The Ruins Of Us (Mayhem Book 3)

by Catharina Maura

  Emilia nods and I lean back against my desk. Three days with her… I can’t wait. Even four hours seems too long, and they pass at an excruciatingly slow rate.

  By the time I pull up in front of my private jet, I’m antsy. Emilia is already there, her suitcase and Graham by her side. She’s looking up at my jet in awe, and I smile at her when she turns to look at me.

  Graham walks towards my car to retrieve my luggage for me and I walk up to Emilia. I place my hand on her lower back and tip my head towards the plane. “Shall we?” I ask.

  Emilia blinks in disbelief. “This… are we taking this?” she asks, gesturing towards the plane.

  I smile at her. “Well, I’m not walking, that’s for sure,” I say, and she looks at me through narrowed eyes.

  I smile and let my hand slip down to find hers. I entwine our fingers and pull her along.

  “Didn’t you say we were travelling with a team?” she asks, and I nod. I walk her to her seat and take the seat next to hers.

  “We are. They’re flying commercial.”

  I see the unspoken question in her eyes, and I smirk as I lean over her to strap her in. As if I’d ever let her fly with the rest of my staff.

  “Carter, it’s so good to see you again,” I hear the air hostess say, but my entire focus is on Emilia. “Is this your secretary?” she adds, and I look up in annoyance, only to freeze when I realize she looks vaguely familiar. Damn.

  Emilia grits her teeth and looks up at the air hostess, her eyes flashing. She glances at me, her brows raised, and I look away, unable to face her.

  “Tamara, is it?”

  She beams and then nods. The way she looks at me makes it obvious that we have history, and I can’t help but cringe. I don’t even dare look at Emilia, but I can tell she’s tense.

  “Can I offer you some champagne?” Tamara asks. I nod, and she turns towards Emilia, who is ignoring her.

  “Please get both of us a glass,” I say, and she nods before walking away.

  I turn towards Emilia to find her staring a hole in her shoes, her jaw clenched. My heart sinks. She looks angry, but she looks hurt too, and I hate that I put that expression on her face.

  I clear my throat awkwardly. “The flight won’t take long,” I tell her. “We’ll be there soon.”

  She nods, avoiding my gaze. I grab her chin and turn her face towards me. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  Emilia grits her teeth and forces a smile on her face. “Nothing,” she says, her eyes flashing with anger.

  I nod awkwardly and pull away when Tamara returns with two glasses. She glances from me to Emilia, disappointment evident in her eyes. She hands us our glasses quietly and then walks away, giving us privacy.

  Emilia empties her glass in a matter of seconds and puts it down before crossing her arms over each other. I bite down on my lip, unsure what to even say to her.

  She undoes her seatbelt and rises the second we’re in the air. She turns towards me, an unreadable expression on her face. “Is there a bathroom here?” she asks, and I nod.

  “Use the one in the bedroom,” I tell her, my head tipped towards the door opposite us.

  Emilia blinks, her eyes widening. “There’s a bedroom here?” she asks in disbelief. She looks up, her eyes settling on Tamara, and then she laughs. “Of course there is,” she says.

  She turns and walks away, and I bury my hands in my hair in frustration. I hesitate for half a second before following Emilia, catching the bedroom door just before it closes.

  She turns to look at me in surprise when I enter the bedroom, and I grab her, pushing her against the closed door. I take a step closer to her, my body flush against hers. Emilia melts against me, her cheeks reddening.

  “It didn’t mean a thing, Emilia. I won’t lie to you and tell you I didn’t try to fuck you out of my system, because I did. But it didn’t mean a thing. No one but you has ever meant anything to me.”

  She looks into my eyes, and for the first time since she got here, I see rawness in them. I see her hurt, her jealousy, her longing.

  She bites down on her lip and nods. Her eyes fall closed, and she drops her forehead against my chest. Emilia inhales deeply, and then she pulls away from me.

  When she looks at me, her mask is back in place. She smiles at me, but there’s not a trace of emotion in that smile. “I’m not sure why you’re telling me this,” she says. “I couldn’t care less who you sleep with.”

