by Paula Mabbel
“I know of your situation and I know of your character from the way you acted when you were offered charity.” Clara said.
“I doubt that you really know much about either.” Tessa said before she could stop the words from coming out her mouth. She shot Clara an apologetic look and scolded herself internally for being so rude.
“I know enough.” Clara said with a warm smile. “I earn my money through travelling the country and finding perfect matches.” She started to explain.
“Perfect matches for what?” Tessa interrupted.
“Perfect matches for hearts.” Clara said and her eyes glowed with purpose.
“So you arrange marriages?” Tessa asked her.
“I suppose you could say that.” Clara said with a small, mystifying tilt of her head. “But I like to think I do a little bit more than that. I don’t just arrange marriages based on value or worth, I find marriages based on what the person’s heart wants.” She said.
“How does that even work?” Tessa asked her curiously.
“I have clients who seek my services. I ask them about their needs and hopes for their marriage and then I scour the country, until I find them perfect other halves.” She said with a glistening smile that clearly showed that she loved what she did.
“Are you married?” Tessa asked her.
Clara looked surprised for a moment by Tessa’s question, but then she collected herself. “I’m not.” She said after a moment.
“So, how do you suppose that you can match others if you’ve found no match for yourself?” Tessa asked her. She wasn’t meaning to be rude. She was simply curious to know how Clara might know what love looked like without finding it herself.
“I was married.” Clara said and glimmer of pain shone in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, I did not mean to intrude.” Tessa said quickly. “You have no need to explain.”
“It’s okay.” Clara said softly.
It was in that moment that Tessa realized that she trusted Clara completely. The pain in her eyes was real, and if it had been Tessa’s pain to carry, she doubted very much that she would have been so willing to share it with anyone who might ask.
“He passed away three years ago and he was the love of my life. I loved him so greatly in fact that the idea of remarrying seemed quite out the question. At first, after he’d left me, I didn’t know what to do with myself. The days just seemed to stretch out before me like an endless window of time that just wouldn’t leave me to rest. I was empty and cold and my life had no purpose to it anymore, so I had to make myself find one. I figured that love once made me happy and if I should have to live without it for the rest of my life, then surely I could help others find it and find happiness in that instead.” Clara explained with a soft voice.
“That’s incredibly noble of you.” Tessa said. “You must have a very kind heart.”
“I have a heart full of love.” Clara said and then her hand wrapped around a small gold locket that rested on her chest upon a long golden chain.
Tessa said nothing, but she assumed that it held a memory of her husband who had passed. The carriage went on for some time with both women sitting in silence, before Tessa finally thought to break it once more.
“I assume then that you believe I am a match for one of your clients?” She said quietly, so that her voice breaking the silence didn’t frighten Clara.
“You assume correct.” She said with a smile.
“Might I inquire about him?” Tessa asked and then she looked out of the window at the sun that was setting beyond the dusty horizon.
“You might.” Clara said with a smile that was full of energy and out of place for such a time in the evening. “His name is Liam and he lives on a small ranch just over the border of Texas. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not the richest fella out there, but he’s certainly a true gent and I sense that you’d like that in a man.” Clara said.
“I have no interest in money.” Tessa said with her eyes fixed on Clara’s.
“I already know that. I knew that the moment you refused the Inn keeper’s charity at the tavern.” Clara said. “That’s why I knew that you would be perfect. Well, you’re also astonishingly beautiful and yet seem to carry a quick wit. I can assure you that those two qualities are not often found in the same girl.” Clara said warmly.
“Are these things that Liam has asked for?” Tessa asked Clara?
“Not exactly.” Clara said a little cryptically.
“Then how do you know that he’ll be happy with me?” Tessa asked a little panic stricken over the idea of crossing over into Texas and then having no one and nowhere to turn to.
“I just do.” Clara said with a dainty shrug of her shoulders.
“I’m going to need a little bit more than that.” Tessa pushed.
“Well, he only told me that he was searching for a wife who would love him completely, but I could tell from his personality that he was looking for a girl like you.” Clara said as though it was as simple as the rain falling from the sky.
******
The carriage pulled up with a small jolt that sent both Clara and Tessa forward in their seats. Tessa was glad for the journey to be over though, as the country roads that had been their main route had been bumpy and had caused her a great deal of backache.
She waited for Clara to leave the carriage first and then she followed her with her eyes wide open. The view was spectacular. It was like nothing she had ever seen before. She had grown up in the City of New Orleans and it was dense and cramped there. There air had always been thick with pollution from the river and the many factories. That wasn’t what she was seeing now though. In fact, the only thing she could see breaking the horizon was the small ranch, which she figured belonged to Liam and if she squinted, she was sure that a small town sat a few miles away.
The ranch wasn’t very big, but it had been well looked after. The building had been made out of fine red timber that blended with the dusty earth that surrounded it. There was a small porch built onto the front of the house and Tessa could see three horses tied to a post at the side. She looked at Clara to take the lead and then followed her, as she approached the house.
