by Meghan Diane
Her brown eyes pierced through me. My heart threatened to melt on the spot. I especially didn’t want to leave her already, and the gentle tug in my chest was proof.
“I have to get back to work,” I replied with a frown. “You know, money and all.” I made the motion for money with my hands, and they both laughed.
“Well when will you be back?” Halley whined.
I shifted my gaze back and forth between the two of them. “I’m not sure. Maybe in a month and a half if I can. I just need to save up enough money, and I need to be able to request the time off.” I looked up, hopeful. “You guys could always come visit me you know. Make a weekend out of it. It’ll be fun, I promise.”
They both smiled at me in that apologetic way.
“I have school,” came Halley’s voice first.
“And I have work and school,” Phoenix echoed.
I slid lower into my seat. “Yeah, I know. Adulting really sucks.”
“But look on the bright side,” Halley chimed in, her voice reaching a few octaves higher than normal, “we’ll all have money to do fun adulting things next time we see each other.”
The curve of my smile lifted. “This is true. And I really do wish I could just stay here forever with you guys.”
“So then do it!” Halley whined. “I’ll make the peanut butter and jellies,” she taunted. “You won’t even have to.”
I beamed. “You’re evil. You know peanut butter and jellies are my weakness.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“You know I can’t stay, and that makes me sad.”
“I know.” She frowned at me.
“But that reminds me.” I stood up. “If she comes back, can I have the veggie omelet and potatoes? Oh, and more coffee,” I said, pointing to my now empty cup. “I’ll be right back. I have a sticker to obtain.”
Chapter Ten
“You’re home!” Ariel screeched, nearly knocking me over as I walked through the door. “I thought you were never coming back.” She gave me a once-over. “And you’re so tan. My God. Did you catch some sun, or what?”
I stood there grinning as she continued to ramble, not really expecting a response.
When she finally came up for air, it was my turn. “Hi Ariel. I missed you.” Another hug.
“Tell me about your vacation!” She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the living room. “Did you have an amazing time? It sure looks like you did.”
I propped myself up on the couch across from her, our feet touching in the middle. I smiled. I really missed her too and as much as I loved my vacation, it was nice to be back with her.
“I had a great time,” I began. “We went to the beach. We went to a party at a beach house. I met a girl. I went to a rugby game. We—”
“Hold up! Rewind.” She grabbed the foot closest to her. “How dare you think you can just throw in that you met a girl, and keeping talking, like I wouldn’t notice.”
I blushed. I knew she’d catch that.
“So I met a girl.” I grinned. “She’s really great. Her name is Phoenix, and she’s a friend of Halley’s. It was her rugby game.”
“Aurora met a girl,” she sang. “Aurora met a girl!”
I grinned again. “Stop, you’ll embarrass me!”
“Oh I fully intend to embarrass you!” She grinned back. “Did you hook up with her? Did you kiss her? Was she a good kisser?”
“Easy tiger.” I laughed, and pulled my knees up to my chest. “I did not hook up with her. And I didn’t even kiss her, actually.”
Ariel’s mouth hung open.
“Are you sure you like her?”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my subway token, turning it over in my fingers. “Yeah, I like her. I just want to take it slow this time, you know?”
“That’s fair,” Ariel reassured me. She reached over and grabbed my hand. “I’m so happy that you’re home.”
“Me too, Ariel, me too.”
* * *
The next morning I threw on my favorite band T-shirt and looked in the mirror. I loved this shirt. It fit loosely enough to be comfortable, but tight enough to look cute. I knew that liking Coldplay was super cliché, but I just couldn’t help it. From the moment I’d heard their song “Parachutes” I was hooked.
I took a step back and gave the rest of myself a once-over in the mirror. I was wearing my favorite capris again, the bottoms having been freshly recuffed. When my gaze reached the messy bun sitting on the top of my head, I frowned.
“This is as good as it’s gonna get,” I mumbled to myself as I walked out the door for work.
After my talk with Ariel last night I was so exhausted I had literally fallen into my bed. I’d slept for ten hours straight until my alarm went off, reminding me that I had to go to work. Adjusting back from being on vacation was going to be hard, and I wasn’t looking forward to it.
I took a sip of my coffee as I walked the few blocks to work, trying to will myself back into the spirit. But my mind kept flashing back to Phoenix. The night at the beach. The rugby game. And my personal favorite, the guitar. God she was amazing.
I was mid daydream by the time I walked through the door at Royal Records.
“Hey Aurora,” Cassie said in her singsong voice.
“Hey sunshine,” I replied, just as cheery. It was hard to not be cheery around Cassie. She had an outgoing and bubbly personality, but she wasn’t over the top. It was her personality that had caused me to tell Madison that I found her adorable. Madison, obviously, had run with the idea.
Cassie and I had become work besties almost instantly. I took one look at her, she took one look at me, and that was it. Before I knew it we were swapping stories about girls and all of our drama on our lunch breaks. Not that I had that much drama. But she did.
I liked to live vicariously through her endless hookups. They were always “the one” for about a week. And then the wind would shift and she would pretend they never happened. I can’t say the relationship was healthy, but we just pretended everything was completely normal and would go on with our lives.
