by Mansi Negi
Where was Jonas? I would have went looking for him but after what he'd told me about Tyler the night before, I was afraid. I was scared in my own home. I couldn't believe what a monster Tyler was.
The familiar sound of Jonas' boots made it's way up the stairs. "Mmm, what smells so good?" I asked, sitting up and spying him carrying a large plate of pancakes and bacon in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.
"I made breakfast." He smiled at me proudly. "Don't get too excited until you try it though. I'm not a great cook." He winked.
I sat up and took the mug of coffee. He set the plate on the bedside stand and leaned over me bringing his lips to mine.
"Wow, I'm impressed. I'll do that for you every night if I get this treatment in the morning." I laughed back.
"It's not really morning Lyla. It's already 12:30." He raised his eyebrows at me.
"That was Lorna at the door by the way, just thought you should know, she's downstairs on the couch with Tyler." He rolled his eyes.
"Does she know it's Tyler and not you?" I asked.
"She asked for him at the door, so she must." He said, furrowing his brow, thinking about it.
"That's weird considering he was supposedly pretending to be you last night. Oh well, maybe he likes her and he'll move on." I said, hopeful that he would.1
"One can hope." Jonas said in response.
"What are we going to do?" I said biting into the bacon. "About Tyler I mean?" I chewed the food and cut into a pancake. "This is really good Jonas." I smiled at him.
He looked over the plate and blushed a little.
"I don't know Princess, I guess we wait and see what comes of it. He hasn't really tried to make a move on you. I mean I'm fucking pissed he invited you to join him when you walked in on him yesterday, but it's not like he actually tried to kiss you or something." He said, sounding pissed.
I stopped chewing and swallowed what was in my mouth, looking into his eyes. I had forgotten to tell him that Tyler had tried to kiss me yesterday.
He cocked his head to the side right away noticing my guilt riddled response.
"Ummm, actually..." I closed my eyes as his went wide.
"Fuck Lyla... he did?" He dragged his hand through his hair.
"He sort of tried to kiss me by the pool, right before you came home yesterday." I said, bringing my hands over my face. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten to tell him.
After everything he'd told me last night it had just sort of slipped my mind.
"Why Lyla, why didn't you fucking tell me that?" His face turned red with anger.
"I forgot." I said, feeling awful.
"You forgot... you forgot that my psychopath brother tried to ram his tongue down your throat! You for-fucking-got?" He sat on the bed beside me and let his hands dig into the white comforter at his sides until his knuckles turned white.
I noticed the dark bruising on the hand he'd used to punch the door and saw him flinch slightly as he continued to grip the comforter angrily.
"You can't forget to tell me the next time another guy wants to put his dick in you Lyla." He said, not bothering to turn and face me.
"I- I'm sorry Jonas. I'd planned on telling you after your fight, and then I just forgot after everything you told me. I promise, I will tell you everything from here on out." I set my plate back on the bedside stand and looked up at him.
"Are you angry with me?" I asked, which was a stupid question, because clearly he was.
"Yes Lyla, but I'm more pissed at him... I'm going to fucking kill him." He turned toward me. "I have to work today Lyla. You have to come with me or find somewhere to go while I'm there." He looked serious.
"Really? I feel like crap." I said, but pulled the covers off and began to head toward the stairs. "What time? I'll get ready." I said, dragging my fingers over my head, trying to calm my messy hair after spying my reflection in his dresser mirror.
"Two to six." He said, grabbing the plate of food and finishing a pancake.
"This is good, you're right." He said, but the joke didn't change the angry expression on his face.
You will regret it
"I'll call you if I get off early, be ready at six!"
Jonas called to me as I walked up Casey's sidewalk.
I held a thumbs up to him and watched him pull out of her driveway.
This was going to be awkward, I'd called Casey to see if we could hang out today while Jonas was at work and she had agreed.
The fact that she needed help with algebra was probably the biggest reason she'd wanted to, but it gave me something to do without worrying about Tyler.
