by Royston Wood
Chapter Eight
Things That Go Thunk in the Night
“Aaargghh! Get back you slimy beasts!”
Ruff jerked to his paws, instantly awake and trembling in fear.
Where have all the Goblins gone?!
Ruff spun around to check there was no one behind him.
What? Where? Oh…I’m in my Night Bed. What’s happening?
The last thing he remembered was being attacked by Black Graksox and a whole load of Goblins.
But that can’t be right. There aren’t any Goblins here. There’s just Tumble. Despite Ruff’s shout of alarm, Tumble was still snoozing in her own bed. It was still the middle of the night.
Ruff felt quite confused. He had gone to sleep worrying that he hadn’t found his rubber ring in The Woods. It means that Graksox can still invade the Pack Lands. And the next thing he knew he was being attacked by Black Graksox and a bunch of Goblins.
But it wasn’t really me was it? It was Righteous Rufus. He was still in a shock from waking up so suddenly and couldn’t think properly. He tried scratching behind his ear to get his third Brain Cells working but it didn’t help.
I wish Tumble was awake so we could talk about it.
He quickly scuffed around in his bed until he found a large piece of heavy bone, which he had hidden there in case he got hungry in the night. Taking careful aim he hurled it at Tumble’s head.
Thunk!
“Ow! What was that!” growled Tumble, instantly awake, rubbing her head.
“Eh, what?” spluttered Ruff, rousing drowsily from pretend sleep.
“Something hit me on the head!”
“Uh? You must have been dreaming.”
“Dreaming? I’ve got a big lump!”
“What’s that? You’re a big lump?”
“No!” snarled Tumble. “I’ve got a big lump. On my head.”
“Why?”
“Because something hit me!”
“Oh! How strange,” said Ruff. “Well look, now that you’re awake perhaps you can help me. I was attacked by Black Graksox and his Goblins but then suddenly I was here and they had all gone.”
“humph!” snorted Tumble. “It’s just a dream Ruff. You had a dream and woke up.”
“It was very real,” said Ruff.
“No it wasn’t!” snapped Tumble. “There are no Goblins! It is all a nonsense.” She was still fed up with Ruff for making her chase a tree stump. She wasn’t going to fall for his stupid Goblin stories anymore.
“But we know that if we don’t find the Crown then Graksox will invade the Pack Lands.”
“No he won’t because he doesn’t exist!”
“But…” began Ruff.
“Look!” snapped Tumble. “You’ve been reading that book thing,” she growled, pointing at ‘The Goblin Horde’, sticking out from under Ruff’s bed, “and you’ve mixed it all up in your head with the things that are happening to you in the daytime. Like playing stupid games with black socks and then twisting it into a Goblin called Black Graksox. Or chasing dragons at the beach and finding your ball, then dreaming about getting an Orb back from a dragon.”
“Do you think so?”
“Yes. That is why I said so. It is all nonsense. Now go back to sleep!”
Just a dream! Phew! I thought I’d really done it this time. Digging up the Pack Leader’s new plants is one thing but I don’t know how I would have covered up a Goblin Horde invading the Pack Lands.
Ruff rolled onto his back feeling much more relaxed. He was just about to drift off back to sleep when an image of the goblin disguised as a postman popped into his head. Ruff frowned. He’s not a dream. He’s real! And he keeps trying to invade every morning!
Ruff frowned and rolled back over. And what about that Trolley of Trolls, trying to sneak in disguised as a deliveryman? If Tumble and I hadn’t driven him off he could have murdered us all in our beds!
And if the Goblin and the Trolley of Trolls are real then Black Graksox and his Goblin Horde must be real. Which means the Pack Lands is about to be invaded. For real!
Ruff gave a little whine and tried to get back to sleep so that he could tackle Black Graksox and his Goblin Horde. But how can I defeat a whole Goblin Horde? I’m only a tiny Scottie dog!
“Psssst! Tumble. Are you still awake?” hissed Ruff.
“No!”
“It’s just that, I think the Goblin Horde is about to invade the Pack Lands.”
Tumble sighed in the darkness. “Ruff, we just decided that was a dream. It’s not real!”
“But the Goblin that tries to invade each morning and the Trolley of Trolls were real,” insisted Ruff.
