Hope for Christmas

by Maddrey, Elizabeth

  Before Cyan could decide how to respond, Betsy bustled back in with two full duffel bags. “I threw in more than she asked for, but it’s the hospital. They’re both going to get tired of daytime television before half a day is up. So this one is mostly books and games, and I snuck in Maria’s laptop and Calvin’s tablet.”

  “Charging cords too?”

  Betsy grinned at Cyan. “Yep. I’ve made that mistake and learned the hard way. Now you go on down, and don’t rush back on our account. I suspect Maria could use a friend.”

  She probably could, which was why Cyan still didn’t completely understand why he was the one going. Wayne and Betsy were practically family. “You could come down, too. I’d still be happy to drive.”

  There was a gleam in her eye as Betsy shook her head. “We’ll go tomorrow.”

  Blowing out a breath, Cyan took the two bags. They were heavy. His grandmother had some serious muscle. She’d toted them so easily he’d assumed they’d be easy to carry. “Can I pick anything up for you in town before I come home?”

  “If I think of something, I’ll text you.”

  Cyan chuckled and gave a little wave. If she wasn’t careful, Betsy was going to end up a texting addict. As he left the room, Wayne said something to Betsy that Cyan couldn’t quite catch. But he did hear Betsy’s joy-filled laugh. Whatever the joke was, it must’ve been a good one. That gleam in her eye though—he just hoped the joke didn’t involve him.

  * * *

  Cyan tapped on the hospital room door and peeked in when he thought he heard someone speak.

  Maria’s eyebrows drew together and she stood. “Cyan? I thought Wayne or Betsy—or maybe both of them—would come down.”

  “I tried to talk them into it. I know I’m not who you want to see right now.”

  “Oh. No. That’s not what I meant.” She turned to look at Calvin who lay in the bed hooked up to IVs and a quietly beeping machine. “I just need to talk to them. Get their opinions on something.”

  Should he offer to help? Could he even help? She barely knew him. She certainly didn’t care that she and her son tugged at a part of his heart he hadn’t known existed. Now that he was going to be based at the ranch, he’d have time to get to know her properly and then, maybe she’d see the same things in him that he saw in her. For now? Maybe it was better to deliver the bags and go. “I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

  She offered a sad smile. “I’m sure you are. It’s just—”

  “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. You don’t know me. Look, tell me where to put these and I’ll get out of your hair.” He hefted one of the duffels higher, jostling the gift bag that held an enormous stuffed dinosaur and a couple of puzzles he’d seen in the gift shop on the way in.

  “Anywhere is fine.” She stood and reached for the bags and her fingers brushed his. Did she not feel the electricity zipping between them?

  Cyan set down the other duffel, still holding the gift bag. “This is from me. For Calvin. I noticed he had a lot of dinosaur stuff in his room. Thought maybe a little more wouldn’t be a bad idea. Um. I left the receipt in there though. If it’s too much, they said they’d take it back and I guess you could get a lifetime supply of get well cards or something instead.”

  Maria chuckled. “Dinosaurs are his favorite. It was sweet of you. Thanks.”

  “Sure.” He put the gift bag on the floor next to the others and tucked his hands in his pockets. “Okay. Then I guess I’ll go. Do you want me to have Betsy call you? You could ask your questions that way. Which of course you already knew. I’m leaving. Except—were you going to eat dinner?”

  “They’ll bring a tray up for Calvin. I think.” She rubbed her hands over her face. “They’re working to get his blood sugar stabilized, so maybe not. Food raises blood sugar, and we sure don’t need that happening. I hadn’t thought about it.”

  “Can I buy you a sandwich in the cafeteria? Calvin’s resting. We could let the nurse know to call you if he wakes up. It won’t do you any good to starve. You need to be able to think clearly. I know for me, food helps with that.”

  “I can’t leave him.” Her fingers curled around the bar at the foot of the hospital bed. “I can’t take that chance.”

  Cyan nodded. Of course not. Because she was a good mom. “Let me run down and get something then. I’ll bring it back up.”