I would occasionally call Madison and fill her in on the stories too, and that’s why when I had finally broken up with Reese she pushed endlessly for me to hook up with Cassie.
“She’d totally be into it. And you know how she is with girls. She wouldn’t think twice about it. It would be just a hookup, a freaking hot hookup. And, you guys could go on with your lives. And plus, do I have to say it again? She’s super adorable.”
I swatted the memory away in my head. “What do we have going on today?” I asked as I slid into the booth behind her to clock in.
When she didn’t respond right away, I looked up from the computer. She was looking away. Sometimes I couldn’t help but just stare at her and smile. Madison was right. She was adorable. She was a few years younger than me and sometimes I just wanted to squeeze her. Her hair was a mess of kinky curls. She always started her shift with it down, but by the end of the day she would put it up into a messy bun. Her skin was the perfect shade of light brown and her face was innocent yet sharp. She just had that look about her that girls liked. And girls would constantly come in and fawn over her while I just stood by, shaking my head.
I snapped back to the present. Cassie still hadn’t responded to what I had said. “Umm hellllllo,” I taunted. “What’s going on over there?”
She spun around, a half frown on her face. “I think it’s over with Hanna.”
“Oh no.” I sighed and leaned back against the counter. “But we really liked her. What happened?” See, totally normal.
She sighed and leaned back against the counter too, turning toward me. “I don’t know. She just got weird. And you know that I don’t do weird.”
Yeah I knew she didn’t do weird. Usually when a girl expressed some sort of interest in her beyond the norm, Cassie would get freaked out. This happened a lot. But unlike most of the girls Cassie dated, Hanna’s name had kept popping up over the past t
wo months, causing me to think maybe she liked her a little more than she let on.
“So what are you going to do?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Don’t give me that look,” was all she said in response. “I know that look.”
“I just want you to be happy.” I shrugged and pushed myself off the counter. I swatted her as I walked by. “Come on, come help me organize the new records that just came in today.”
“Fiiiiine,” she moaned, but followed me anyway. “But I want to go out for pizza tonight. I want to hear all about why you have that stupid look on your face.”
A blush rose to my cheeks. “I do not have a stupid look on my face!” I protested. But I probably did.
* * *
“Same table as always?”
I don’t know why I felt the need to ask. We always sat at the same table and ordered the same pizza.
We were at my favorite pizza shop. After work we’d had a fight over where we would go, her favorite or mine. In the end I’d won. I usually did. My place had cheaper beer, and outdoor seating. True, the pizza might be a little better at the other place, but the beer and the fresh outdoors generally made up for it.
The whole place had probably fifteen tables outside, all made of the same metal material. They even had lights hung from the trees, giving it a casual appeal. I loved everything about it. Our table was in the back corner of the outdoor patio. We liked it because when we sat in the back they let us be as obnoxious as we wanted.
“Same table,” she verified.
“Okay I’ll go order the pizza and you go snag our spot. Do we want a pitcher of beer?”
“Is that a valid question? Of course we want a pitcher.”
I walked away, a grin on my face. I loved coming here with Cassie. We’d come here so often in the past few months that the waiters knew us by name and knew our order by heart. It felt like a second home.
And sure enough when Matt behind the counter saw me he immediately began pouring our pitcher. “Good day at work?” he asked.
“It’s about to be better,” I said as I took the pitcher out of his hands. “Cassie and I have some catching up to do it seems.”
“Ah, girl drama, I can dig it.” I handed him my card without asking for the total. “Your pizza will be out soon. Ya’ll have fun.”
“Thanks Matt. You’re the best.”
I set our two glasses and our pitcher down on the table. “I cannot wait to have this beer. It felt like today was never going to end.”
“I know right? I’ve been dying to hear about your weekend all day and you’ve been holding out on me.”
I poured us each a glass and handed Cassie hers. “I wanted to sit down to have this talk ’cause I wanted to run it by you.”
“Why do you sound serious?” She cocked her head to the side and her eyes narrowed.
I took a sip of my beer before responding. Because it’s a serious talk. “I don’t know. I had a really great time. Like really great. Halley was great. Her best friend Stella was great. Phoenix was great. It was all great, I just don’t know how I feel.”
“How you feel about what, Aurora? If you had such a great time, the answer seems obvious to me.”
“I know. But it’s just not.” How could I explain to her that though I really liked Phoenix, I wasn’t ready to jump into another relationship? I wasn’t ready to make the mistake that I’d made over and over again. If I wasn’t sure if I was ready, wouldn’t it be better to just not jump rather than jump and get hurt?
“I’m listening.” Cassie took another sip of beer and stared at me intently, waiting for me to respond.
I frowned. “The weekend was awesome, and I really like this girl. But I just don’t think it’s the right time. It’s only been three months. I haven’t even gotten back to being just me. Reese took so much of me, and I don’t think I’ve gotten all of the pieces back. And who am I without all of the pieces?” I was finally starting to understand why Madison had given me her subway token.