Just like he had promised five after six o'clock, Jonas pulled into the driveway and beeped his horn. I'd ended up having a great time with Casey.
We had watched a hilarious movie, cutting up the whole time and it turned out she had only taken Chad to the dance per Lorna's incessant whining that she should.
Casey was always one of my closer friends, but I'd never really taken the time to get to know her on a personal level and I wish I would have before today, because she was awesome!
"Have fun sweetheart?" Jonas asked as I climbed into the truck.
"Yes, actually I had a lot more fun than I expected to." I smiled. "How about you 'sweetheart'?" I used air quotes on the pet name, laughing at him.
"It was a blast." He said sarcastically, sporting a cheesy smile that made me laugh out loud.
"My mom called." I said as we drove home.
"Oh yes, how's everything going?" He asked, looking like he genuinely cared.
"As good as it can I guess... she said Tristan loves it there, she's been playing in the snow." I looked at him affectionately, knowing that he'd want to know.
My heart swelled as he smiled to himself. "She also said she talked to Lorna's mom and that she's really excited that you and Lorna have been spending time together." I bit my lip holding back a little laugh.
He looked up at me inquisitively, wearing the same look I imagined I had on my face. "Yes, she thinks Lorna could be a great influence for you." I didn't hide my laughter at the second part. It had been all I could to keep from laughing at my mom when she'd said it to begin with.2
"Wow." Jonas said, letting a giggle escape his own lips.
"Does your mum seriously think I'm that bad?" He rolled his eyes and raked a hand through his hair.
"Or maybe she just thinks that highly of Lorna..." I raised my eyebrows to Jonas and continued to laugh, until we pulled into the driveway and saw Lorna's car still there. "Great." I mumbled out loud.
"This should be interesting." Jonas whispered in a groan as we climbed down from the truck and made our way inside.
Tyler and Lorna weren't downstairs so I opted to take the opportunity to heat up some leftovers for Jonas and I and made myself comfortable on the couch, sitting beside him with enough distance that we didn't look like a couple.
I couldn't be too careful with Lorna lurking around my house. She had to know at this point that it had been Tyler who took her to the dance and not Jonas, which surely would have triggered her in some way.
I just hoped Tyler hadn't told her anything more about Jonas and my relationship.
As the night went on and two movies had played the whole way through I realized that Lorna was most likely not planning to leave at all. I looked at Jonas.
"I'm going to bed, we have school tomorrow. I'll just sleep in my own bed... I don't think Lorna's leaving and the last thing I need is her spreading rumours and getting us back into the same problem we were in before." I rolled my eyes and yawned, realizing how tired I was after having a late night the previous night.
"Ugh, fuck... ok, I get it." Jonas said back, grabbing my hand and glancing toward the stairs to make sure no one was coming down before pulling me into a kiss that left me panting.
"You sure you don't want to come to my room Princess?" He asked, smiling at me in that seductive way that Jonas always did.1
"Of course, I do, but I shouldn't."
I said, standing and releasing his hand.
"Goodnight Jonas... love you." I whispered and winked at him before heading off to bed.
I don't know what time it was when my bedroom door cracked open, but I squeezed my eyes shut hoping it was Jonas. "Lyla..." a whisper rang through. It was definitely Jonas or Tyler, but I couldn't tell right away which one.
"Lyla." The whisper came through with more urgency the next time and I turned, blinking my eyes, pretending that the second whisper of my name had been what had woken me up.
Tyler stood in the doorway. His bare chest was covered with sweat, and his hair was soaked through. He had had another bad dream I could tell, but I didn't want him coming into my room this time.
"Tyler, what are you doing? It's the middle of the night." I asked groggily, adding a little edge to my voice.
"I had another dream. I don't want to be alone." He squeaked. His chest rose and fell and my eyes had adjusted enough now, that I could see tears streamed down his face.
"Where's Lorna?" I asked watching his movements, ready to run to my bathroom if he did anything too sudden.