  “You don’t mind?”

  He shook his head. “Is it okay if I eat with you?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Food’s better at home, but if you want to, I won’t say no. I could use a friendly face.”

  Cyan grinned. “I’ll be right back.”

  6

  Maria watched Cyan go before sinking back into the recliner beside Calvin’s bed. Her thoughts swirled, unfocused. Why had he come? Oh, sure, he’d said Betsy and Wayne hadn’t wanted to risk the roads, but they drove in the snow all the time. Had he talked them out of it? Or had that been their excuse?

  Betsy was constantly trying to get Maria to date. When Maria had made it clear none of the three ranch hands interested her, Betsy had even gone so far as to suggest online dating. And okay, fine, Maria appreciated the thought, but she was content. She had Calvin and a job she was good at. Maybe it wasn’t what she’d dreamed of, but she was working toward that, too. Slowly. The equine therapy lessons they’d started at the ranch had been her idea. And even if she wasn’t able to be completely in charge of them yet, she was assisting and getting practical experience. If she ever finished her online degree, she’d be able to work with their current occupational therapist and the program could expand.

  She glanced over at Calvin. She’d planned to start two new courses in January. Now? It looked like she’d be deferring for the semester. There was no way she’d have the mental resources to learn how to help him manage this disease, keep up with her job, and increase her school workload. Thankfully, the fall semester class she was taking ended in three weeks and she was maintaining a solid A. Even if she wasn’t able to finish her final paper, she should be able to squeak out a passing grade.

  Cyan came back carrying two trays. He was tall and lanky and that mix of nerdy and buff that was absolutely her type. Something Betsy knew all too well. If her employer was matchmaking, she could have done a lot worse. But the timing was simply all wrong.

  “The selection was every bit as awful as you’d imagine. So you have your choice of chicken salad or some sort of pseudo-Italian deli meat. I thought about the beef stroganoff, but it sort of embodied the word congealed and I couldn’t bring myself to try it. These at least came with a bag of chips, so we know something will be edible.”

  Maria snickered. He could make her smile entirely too easily. “I’ll take the chicken salad. Thanks. I appreciate this. And everything you did for us this morning.”

  He shrugged and perched on the cushion that ran the length of the room on what they laughingly called a window seat. They’d told Maria she could stretch out and sleep on it as well, but she planned to take her chances with the chair. It reclined enough that it had to be more comfortable. “Calvin’s a cool kid. I’m happy to do it.”

  Was it just because of Calvin? Her heart sank. She chastised herself. What did it matter? Just because Betsy was matchmaking and Cyan was interesting and attractive didn’t mean Maria was interested. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t. After all, he wasn’t a believer and that was a mistake she wasn’t making a second time. “Thank you, just the same.”

  He nodded and took a bite of his sub. “Well. It’s not dreadful.”

  “That doesn’t bode well.” Maria sniffed her own food before shrugging and taking her bite. Fuel was fuel, and Cyan had been right, she needed to take care of herself so she could take care of her son.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  Maria lifted an eyebrow and nodded. “I’m not promising to answer.”

  “Sure. That’s fine. I just wondered how, with something like this, you still believe that God is good.” He fro
wned and opened his bag of corn chips. “I mean, Calvin’s great. He’s just a kid. He doesn’t deserve this.”

  “No. You’re right, he doesn’t. That’s life though, isn’t it? We don’t always get what we deserve, good or bad. I’m grateful for it. If we got what we deserved, God would never have sent Jesus to die for our sin.” Maria sighed. “I’ve always seen it as a choice. You either choose to believe that God is good and that He has good things for us, or you don’t.”

  “And diabetes is good?”

  “It doesn’t feel like it right now, no. But God can make something beautiful out of it. I believe that. I have to. So I trust God to do that. Maybe I’ll never know what that is, but I know He’s got this under control, even though it seems pretty hopeless right now.”

  “Hopeless? I thought the prognosis was good?”

