My Secret Alpha Step SEAL

by Paula Mabbel

  Abbie smiled and looked at the eleven faces that were gathered around the table.

  “Everyone, let’s join hands, and thank God for this meal that He has given us,” she said.

  They all obeyed and bowed their heads. Abbie said grace for the meal, then excused herself while the children ate.

  “I will be in the kitchen if anyone needs anything, I am going to get a jump start on those dishes before we do dinner dishes.”

  “Ain’t you gonna eat nothin Ma’am?” Little Tom asked her.

  “’Aren’t you going to eat anything?’ is the proper way to say that, Tom, and no… I’m not hungry; you kids go ahead.” She smiled at him and tousled his hair as she walked by.

  She could hear them happily chatting away out in the dining room as she started the dishes. The growling in her stomach made washing the dishes a chore, but the chatter in the other room made it all worth it.

  *****

  Marge shook the money box as hard as she could. Abbie didn’t turn around, but she rolled her eyes to herself. She knew what Marge was doing, and she didn’t want to pursue it.

  Marge sighed, and shook the box again. There was the sound of a couple of coins bouncing around on the inside, but it did sound grim.

  When there was still no response from Abbie, Marge finally spoke. “It doesn’t look like we have as much money this month as we had last month. I don’t know how we are going to get enough food for the three of us and all of the children… These days we have more mouths in our house than we do money.”

  She paused, waiting for Abbie to reply, but Abbie continued putting dishes away in the cupboard, and didn’t turn around. Finally, Marge added (with a touch of exasperation in her voice), “What do you suggest we do, Abbie?”

  Abbie knew that this conversation was coming, and she had been rehearsing to herself what she would say when it did, but now nothing she prepared was coming to mind.

  “I suppose we are going to have to make due, Marge,” she replied. “You know Prim is able to stretch a penny like no one else can, and I am sure she will be able to make the money feed all of us as always.”

  Abbie refused to turn around or look at Marge, but she could feel Marge’s eyes on her as she moved about between the cupboards.

  “Oh I am glad you brought that up, Abbie. Prim and I have been talking about this, and we weren’t sure how we were to bring it up to you, but since we are on the topic, I’ll just say it. We don’t have enough money these days for the three of us and the children, and I am afraid you are going to have to move.”

  Abbie’s heart thudded in her chest. She had never gotten along well with Marge anyway, and it infuriated her that Marge had tricked her into this conversation. It would have been bad enough to get the news from Prim, but to have Marge here, almost happy to tell her that she had to move out… it was almost too much.

  “Now hold on a second, I feel that I should have a say in this… I have been here for over ten years. This is my home just as much as it is yours and Prim’s, so shouldn’t this be a group discussion?” Abbie fought for control of her voice, but she was shaking.

  “There is nothing to discuss. We have both been here since before you… we practically raised you. You are an adult now, Abbie, it is time for you to move out and get a real job.” Marge didn’t wait for her to reply, but instead flounced out of the room.

  It was a good thing that she left when she did, Abbie was so furious. She did have a job. She took care of all eleven of the children that lived here, practically on her own. She may be an adult, but it wasn’t like she felt like she had to stay.

  She loved it here, it had been her home for years, and she loved the children that came through. It meant so much to her to live here, and it was a real slap in the face that she was being kicked out of her own home.

  This wasn’t the first time Abbie was faced with the thought of moving. She had considered it when she had turned eighteen, and it was only at the last minute that she decided to stay. She didn’t like to think about the world outside. With what happened to her parents, and the memory of how she felt when that had happened, part of her was afraid to become a part of the world.

  Even now, in her early twenties, when she was out at night she didn’t feel safe. Every man she saw in dark clothing made her feel uneasy. Every shadow and every alley seemed to hide some monster… just waiting for her to walk by and get trapped in its gloom.

  It didn’t matter if she was alone or with one of the children, she still hurried to ensure they were all home by dark, and she avoided talking to people that she didn’t know. When any of the children questioned her about it, she would tell them that she simply didn’t have the time to stop and chat, and that they had to get home.

  None of the children caught on to her fear of meeting people, or of talking to people she didn’t know. They just assumed they really were in a hurry and didn’t ask any more questions.

  You like it here anyway… why would you leave something that you like? The children all love you, and you love them. The world out there is unforgiving and cruel, in here you are safe, and so are they. That’s what matters.

  Abbie had decided back then that she would never move out of the orphanage, and as long as she could she would care for each of the children that came and went through these doors. Now, Marge had taken all of that away from her, and she seemed to even be glad about it.

  Her chest felt tight with anger, and she wanted to follow Marge and give her a piece of her mind, but she knew that would upset the children.

  Settle down, Marge likes to ruffle your feathers… just go talk to Prim and get to the bottom of this.

  She took a few deep breaths, and went to find Prim.

  *****

  Abbie didn’t know where she was going. She was so upset she couldn’t see straight, and there were tears in her eyes which made it even harder to see. She had gone to talk to Prim, but the outcome of the decision had been the same.