"Tyler, I don't think you should come in here anymore." I said, feeling bad sending him away, but I didn't know what else to do. I was scared of him.
"She's gone... she left. Why can't I come in Lyla? Is it because of the other day? You walking in on me and what I said?" He took a step into my room and my heart picked up pace.
"Yes, and because... Tyler... I'm scared of you and I'm with Jonas now." He stepped fully into the room and closed the door gently behind him. My heart raced.
Should I yell for Jonas? "Tyler, stop, what are you doing? I said you can't be in here." I barked out more harshly than I thought I could sound.2
"Why are you scared of me?" Tyler sounded wounded by my admission.
"I would never hurt you Lyla... you have to know that." He brought his hand up to his heart, soothingly and I genuinely believed him. I'd never felt afraid of Tyler before. I didn't like him hitting on me, but I hadn't been scared that he would hurt me until last night.
"Tyler, I know the truth about Della... I just, I need you to understand that that cannot happen to me. I don't want you in that way. I need you to respect that." I watched his face look to me in confusion at what I was saying.
"I already told you Jonas and I see the Della situation differently." He barked out matching the harshness of my tone from earlier.
"How can you see it differently? She killed herself because of you!" I bit back at him and watched him sit at the corner of my bed. Lifting his hands in innocence.
"She killed herself because she was mentally ill." He choked out.
"So, you didn't follow her into the shower and her bedroom, scaring her, Tyler?" I asked, feeling very confused by how both boys had such a different story and both were so deeply hurt in different ways by their own version. There could be only one truth, and I was going to get to the bottom of it.1
"Yes... I did..." Tyler looked embarrassed. "I was a kid... I mean sure I fucked up Lyla, but I wouldn't do that to you." He looked down at his feet and then up to the ceiling, and an unreadable emotion shot across his face like he was remembering something.
"Have you hurt people Tyler? Honestly, I want to know." I sat up, relaxing a little. I just didn't feel fear like I should have from him, uneasiness maybe, but not fear.
I couldn't help it, the thought of what he had done had scared me this morning, but sitting here with him, I just couldn't be afraid.
"I have... I told you, remember... I'm fucked up, I can't do relationships, I can't be with a girl, not in the way she'd want me to be, but I know I'd never hurt you Lyla." He whispered, and I believed it. I also wanted to know what he'd done.
"What do you mean by you've hurt people, Tyler? Did you rape someone?" I asked, scooting closer, hoping he would tell me honestly, if he knew I was comfortable with him.
"What? No!" He answered shocked at first, then hanging his head, like what he'd done wasn't far off from it though.
"I've never raped anyone... I couldn't even tell you what I have done Lyla... I just sort of, black out and when I come too... she's terrified... like ready to run— terrified of me, but it's only happened a couple of times, that was enough for me to stop trying. I have been with girls before and controlled it though. When I care... when I truly care for the girl, it's why I know I won't hurt you." He grabbed my hand and I let him momentarily, before pulling it back.3
"Della?" I asked, knowing that the twins belonged to him. He thought long and hard, swallowing back his uncomfortableness.
"Yes, she's one of them." He admitted.
"So, you didn't hurt Della, because you cared for her?" I asked, still not sure what to think about the whole thing.
"Yes, that's what I just said, can we please not talk about Della?" He whimpered. I wanted to respect his wishes, but I couldn't, I needed to know if I really needed to be protected from him.
"No, we can't just not talk about this. Jonas thinks you want to hurt me like you did Della, and I need to know that you won't." Honesty is the best policy, I'd decided, and just came right out with it.
"So, you told Jonas? Great." He said, taking a hand down the back of his head and neck.
"I won't hurt you Lyla, I did some fucked up shit to Della... but I was a kid... she shouldn't have taken the bait so easily and Jonas isn't exactly innocent... he may claim that he wanted it to stop, but he always put on quite a show for me." He said, disgust and another emotion, that I couldn't decide whether it was jealousy or lust, coming through in what he'd just said.1
"I think you should go back to your room." I said, feeling a pang of nervousness playing at my belly.