“No, the postman and the deliveryman were real,” explained Tumble. “The Goblin and the Trolley of Trolls are dreams: they live in your imagination.”
“So, you’re saying that dreams can’t be real?”
“That’s right. Dreams are not real,” huffed Tumble, trying to get back to sleep.
There was a long pause, punctuated by scratching. “I dreamt of the sky earlier and the sky’s real,” said Ruff.
“What?” groaned Tumble.
“And I dreamt about bones. Bones are real. I know, because, just occasionally, I get one.”
“Well, yes, bones are real but…” began Tumble, a frown creasing her brow.
“So, some of the things that we dream about are real?”
“Er…I’m not sure that…I mean…not everything…” Tumble’s frown deepened to a furrow.
“So, the Goblin Horde might be real?” persisted Ruff.
“Hey, wait a minute, I don’t think…” Tumble was starting to get confused now.
“Once I dreamt you were a real princess.”
“That’s got nothing to do with dreams. It is real. I really am a real princess!” snapped Tumble.
“So, what you’re saying is, that our dreams can sometimes be even more real than real life?”
“Yes! No? I don’t know,” mumbled Tumble, who was cross eyed with concentrated effort by now.
“So, what are we going to do about all the Goblins at the Back Gate?” asked Ruff.
“I’m not sure,” mumbled Tumble. “It’s a bit of a worry!”
There was the sound of scratching from Ruff’s Night Bed. “Hang on, Tumble! You said that Black Graksox was just the Pack Leader’s cheesy sock come to life. Sooooo, perhaps if we can defeat the Pack Leader’s cheesy sock then it will mean Righteous Rufus will defeat Black Graksox?”
“Er…maybe.”
“Stand guard, I’m going in,” whispered Ruff. He crept out of his Night Bed, padded silently across the landing floor and pushed his nose against the Big Bedroom Door. Fortunately it hadn’t been clicked shut and it swung gently inward.
It was darker in the Big Bedroom than on the landing and the room was full of the slightly sweet, sweaty smell of two humans who have been snorting and parping half the night. He stuck his head into the darkness, only to quickly pull it out again when he heard a goblin grunting in the depths.
Quelling his panic he listened carefully and realised it was just the Lead Female snoring. He slinked into the room.
Sniffing around the floor he quickly located the Pack Leader’s cheesy sock: he didn’t need to have a sensitive doggy nose to find it - poo! - in fact it was a big disadvantage. He grabbed it between his teeth and…what am I going to do with it? How can I defeat a cheesy sock? Rip it up? He sat down and scratched behind his ear, trying to shake his third Brain Cell into action.
How was the Goblin Horde defeated in my book? Oh, yes: they all got swept away when Righteous Rufusbroke down that dam wall and flooded the valley they were camped in. Mmmmm?
He slipped back out of the Big Bedroom and tipclawed across the landing and into another room.
A short while later he reappeared on the landing, sockless, and padded back towards Tumble.
“Pssst! Tumble. I’ve destroyed Black Graksox but we ha
ve to defeat the rest of the Goblin Horde. There are too many of them for me to deal with on my own. You’ll have to help.”
Grumbling and moaning Tumble dragged herself out of bed and they both slid into the Big Bedroom. They re-emerged a minute later with their mouths crammed with black socks and trotted across the landing into the other room. They repeated the trip over and over again until there were no more black socks to be found in the Big Bedroom.
Making one last check, Ruff stuck his nose as far under the Big Bed as it would go and bumped it against something hard. Not a sock. He scrambled with his paws and managed to flick it out. My rubber ring! I’ve found the Crown!
Grabbing the ring in his jaws he rushed back out to the landing and leapt into his Night Bed. Rucking up the fleecy mattress he found his ball and his bone and laid the ring beside them. With a grelp of satisfaction he pulled the fleecy mattress back over his treasures and flopped down.
Hooray! The Goblin Horde is defeated! With a big grin on his face he fell into a deep sleep.
Tumble, whilst feeling pleased that they had defeated the Goblin Horde felt that things had somehow got out of control. After all, now that Ruff wasn’t bleating on like a baaing sheep in her ear and she could think clearly, she remembered that Goblins didn’t exist. Which meant that…