  Prim and Marge felt that there wasn’t enough food for all of them, and there wasn’t enough money coming in to support the three of them and the children.

  “We know you love it here, and we love you… but the truth is the children need this place, and you don’t. You add a lot to this place, and we love that you are here, but I am afraid this is out of our control.”

  “But… I feel that I should have a choice in this decision… or at least a little bit of say. Why can’t we take shifts… or why can’t Marge move? She has those rich relatives in the East…” Abbie knew that it was a stretch, but she was growing desperate.

  “I’m sorry, but the decision is made. We have both been here for twice as long as you have, and we feel it is time for you to move on.”

  Abbie didn’t stay to hear more. Her eyes filled with tears, and she hurried out of the room.

  “Abbie! Wait!” Prim called, but Abbie kept going

  She went right out the door and into the street. She still had plenty of time before it got dark out, so she walked without caring much where she went. Abbie’s thoughts ran through her brain so fast she had a hard time thinking at all.

  Why can’t it be Marge or Prim that goes? How could they make this decision without me?

  …and what are you going to do now?

  The last question she asked herself was the one that hit the hardest, and it made her stop in her tracks. She wiped away the tears from her eyes with her finger, and she took a deep breath.

  She could fight this, and she could be upset, but none of those things were going to help her now. She needed to stop and think. She needed to figure out what her next move was.

  Abbie sat on a rock that was next to the road, and watched a bee fly from flower to flower.

  If only you could be a bee… you could spend your day flying from flower to flower without a care in the world.

  “I say there! Are you a part of the wedding?” Her thoughts were interrupted by a man that was walking by.

  “What wedding?” She asked,
before realizing that she was speaking with a stranger.

  “The one that is taking place on the Old Parson’s place. Young Bill’s bride is supposed to arrive today, and everyone is up there waiting to see what she looks like.” He checked his watch, and lazily scratched his round belly.

  “How do you marry a person when you don’t even know what they look like?” Abbie asked incredulously. She had never heard of such a thing, and she wasn’t sure if it sounded like a good idea.

  “A mail order bride, of course… I am surprised you aren’t familiar with it.” The man snapped his watch back closed, and stuffed it in his pocket. He tipped his hat to her, and strode away.

  A mail order bride… I’ve heard of those. It sounds crazy, but then again, what are you going to do? You have to do something… and fast.

  An hour later Abbie found herself in the post office running an ad for herself in the paper. She didn’t care if it was crazy. She wanted to do something crazy. It went against everything that was in her to even talk to strange men, let alone run off to marry one, but what choice did she have?

  She was being forced out of her home, her family, and everything she had grown to love and need, so why not take it to the next level and make a deliberate choice in all of this? She may end up just like her parents, or she may end up the bride of the richest man in the whole country.

  Just like Mama always said, she thought as she closed her eyes and thought of her mother, ‘If you are going to do something, you’d best make it worth your doin’.’

  “There ya go, Ma’am.” The postman said. “That’ll be in the paper startin’ Tuesday, and it’ll run all month long.”

  She thanked him and left, hurrying back to the orphanage as quickly as she could. It suddenly struck her that she was going to need to buy something to make for the children for dinner, and for a brief moment, she considered not purchasing anything.

  If they are kicking you out of the house, then they may as well get used to the idea that they need to buy and make dinner themselves.

  A pang of guilt ran through her heart. She wanted to do that to get back and Prim and Marge, but the thought of all the children gathered around the table, waiting for her to bring out their dinners to them made her change her mind.

  “I’m doing this for you, Tom.” She spoke out loud as she was headed to the store. Suddenly, she broke into a jog. She had to hurry if she was going to make it to the store and get back to the orphanage in time.

  It was going to get dark soon.

  *****

  Abbie didn’t say much to Marge or Prim in the days to follow. She went about her daily duties in the orphanage and kept to herself as much as possible. There were times when it was unavoidable to speak to them, and when that happened she kept it short and sweet.

  As far as the children were concerned, Abbie didn’t know what to say. She hoped that Prim or Marge would say something to them about her leaving, but they left that up to her. This was even more insulting to Abbie. She knew they were going to take the news hard, and it seemed to add insult to injury forcing her out of her own home, then forcing her to be the bearer of bad news to the children.

  Abbie thought long and hard about how she was going to tell them. Prim told her that she had to be out of the orphanage by the first of the next month, so she had some time to think about it, but she couldn’t arrive at a conclusion as to what the best way to tell them would be.

  I could tell them now, but then I would have to tell them the truth, and I don’t want them to grow up hating Marge or Prim.

  Then again, I could wait until just a few days before I go, but then I will have to break it to them and leave… and I don’t want them to end up hating me, either.

  Whenever Abbie didn’t know what to do, she did nothing. It seemed like it was the safest way to handle things, although she knew that time was running out. If she was going to tell them, it had to be soon.

