For the Fight

by Leah Ashton

  She shook her head, and stepped closer to Nate.

  “Drop the knife,” Lou said – loud and clear. Without hesitation. “Drop the knife, now.”

  But the woman wasn’t going to drop it. She arced it in the air – not close enough to touch Nate. But close enough.

  Lou didn’t have to look at him to know he was working out how to disarm the woman.

  But she also knew exactly how lethal that knife was.

  “Drop the knife,” Lou repeated. “Or I’ll shoot.”

  This got the woman’s attention. She swung her attention – and the knife – to face Lou.

  “Really?” she asked. “You’d really shoot me? Right here, right now? Just because I won’t drop this knife?”

  Would she?

  Lou studied the woman she was aiming the Glock at: aimed exactly as she’d been trained, at her chest, the largest target on the body.

  Lou tightened her finger on the trigger, just a little. Testing it, testing herself.

  Her gaze flicked to Nate, who’d crept closer to the woman, to her side and just behind her.

  Would she?

  Lou nodded. And she knew, absolutely, that it was true.

  She would shoot, she could shoot, if lethal force was required.

  If she’d learnt anything from the past two days, it was that life could change in an instant.

  She’d always known the responsibility she carried through being permitted to hold a firearm. For being permitted to use it – should the situation justify lethal force.

  She’d delayed and delayed as a violent husband had threatened to kill her – because she’d held the responsibility of his daughters witnessing their father’s death in her trigger finger. Yes, she’d delayed too long, and yes, she’d made a mistake – but she understood why she’d done it now.

  It wasn’t about being gutless, or being a failure.

  And she’d paused – just for a moment – she realised now before she would’ve shot Carey on that train.

  And she would’ve shot him. Her responsibility to protect the innocent victim – Fiona – would’ve made the decision easy. It was timing only, that meant it was the E-SWAT operator behind her that took the shot.

  And all that responsibility was good. Important. Essential.

  But she’d lost track of her other responsibility – her responsibility to herself.

  To protect herself.

  “You would do it, wouldn’t you?” the woman said finally. Almost hopefully. Her gaze absolutely told Lou she believed her. Felt it deep inside her the way that Lou did too.

  Lou held the woman’s gaze. Strong, steady, determined. “But I won’t have to,” Lou said – just as Nate grabbed the woman’s wrist and arm with both his hands, and threw her bodily across the narrow hallway, slamming the hand that held the knife hard against the wall.

  The second slam dislodged the knife, and Lou grabbed it the moment it touched the floor – just as she registered the sound of rapidly approaching police sirens.

  Nate held the woman’s wrists tight behind her back, speaking as he met Lou’s gaze over the woman’s bowed dark head.

  “You are under arrest.…”

  Lou didn’t hear a word of the rest of what he said to the woman, but she certainly felt his gaze.

  In it, she saw and felt everything that had happened between them – not just in the past few days, but ever, to right back at the beginning when she first saw Nate at the academy, at the gun range.

  She felt the way it had started: the lust, the obsession, the connection. And she felt how it had ended: the betrayal. The abandonment. The rejection.

  It seemed logical to take what she’d just learned – that she couldn’t ever forget again to protect herself – as the reason why she should walk away from Nate.

  Although it wouldn’t be easy, of course.

  It would be hard. Unbelievably hard. Impossibly hard.

  Because, maybe like Nate said, she’d never stopped loving him.

  An army of booted footsteps announced the arrival of the E-SWAT team – and then lights came on and people were everywhere, and Lou had no idea where Nate was.

  But she knew, utterly and completely, that he would come find her.

  He wasn’t going to disappear from her life again, not unless she wanted him to.

  But was that what she wanted?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Nate raised his AR-15 and fired.

  Once. Twice. Three times.

  He lowered his arm as the body-shaped target continued its journey towards him, and he noted with some satisfaction the perfect arrangement of bullet holes upon the target’s “heart”.

  He was the only operator at the indoor range today, and it was dim and silent now the shooting had stopped. His shift had finished an hour ago, but he couldn’t quite motivate himself to go home.

  He’d been like this each day since the incident at Lou’s – feeling like he had too much energy, like he needed to keep his body busy. It had been just over a week, and he’d managed to get himself through his days off, and then night shift, then back to day shift starting again today by just absorbing himself in work and physical activity.

  And trying not to think too much about Lou.

  Ha.

  Yeah, that wasn’t going super well.

  The last time he’d seen her was when they’d been interviewed back at Elite SWAT HQ, and he’d still been wearing jeans splattered with the Notechi intruder’s blood. Lou had been strong and steady, and when it came to him, almost silent.

  The guy he’d killed – and he had killed him, not that he could muster any regret – was a Notechi. But he hadn’t been after Lou on Notechi orders. He’d been on his own personal crusade, seeking vengeance for his brother’s death. So, the intel that E-SWAT had received was correct – they had been safe from the Notechi.

  Just not from Carey’s violent, vengeful brother.

  The woman – his girlfriend – had been surprisingly helpful, and was continuing to assist Elite SWAT and Organised Crime in their enquiries. He’d heard whispers that she might take a deal in exchange for more intel, and so her involvement had been suppressed from the media.

