by Royston Wood
Chapter Six
Vax
Ruff was perched on top of the back cushions of the Big Soft Comfy Thing. He was on guard duty at the window making sure no invaders sneaked in.
He had been in a really good mood since he had found his old rubber ball yesterday. Last night, he had hidden it under the fleecy mattress of his Night Bed (where no goblins could find it) and then he’d had a brilliant dream. He, Righteous Rufus, had battled a dragon! It had been huge and green and ferocious. The dragon had the Orb; a large golden ball, all covered in bright red rubies and sparkling diamonds. It was one of the missing parts of the Crown Jewels that he was on a Quest to find. Righteous Rufus had beaten the dragon and got the Orb back.
Tumble was sulking under the dining room table. She said I couldn’t have beaten a dragon on my own. And she reckons I put my ball in the boot of the Noisy Metal Box That Transports just to trick her into believing my stories about goblins. Which is stupid. Because I didn’t. And they’re not stories – it’s real! And why would I have been looking for my ball in the first place of I knew where it was!
The clicking of the Cave Door being opened by the Lead Female made Ruff’s eyes snap open in a strange mix of hunger and fear.
The Cave Door led to the Cave Under the Stairs. It was where the best Treats, like pig ears and tripe sticks, were kept. That thought made his tummy rumble with hunger.
But nobody knew just how deep the cave was: no dog had ever been brave enough to fully explore it, at least not Ruff or Tumble, and a monster lurked in there. That thought made him tremble with fear.
What was going to come out - Treats or a monster?
Ruff leapt down to the floor and trotted up to the Lead Female, who was pulling the treat/beast out of the cave. Ruff’s back legs quivered slightly in fear whilst a thin line of dribble ran down his jaw in hunger. The Lead Female stepped back pulling out a...
“Ai! Ai! A Dyson! A Dyson!” barked Ruff as the vacuum cleaner thundered out of the cupboard under the stairs.
Ruff’s body stiffened as his mind chilled with dread.
Should he run or fight?
Fight!
He charged in, shouting for help from Tumble, who seemed to have disappeared. Darting in, he nipped at the Dyson’s sucker. His attack bounced off its armour plating and he only just managed to dive aside as it tried to suck him. Spinning, he ducked under its tail to take a bite at its bottom. His jaws bit down hard but again its armoured body was too strong and he barely left a scratch.
The Dyson swung around and attacked him again. Throwing himself sideways Ruff rolled and scrambled under the coffee table. It was a very snug fit but he knew from other fights with the Dyson that it was too big to chase him under there.
Sure enough, the Dyson gave up and made its way out to the hallway in a series of jerky movements. He wasn’t sure whether its strange jerky way of moving was caused by it having to travel on a sucker or because the Lead Female kept yanking it back by its tail all the time, trying to keep it under control. He didn’t know why the Lead Female let it out at all! The Pack Leader never did.
Tumble, who had been hiding by the Front Portal, was horrified when the Dyson appeared in the hall and headed towards her. She was trapped!
She watched the beast approach and tensed ready for a quick escape, if she got the chance. She darted to the left but the Dyson jerked across to block her. Hopping up on her hind legs she managed to dodge a sudden attack but had to retreat all the way to the mat by the front door.
There was nowhere else to go!
Tumble growled ferociously at the Dyson but it wasn’t scared. It moved to the right and, as Tumble tried to scurry past, it turned and tried to suck her back legs off!
But Tumble was through, hurtling into the lounge and safety.
Whilst all that was happening Ruff had gone on a sneak raid of the Cave Under the Stairs. He was hoping to find pig ears, his favourite Treat. He sniffed about frantically knowing that the Dyson could return to its lair at any moment. He caught a promising niff from the dark depths of the Cave; the depths he had never been into before.
Returning to the Cave Door he looked about for the Dyson. He could hear it in the hallway attacking Tumble. Maybe I should go and help her.
Or maybe I should nab a pig ear! He turned and disappeared into the depths of the Cave.
It was really dark in here. Ruff didn’t like the dark. His imagination started to run wild.
And then he remembered that there was another beast in the Cave. It didn’t come out much but when it did it was vicious. It was a bit like the Dyson but not only did it suck, it also slobbered all over the carpet as it chased him and Tumble, trying to suck out their blood. It was bright orange and had its name branded on its side – VAX. Ruff didn’t know it was just a carpet washer, he thought it was some kind of vampire beast.
Ruff sniffed around in the dark; he had to find the pig ears quickly and his amazing sense of smell was the best thing for the job.
A muffled growl from the hallway, where Tumble was battling the Dyson, made him jump and he let off a Parp of Fear. The smell was overwhelming in the Cave.
