by Mansi Negi
I let his words hit me and sink in. He wasn't talking about drugs. He was talking about me. He let my hair free and opened his eyes, looking into mine with so much emotion.
"You know, because my mom was an addict." He lied uncomfortably.
"Of course." I breathed out annoyed. "You know I thought maybe, just maybe, you were going to open up and let me in for once, but you never will. No one will ever be able to save you from yourself Jonas. You're going to be a miserable person your entire existence and you'll die miserable and alone." I hated the way he winced away from my words. I had shot them with venom and they had hit their mark.1
"You don't know the horrible things I've done Lyla... I'm doing you a favour." Tears we're running down his face too and I still couldn't understand his reasoning behind all of this. He looked like he was hurting just as bad as me.
I closed my eyes one last time and gained my resolve. He was going to let me leave.
He was going to let me go and he'd never give me the answers I wanted. I had to walk away from this. I absolutely had to walk away and never look back.
"I do know what you've done Jonas, I know about Daniel and I came here anyway, but that clearly isn't going to change anything so goodbye." His head shot up, and fear showed in his eyes.
Maybe he was going to try to stop me. Maybe he did want me. I slapped my hopes back down. I wouldn't be the damsel hanging on his every word any more, not ever.
"You've talked to Tyler?" He sounded insane.
"Lyla, when did you talk to Tyler? Has he tried to contact you?" His chest heaved with anger or worry or both as I stepped away from him.
Of course, it was the stupid sibling rivalry, jealousy, betting, bullshit again and not that he wanted anything to do with me.
"It's no longer any of your concern whom I talk to Jonas." I said over my shoulder as I stormed to the door.
"Lyla! Answer me! Fucking answer me! Please..." I heard him pleading and coming toward me as I slammed the door and ran to my car.
Anger and resentment like I'd never felt before boiled my blood until my vision was clouded in red. I heard Jonas behind me and I picked up my pace.
"Lyla, fuck! wait!" In one movement I slid into my car and revved the engine. Jonas was at my door pulling the handle, a look of bewilderment on his face. I threw it into reverse as his hand smacked hard on my window.
"Stop!" He yelled after me and then my tires squealed against the road as I threw my car from reverse into drive. I had to get away from here, away from him.
Looking back, I saw Jonas standing in his lot with his head cradled in his hands.
Serves him right. I was done. We were done. The nightmare of Jonas was over, and I was going to be ok. Wasn't I? I had to be. I had to be done for good. I pressed the gas hard to increase the distance between us.1
My cell phone lit up. Jonas, the screen read. In a moment of resolution I lifted my cellphone and tossed it out the window, erasing the only line of communication he had with me. It felt liberating.
I'd get a new cell phone. I'd move on with my life, and he wouldn't, not ever, no matter how much I loved him, I couldn't change his fucked up past, and I did love him.
That stung. I loved him more perhaps than he loved himself. More than any one person has ever loved another person.4
My breathing started to become heavy and I pulled to the side of the road. The anger that had given me courage had subsided and the empty pit in my stomach was gaping.
I threw open the door of the car and lurched the contents of my stomach into the ditch. It was really over. I wasn't going back ever and I was heartbroken.
So completely and utterly broken by it. It hadn't been closure I'd needed. All along it had been proof. Proof that it was all a lie, to let myself believe that our relationship had been a game to him, and tonight it was all evident that he had never loved me in the way that I had him and he never would.
I drove through the night. Before I knew it, I was pulling into Casey's driveway. I couldn't bring myself to go home. I already felt alone, and I needed the comfort of my best friend right now.
"Casey." I whispered into the darkness of her room, sniffling back tears.
"Lyla, what's wrong? What happened? Did that guy do something to you?" She popped up from her bed, flipping a dim bedside lamp on and running over to me. Her arms wrapped me up and I let myself crumple into them as tears poured and I sucked air to breathe.
After a few minutes I pulled back, wiping the back of my hand over my cheeks to clear the liquid. She pulled me to the bed and we sat.
"Tell me what happened Lyla." She said thoughtfully, holding my hands.
"The date went really well. He kissed me, and he was a really good kisser." I smiled and laughed a little at how ridiculous I sounded saying that after the hysterics I'd just been in.
"So, what's wrong then?" She questioned.
"Jonas was there. He showed up at the restaurant." I wiped new tears. It hurt to even say his name.
"Oh my god, do you think he followed you?" She asked, bringing a shocked hand to her mouth.
"No, he lives near there. He doesn't look good Casey. I think he's into some shady shit." I said honestly.
"Of course, he is Lyla... he's Jonas, would you expect any different? So, what happened when he showed up?" She urged me to continue. I briefly had a moment where I wanted to stand up for him and defend the insult on his character, but she was right.
Everyone saw him as the bad boy who gets in trouble and starts trouble and they were right. I was the one who was wrong for thinking he was so much more than that and it had burned me.
His state file said troubled youth and there was no defending the truth anymore. Jonas was trouble itself, to know him was to know pain and hurt.1
"He came and sat with us." I continued. Her eyes looked worried. "He touched me, my leg, under the table. It was all really confusing."
