The Ruins Of Us (Mayhem Book 3)

by Catharina Maura

  Seeing her standing here brings back so many memories. For years I’ve been wishing that I’d find her here, and now that she’s finally back, it’s all so surreal.

  “I had a near heart-attack when I heard your car. I thought I left the key in the red one and that someone was trying to steal it.”

  I blink at her, surprised. “Um, you were driving my Ferrari?” I ask slowly.

  Emilia nods at me and glances at her father. “That’s okay, right? Dad said it was fine. I’m sorry, I should’ve checked with you personally. It’s probably a really expensive car.”

  I shake my head and smile at her. Emilia behind the wheel of my Ferrari… I bet that makes for one hell of a sight. “Of course it’s fine, Emilia. It’s a car. It’s for driving.”

  John chuckles and I turn to glare at him. “I told you,” he says, smiling smugly. “Carter doesn’t mind you driving his cars.”

  This dick. He knew full well that I don’t like anyone behind the wheel but me. He’s right, though. Oddly enough, I don’t mind it so much when it’s Emilia. She smiles up at me, and for just a second, she actually looks giddy. “It’s such a pretty car,” she tells me. “I just love the color, and it feels so nice to drive.”

  I smile at her indulgently. “You can keep it for now,” I tell her, the words leaving my lips before I even realize it. “It suits you. I don’t use it often enough anyway.”

  I must’ve lost my mind. That’s my favorite car. I rarely even take it out myself. John looks at me with raised brows, and I can’t even face him. Even after all these years, Emilia has this crazy hold over me.

  I run a hand through my hair and bite down on my lip. She still affects me so much. So many times I’ve wondered whether she’d give in if I went to London and begged her to give me another chance. But she was right, eight years ago. Things between my family and her will never be the same again. Things between us will never be what they used to be, no matter how much I still want her. She’ll never be able to be around my mother or sister without being reminded of the pain they put her through, and I could never ask her to suffer through that for me. I stayed away for a reason, and I need to remember that.

  I sigh. “It’s been some time since you’ve been here. Wanna go for a walk?” I ask her, trying my best not to overthink it. She’s been going out of her way to avoid me since she got here, so I don’t even expect her to say yes, but I can’t help but try either.

  Emilia looks startled and glances at her father, who is staring at the TV, pretending like he can’t hear us. Emilia nods and then walks out, much to my surprise. I freeze for a second and then I rush after her, my heart beating just a bit faster.

  I’m so tempted to take her hand, but I can’t. I no longer have the right to nestle her tiny hand in mine, and it hurts. I convinced myself that I’d gotten over her in the years we’ve been apart, but now that she’s here, I realize I was wrong.

  Emilia and I walk in silence, both of us lost in thought. It isn’t until we reach the treehouse that I snap out of it. I look up at it in surprise. I’ve paid top dollar to make sure that it’s been maintained properly, but I haven’t had the heart to enter in years. Emilia stares up at it with such a hurt expression that I regret leading her here, however subconscious it might have been.

  “Is it okay if I go in?” she asks me, her expression filled with uncertainty. That she’s even asking me surprises me. She’s always done whatever the hell she wanted, and she’s never once asked me for permission for anything. I still remember how she’d put a sign over the one Dad made for us, so it read Kate and Emilia’s Treehouse, rather than Kate and Carter’s. Replacing each other’s signs was one of the fun parts of our little feud. When she realized I wouldn’t give up, she vandalized my sign, turning the C in my name into an F. Didn’t take me long to take it down after that, and she ended up winning that fight.

  “Of course,” I say, smiling at her fondly. I wonder what she thinks of when she sees the treehouse. I wonder what her favorite memories are here.

  Emilia smiles at me and carefully walks up the stairs, her heels clicking against the wood. I follow closely behind her, terrified that she might trip. I breathe a sigh of relief when she reaches the top. Emilia’s hand trembles as she opens the door, and I wish I could grab hold of her.