  I smile at her and brush her hair out of her face. “I see,” I murmur. “Okay. I guess you won’t mind if I hook up with someone in New York, then?” I say, teasing her.

  Emilia blanches, and I grin, shaking my head. I pull away from her and smirk. For the first time since she walked back into my life, I’m truly filled with hope.

  Chapter 19

  Emilia

  I’m still distraught by the time we reach the hotel. I know I’m overreacting, and I hate that I can’t seem to hide how hurt I am. Why would I even care if Carter has been with anyone in the time we were apart? It was only natural, and considering his track record in college, it was inevitable. It’s not like I’ve never been with anyone else either… except in my case there’s only been one single other person, and it took years before I was even able to think about sleeping with someone else.

  I can’t help but wonder how long it took him to get over me when things ended. How long did it take before he fell into bed with someone else? How long did it take for him to remove every trace of me?

  It hurts to think that there are women that know his body better than I do. That might have learned more about him than I ever have. How many women must he have been with after me? I wonder if he even remembers what we used to be like.

  I try my best to shake myself out of my thoughts, but I can’t. I can’t stop overthinking, I can’t stop hurting myself.

  I feel a hand drop on my shoulder, and I look up to find Carter looking at me, concern in his eyes. He’s holding up a keycard, and I blink in surprise.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  “I… yeah, I’m fine,” I tell him. I take the card from him and turn to walk away. Maybe a little bit of distance is all I need. Lately being around him has started to confuse me. It’s started to make me nostalgic, and I find myself wanting things I can never have again. Things I shouldn’t want.

  I swipe my key and open the door, only to stop and stare in shock. Carter walks in behind me, catching the door right before it closes. He looks at me, his expression unreadable.

  “What is this?” I ask, my hands gesturing around the suite.

  Carter smiles and glances at his luggage. “We’re sharing this,” he says. “That’s your bedroom,” he adds, tipping his head towards one of the doors.

  I look at him in disbelief, and Carter smiles. “Chill, Emilia. We both have our own bedrooms. We’ll only be sharing the living areas. Usually, your room would be my secretary’s.”

  My first thought is of Carter with his secretary, and I can’t help but wonder if he slept with her too. I can’t seem to snap myself out of this vicious thought cycle. I grit my teeth and walk away, slamming my bedroom door closed behind me.

  I sit down on my bed, mad and upset — and annoyed with myself for feeling this way in the first place. It took me years to get over Carter, yet a mere few weeks of being around him, and I’ve come undone. I drop my elbows to my knees and bury my hands in my hair. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be jealous of women I don’t even know. I can’t feel this possessive towards a man that isn’t mine anymore.

  I’m snapped out of my thoughts when my phone rings, and I look at it in surprise. My heart starts to race when I realize it’s the clinic, and I pick up with shaky hands.

  “Emilia?”

  I recognize Layla’s voice, and I’m instantly filled with bitterness.

  “Layla,” I murmur.

  “I’ve got the results of your blood tests,” she says, and I tense. There’s an edge to her tone, and anxiety almost overwhelms me. �
�You’re not a match, Emilia. Your blood types aren’t compatible.”

  I start to tremble, my eyes filling with tears. “What?” I ask, my voice high.

  Layla sighs. “I’m sorry,” she says.

  I stare into space, my heart shattering. I was so certain that I could help Dad. That I could make him better. For weeks I’ve been hanging onto that little bit of hope, and now it seems all lost. My heart twists painfully, and air seems to evade my lungs. I try to breathe in deeply, but I fail.

  “I understand you’re in New York with Carter. I hope this news doesn’t ruin your trip. Don’t worry, there’s still the donor registry, and there are other options still available to you. You could potentially do a paired donation. Come in when you’re back, and we’ll discuss it.”

  “I… yes, thank you,” I manage to say.

  A big fat tear rolls down my cheek, and I inhale shakily, my lungs burning from the lack of air. I feel panic creep up slowly as I end the call, and I pull my knees to my chest as a sob tears through my throat, devastation slamming through me.