"Of course, he did! Again... none of this is shocking. Why can't he just leave you alone?" She quipped.
"He did, I mean after that he left and I took Jack home and Jack kissed me. I really liked it." I don't know why that made my tears start fresh.
"That's a good thing Lyla. You have to let yourself move on." She smiled reassuringly at me.
"Well that's not the bad part." I swallowed as I watched her face search mine.
"What did you do Lyla?" She asked, eyeing me skeptically.
"I went to see Jonas. Not to see him, not really, I just had to know if it was really over before I could give Jack a chance." I brought my hand to my heart to soothe the pain that it was radiating.
"And... is it?" She whispered
"Yes... it really is. It's really over and it sucks." I laid my head on her shoulder as she hugged me again.1
"I'm really proud of you Lyla... now you can actually begin to heal. You deserve that. Why don't you tell me more about your date with Jack." She smiled at me, clearly trying to distract me.
I didn't mention anything about what Jonas and I had done, how easily I had just fallen back into his web of lies tonight. It didn't need mentioning, it was something that I wanted for myself and myself alone.
My last memories of Jonas. I would stow them away somewhere deep in my mind and maybe years from now they wouldn't hold all of the pain they held right now.
Maybe his touch wouldn't burn my skin and heart at the same time the next time I rifled through my brain and those memories resurfaced.
The Devil is Back
Jonas' Point of View
"Fuuuuuuck! Fuuuuck!!" I screamed into the night, listening to my voice echo through the streets of vacant buildings and mesh with the resounding sound of sirens.
I watched Delilah's car disappear up the road. She was driving erratically, like she couldn't get away from me fast enough.
"Mr. Jonas..." Frank's voice yelled from the doorway of the garage. He sounded scared.
"Not now Frank!" I held a silencing hand up and dialled Lyla's number. She couldn't be stupid
enough to actually have talked to Tyler, but how else would she have known about Daniel.
He'd promised to make sure she knew. Was he texting her, was he not holding up on his end of the deal? I couldn't see Tyler not holding up on his end.
She let it ring to voicemail.
Jonas: Lyla, baby, please text me or call me, you can't be talking to Tyler. You don't understand what he'll do to you.
I stared at my phone, waiting for her to read my text or respond, but nothing happened.
"Fuck!" I sunk my hands into my hair yanking my roots hard. I couldn't do it! I couldn't stay away from her, all this time wasted, when I could have just given her what she wanted and needed, because it wasn't going to matter now, not if Tyler was talking to her.
I stumbled back up the stairs I couldn't do anything tonight, not in this state... shit why am I so drunk?!
I laid on the couch, the couch that was still covered in the scent of her — so floral and lovely. I inhaled it deep into my mind, letting it permeate all of my senses, and locking it forever into my memory.
I looked at my phone again.
Nothing! God damn it, we couldn't get on the same page ever! She was maddening.
She wanted answers and yet she wouldn't listen to anything I said.
She was heat when I was ice cold and I was on fire for her when she was a blizzard raging out of control, but never were we the same... never could we come together and agree on anything at the same time.
The world would probably cease to exist if that were to ever happen.1
I lifted my phone again and typed in her name
Jonas: Lyla please, I'll talk to you. I'll tell you what you need to know if you'll just listen.
I closed my eyes with phone in hand and rolled to my side. I couldn't believe she'd come here. I hated it and reveled in it at the same time.
All that I'd worked to shut out and turn off had been undone in one night. I was like a heroin addict fiending for another hit. Her body had been on my couch, sprawled out before me, she had offered herself up for me to claim in every way.
What more could a person do to prove how deeply they loved you, and I had turned her away again.
This was absolute hell. This was my punishment for Daniel. She was my punishment... the one thing I needed to survive and that was always just beyond my reach.
My dreams came as a hateful torture, watching Lyla take her clothes off for Tyler, watching his hateful grin toward me as he touched her body.
"No Delilah! It's not me, he isn't me, please." I yelled to her, but she couldn't hear me. Then he was inside of her and she was moaning... wait, fuck, she was moaning his name. She knew it wasn't me!
I blinked my eyes open as light poured into my place through the huge windows, hitting my eyes and reminding me of how much I'd had to drink the night before.
Memories of what had happened crashed into my mind like a freight-train, adding to my unbearable alcohol induced head-ache.
God, I should never have drink like that. Last night could have been so much different if I'd have maintained even a little bit of control over myself.
I looked down at my phone, nothing. Of all the times for her to finally start listening to me, why now? I slowly sat myself at the edge of the couch, wincing at the pain behind my eyes as I hung my head.
Water, I needed water, my mouth felt like it was full of sand. I made my way into the garage and over to the spigot at the back of the building.
Turning it on I lowered my head and sucked the cool water down my throat. This was my life... drinking from a spigot in a heap of shit abandoned warehouse.
I had used some money to rent a room at the shitty motel up the street yesterday just to take a fucking shower. I hadn't realized how badly I smelled until Lyla had pointed it out to me.
The shower had felt like heaven compared to the bucket of cold water I'd been washing myself with for the last month. I'd spent nearly every dime I had on getting the toilet in this place up and running, but another fight or two and I'd be able to start making this dump look like a home.