  Maria winced. “It is. I’m sorry. It’s just long term—they’d like to get him set up with an insulin pump. It’s a better way to manage the disease, especially since the new ones have a built in continuous glucose monitor so we’ll have a better feel for his blood sugar all the time. And it’s fewer finger pricks and syringes.”

  Cyan nodded.

  “But my insurance doesn’t cover it. They’ll handle the regular supplies, but not the technology.” Her eyes filled and she looked up at the ceiling while she took a deep breath. “He’s seven. I just don’t...three or four injections a day along with finger pricks to test his sugar? I want better for him than that. And I don’t know what to do.”

  “That’s what you wanted to talk to Wayne and Betsy about.”

  She managed a small nod and forced herself to take another bite of her dry, tasteless sandwich. “God’s got this. I just don’t know how yet.”

  “You’re an incredible woman, do you know that?”

  A tear spilled over onto her cheek as she laughed. “No.”

  “Well, you should.” He crumpled his empty chip bag and stood. “I’ll get out of your hair and tell Betsy you need to talk when I get back home. You have my number if you need anything. Anything. I’m serious.”

  “Sure.” She set aside her tray and stood. “Thanks for dinner.”

  “Make sure you eat it.”

  Maria nodded, though she had no intention of choking anything else down. When he was gone, she sank back into her seat and sighed. The tears streamed down her cheeks. What had she been thinking, bringing up the insurance snag? It was no wonder he’d run away as fast as he could. She wasn’t positive she’d done a very good job explaining her faith, either, and that gnawed at her. Cyan seemed to be so close to believing, but if he was one of those people who needed every answer thoroughly explained before he’d make that leap? Well, that didn’t seem to be how God worked. At least not in her life.

  She closed her eyes, leaned on the railing of Calvin’s bed, and returned to pouring her heart out to her Heavenly Father.

  * * *

  “Welcome home!” Betsy opened her arms wide and grinned as Maria pushed open the passenger door of Cyan’s car.

  “Thanks. It’s good to be out of the hospital. I’m sorry about Thanksgiving.”

  “Pfft.” Betsy waved off the words. “We’ll have our big meal tomorrow and no one will care one way or the other.”

  “Tomorrow. But the trees and the bonfires? Don’t they start tonight?” Maria tugged open Calvin’s door and brushed a hand over his hair as he stepped out of the car.

  “We put it off a week. No one minds. It’s more important that you two get settled.” Betsy closed the distance between them and gave Maria a quick hug before pulling Calvin to her side. “You scared us, young man.”

  “Sorry, Mrs. Hewitt.”

  Betsy laughed. “Oh, hon. You know I’m teasing you. I’m just glad you’re better.”

  Better? Maria shook her head. There was no “better” in store for him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Still, his blood sugar was stable and they were learning the ups and downs of the disease and its treatment, even if it tied her stomach in knots to give him a shot full of insulin. She’d never had dreams of being a nurse. But she could do this. With God’s help, the two of them would be fine. Her gaze darted over to Cyan, who hovered in the periphery with their bags. She gave herself a firm mental shake. She had no business thinking about a man like she thought about him. Especially not a man who wasn’t a believer. Yet.

  He was so close.

  She was praying for Cyan almost as much as she prayed for Calvin now. Was that fair to her son? It wasn’t as though she had a finite number of prayers she could use. Even if sometimes it seemed like she had a finite amount of time to spend talking with Jesus, she could still pray for both of them. Of course she could. This was just one more reason it was ridiculous to let this man get close to her.

  Even if he did make her pulse flutter.

  “All right, kiddo, let’s go get our stuff put away. Mom’s got laundry to start, and then I should spend some time in the kitchen prepping for our big meal tomorrow. You want to go see the horses?”

  He brightened. “Can I?”

  “I don’t see why not.” His blood sugar had been a happy one hundred ten at the hospital when they checked out. It shouldn’t have been a long enough drive for that to have changed. Maria took a deep breath. She had to learn to trust God to handle it. He’d be going back to school on Monday. “Go on, buddy. I’ll see you in a while, okay?”

  Calvin let out a whoop.