“I feel you there. After my last girlfriend I’ve never been the same. Hell, it’s been almost a year now, and I still haven’t gotten all of my pieces back.”
“I know.”
“Well, you don’t have to do this you know. You don’t have to jump into a relationship. You can just have a little fun. You can relax a little. Live a little. Eat a little pizza. Okay, eat a lot of pizza.”
A laugh bubbled up from inside of me. “I plan on eating a lot of pizza, and drinking a lot of beer with you.”
“So tell me about the rest of your weekend. What did you guys do? And did you and Phoenix kiss. Please say yes.”
I shook my head, and felt for the subway token in my pocket. “No, we didn’t kiss.”
“What! Why?” she cried.
I took the last sip of my beer. We’d have to get another pitcher.
“I don’t know why. Something just didn’t feel right. I’m not ready yet.”
“What do you think’s holding you back?”
I stood up. “This empty pitcher for one thing. Do you want the same?”
“Yes, but don’t think you’re getting out of the question.” She pointed her finger at me and I knew I’d be in for it when I got back.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Matt was pouring the pitcher before I even made it to the counter. “Rough day?”
“You could say that,” I moaned, and walked away.
By the time I was within earshot, Cassie couldn’t take it any longer.
“Okay come on! So you like this girl, but you don’t want to kiss her. Sounds to me like you don’t like this girl ’cause as soon as I know I like someone, I go for it. Heck I go for it with girls I don’t even like.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know, that’s why I’m scared. But she’s so adorable and we get along so well. And she challenges me. I like that.”
Cassie stared at me until I looked up. “Okay, we’ll ride this one out. Plus I haven’t even met this girl yet. So until then, I’ll let you keep on keeping on. But if I meet her and I don’t like her, then I have the power to veto.”
Cassie always had a knack for making me smile, even in serious conversations. “Okay, okay, deal.”
“Great, now let’s kill this pizza.”
Chapter Eleven
“Okay my turn for a hard-hitting question.” I was sitting on the floor of my room, my back against the wall. Phoenix and I were talking on the phone and had been for quite some time. Somehow we’d fallen into a routine of talking at night before bed. Part of me really liked this routine, but there was always that feeling in the back of my mind asking me if I was ready for this, ready to be tied down. The irrational side of me always won. I would find myself talking late into the night with Phoenix, soaking up her every word. Talking with her silenced the thoughts of loneliness and instead opened me up to new challenges. I could feel the way I viewed the world around me changing. I could feel my thinking evolving.
“What’s your hard-hitting question of the night?” she asked in a teasing voice. Last night I had asked her whether or not she believed in fate.
“I believe in fate to an extent. I believe that there is a path that is your fate, but you can either choose to accept it or reject it. Options are put in your path and ultimately at the end of the day, you decide. The bridge is placed in front of you and you get to decide whether or not you jump.”
Her way of thinking pushed past the yes or no answer and instead challenged me to think a little harder. I would challenge her right back. Whenever she would give me a vague answer I would simply ask, “But why?” She would give a little moan every time I repeated that question, but it had the desired effect. Deeper and deeper I fell, not quite realizing how deep I had gone.
“Okay my hard-hitting question of the night is religion.”
“Uh-oh,” I heard her say into my ear.
“Yup, so go on. What are your thoughts, your ideas?” The crinkles in my eyes came together. This was always a loaded question
and I was excited to see what she would come up with. I already had my idea formulated in the back of my mind.
I heard her moving around on the other side of the phone before she spoke. “Well, my thoughts are kind of basic on this topic. I believe religion serves its purpose; I just don’t need that kind of guidance. It brings people together and makes them feel included, so that’s good, you know?”
“Mhm,” I mumbled. “Do you follow a religion?”
She laughed. “You know I don’t.” There was a pause on the line. “Before I embarrass myself, do you believe in religion?” she asked, a hint of fear in her voice.
“I go every Sunday, in case you forgot.” Another pause on the line. “I’m just kidding.”
“Oh thank God. I was just running through all of the Sundays that I’ve known you in my head, trying to remember what you did on those days.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Worked mostly.”
“Ah yes. Okay well now that you’ve managed to give me a near heart attack I’ll continue. I mean not that I wasn’t ready to give whatever religion you believed in a chance. I was just worried.”
My chest warmed.
“Like I was saying. I’m sure religion is fine and all, but I don’t like the power that it gives people. Like they think that just because they are religious it gives them the right to judge me, judge you. I can’t picture something like that ever being okay.”
I nodded my head and closed my eyes, picturing the stares of the Sunday lunch crowd as I held my ex’s hand. I could remember the feeling deep inside of me. The hurt, the confusion of how someone who was supposed to be so loving could be filled with so much hate. I hated the way that they looked at me. But even more so I hated that it had the desired effect.
“You still there?” Phoenix whispered from the other end.
“Yeah,” I whispered back.
“Wanna talk about whatever you’re thinking?”
I shrugged, not that she could see. “Nah, just agreeing with you.”
“Hmm,” she replied, and I could tell by her tone that she wanted to press more, but she let it drop, and that was one trait about Phoenix that I really liked. “Do you want to tell me what you think about it?”