by Meghan Diane
I slumped lower onto the floor, pausing before I spoke. “I think a lot of the same things that you do. I think that religion is really great for those who follow it. I think it really serves its purpose. But I also think that it’s not anything special. It’s just a book of guidelines. Do this, don’t do that. I don’t know.” I shrugged again. “I just feel like you should be able to figure out right and wrong, without a book telling you. Have some morals. You can be a good person without it. It’s a nice idea that you have this specific support system. It’s a nice idea that you designate a specific time to work on that. But, don’t most people just float through church anyway? What if instead you spent that one hour actually becoming a better person, instead of just talking about it?”
I was rambling and I could tell. “I don’t know,” I repeated. “But I do know that I can figure out my own morals without someone telling me. And I think I could even argue a case for my morals being even higher, based solely on the fact that I could take out the amount of judging.”
“Wow,” Phoenix laughed. “You’ve really thought about this for a while, haven’t you?”
I pulled myself back up to a sitting position. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I don’t know. I guess I’ve just dealt with a lot of people who claim to be good Christians, but at the end of the day they’re not who they wanted to show themselves to be. And it can be hurtful.”
“Yeah, I understand. I understand. So, I won’t be taking you home to church,” she chuckled. “Got it.”
“No, that’s not it.” I looked up at the ceiling searching for the right words to say. “It’s not like that. I would totally go to church with you, and I have gone to a lot of different churches. I like the people, on the surface. It’s when you get to layering away the onion that I worry.” I felt my chest tighten a little as I admitted this.
“All right, all right.” She chuckled again. “I think I understand. But how about we table this topic and come back to it, because I think it’s my turn for the hard-hitting question.”
I smiled and rolled onto the floor. “Okay, go ahead,” I replied, staring at the ceiling again.
Her tone became serious when she asked. “What’s your favorite color?”
Instantly the tension faded away. I admired that she could feel the pressure building inside of me, and then diffuse it without even bringing attention to it. “It’s blue. I know it seems cliché, but I’m just drawn to the color. What about you?”
“Hey blue is a respectable color. But mine’s orange. It reminds me of the sunrise and sunset, and so I am forever drawn to it.”
“I should have guessed,” I said, glancing down at my watch out of habit. I jumped to my feet. It was already one in the morning and I had to be up early.
“You have to go, don’t you?”
It was weird how she could sense that kind of thing. “Yeah, it’s getting late and I have to be up early for work.” I walked over and leaned on my door. “Good night Phoenix.”
“Good night Aurora,” she hummed in my ear.
I closed my eyes and leaned back further into the door. I really loved talking to Phoenix. Everything about her drew me in. But there was still that weird feeling in the back of my mind, asking me if I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to give up our talks, but I wasn’t sure where we were going.
I opened my eyes, scanning the room that I had been living in for the past couple of months. I looked past the bed and past the ordinary objects of my life. I landed on my records, which were now neatly hung on the wall, the lyrics of one of my favorite songs playing in my head. She thinks she’s so hidden, but really it’s her story that’s unwritten.
A gentle tug pulled at my heart again.
* * *
“So when can you come visit?” I whined into the phone. “It’s been almost three weeks already.” I adjusted my position on the bench. I was outside on my lunch break and I was enjoying the sun on my face. While I waited for Phoenix to give me a half-ass response, I gazed out at all the people as they walked by. I loved the neighborhood that I worked in. It was very relaxed. Most of the people were between the ages of twenty-one and thirty-five, and it gave the neighborhood a friendly and inviting vibe. I could feel my worries fade away when I reached the outskirts of the block. It gave me a strange sense of peace.
I continued to sit there while I waited for her to respond, watching the people walk by. I watched the couples as they held hands, lost in a world of unconditional love. Or, I assumed they were anyway. I watched as people rode by on longboards, headphones in their ears. I always had this weird urge to want to stop people and ask where they were going. My curiosity always hung in the air.
“Actually,” Phoenix replied, breaking me out of my daydreams, “I was thinking this weekend, if you weren’t too busy.”
My heart jumped. “Really?”
“Really,” she laughed. “I could get there Saturday in the morning. Do you think you could take some time off? If not, I could just, you know, hang out while you’re at work. It’s not a big deal.”
I sprang off the bench, startling a couple as they walked by. “No, yeah I’ll totally see what I can swing. I mean I can’t guarantee that I can get both days off, but I’ll certainly see what I can do.” My mind began working overtime, thinking of all of the scenarios that could get me out of work.
“Well the only return ride back on Sunday is early in the morning, so technically you can still work Sunday. It would just be Saturday that you’d have to get covered. How does that sound?”
I grinned. “It sounds perfect. I’ll see what I can do.”
“Great,” she chuckled. “I’ll see you Saturday then.”
When I walked back into work, Cassie knew something was up right away.
“Why are your cheeks flushed, and why does it look like you just won the lottery?” she asked, eyeing me skeptically.
“Because…Phoenix is coming to visit this weekend.”
Cassie’s eyebrows shot up immediately. “Is that so? Good for you. This will be exciting.”