  “Hey, Cal, mind if I tag along? I haven’t been to meet the horses yet.” Cyan glanced over at Maria. “That okay?”

  She nodded. Could he possibly understand how much it helped to know an adult was there and paying attention? It was likely that one of the guys would be in the stables, but they’d have work.

  “Yeah. Come on, Cyan.”

  “Mr. Hewitt.” Maria’s correction was automatic. She reached for the bags. “I can take these.”

  “Is Mr. Cyan okay? Mr. Hewitt is going to get confusing with Wayne having the same last name.” Cyan held the handles of the bags, refusing to let go.

  “I guess. I just want him to be respectful of adults.”

  Cyan nodded. “I get that. Thus the Mr.” He pointed a finger at Calvin. “Let’s help your mom get these bags to the cabin first, okay? Then you can introduce me to the horses.”

  Calvin frowned but nodded and reached for his backpack, hefting it over his shoulder. “Let’s hurry. Maybe we can find Mr. Morgan and he can get us an apple to feed them.”

  “I’m sure they’d like that.” Maria ruffled Calvin’s hair and started toward the cabin.

  Betsy fell into step beside her while Calvin and Cyan were a few steps behind.

  “Well now, that’s nice to see.”

  Maria frowned at Betsy. “What?”

  “My grandson. You.” Betsy arched her eyebrows.

  Maria shook her head. “He’s just being nice.”

  “Mmm. I wouldn’t be so sure.” Betsy glanced over her shoulder then back at Maria. “He’s had some good conversations with Wayne about Jesus, if that’s what’s worrying you.”

  How was she even supposed to respond to that? Of course that worried her. But it wasn’t the only thing. She’d known Cyan less than a week. For that matter, how long had Wayne and Betsy actually known him? What did they know about him beyond that he was their grandchild? Everything in her heart said Cyan was a good, honorable man, and that if he knew Jesus he’d be exactly what she was looking for. But her head reminded her that appearances weren’t always what they seemed. She had only to look as far as Calvin’s father to have proof of that.

  Maybe it was better to stay quiet.

  They arrived at her cabin and Maria gestured to a spot just inside the door. “Just drop everything there. I can get it from here. Thanks. Go see the horses.”

  “Don’t stay too long though, Mr. Hewitt still wants to get the sleigh hooked up so we can get a tree for the main house. And yours, if you’re ready for it, Maria? No rush, of course.” Betsy smiled.

&
nbsp; “Can we, Mom? Please?” Calvin clasped his hands under his chin and sent her a pleading look.

  Maria sighed. A Christmas tree was the last thing on her mind right now. There was laundry to do, diabetic supplies to figure out how and where to store, and a thousand things at the main house for the postponed Thanksgiving meal to handle. But Friday after Thanksgiving was the traditional day for tree cutting. What was she supposed to do? She managed a weak smile. “That was the deal, right?”

  Calvin whooped and grabbed Cyan by the hand. “Come on, Mr. Cyan. Let’s go see the horses now. And then later, I can show you how to cut down a Christmas tree.”

  Cyan chuckled and winked in Maria’s direction as he was tugged away. “Bye.”

  Maria’s heart skipped a beat and she chided herself for being ridiculous. “I’ve got this, Betsy. I’ll be over to the house in about an hour?”

  “Of course. There’s no rush.” Betsy paused, studying Maria’s face. “You know we love you like you were our own, don’t you?”

  Maria smiled. “Of course.”

  Betsy shook her head. “I can hear you thinking ‘just say what it takes to get her to leave,’ so I’ll go. But it’s the truth. Take a few minutes for yourself once you get the laundry started, I know the past couple of days haven’t been easy.”

  That was perhaps the understatement of the year. Her eyes burned and the seemingly ever-present tears threatened yet again. Maria nodded. It was good to have people around her who loved her. “Thanks. I’ll be over at the main house in an hour.”

  “Make it an hour and a half. I’m serious.” Betsy patted Maria’s shoulder before turning and hurrying toward the main house.

  Maria shut the cabin door and leaned against it, closing her eyes. This was the new normal. She could do it. She had to.