Poopscoops!
He had no hope of sniffing the pig ears now.
Ruff reached into his Back Pocket, pulled out his torch and fumbled the switch on.
Arrrrgghh!
Right in front of him was the Vax!!
Fortunately it seemed to be asleep.
And wedged beside it was the bag of pig ears.
What to do? He didn’t want to wake the Vax. But I do want a pig ear.
He skittered around in a circle.
It didn’t help.
Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward and snagged the pig ear bag with a tooth. He gently tugged. Nothing happened. He pulled a little harder. The bag was firmly wedged.
He could hear the Dyson getting nearer.
He pulled harder still, leaning back and pushing with his front paws. Still, the pig ears wouldn’t budge!
The Dyson came closer and closer.
He jammed a paw against the Vax and began jerking and tugging, his eyes bulging with the effort.
Suddenly the bag came free. Ruff went somersaulting backwards through the air. The bag ripped and pig ears rained down around him.
Shoving as many as possible into his mouth, which was two – Scotties have small mouths whilst pigs have surprisingly big ears, Ruff raced out through the Cave Door just in time. He hopped over the rapidly approaching Dyson, growling as ferociously as he could with two pig ears in his mouth, and slid under the coffee table.
Safe! he thought. And two pig ears, just for me!
“Ahem,” said Tumble who was also hiding under the coffee table.
“Ahu wha?” mumbled Ruff placing one ear firmly under his paw whilst gripping the other in his jaws. Just so it’s clear, we’re talking about the pig ears here, not his own ears. Or Tumble’s.
“I think one of those should be mine,” Tumble suggested.
“Gon’t shee why. I wash ghe wung gat got ghem!” gabbled Ruff, still with one of the pig ears in his mouth.
Tumble frowned as she tried to work that out. Eventually she said, “The only reason that you could get them was because I was distracting the Dyson with my fearless attack.” Tumble glared at Ruff, hoping he hadn’t seen her running away.
“OK!” said Ruff, who hadn’t. He tossed the pig ear that was in his mouth over to Tumble.
Tumble raised one eyebrow.
“OK! OK!” growled Ruff and swapped it for the slightly bigger ear under his paw.
Whilst Tumble tucked into her pig ear under the coffee table Ruff took his over to the dining room table and plonked himself underneath it. He chewed half-heartedly whilst watching Tumble chew hers. He just knew that Tumble’s ear would taste much nicer. Again, Tumble’s pig ear, not her actual ear.
Tumble was watching Ruff and thinking exactly the same thing. She thought that she might have
been wrong to reject the first ear. The other ear may have been bigger.
What she needed was a sneaky plan to get her teeth into the other ear. She would have to go and check out Ruff’s defences to see how she could sneak in.
She got up, leaving her pig ear, and wandered towards the kitchen, where the water bowl sat. She eyed out Ruff’s pig ear as she passed. It’s definitely bigger! But there’s no easy way to pinch it.
She had to go to the water bowl now, if not she would give herself away. She plodded into the kitchen wondering what to do.
Ruff couldn’t believe his luck. Tumble was going for a drink and had left her pig ear behind. Quick as a flash he darted across the floor, skidded under the coffee table and snapped the ear up. He turned to sneak back only to see Tumble slinking under the dining room table to take his ear! Blast! I should have brought it with me.
“Oi! That’s mine!” shouted Ruff, Tumble’s pig ear dangling from his jaw.
Tumble started guiltily. She had come in from her drink and couldn’t believe her luck that Ruff had gone off and left his ear behind. Again, the pig ear. She hadn’t realised that Ruff was still in the room! Trying to work out a good excuse she turned towards Ruff grinning sheepishly.
But when she saw her own pig ear dangling from Ruff’s jaws she went mad. That’s mine! What’s he doing stealing my pig ear? Thief!
“Oi! That’s mine!” she barked.
The whole thing exploded into a shouting match. Tumble shouted loudest but Ruff was slowly winning by shouting faster.
The Lead Female appeared out of nowhere. “Will you two be quiet!” she said in her severest tone. “And just what are you doing with those?” She stepped in and picked up both pig ears and walked off to the Cave Under the Stairs.
Ruff and Tumble went and sat at opposite ends of the room and glared at each other. Both glares meant the same thing – your fault! And they were both right.
The Lead Female returned from the Cave Under the Stairs and tossed a small rubber object at Ruff. “And I don’t know what this was doing in there either! Keep it in your toy basket!”
All grumpy thoughts about pig ears immediately fled from Ruff’s head. My rubber bone! My old rubber bone! That means I’ve got two of my three missing toys back!