  So – it was over. The saga that had begun on a train and ended in Lou’s hallway was done. He and Lou were safe. They could move on with their lives without looking over their shoulders.

  Except Nate wasn’t doing a real great job at moving on with his life.

  His life, he realised now, was pretty fucking empty without Lou in it.

  Twelve fucking years of emptiness. Yeah, twelve years of a fulfilling career – sure. But what else did he have?

  Not a hell of a lot.

  What was super stupid, was now he knew exactly how deluded he’d been twelve years ago. Because in a week where he couldn’t really get any more consumed by Lou, he’d lead two separate, complicated, successful jobs. A warrant out in the wheatbelt, and another just north of Perth. He’d been focused, skilled, clean and determined, as had his team.

  Turns out he could separate work from love. And it was love.

  He wondered now if his distraction all those years ago came from his struggles to comprehend what he was really feeling, rather than the relationship with Lou itself. Or maybe – and probably more likely – he’d simply been twenty-two and pretty immature. Just dumb, actually.

  He was a grown man now. He absolutely knew what he was feeling, and he absolutely knew what he wanted: Lou.

  But Lou, it seemed pretty bloody obvious – didn’t want him.

  Outside the interview room last week, he’d touched her arm when she would’ve otherwise walked away.

  “Can I come over tonight?” he’d asked. “Or can I take you somewhere? A drink? Dinner? Coffee?”

  Fuck, he hadn’t cared. He’d just wanted to see her. Wanted to talk to her.

  But she’d straightened her shoulders and answered without hesitation. “No thanks, Nate,” she said. “I need some time.”

  That was
it. No further explanation.

  But absolutely the fact that during their last conversation he’d declared his love for her – and she’d denied feeling any love for him – had hung between them.

  Yet, she’d effortlessly walked away.

  And stayed away. For eight long days, and longer nights.

  Nate reloaded his gun and reset the target, but just before he put his ear protection back on, he heard someone enter the range.

  He turned, and Lou was there. In jeans and a T-shirt, her hair tied back in a pony-tail.

  “You here for some extra practise?” he asked.

  He knew she’d started her firearm refresher training. Of course, he knew – he’d asked. He’d had to know something, anything about what she was doing.

  “No,” she said. “I never had an issue with my technique. I’ve always been a good shot. I still am.”

  Nate nodded. So why was she here?

  She answered his unspoken question. “Can we talk?”

  Of course, they could. He put his firearm on safe and took off his sling.

  Then, he stood before her, in the viewing area adjacent to the range.

  “I didn’t hesitate that first night because I had an issue with firing a gun, Nate. I hesitated because I had an issue with my decision making.”

  She was standing just out of reach, and while her words sounded natural, her posture was subtly tense – he could see it in how she held her shoulders, and how her fingers played with the edge of her T-shirt. She was nervous. So was he.

  “The training I’m doing now to get me back on full duties is good, of course. But it isn’t really necessary. I’ve worked it out myself, and I know – I absolutely know – that I won’t put myself in a position where I put myself, or anyone else, at risk through my own hesitation to use my weapon.”

  “I know that too,” Nate said. “I knew you had me covered in that hallway.”

  He’d never had a shred of doubt that she would protect him.

  “Thank you,” she said and looked pleased. “I’m glad you knew that.”

  It took everything he had not to reach for her – not to tell her of course he knew that. That he had absolute faith in her.

  “It’s easy, you know,” Lou continued, “to get caught up in a moment. To think about so many potential consequences that you lose focus on what’s really important. I need to do my job well, and I need to make measured decisions – but I also need to protect myself.” She paused. “I think you can work out where this is going.”

  “You need to protect yourself from me.”

  She nodded, and Nate took a deep, slow breath as his stomach plummeted.

  “Yes,” she said softly. “That’s what I’ve been doing this past week. Protecting myself – my heart – from you.”

  Those words settled around them. This past week – this endless, lonely week without Lou. And yet …

  “And yet, you’re here,” he said.

  “I’m here,” she said, but something in her gaze had him far from rejoicing. “Because I wanted to ask you something.”

  “Anything,” he said. He’d answer anything, give her anything.

  “On the train, you were distracted by me, weren’t you? It’s how Carey got up, it’s how he had the chance to grab Fiona.”

  “Yes,” he said.

  “But that’s why you left before, isn’t it? Because having me in your life threatened your career. What’s changed now?”

  Oh, this was easy. “Everything’s changed,” he said. “I’m not afraid of love any more, Lou. I’m not afraid of how I feel about you and what it means to me to have you in my life. And while I hope to god we’re not held hostage together ever again – because I’m telling you right now, I’ll never be fucking calm and rational and at my best when the woman I love has a gun pointed at her – loving you threatens nothing, except …” He swallowed. “My heart.”

  And how it threatened it. It felt raw and exposed. All of him felt raw and exposed as he stood here in front of Lou, waiting.

  Waiting for her to make a decision, when she’d just told him she’d spent a week reflecting on making good decisions. Good decisions that protected her from harm.

  And he’d hurt her, bad.