  The answer to all of her problems came at once… in the form of a letter in the mailbox.

  “Here, this is yours.” Marge announced, tossing the letter on the counter near where she was kneading dough. She paused for a moment before adding, “I didn’t know you had any correspondences.”

  Abbie didn’t answer or bother to explain. She wiped her hands on her apron and picked up the letter, thanking Marge and pushing past her into the hallway. Abbie didn’t want her to know anything about her post, nor did she want any of the children to see it before she was ready.

  She hurried up to her room and closed the door, then she sat down on her bed before opening the letter. It was short and to the point, but for Abbie, it was enough.

  Miss Graham,

  Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Mr. James Roberts. Your ad caught my eye, and I have to say, I like what I see. I think you would be a good match for myself, and I would like you to move out here as soon as possible.

  I am living in a fine house in Oregon territory. I know it sounds wild and unsettled, but let me assure you it is beautiful here, and I know you would be at home. I live in a large city… you wouldn’t even realize we are out in the west here.

  I have sent you a ticket so you can leave immediately, and I look forward to meeting you.

  Sincerely,

  Mr. Roberts

  It wasn’t much, but to Abbie, it was everything. She put on her best dress, and pulled back her hair. She didn’t need to think about it, she knew what her answer would be.

  At dinner tonight, she would tell the children.

  Sunshine woke Abbie. She had spent the previous three days packing and making preparations. The children were upset with the news, but Abbie did her best to make it sound like it had been her idea, and that it was a good thing for everyone.

  Marge and Prim seemed shocked, but neither one of them said anything about it. They knew if they did she would point out they had done enough, so they bit their tongues and held back any comments that they had.

  Today was the day everything was going to change for Abbie. She was leaving on the stage at noon, and leaving this place behind. She would miss the children for sure, but she didn’t think she was going to miss the town.

  There were a lot of bad memories here for Abbie, and the sooner she could leave it all behind, the better. She wished that the stage would go all the way to Oregon at once, but there were a few stops along the way. The first stop was going to be in Minnesota, then Montana. After that they were going to be in Oregon, and she could forget about Prim and Marge and her childhood.

  Abbie was nervous as she waited for the stage coach. She had said goodbye to the children during breakfast, then Prim and Marge mid-morning. Tom had insisted tagging along with her to the post office to wait for the coach, and she had allowed him to do so, as long as he promised not to stay out until dark.

  “I promise. I’ll go home straight away.” Tom said seriously.

  It was really hard for her to say goodbye to him when the coach was ready. She got some funny looks from passengers, but she refused to talk about it when they were on the road.

  Abbie watched the houses disappear, and it was nothing but open prairie. Prairie turned to forest, and they would occasionally see a house here and a house there, but besides that, there was nothing but hills, mountains, and trees for as far as she could see.

  The night that she spent in Minnesota was hard for her. She was scared to talk to people, and she definitely didn’t want to spend any more time in the dining room of the hotel than she had to. As soon as dinner was over, she hurried up to her room and locked the door behind her.

  Abbie lay on her side with her hands under her head. She tried not to think. It scared her to think. She just stared at the wall and focused on staying positive.

  You can do this, Abbie. You already did the hard part. Tomorrow you are going to make it to Montana, then you are going to be in Oregon, and all of this is going to be over. You will be happy, and you don’t have to worry about any of this anymore.

  She took a
deep breath in and slowly let it out, then she closed her eyes. At long last she fell asleep.

  *****

  Abbie was eager to make it to Montana. She just wanted to get through this journey so she could settle into Oregon, and not have to push herself out of her comfort zone again.

  She liked her life of seclusion. She didn’t like being out in public, and she figured Oregon was going to be a lot quieter than her life in Pennsylvania, and Montana was one step closer to making it into this new life.

  She had heard a lot about Montana. Settlers that were headed out west spoke of the country… how green the valleys were, how the mountains rose high into the sky, and how big the sky itself was.

  It wasn’t that she didn’t want to enjoy these things, but Abbie viewed Montana as an obstacle… the last obstacle that was in between her and her new life.

  With any luck, I am going to be in Oregon by tomorrow afternoon, and I won’t have to even think of any of this again.

  She heard people shouting, and she poked her head out of the stage coach window. They were coming up on a town, and there were people all around the stage coach. When they finally stopped, she hurried out before anyone else and kept her head low as she walked to the other side of the street.

  Abbie didn’t know what was going on, but it seemed to her that the stage was a big deal in this town, and part of her wondered what that would be like. She had been used to people being all around her all the time, but here… people were a lot fewer.

  Abbie didn’t have any problem finding the hotel… that was where most of the people were gathered. She was surprised that there was a hotel on top of the saloon. Back home, the saloon was across the street from the hotel, and it was a lot bigger.

  Here, it looked as though the saloon was the biggest attraction in town, but it was still a lot smaller than the saloon that she was used to seeing. In fact, she could see the entire town from where she stood across from the post office, and a small part of her liked it.