My uneasiness was growing at what Tyler had just said. The whole situation was a mess, I didn't know what to think about any of it. I did however feel that Tyler was being truthful when he said he wouldn't hurt me, which made me feel much better.
"Lyla..." he stood and walked to the door.
"I won't hurt you, but I'm not going to pretend that I don't have feelings for you. If you stay with Jonas, you'll regret it." He said, warning shining through his eyes. I just couldn't decipher if it were warning that Jonas would hurt me or that he, himself would make me regret it.3
Birthday
"Tyler came into my room last night." I whispered to Jonas at my locker, watching Tyler from the corner of my eye as he stood at his locker, down the hall.
I couldn't tell him in the truck when Tyler sat in the back seat with us. His face flashed red and he slammed my locker shut, turning me toward him.
"What?" He growled, leaning a hand on either side of me and glancing down the hall toward Tyler with a venomous glare.
"He didn't do anything. He just had a bad dream, I sent him back to his room." I whispered, gently touching the skin where his forearm met his elbow, to calm him.
"He said he would never hurt me, and I don't know why Jonas, but I believe him." I looked at his face trying to convey that everything was fine.
"You shouldn't." He said, losing some of his edge. "You will not sleep alone anymore... period." He pursed his lips at me and stepped back.3
I expected him to continue by the palpable anger he was exuding, but he didn't.
He didn't say anything else about it for the rest of the week. He did however, meet me at my bedroom every night, after I'd showered, and proceeded to escort me upstairs.
I didn't fight him, sleeping in bed with Jonas had become my favourite thing and it was scary how quickly it had turned into our norm.
I missed my parents in some ways, even though I talked to them every day on the phone, but a bigger part of me dreaded their return.1
The only thing that excited me these days was that there was only one month of school left before we'd be graduates.
Jonas and I could sleep together every night then... no Tyler, no Lorna, no parents, just the two of us, as adults, figuring out the world.
"Are you sure you want to wait?
" Jonas' husky voice asked me for the fourth time since we'd climbed into his bed. My answer was the same.
"You know I don't, but I want your birthday to be perfect Jonas." I reached behind my shoulder and stroked my hand across the top of his head as he brought his lips to my neck.
"Let me take you to your visit tomorrow." He whispered against the back of my neck, cradling me in a spooning position.
"Nope, it'll ruin what I have planned." I giggled as his hot breath blew across the nape of my neck, tickling me and spreading goose bumps across my skin.
His nose nudged me and his tongue and lips found the soft flesh at my neck and shoulder. He slid the strap of my tank top across my shoulder and down my arm, slowly following the same path with his lips.
"You're so beautiful Lyla." He moaned against my skin quietly, letting his finger tips brush under the hem of my white cotton shirt and run the distance of my hip bones, making me tense with pleasure as he crossed the soft skin above my pubic bone.
"I know what you're doing Jonas." I said as more of a moan than an accusation.
"You don't know what you're doing to me though, Princess." He splayed his hand over my stomach, pulling me flush against him. "I just wish you'd give me what I want."
"I will... tomorrow." I said, trying to snap myself out of whatever trance Jonas always put me in, that made me become putty in his hands.
"I want you tonight though, right now... I know you want it too." He let his hand run under the waste band of my shorts and grabbed me over top of my cotton panties.
I was going to cave if he kept touching me like this. I didn't want to, but my need for Jonas was stronger than anything I'd ever felt before.
I felt my hips move against his hand as his thumb found my bundle of nerves and began to stroke it slowly at first, then faster as my breathing picked up.
I felt as he grew hard against my bottom, and his hips began to push his erection between the mounds of my ass.
He sucked a breath at the friction, letting himself free from his boxers while ripping at my shorts so that he could move the thin fabric of cotton to the side and let himself feel his skin against mine.