Tessa watched as Clara knocked on the door loudly, and then there was a moment of pause in between the knocks ending and footsteps walking towards the entrance. Tessa could feel her lungs holding in her breaths as she waited to see Liam for the first time. She wasn’t wholly sure that she bought into the concept of what Clara did, but she had very little choice about what else she could do now that even the taverns wouldn’t take her.
The door opened slowly and Tessa found it almost painful, as she waited to see the man who was potentially her future husband. Finally, the door opened and Tessa found herself examining a tall, slender man with sandy blonde hair and a five o’clock shadow that really brought out his rugged cheekbones. She let her eyes flicker up to his and saw that they burned a deep shade of green that reminded her leaves just before they started to turn red for fall.
“Liam, I’ve brought someone for you to meet.” Clara said with the same excitement in her eyes that she had shown back in the carriage.
Tessa watched as she stepped aside so that Liam could take a look at her properly. She stood in silence for a moment as his eyes took in everything there was to see. She could tell from the way that his lips were curving up that he was impressed with what she had to offer so far.
“I’m Tessa.” She said and then she gave him a small curtsey.
“I’m very pleased to meet you.” Liam said in a wistful voice.
“I’m sure that the standard response is to reply with your own name.” Tessa laughed.
“You might be right about that.” Liam said and his smile travelled away from the corners of his lips as it slid all the way across. “I just wasn’t expecting Clara to bring me such a beautiful southern belle.” He lifted Tessa’s hand to his lips and gently kissed it.
Tessa felt his eyes burning into hers as his lips brush
ed against her skin, making her whole arm tingle. She could feel the smile on her face. It was a stupid smile full of foolish hope and she tried to pull it back, but found that her lips were unwilling to obey. Liam had in the very short time that he’d know her, shown her more attention that George had in three years.
“Won’t you both come in and have something to drink?” Liam asked as he stepped back from Tessa so that he could address them both.
“Actually.” Clara said with a sly smile. “I must travel on and book a room at the Inn in town, but I’ll leave Tessa so you both might get better acquainted.”
Tessa watched as Clara turned on her heel and walked away from the porch and to her carriage. She wondered whether she should follow her. She could feel herself growing worries over the idea of being left with a stranger so soon after meeting them.
“Would you like to come in?” Liam asked.
Tessa turned away from Clara’s carriage that was now pulling away from the ranch and back to Liam. She let her eyes find his and held them there for a moment. She nodded. “It would be a pleasure to.” She said.
The ranch was quite impressive on the inside. Tessa could tell that most of the furniture, however had been there for many years and was probably not something that Liam had brought into the place himself. She followed him through the house and into the kitchen. The kitchen was a large open space that looked out onto the endless horizon that seemed to span out in all directions.
“I should tell you something.” Tessa said when Liam passed her a cup of chicken soup.
“What is it?” He asked with concerned eyes at her abruptness.
“I was married once before.” She said because she felt it was only fair. She was unsure whether Clara knew his preference, but she knew that most men preferred for their women to be untouched by the hands other men.
“Did you love him?” Liam asked.
Tessa thought about Liam’s question. She could see a fierce intensity burning in his eyes and she could tell that the answer she gave meant a lot to him. “I loved him with my mind, but never with my heart.” She said finally.
“And what would you say is the difference between?” Liam asked her curiously.
“To love a person with your mind is chosen. I chose to marry him and take a vow to love him and so, I loved him with all my mind would allow, but he never touched my heart. To love a person with your heart is to love them for no reason other than love. It’s something that happens without your intention or planning. It’s something you cannot refrain from, even if you feel as though you truly must. It’s when you connect with another person, not because you are supposed to, but because you were always meant to.” Tessa explained.
“Then I don’t think that your previous marriage should be an issue.” Liam said with a gentle smile.
******
Six months had passed since Tessa had first met Liam, but it didn’t feel like that to her. To Tessa it felt as though the past since months had happened in the blink of an eye and at the same time, she could not remember a time before Liam was in her life. It was like he had the ability to wipe away all of the dark memories and shadows that had plagued her mind and had replaced them with nothing, but peace.
They had married soon after meeting. The wedding had been small and much simpler than Tessa’s first, but it had touched in her in a way that her first wedding never could have. She had no doubt in her mind that she loved Liam. She truly loved Liam with all her heart and when she promised her vows to him, they weren’t tasks that were set out before her, but willing sacrifices that would ensure her husband’s happiness.
They had settled into their new lives quickly. Tessa had found out quickly that Clara has been right about Liam’s interest in a girl with wit and she found herself laughing with him often. She had wondered when they had first wed whether it would turn into the marriage that she had shared before. She worried that perhaps he would grow bored of her or that he would start to spend his nights in saloons rather than with him, but Clara had been right in every aspect of her description and he was a perfect gentleman.