  She stands in the entrance, a million different memories flickering through her eyes. I wonder what she’s seeing. This is where we met. It’s where we both lost our virginity, and it’s where I asked her to be my girlfriend for the very first time. This place houses some of our most precious memories.

  Emilia sighs and walks in, her expression sad as she sits down by the window, right where I found her crying over her mother, long before she and I even realized we were in love with each other. I swallow hard, my heart twisting painfully.

  “Thank you for letting me come up,” she whispers, a small smile on her face, and I shake my head.

  “Since when do you ask for permission to enter the treehouse, Emilia? Since when do you thank me for something so irrelevant?”

  I walk up to her and sit down beside her. “It’s only polite,” she tells me, and I smile humorlessly.

  “Polite? I don’t want you to be polite to me. I want the girl that would challenge me over the slightest thing. The girl that loved jeans instead of these damn skirts you wear nowadays. The girl that threw fake cockroaches in my bed and that would mess with me every way she could think of. What happened to her?”

  Emilia looks at me, her expression guarded. “She grew up,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

  I look away, unable to hold her gaze. I did this to her. To us. My family and I wrecked her, and all that’s left is the ruins of us.

  “I’ve wondered about you for years,” I tell her honestly. “I don’t think a day has passed that I didn’t think of you.”

  Emilia looks at me, her expression pained. I smile at her, but my heart is aching.

  “Part of me wondered if we’d ever find our way back to each other. If you’d ever come back home. If you’d ever be able to forgive my family, and if you’d ever give me another chance.”

  I run a hand through my hair and sigh. Emilia stares over my shoulder, lost in thought. When her eyes find mine again, she looks angry, and I regret saying anything at all.

  “I won’t,” she says. “I won’t ever forgive them, and you and I… that will never happen. I’m not staying here. I’m really only here for my dad, and if it’s up to me, I won’t see your family at all.”

  I nod and try my best to keep from showing how badly her words hurt. For so long I’ve held onto hope that maybe someday, Emilia and I could be together again. With just a few words she took that all away.

  Emilia smiles one of her polite smiles, her expression guarded.

  “What’s in the past is in the past. It’s done, and I honestly don’t even want to think about it. I would like to sincerely thank you for looking out for my father the way you have been,” she says. “I had no idea you two were even on speaking terms. I had no idea you did so much for him while I was away. It should’ve been me, but I… I wasn’t there for him, and that’s on me.”

  My heart fucking shatters. She and I both know why she wasn’t there. I’m the reason she’s stayed away from home for as long as she did. “Emilia, I… please don’t thank me for that. It’s the least I could do. It isn’t enough.”

  She shakes her head, her eyes filled with heartbreak. “Of course I should thank you. But I’d also like to repay you. I’m going through my father’s insurance contracts to see whether I can reimburse you at least partly in that way, and I’ll repay whatever is left myself. In addition, I’d be happy to work for you while I’m here. I know it won’t offset my debt to you by much, but every little bit helps, right? I think it’ll help alleviate Dad’s guilt too.”

  I nod at her. I might not know her that well anymore, but deep down she’s still my Emilia. Once she has her mind set on something, I won’t be able to sway her.
If this is what she needs for now, then that’s how it’ll be.

  Chapter 14

  Carter

  I’m annoyed when my assistant announces that Layla is right outside my office. She knows full well that I hate it when she drops by unannounced. Layla walks in and smiles at me. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I’m already tired of this conversation and she hasn’t spoken a word yet.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Layla smiles at me, but her smile wavers. She walks up to me and rises to her tiptoes, obviously attempting to kiss me. I grab her shoulders and hold her in place, not allowing her to move any closer to me. Her eyes flash with indignation and hurt, and I sigh.

  “Carter,” she murmurs. “I missed you.”

  I let go of her and sit back down. Layla leans back against my desk and looks at me, her expression unreadable.

  “Haven’t you missed me too?”

  I frown at her. “What is this? You always knew what we are and what we aren’t. Have I ever been unclear about it?”