  What will happen to Dad now? He can’t spend the rest of his life on dialysis. I see the way he suffers, the way he hides how he feels. He’s a shell of the man he used to be, and it’s only been a few months. I don’t want him going through this for months.

  I inhale and end up gasping for air, my heart breaking. Strong arms wrap around me, and I look up at Carter. He lifts me onto his lap and wraps his arms around me.

  “What happened, baby? You’re worrying me. What’s going on?” he asks, his voice trembling.

  I clutch his shirt and then throw my arms around his neck, holding onto him tightly.

  “I… I’m not… I’m not a match,” I say, sobs interrupting my sentence. I rest my cheek on Carter’s shoulder, finding solace in his arms.

  Carter buries his hand in my hair and holds me tighter. “Minx,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

  He sounds anguished, as hurt as I’m feeling, and I cry even harder. Carter pats my back, his touch soothing.

  “What am I going to do?” I ask, my voice breaking. “I can’t save him.”

  My entire body is shaking, and I can’t seem to stop my tears. It’s like all the fears I had have suddenly come true. It’s like I was in denial, and all of a sudden, I’m thrown into reality. My dad has a terminal illness, and I can’t save him.

  “We’ll save him, Minx. One way or another. I promise you. I’ll get him a black-market organ if I need to. I won’t let him die. I won’t let him suffer. I swear, Emilia, so don’t cry, okay? Don’t cry, baby. These things take time, but we’ll find a donor for him, one way or another.”

  He holds me tightly, and I nod, my nose brushing against his neck. I want to believe him, but what if he’s wrong? What if we can’t save him?

  Chapter 20

  Emilia

  I wake up to the loud blaring of an alarm clock and groan. I blink lazily, my gaze settling on Carter. For a second I think I’m still dreaming, and then reality catches up on me. I freeze, my eyes widening. Last night slowly comes back to me, and I pull away from Carter.

  He groans and pulls me back, my body flush against his. My cheeks redden when I realize he’s not wearing his suit trousers like he was last night. He buries his face in my neck and kisses me where I’m sensitive. I shiver when he throws his leg over me, his hardness pressing up against me. My heart is racing, and desire washes over me.

  I bite down on my lip and push against his chest. “Carter,” I murmur. “We’ve got a meeting in an hour,” I tell him. He spent all night consoling me. I woke up countless times, bursting into tears all over again, and he was there every single time I woke up. He held me and consoled me until I fell back asleep, over and over again. It’s no wonder he’s exhausted now.

  “Just a few more minutes, Minx,” he whispers. I pull away from him and slip out of bed carefully, my heart twisting painfully, equal parts in guilt and pain. I breathe in deeply, my thoughts turning to Dad. Sadness washes over me, the feeling so intense that it almost brings me to my knees. I brace myself against the wall and inhale shakily. Carter is right, there will be a way. These things do take time. I need to have a little bit of faith.

  I think back to my phone call with Layla as I step into the shower. I can’t help but wonder if she called me because she heard I went on a business trip with Carter. Did she call me when she did in an attempt to ruin this trip? Surely not… she’s a medical professional. She must’ve just called me when the tests came back in, and this must’ve been a coincidence. I bite down on my lip and drop my forehead to the wall, the water hitting my back. I can’t be this person… I can’t assume the worst of people, for no good reason.

  I’m absentminded when I walk back into my bedroom, my towel wrapped around me. My eyes move to Carter, and I freeze. I expected him to have gone back to his own room by now, but instead he’s sitting up in my bed. He smiles at me and runs a hand through his hair lazily. His eyes roam over my body hungrily, and I suddenly feel nervous, almost in a giddy way.

  “How do you feel,” he asks, and I look down, forcing myself to get my feelings in check.

  “I’m fine,” I murmur. “I’m sorry about last night. Thank you for staying with me. You really didn’t need to.”

  Carter rises from my bed, and my eyes roam over his body. He’s no longer wearing the suit trousers he wore last night, and I struggle to keep my eyes off him and the boxer shorts that do nothing to hide his morning erection. A fierce burst of desire courses through me, settling between my legs. Carter walks up to me and places his index finger underneath my chin, lifting my face to his.