  “The thing about protecting myself, Nate,” Lou said. “Is working out why I’m doing it. Obviously, most importantly, I need to protect myself for me. I need to put myself first, as hard as it might be at times. I have to do that. I have to.”

  He didn’t stop staring into her eyes, no matter how much it hurt. Into her deep blue-green gaze that was so full of emotion. Emotion he couldn’t define – not yet.

  “And I will do that, Nate. Of course, I will. But also, when I protect myself at work, I’m doing it for me and for those I love. My mum, my family, my friends. I don’t want to not be there for them. I need to protect myself for them. And –“ She stepped closer. Close enough to touch. “Last week in the hallway, I realised I wanted to protect myself for you. So, amidst my need to protect myself from you and how vulnerable you make me feel, I know that I need you in my life, Nate. You’re the man I want to come home to after each shift. You’re the man I …”

  Her gaze dipped now, landing somewhere near their toes.

  She took a deep breath. Straightened her shoulders.

  She met his gaze again. “You’re the man I love, Nate,” she said. “I love you. And you were right – I always have. I never stopped, no matter how badly I wanted to.”

  He had to touch her now. And he did, reaching out to lace his fingers with hers.

  She held on tight.

  “I won’t ever hurt you again, Lou,” he said and meant that with every cell in his body.

  She laughed, which kind of dented the sentiment.

  “You don’t know that,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “And neither do I. I could hurt you, too, you know – that’s just part of the deal, right?” She stepped closer again, so their chests almost brushed together. “But you know what’s crazy? That doesn’t matter any more. I know you love me and that I love you, and that love is complicated and risky and vulnerable. But I want to feel that with you. I want everything with you, Nate.”

  He leaned down, and brushed his lips against hers, holding her hands tight so he didn’t wrap his arms around her to pull her hard against his body.

  “I love you so much, Lou,” he said. “I want everything with you, too. The obsession and the fantasy of twelve years ago, and the reality and the future of now.” He grinned. “Actually, I’m still totally obsessed with you, just so you know.”

  She untangled her fingers to slide her hands up to his shoulders, and she pushed herself up on her tiptoes as she spoke against his lips. “Oh, I’m still totally obsessed with you, Nate. I don’t think that’s ever going to change.”

  “It won’t,” he said with utter confidence as he dragged her into his arms. “This is us, Lou. Together, obsessed, in love.”

  She kissed him hard and long, and he kissed her right back.

  “Sounds good to me,” she said, on a ragged breath. “Um – can you take me home, or somewhere – close – please? Now?”

  His grinned a wicked grin. “We met at a gun range, Lou. Might as well start the next stage of our lives together at one, too.”

  They both laughed as he pressed her up against the nearest wall, until their mouths were busy with other delicious, naughty things.

  And it was good. So, so, very good.

  If you loved Lou and Nate, get ready for Beth and Damon in Out Run the Night (Elite SWAT Book Two)!

  The biker and his ex-school teacher. For one - hot - night only…

  Except he’s undercover. She has no idea who he is. And then… they’re kidnapped.

  One click Out Run the Night now! Or, turn the page for a preview of Beth and Damon’s story.

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  Preview of Out Run the Night

  Elite SWAT Book Two

  Chapter One

  Bethwyn Sheridan should’ve known this was – no, no. She had to stop doing that.

  Her surname wasn’t Sheridan. It was Banfield.

  She was Bethwyn Banfield, again, after six years as one half of Beth and Trent Sheridan. But thanks to the divorce finalised just this week, here she was, in a trendy bar in Northbridge too late on a Friday night, three gin and tonics in – and alone.

  So, yes. She – Bethwyn Banfield - definitely should’ve known this was a terrible idea.

  The bar was dimly lit, the type of place with gig posters pasted in layers on the walls and deliberately mismatched furniture. It was probably a cool place, but Bethwyn felt every one of her thirty-five years right now, and she honestly had no idea what was or wasn’t cool. Who knew what millennials liked these days?

  She took another sip of the drink she’d been nursing for almost an hour now and smiled against its rim.

  Well, maybe she should know, given she taught year eleven and twelve calculus and spent her days surrounded by teenagers. But, no. The days since she’d been fresh out of uni, and had felt embarrassingly close in age to the kids she was attempting to educate, seemed a lifetime ago. Now, yeah, she was as out of touch with what was woke – ha! No, she didn’t really know what that meant either – as the average baby boomer, even though she was technically a millennial herself. Or was she Gen X? Either way, she was clueless.

  She’d started tonight at home, in the small duplex she was renting since the sale of the house she’d owned with Trent had gone through. She’d watched a romantic comedy on Netflix, the type she’d never watched with Trent (who exclusively watched action movies), and had never appealed to her given she didn’t consider herself much of a romantic.

  But she’d gone on a total romance binge recently – movies, TV-shows, books – the more romantic the better. She’d become a voracious consumer of all things romance, and it was absolutely obvious to her why she was doing it: Because two years ago, Trent got cancer. A year later – a really hard year for them both – he was in remission. It had felt like a miracle. A second chance! The start of a whole new chapter together.