  Layla shakes her head and looks away. The pain in her eyes guts me. She’s a sweet girl, and I hate hurting her, but I can’t ever give her what she wants from me. I’ll never love her. I have no love left to give in this lifetime.

  “Is it her? Is it because she’s back?”

  Layla grabs my tie and I look at her, my gaze unwavering. “Yes,” I tell her honestly. Even though I know I can’t have Emilia, I can’t stomach the thought of being with someone else when she’s this close. When she sleeps underneath my roof. I can’t do it. “You and I are done, Layla. Hell, we never even were a thing, but whatever it was, it’s done.”

  I’ve been meaning to end things with her in person, but I couldn’t be bothered to even meet up with her. I’m glad we’re getting that over with now.

  Layla fists my tie and yanks on it before unraveling it. “I heard she has a boyfriend. She seems happy. Are you really going to wreck that happiness? Do you really want to be the other man?”

  Her words hurt, like they intended to, but I don’t give her the satisfaction of letting it show. Layla unbuttons my shirt slowly, her eyes on mine. “I guess you can probably convince her to have a little affair while she’s here. She might even appreciate having someone to bang before she goes back home to her boyfriend.”

  Her hands run over my chest and I grit my teeth. I grab her wrists and stop her from groping me. “Whatever might be happening between her and me is none of your business, Layla.”

  She laughs and pulls her hands out of my grip. “You’ll come running back. You’ve been so stuck on the idea of her. It won’t take you long to realize that you’ve idealized the memory of her. There’s no way the real thing can measure up. You’ll come back to me, with renewed appreciation for what we have. Mark my words.”

  She pushes away from me when someone knocks on my door, a smile on her face. “You need to stop living in la la land,” I tell her, just as my office door opens.

  Emilia walks in, and she freezes when she sees Layla and me standing together. The expression on her face can only be described as utter devastation, and hope soars within me. The look in her eyes… she definitely still cares, and she’s not happy.

  “It looks like I’m interrupting,” she says. “Should I come back later?”

  I shake my head and do the buttons of my shirt up carefully. “No. Layla was just leaving.”

  Layla grins at me as though she’s well aware that I won’t be able to talk my way out of the impression she just created, and she winks at me before walking out. Fucking hell.

  Emilia looks angry as she walks into my office, her eyes lingering on my undone tie. She looks at me like she might actually throw something at my head, and I bite back a smile. She’s jealous, and she’s failing to hide it. It’s not often, but every once in a while, that mask of her cracks, and I enjoy watching it happen. I leave my tie undone and lean back in my seat as Emilia approaches my desk.

  “How inclined to believe me would you be if I tell you nothing happened just now?”

  She crosses her arms over each other, but all that does is highlight her breasts more. I bite down on my lip and look away.

  Emilia looks at me, hurt and disbelief flickering through her eyes, before she forces a neutral expression on her face. “I’m not sure why I should care either way.”

  I grin at her. She’s so obviously angry, yet she insists she doesn’t care. For a while I was certain that she was over me, but that can’t be right. She wouldn’t be glaring at me the way she is if she were over me.

  “Hmm, if you don’t care, then I guess there’s no point in telling you that I ended things with Layla. Not that there was much to end, anyway.”

  I see the small flicker of relief in her eyes and smile to myself. Emilia looks away and clenches her jaw. “So what was that? Break-up sex?” she asks, her voice wavering, as though the mere thought of it hurts.

  I take my time studying her. She’s beautiful, and she’s still her. She might be hiding underneath that prim persona she created for herself, but when provoked or hurt, that facade cracks.

  “Do you really think she could’ve walked out the way she just did if I’d fucked her on my desk? It seems you forgot what being with me is like. Would you like a reminder?”

  Emilia’s eyes are blazing with equal parts outrage and passion. Is she remembering what we used to be like? She’s still the best I’ve ever had, and I pray it’s the same for her.

