s all it cared about: finding a host and enjoying the physicality of our world. The others, well…I don’t know. There were big ones, small ones, wild ones.” I’m ranting. Gotta slow it down.

  The words continued pouring out of him. “All sorts of these things. When they interacted with people—our souls or whatever—they’d manifest different things. Like, it wasn’t all fire. For Hakim, I guess he was just some dude, like Henry, chilling in India. But the one he pulled back was more like a God: super powerful and…I guess mostly kind? I mean, he set up a paradise and anyone who wanted in could come, and I did. I had a really fun time for the most part.”

  “Okay, bring it back to the point,” Cassie urged. “You said the words Black Star. What does it mean?”

  “Oh, fuck. Right. So, in my timeline, the Black Star Institute was who ran the experiments on Henry. All sorts of things are different here. My birthday is different. Brands and song lyrics. I haven’t been calling it out, but I feel like I’m going crazy because so many things are different over here. Things I never really paid that much attention to. Anyway, in this place—and don’t ask how I even know it—Black Star is different, but they still have knowledge. I know in my deepest sense, that that is where we need to go.”

  “But, dude, did you even Google them? Like, what are we in for?” Cassie asked.

  Thelon was caught off guard by the question. “Naw. I didn’t, but I guess I should have.”

  Cassie played with her phone, then tapped fast and clicked soundlessly. “Oh. Huh.”

  “What is it?”

  She held her phone out for Henry and Thelon to see. A humble website, simply designed in a way not seen often anymore, showed a large photo of what appeared to be a farm. The logo was done in genteel lettering
like a grandmother might pick out: “Black Star Spiritualist Camp.”

  “Is it a commune?” Henry asked.

  “I don’t know. There’s not a lot of info here, but I take it that it’s different. Right, Thelon? This is different from what you were talking about?”

  “Yeah. Different.” Thelon was surprised and not surprised. “That’s where we are going though.” He’d half expected to recognize it, to feel something, but he detached into impartiality and passivity. Contradiction and rationalization debated within, but he settled on being glad it was real. Why didn’t I check it out? I looked into hotels and cars and searched for Henry and Cassie, but…

  Oh yeah, Nestor said it would be there, so I’d accepted it. The reminder that his friends didn’t know about Nestor had been somewhere in his story telling, but something was off inside his mind. Why the fuck shouldn’t I question Nestor—and T, for that matter? His own answer was that he’d been leaning on those two adversarial presences because no matter how strange his life had become, they seemed to know more than him. They knew where he’d come from. In theory, they knew where he was going. Doubt crept in and discomfort grew stronger in his gut, making the steak there squish about.

  “That’s that,” Cassie said and put her phone away.

  Henry stretched and did the old routine of using it as an excuse to wrap his arm around Thelon, who cracked a rare smile.

  “Yeah, that’s that,” Henry repeated. “It’s been a long day. Let’s hit that soft-ass dirt, probably crawling with lice.”

  “It was your idea to camp, man,” Thelon said.

  “Not so. It was Cassie!” Henry threw his straw wrapper at her.

  “Don’t look at me. I’m not complaining.”

  Thelon paid their bill and tipped handsomely. They stayed quiet on the ride through the dark back to the campsite. Something had changed with Thelon’s disclosures, but none of them knew quite what to say. They both feel it now. We are getting closer to something that’s going to be hard. We should enjoy these moments because when we are done, nothing is going to be the same again.

  The stars and the Moon shone bright enough that they could cross the meadow without tripping over the small stream, and Thelon’s worries that their little camp would be disturbed turned out to be entirely unfounded.

  Cassie excused herself, and armed with a flashlight, trekked towards the bathrooms.

  Henry ducked into his tent and returned to the moonlight where he smiled nervously at Thelon.

  “You okay?” Thelon asked.

  “Yup.” Henry held out a folded piece of paper to him.

  “What’s this?”

  “Can you give it to her?”

  “To who?”

  “To Cassie, you big doofus.”

  Thelon shook his head but took the note from him and said, “Dude. Why’s it all wet?”

  Henry tucked his hands into his pockets. “She makes me nervous. When I’m nervous, I sweat. Badly.”

  “Fuck.” Thelon sighed. They are totally kids. It was cute.

  “It’s called hyperhidrosis, dude. It’s a condition.”

  Cassie returned, finding the boys sitting on the ground looking at the empty unlit fire pit. In her arms, she carried kindling and logs which she dumped beside the little burn area. “I found these by the shitter.”

  “Did you legit steal someone’s firewood?” Henry asked.

  “They weren’t using it,” she said nonchalantly and passed Henry to her tent. Thelon noticed how casually she brushed her hand through Henry’s hair, just enough that it could have been an accident. She came back with a jacket on.

  Henry held Cat as she nibbled at their leftovers from dinner.

  Cassie gazed at the boys, expectation across her face. “Are either of you going to build me a fire or what?”

  Henry tried to stand up, but in his eagerness to play with fire, he forgot Cat was in his lap. His plate tipped and Cat started to slide off and clawed her way up his pant leg to the tune of his screeches. He danced awkwardly then fell on his back, Cat hissed and darted into his tent. “I guess I fucked that up.”

  Cassie held her hand over her mouth and muffled a cough or a sob.

  “Are you mad? I don’t think I stepped on her at all,” Henry said as he brushed himself off.