“I know. I can’t wait.” Then my smile faltered. “I just have to convince Jason to take my shift Saturday.”
“Ouch,” Cassie replied. “Good luck with that one.”
I picked a cleaning rag off the counter and smacked her with it. “Thanks for the support.”
“Anytime.” She winked as she walked away, causing me to roll my eyes.
“Jason, Jason, Jason,” I mumbled under my breath. This was going to be a fun time. He always had Saturdays off, and when anyone would mention the idea of him taking their shift he would shoot them the most condescending look like “How dare you ask me to work on a Saturday.”
I let out a small groan and walked toward the records, cleaning cloth still in hand, ideas floating around in my head.
By the end of the day I still hadn’t come up with a good enough plan. I walked up behind Cassie, and leaned my head on her shoulder blade. “I can’t think of anything clever,” I moaned. “The weekend is going to be ruined just because I can’t get Jason to take my shift.”
She reached behind her back and patted my head. “Just bring the dude some Red Bull. You know he loves that shit.”
My eyes lit up. “Hey now that’s an idea.” I cocked my head to the side, speculating. “Just how many Red Bulls do you think it would take?”
* * *
The next day at work I found Jason at the counter as soon as I walked in. Now was my chance. My backpack weighed heavily against my back. I gently pulled out one single can of Red Bull and slid it across the counter in his direction.
Without looking up from the record he was polishing he said, “No.”
“Aww come on Jason, it’s really important.” I was begging him with my eyes but he refused to look at me.
“Again, no.”
“Come on, what will it take?” I asked.
“More than one silly can of Red Bull.”
“Fiiiiine,” I replied, drawing out
the word as I reached into my backpack and pulled out another can and slid it across the counter. “How is it looking now?”
“Still no.”
I slammed my hands down on the counter. “How many Jason? What’s it going to take?”
He looked up at me this time. “You know my Saturdays are sacred. And you want me to give it up for two lousy cans of Red Bull? Come on Aurora, you’ve got to try harder than that.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re kind of an ass, you know that?”
He looked up again, “Why thank you,” he smirked. “What’s this for anyway?”
I tried to hide my smile, hide the excitement that I felt. “A girl is coming to visit me.”
“Ah,” he said, cocking his eyebrow at me. “That explains it.”
I scowled at him. “Come on, please?”
He stared back at me, eyes piercing. When it didn’t appear that he would budge, I unleashed the mother lode.
I spilled the contents of my bag onto the counter. Eleven Red Bulls rolled out, threatening to fall to the floor.
“Damn girl,” he said, trying to make sure that none of his precious energy drinks fell to the floor. “You’re serious, huh?” he asked again, watching my face.
“Yeah, I’m serious.” I stared back at him, waiting.
“Well,” he sighed. “Luckily for you, I am a hopeless romantic. You’ve got a deal.”
Before I could stop myself, I threw my arms around him and squeezed. I could feel his body tense under the pressure of my hug.
“Noooo,” he warned, trying to break free. “You better let me go, or I’ll take it back.”
My arms instantly sprung free. “You’ve got it!”
I skipped away, letting the high wash over me. I was going to get to see my girl, and I couldn’t wait.
Chapter Twelve
On Saturday morning I woke up with a jolt. Phoenix was coming today. I looked down at my watch 7:19 a.m. I still had an hour and a half before I needed to be at the bus station.
A smile played on my lips. Plenty of time. First things first, I walked into the kitchen and started the coffeepot. No morning could begin without my coffee, though I was already giddy enough without it.
“Someone’s up early,” came a voice from behind me.
“Morning Ariel.” I smiled as I took in her messy bun and pj’s. “Do you want some of this coffee? I’m making enough for both of us, because I figured you’d find your way in here eventually.”
She reached around me for the bread. “You are an absolute goddess, Aurora.”
“You’re just delirious because you haven’t had your coffee yet.”
“That could be true.” She was now rooting around in the refrigerator for the butter. “But you still haven’t told me why you’re awake yet.”
I poked my head into the refrigerator as well. “It’s right there hiding behind the ketchup.”
She scooped it up and turned to me. “See, absolute goddess.”
“Shaddup.” I turned and began walking away. “Today’s the day that Phoenix comes to visit,” I yelled over my shoulder. “Oh, and by the way Ariel, your top’s on backward.” I chuckled.
I skipped back to my room to pick out some clothes to wear. I knew Phoenix would probably appreciate my Coldplay shirt, but for some reason I wasn’t feeling that shirt today.
I stood in front of the shirts I owned, looking through them, but not really seeing them as I zoned out. I was excited and scared for Phoenix to come. It felt like a moment of truth and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet.
When I heard the chime of the coffee, I grabbed the first shirt that I saw—my classic gray V-neck. Simple enough. The weather was a little on the cooler side so I grabbed a light jacket and threw it over my arm. Just as I was about to leave the room, something caught my eye. I slipped the coin into the pocket of the sweater. Just in case.