  “And before you ask, or even wonder with that twisted little mind of yours, nothing happened at all. I didn’t even kiss her.”

  Emilia looks into my eyes as though she’s trying to figure out whether I’m lying or not. She might be telling herself that she doesn’t care whether I’m with someone else or not, but she does. She fucking does.

  Emilia seems satisfied with what she finds in my eyes, because her shoulders relax and she takes a seat in the chair opposite mine.

  “I told you I don’t care. Fuck the entire town for all I care,” she says, and I smile to myself.

  “Well, at least you aren’t calling it shagging anymore. I’m not even sure I can get it up if you’re calling it that.”

  Emilia looks at me wide-eyed, and I chuckle. She’s easily scandalised these days, huh?

  She crosses her arms over each other and pins me down with a pointed stare. “Anyway,” she says, “I’m here to discuss what I can help you with, as agreed.”

  I nod and push a stack of documents her way. I wonder if she still remembers what I told her all those years ago when I first told her about the business ideas I had — that I’d build a huge company, and she’d be my in-house council. The time I get to share with her might very well be short, but part of me is still excited to be living the dream I had years ago.

  Chapter 15

  Emilia

  I close my dad’s bedroom door quietly. He hates it when I put him to bed, so I’ve resorted to sneaking into his room after he’s fallen asleep. I’ve gotten into an entire routine. I’ll wait for him to announce that he’s going to bed, then I’ll shower and change into my jammies, and by the time I’m done, he’s usually fast asleep. I just can’t go to bed without seeing him asleep peacefully. I worry too much that he’s up thinking about his future, or that he might be suffering by himself. So far, he’s done great, but I’m worried that he might just be pretending to be strong for me.

  I sigh as I walk into the kitchen, wanting a glass of water. I’m absentminded as I reach for a glass and fill it up. I’ve already been here for three weeks, but I still don’t have the results of my blood tests back.

  “Interesting choice of pajamas.”

  I jump at the sound of Carter’s voice and nearly drop my glass. I turn around, my hand pressed to my chest. He’s standing by the door, a whisky glass in hand, his chest bare. My eyes roam over his body. Looks like he isn’t wearing much more than shorts that hang low on his hips. It’s unfair that he still looks this good. Where does he even find the t
ime to keep in such good shape?

  “Carter,” I whisper. I belatedly look down at what I’m wearing and blush fiercely. I’m wearing the t-shirt I found in my closet. The one I stole from him years ago. Carter walks up to me, and my heart starts to race. His eyes roam over my body and linger on my bare legs. His t-shirt is long enough to cover me up to mid-thigh. It’s almost like a dress to me, but I really should’ve worn more than panties underneath.

  “Can’t sleep?” he asks, and I shake my head. He pauses in front of me and touches the edge of my sleeve, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Where did you even find this?” he whispers, and I look up at him with wide eyes.

  I panic. “It’s Sam’s. I’m wearing it because I miss him,” I say, lying to his face. Carter’s expression is steady and he nods. I’m not sure why I expected to find at least a little bit of jealousy or anger. I guess it’s because that’s what I felt when I saw him with Layla. It was obvious that she’s the one that pulled his tie off. He might have said that nothing happened, but he obviously let her touch him. I was burning with jealousy when I walked into his office, yet he stands here in front of me, unaffected, even though I told him I’m wearing Sam’s tee.

  Carter takes another step closer, and I take a step back, my hips hitting the kitchen counter. “The man has good taste,” he murmurs. “How could he not, when it’s you he fell for?”

  Carter raises his hand and gently brushes my hair out of my face. I can’t breathe when he’s this close to me. I can’t get my eyes to behave. I keep catching myself staring at his chest and his abs, and a depraved part of me can’t help but wonder if he’ll still feel the same under my touch. Will I still be able to make him shiver if I run my fingers over his abs, straying precariously close to where he always wanted me touching him? I bite down on my lip as hard as I can and tear my gaze away. Nothing good will come from wondering about things I can never ever have again.