Walking back into the apartment, I noticed Frank hunched over sitting on a workout bench next to the ring Theo had built.
Slobber was hanging from the corner of his lips. Fuck. Is he using again? It was my one stipulation to him staying out here.
No dope, that and he had to stay on his meds. He was a schizophrenic, harmless really, but completely delusional if he didn't take his meds.
"Frank." I walked over to him and lifted his head. His eyes rolled back as he tried to focus on me. A bag of white powder fell from his hand.
"Where did you get this Frank? Did you have a dealer in my fucking house?!" I asked, pissed as hell, what if Lyla would have stayed, or worse yet would have walked out last night and he had still been here.
"Uhh... you gave me that Mr. Jonas." He slurred. Fuck. He was high out of his mind and I didn't have time to deal with this today.
I let him fall back into his slumped state. I would drag his ass back outside later.4
Inside, I grabbed my phone off the counter, noticing I had a new notification.
Thank fucking god! I turned on the screen surprised to see that it wasn't from who I had hoped. In fact the number was unknown. Maybe she had text me from someone else's phone.
Unknown: you fucked up. Deal's off.8
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Tyler knew, he fucking knew! He'd either been following her or me, but he knew she'd been here!
A cold chill ran the length of my spine. Lyla wasn't answering her phone. What if he already has her? Was he here last night? I forced myself to slow my breathing.
Maybe it was Theo. Maybe he meant the fights were over. I pressed his name on my phone and waited for him to pick up.
Another message came through from unknown. It was a picture, from my place last night! Terror shot through my body.
It was me and Lyla. He was here. Tyler had been here and he knew.
Fuuuuck! This was so bad. I lifted my phone to my face and dialled Lyla's number again. I had to warn her. It sent me straight to voicemail this time.
I grabbed my keys. I had to get to her before he did! I sped through town toward Lyla's house. How could I have been so stupid!
I should have known when she came here that he'd figure it out, I should have never let her leave! If something happened to her because of me I'd hunt him down and kill him with my bare hands!
Flashbacks of Della ran through my head and I began to sweat. I couldn't stand to see Lyla the way Della had been, beaten, bloody, robbed of what should have been a normal life... a perfect life. I had to make her understand that everything I'd done, everything I'd put her through was only to protect her and I'd failed again. I could no longer keep her safe if she wasn't with me.
I'd have to make her come back with me. I replayed everything I'd said to her over the last several weeks, every way I'd cut her down to make her move on and stay away from me.
It wasn't going to be easy to undo, but Lyla loves me or loved me and that had to still be inside of her somewhere. It wouldn't just go away over night.
She had to come with me. I'd make her come with me. I'd do whatever I had to to get her out of harms way. I just prayed I wasn't to late.
I came up on her house 35 minutes later. I'd went over 90 miles per hour the whole way there, cutting the hour drive in half.
Her car wasn't there. Fuck! What now? A crater began to open in the pit of my stomach. Tyler has gotten to her. He'd taken off with her last night and I'd never see her again.
Every horrible scenario of what could have happened played through my mind.
My breath was coming too fast. The world as I knew it had opened and swallowed me into a tunnel of black where nothing good existed.
Only rage, pure hatred. Hatred for my brother, hatred for myself, hatred for the shit life I'd been given.1
I drove by the house, hoping no one would spot and recognize me.
Again and again I reached t
he end of the street and turned around driving past her house. Hoping for some sign, any sign, that she was safe inside.
Finally, I drove up an adjacent street with a good view of the house. This is where I'd park and wait. I could see both the front and back entrances of the home from here.
I sat waiting, planning and re-planning the ways I'd torture Tyler if even a hair on my girl’s head was out of place. I lit cigarette after cigarette trying to ease the nerves that had my body tense, like a beast ready to go on attack at any sign of Tyler's presence.
Hours passed and my stomach began eating itself again, a familiar and welcome pain compared to what my heart was experiencing at the moment.
I heard the engine before I saw the black Audi crest the hill and drive up to the house. A wave of emotion ran over me as I waited impatiently to see the love of my life climb from the vehicle.
"Please be her, please be her." I whispered as a prayer and a plea. Casey climbed out first. Then there she was, looking totally broken, still wearing the white romper she had left in last night.
Bloody fucking hell. She had never looked more beautiful and appealing and perfect than she did right now. Why in the fuck was she not answering my phone calls?
A Plan
I didn't see another opportunity presenting for me to talk to Lyla, so I threw my car in drive and raced down the street, stopping in front of her house before she or Casey had a chance to make it inside.
I just hoped her parents weren't home.
"Delilah!" My car was parked on the side of the street and I was on my feet heading toward her before either girl realized what was happening.
"Oh no no no, I don't think so stalker boy!" Casey stepped aggressively in front of her, but not before I met her gaze, her eyes widened, fuck I wish Casey wasn't here!1
"I need to talk to you baby! Please!" I kept on my path, I was taking her with me right now.
She wasn't safe here, and if Casey knew what was good for her, she'd move aside and let me at my girl.