  “Minx, I’m glad I was there. I’m glad I was the one to hold you when you fell apart. There’s nowhere else I’d rather have been last night.”

  I look up into his hazel eyes, and my heart starts to race. How come being around him still feels like being home. He’s still my safe haven.

  “I’d better get ready,” he says, his hand cupping my cheek. “We leave in ten minutes, okay?” he says.

  I nod, and Carter takes a step closer. He presses a soft kiss to my forehead, and my eyes flutter closed. “Everything will be okay, Emilia. I’ll do everything in my power to make it so, all right?”

  I nod, and Carter smiles at me. He takes a step away and then turns to walk out, leaving me standing here breathlessly. I sit down on my bed, my eyes roaming over the clothes he left on my floor.

  He’s still able to take me from sadness to desire, from pain to happiness, from hopelessness to optimism, all in a couple of seconds. No one else has ever been able to do that to me. I inhale deeply and run a hand through my wet hair.

  My phone buzzes on my nightstand, and I reach for it, expecting to find a text or call from Dad. Instead, I find ten missed calls from Sam, the last one just a couple of minutes ago. My heart starts to hammer in my chest, and I’m instantly filled with so much guilt that I physically feel sick. I needed Carter with every fiber of my being last night, and I didn’t even think of Sam. I didn’t, but I should have.

  I call him back, my hands trembling. He picks up almost immediately, and my guilt increases further yet.

  “Emilia, where have you been? I haven’t been able to reach you in hours. Is everything okay? Did you get to New York okay?”

  “Yes,” I say, quick to reassure him. “Everything is fine. I’m sorry. I just… I just tuned out last night. I was going to call you, but I just… I couldn’t.”

  Sam is silent for a beat. “What do you mean? What’s going on?”

  I inhale deeply, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks all over again. I draw a shaky breath before I speak. “I got a call from the clinic last night. I’m not a match,” I whisper.

  Sam exhales, almost as though in relief. “God, I thought you were going to tell me something happened with Carter,” he says, and I frown.

  I bite down on my lip harshly before speaking again. “Did you even hear a word I just said? I cried myself to sleep over
and over again last night, and the news still wrecks me, yet your first reaction is to worry about Carter?”

  A spark of anger ignites within me, and I clench my jaw. I understand where his worries stem from, but at the same time I’m hurt that he’s glossing over what I just told him.

  “Shit, I’m so sorry, Emilia. I just… I don’t know. My first thought was just God I hope I don’t lose her. What you told me didn’t even register until now. I’m so sorry, honey. I’m sorry to hear the news, and for the way I reacted.”

  I grit my teeth and try my best to calm myself, my anger turning into fury. I shake my head, feeling disappointed and hurt. “I gotta go,” I tell him. “I need to get to work.”

  “Emilia, no. Please, honey. I’m sorry. Don’t hang up like this.”

  I shake my head. “Bye, Sam. I’ll speak to you later.”

  I can hear him still speaking as I pull the phone away from my ear, but I end the call nonetheless. I’m hurt, confused, and heartbroken in so many ways. Sam calls me back, but I reject the call instantly before turning my phone off entirely.

  Part of me feels relieved about not having to speak to Sam. He’s the one I should be reaching for, the one that should be my greatest support in these trying times. Yet it’s someone else that soothes my soul.

  Chapter 21

  Carter

  Emilia has been distant and quiet all day. I’m worried that she’s thinking about her Dad, that she’s keeping in her sadness in order to get the job done.

  “You all right?” I ask, my hand on her lower back. Emilia looks up at me, and guilt flashes through her eyes.

  I grit my teeth and carefully brush her hair behind her ear. Looks like it isn’t her dad she’s thinking about… it’s Sam.

  Waking up next to her this morning was amazing, it was everything I’ve been wanting for years, yet to her, I was likely just someone who was in the right place at the right time, someone to confide in when she received devastating news.