There was one problem though that hung over their marriage. It was a problem that Clara had not foreseen and had cast many shadows onto their otherwise happy life.
******
Tessa could feel a frown growing on her forehead as she watched Liam in the kitchen. He had decided to cook the evening meal, but for the past half an hour had passed, all he had managed to do was slam pots onto the table and loudly curse whenever he dropped something.
“Do you want some help?” Tessa asked him, when another loud crash made her wince.
“I don’t need any help.” Liam said and his voice sounded sharp and full of agitation.
“You need to tell me what’s wrong.” Tessa said firmly.
“There’s nothing wrong. I’m fine. You’re fine. Everything is fine.” Liam said and then he moved a large bowl from one side of the table to the other.
“Or there’s something wrong and you’re just not telling me?” Tessa suggested softly.
Liam stopped what he was doing and looked at Tessa. Tessa could see his eyes soften as they met hers and she smiled at him gently. “You need to tell me what’s wrong.” She said and she watched as he nodded and walked over to sit beside her.
“I feel as though I don’t provide enough for us.” He said as he looked down at the floor. “I want for us to have a family. I want for us to be comfortable. I want you to have everything that you deserve. Your last husband could give you so much and I so little.” He said sadly.
Tessa shook her head at his words. “You have given me love that I can feel in my heart. That is more than I have ever deserved and all I will ever need.” She said and she placed her hand on his cheek and turned it so that he was facing her. She moved slowly towards him and gently kissed him on the lips in the most reassuring way that she could.
“It’s not good enough, though.” Liam said and he shook his head.
“You will always be good enough.” Tessa argued.
“You are very sweet my belle but that does not ease my soul. I have been thinking a great deal about our situation and I have decided I’m going to leave for work.” He said.
Tessa could tell from his tone that there would be no changing his mind, but she tried desperately anyway. “There is no need for you to go anywhere. We’re perfectly fine as we are.”
“I’ve made up my mind.” Liam said with a shake of his head. “I leave first thing tomorrow.”
“When will you be back?” Tessa asked and she tried to hide the small sniffle that was rising up in her chest.
“Not until I’ve made our fortune.” Liam said.
“But I need you.” Tessa said weakly. “It’s Christmas in one week and you propose to leave me here to go seeking a fortune, when all I want is you?” She said added.
“Please don’t be sad, my southern belle.” Liam said softly and then he stroked his thumb gently up her cheek, so that it could wipe away the tears that had started to fall silently down her cheeks.
“How can I not be sad?” She asked him.
“You must think about the life we will live once I am home.” He said with a reassuring smile.
Tessa tried to match his optimism, but she couldn’t. She desperately didn’t want him to leave but she couldn’t think of any way of making him stay. She wanted him to be happy and she knew that he never truly would be until he felt as though he was providing enough.
*******
Tessa lazily opened her eyes and stretched her arms across the bed. It was Christmas morning and the air held a chill that turned Tessa’s breath into thin veils of mist in front of her face. She pulled the covers up further so that they rested just below her chin and she thought about the day that lay ahead.
She hadn’t fully understood what Clara had meant when she had said that her days had turned into long windows of time, until Liam had left. Now she understood that sentiment more and more with every day that passed. S
he wanted him to come home. She missed him desperately, but she knew that he would not return until he had earned his fortune and she knew that might take many years to achieve.
She sat up in her bed and wondered how she might survive years without him. It had only been a week, but already it had felt as though she had served a lifetime in prison. She slid her legs out of bed and then her hands shot to her stomach when a pain coursed through her body. She cried out for a moment in to the silence and then she tried to stand up but she couldn’t.
She waited until the pain had calmed down and then she forced herself up. She felt sick and for a moment she headed for the toilet, before she realized that a doctor was what she needed. She pulled on her long coat from the rack beside the door and stumbled out onto the porch.
The sun had already started to brighten the horizon and she looked out to the small village that the doctor lived in. She frowned as she realized it would take her some time to get there, even if she took the journey on horseback and then she started to hurry as the pain came flooding back and she felt its crippling grasp inside of her.
She managed to get to the horses tied to the side of the house and she fumbled with the rope that attached them to their post.
“Are you going somewhere, pretty lady?” Liam’s voice asked from behind her.
She turned around as the pain disappeared for a moment and then found the floor racing towards her as she fell down. She put her hands to her stomach again and wretched.
“What happened?” Liam’s voice asked, but it sounded distant to Tessa as she felt her eyes growing heavy and darkness taking over.
Tessa opened her eyes slowly and blinked. Her heart started to race when she realized that she didn’t know where she was, but then she heard a voice that instantly soothed her.
“Will she be alright?” Liam asked from somewhere behind the door.
“She’ll be just fine.” Someone replied and Tessa assumed it was the doctor.
“I feel so guilty for leaving her.” Liam said.
“You weren’t to know. I doubt even she knew. You just go in there and take care of that pretty wife of yours.” The doctor said in a reassuring way.