  Tears spilled over Cassie’s eyes. “No,” she mumbled.

  “What’s wrong?” Thelon asked Cassie, then called to Cat, “Here kitty, kitty. Are you okay?”

  She removed her hand, grimaced, and broke out into tumbling gales of laughter. “Dude. I’m going to pee my pants,” she said as she caught her breath.

  Thelon joined in the laughter but held his tongue. Cute.

  “Oh. You’re laughing at me,” Henry realized. “You’re both laughing. Well, ha-ha. I’m going to bed with my dearest Cat. You two can fuck right off.” Henry smiled to show that he wasn’t mad but was again unable hide his embarrassed blush.

  Cassie stacked the kindling in the fire pit and lit it up. Even without any gasoline, the fire burned fast and bright, casting warm light across their faces. “You see, you have to stack it so that air can get in there. Fire needs oxygen.”

  “Most of the time, yeah,” Thelon agreed. My Henry didn’t need oxygen to burn. The fire had been a curse on him. Powers he didn’t want. I’m not…we’re not—I’m not just doing this over again, am I?

  Cassie sat near Thelon on the bench and he got up to step back from the fire as the smoke blew into his face.

  “You’re a nervous guy, aren’t you?”

  Thelon wanted to say no, but his body tensed and he observed his posture standing away from Cassie like she presented a threat to him. He sucked in his cheeks for a second. “Yeah. I’ve been anxious since I got here, since I woke up in this body, but it’s weird. I don’t remember feeling this way before. I was like a cool guy, you know?”

  She didn’t reply but gazed into the fire.

  “Are you sure you aren’t too tired to stay up?”

  She shook her head then tilted her head to one side. She nodded at his legs. “What you got there?”

  Thelon’s heartbeat shot up so loud he could hear it in his ears. He was caught. He knew what she was talking about and couldn’t deny it. In the firelight, the outline of the phone—his Nestor phone—was a prominent shadow against his jeans. He slid it out of his pocket and held up the device, but he did not extend it to her.

  “Oh, wow. What’s this now?” Cassie perked up, attentive and focused.

  Thelon sat back down next to her, phone squeezed in his fist.

  Cassie leaned in towards him and he flinched. She was up in his face, closer than anyone normally talked to another person, and for a second, he didn’t know if she was going to kiss him or yell at him. Instead, she gave him a slow smile that became a radiant toothy grin. “Oh, boy. This is going to be fun. Hand it over.”

  Thelon spun out, heart trapped in an inexorable act of betrayal. His thoughts scrambled. He held the phone out like something dangerous, eyes darting to her outstretched fingers, but once more he stopped short.

  She waited and said, “I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been prying. I’m prone to snooping. My grandmother called it pilfering. Ratear. I’ve seen you checking it all secret-like. It’s time. Let me see it.”

  “It’s, uh…it’s just a phone.” His voice sounded weird in his head; low and squeaky, lacking weight and confidence.

  Cassie wrinkled her nose. “I’m gonna call bullshit.” She gave it a second but persisted. “I could take it from you. Please don’t make me take it from you.”

  Thelon handed it over. I’m killing us right now.

  She examined the device and a strange expression came over her face.

  Thelon’s awareness pricked with a funny feeling. She’s getting a jolt.

  “Who gave this to you?” she asked without looking at him.

  “I found it.” This was true.

  “Do you know what this is?”

  “A phone? A cellphone.”<
br />
  “It’s a mil spec. That means military specifications. A rugged phone meant to take a beating and keep on ticking.” She held it up for Thelon to see with the back of the phone towards him. “See this call sign here with this number?”

  Thelon nodded.

  She fished under the neck of her shirt and produced her dog tags printed with the same number. “This was my phone.”

  Thelon held her gaze before staring at his own dirty jeans. “It doesn’t work.”

  “Of course not. I was there when it broke.”

  “I… I didn’t know.”

  “I broke it when I got hit by an IED. More than that, they are designed to be in off mode when not activated on a mil network. You can’t hack these. You can’t jailbreak them. Even if it still worked and it was on a network, it’s keyed to my fingerprint.”

  Thelon wanted to break down, break open, spill the extra beans he’d been holding. The secret seemed so arbitrary, yet it caused an unnatural fright in him. Why not tell? He heard his own breathing quicken, throat so dry there was a wheezy sound to it.

  “You want to know what Henry said to me? What made me drop everything and go on the road with you?” Cassie asked, shifting gears on him.

  The wind took the smoke away from them and the fire crackled its own affirmation.

  “Yeah, actually.”

  “He said that from the moment he met you, he loved you. That all the other stuff was confusing AF, but he trusted you and didn’t need to know anything else.”

  Thelon ran his fingers over his eyes, pressing them there, relieving pressure. “He said that?”

  “Yeah. You know what else? I did, too. I didn’t really believe it at first, but I do. Finding this,” she tossed the phone back to Thelon, “makes the same kinda broken sense.”

  Thelon looked at the phone. “It really doesn’t work.” It was a lie.

  “If it doesn’t work, throw it away.”

  Thelon coughed, rough and bitter, then met Cassie’s steady eyes, her face kind and full of certainty. He asked, “Throw it away?”

  “Yeah. If it doesn’t work, throw it away. That’s what I did. Pitch it right into the fire.”