I sipped my coffee on the way to the bus station. I still had forty-five minutes but I was feeling anxious and sitting at home was only making it worse. I decided that it was rude to show up empty-handed so I searched for the closest flower shop. All of the ones around me didn’t open until noon. I sighed. Smooth move Aurora.
That’s when I saw a grocery store out of the corner of my eye. They sometimes had flowers. I smirked. I scanned the selection. They did, in fact, have flowers. But all they had were bouquets. I didn’t want to show up with a bouquet. That was almost too serious. I was hoping for something simple, just a single flower or two as if to say, “I was thinking about you.”
They had roses but that seemed too committal. They had dyed carnations but that seemed too casual. I wasn’t giving them to my little sister. After four more minutes of staring in contempt I settled on a bouquet of wilder-looking flowers.
In the parking lot I unraveled the packaging. I pulled out a few that I actually wanted to give Aurora and set them aside. I took the rest and divided them into three small groups. Looking around, I chose three cars and placed the newly created bunches on their windshields. Perfect. I smiled as I hopped into my car, two small flowers lying on my passenger seat.
When I finally got to the bus station I was still five minutes early. I started doing the only thing I knew—I began pacing. Only the pacing didn’t help to calm my nerves and I slowly became more and more anxious. By the time her bus pulled around the corner I was almost sweating. I pulled my jacket on in an attempt to hide the sweat marks on my shirt. Classy.
All of my fear dissipated when I saw her get off the bus. She was adorable, and I wrapped her in a hug.
“Hey,” I whispered into her short brown hair.
“Hey,” she whispered back, hugging me just as tight.
I pulled the flowers from behind my back. “Here, these are for you,” I said, blushing.
She smiled and leaned in, kissing my cheek. “Thank you, they’re very pretty.”
My blush deepened. “All right,” I said, pointing toward my car so she’d know where to go. “I hope you like food, because almost all of my plans involve food.”
She looked at me, a challenge in her eyes. “Girl, I love food.”
I couldn’t help but grin. This day was going to be perfect.
* * *
I took her to my favorite taco bus first. There was just something about food from a trailer that made me both repulsed and intrigued. But she said she liked tacos, so there we were, tacos in tow, heading toward the lawn.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think to bring a blanket,” I apologized as I sat us down in the middle of the park. “Or the champagne.”
She laughed. “This is quite all right.” She sat down beside me, our arms almost touching. I couldn’t help but watch her take in the view of the park. Her haphazard bangs made her cute and beautiful all rolled into one. “Yes?” she asked. “I can feel you staring.”
“Oh sorry,” I apologized, quickly looking away. “My bad.”
She only smiled in response as she continued to take in the view of the park.
“We can do something else, if you’d prefer,” I offered. But honestly I liked the serenity of the park and didn’t want to move.
“No, I’m fine here,” she said, turning toward me. Something in the way that she looked at me told me that she wanted to kiss me. Before I could stop it panic rose inside of me, shooting me to my feet. The subway token weighed on the inside of my jacket.
“On second thought, let’s go for a walk,” I said, hand outstretched. “I know just the place.”
What was that about, Aurora?
I took her to my second favorite place to be. The Highrise. The Highrise wasn’t anything too special. It was just a path that cut through the main part of town. People used it for many different things. Joggers and bikers could be found rushing by as others casually walked on. There were houses on both sides of the path and sometimes when I came here alone I would dream of what it would be like to live in one of the houses. Would I walk the Highrise more or less if that were so? Either way, I wanted t
o live here. The buildings were mostly all brick, and a lot of them were run-down warehouses that had since been turned into apartment buildings.
I must have been lost in thought because Phoenix lightly waved her hand in front of my face, pulling me out of my fantasy.
“Where were you just then?” she asked, concern lining her voice.
She must have assumed I was somewhere bad, and guilt flooded through me. “No, no. It wasn’t bad. I was just thinking how nice it would be to live here, you know?”
She eyed the buildings around us. “Yeah, I could see that. I would prefer something more modern though. Like right in the middle of the city.”
I shrugged. Wasn’t this modern enough? I felt like turning a warehouse into an apartment was as modern as you could get. But maybe that was just me. I felt that familiar tug again, but this time I chose to ignore it.
“Want to see where I work?” I asked, wiggling my eyebrows. “It’s not far from here, and Cassie has been dying to meet you.”
Her eyes shot up. “Yeah! Of course I want to see where you spend your days.”
The creases in my smile turned up toward the sky. “Great, let’s go!”
The closer we got to work, the more nervous I became. I’d spent the last month wanting to show Phoenix where I worked. I’d also spent the last month telling Cassie all about her. What if they didn’t like each other? What if Cassie tells her all of my embarrassing stories? What if this is a train wreck? I moaned out loud.
“Everything okay?” Phoenix asked, turning to face me as she did. She looked into my eyes when I didn’t respond. We had stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk and people were beginning to show their displeasure.
“Yeah, everything’s okay,” I said, shifting my eyes away. What are you doing Aurora? Pull it together. I said the first thing I could think of. “I can’t wait for you to meet Cassie. She’s the best.”
We began walking again, but the feeling didn’t fade.